Fall Forward
A quick summary is in order since the last time I posted was six months ago. I did get the summer job and finished it till the end of my contract. I can easily say the only thing I didn't like was my supervisor. She had some good ideas but she had poor leadership and implementation skills. Aside from that, I was fine at the job. I would not work at that library again simply because the office politics were shall we say more vicious than anywhere else I've worked.
When I got the job, I was overjoyed. I began planning my future again though it was in my usual pipe dream manner. I started thinking of how the job would help my work portfolio to getting hired at my dream job. I thought of all the good I could do for libraries. I had a bunch of good things at the start of the summer. A good summer job, a subletter and an opportunity to visit J and another old friend in Vancouver.
You'd think I would be ecstatic but instead I was overwhelmed. I'm used to lots of bad things in a chaotic background but good things at a fast rate make me cagey. The first few weeks at the job explained why. It's why so many lottery winners tend to lose it towards the end. Getting a new job or being put in any alien situation is being the new girl. You don't know any of the history and it makes you wonder how to proceed without anyone giving you the guidebook or the rules. Thankfully I did learn from that this year.
Baby steps. Don't do anything too drastic right away. Every baby step, forward or backward, will help in familiarizing yourself on unknown territory. Previously, I would go on a happy high before my body tires out and collapses into scientist mode: observe, draw conclusions, test, collect data, draw more conclusions. It's the only way I could make sense of the world and not dive into total panic mode.
I seriously didn't know how to react. When good things happen, my mind frantically wants to find something bad about the situation because it's more comforting; it's familiar. If it wasn't for me catching up on assignments right now, I'd be writing. I think I know why fanfiction will always appeal to me more than that of an original story: I already found a world I liked, thus why I want to spend more time there. The thing is, I write under pressure. This isn't to say I write good under pressure but that I write
Yesterday I felt lost and like I was getting worse even though I'm following the prescribed steps. The medication is working but like any medication, it doesn't completely eliminate the pain. It dulls it well enough that when it starts to fade, you have no choice but to know it's losing its effect.
When I got the job, I was overjoyed. I began planning my future again though it was in my usual pipe dream manner. I started thinking of how the job would help my work portfolio to getting hired at my dream job. I thought of all the good I could do for libraries. I had a bunch of good things at the start of the summer. A good summer job, a subletter and an opportunity to visit J and another old friend in Vancouver.
You'd think I would be ecstatic but instead I was overwhelmed. I'm used to lots of bad things in a chaotic background but good things at a fast rate make me cagey. The first few weeks at the job explained why. It's why so many lottery winners tend to lose it towards the end. Getting a new job or being put in any alien situation is being the new girl. You don't know any of the history and it makes you wonder how to proceed without anyone giving you the guidebook or the rules. Thankfully I did learn from that this year.
Baby steps. Don't do anything too drastic right away. Every baby step, forward or backward, will help in familiarizing yourself on unknown territory. Previously, I would go on a happy high before my body tires out and collapses into scientist mode: observe, draw conclusions, test, collect data, draw more conclusions. It's the only way I could make sense of the world and not dive into total panic mode.
I seriously didn't know how to react. When good things happen, my mind frantically wants to find something bad about the situation because it's more comforting; it's familiar. If it wasn't for me catching up on assignments right now, I'd be writing. I think I know why fanfiction will always appeal to me more than that of an original story: I already found a world I liked, thus why I want to spend more time there. The thing is, I write under pressure. This isn't to say I write good under pressure but that I write
Yesterday I felt lost and like I was getting worse even though I'm following the prescribed steps. The medication is working but like any medication, it doesn't completely eliminate the pain. It dulls it well enough that when it starts to fade, you have no choice but to know it's losing its effect.