i cant stand my laughter as they cry
thursday thru saturday = total shit. with the exception of a few good points but it was mostly bad. ive been thinking, and i realized that when it comes to me and relationships i went from one extreme to the next. with mike i saw him everyday, hell we practically lived together for the duration of our relationship. then i have jeff who goes to coastal and im here. we can only see each other on the weekends and its so hard. i wish he was still in summerville, id rather him be 30 minutes away than 2 hours but its a sacrifice we both chose and want to make...love always makes you do crazy things. ive been so wrapped up in worrying over money that i havent been myself lately. its like ive been in this haze where i dont give a shit about anything else except money and i hate it beyond belief. a few times ive thought about breaking down and asking people to loan me the money but i cant bring myself to do that. i just cant. why? because i shouldnt be in this fucking situation to begin with. it all boils down to the fact that im naive and i trust people when i shouldnt. its like no matter how many times people will fuck me over, i still find the ability to trust people...what the fuck? the jury is still out on whether or not that makes sense. maybe its my way of trying to believe that there are still decent people left in this world and not everyone is out to get me. sadly enough, the people that i trust are usuall those pathetic, two-faced, liars that use you up until they're done with you then throw you away like you never existed in the first place. i guess thats what its like when you have no soul. im going to be fine because in the end, everything always works out.