fuck it...
...but this entry is gonna sound emo. you've been warned.
for the last week or so i feel like something big and necessary is missing. i dont know what it is but i feel like everywhere i go, something or someone is not there. this feeling, if you've ever experienced, is very bad and makes it so that i can never focus on anything. im always distracted and im always thinking about one particular thing with absolutely no results. this whole day i feel like i did absolutely NOTHING of note. NOTHING. thats about 10 hours ive wasted. and all the thinking brought me no closer to realizing anything. well thats not true, i did realize that half the shit i do is absolutely useless and makes no difference in anyone's life, not even mine. i feel like i have absolutely no control over everything that is happening, to me or to anyone else. this emptiness has been coupled with a really bad stomach ache probably caused by my anxiety over everything. the stomach ache hurts like hell but then suddenly goes away. it randomly happens and then dissapears as soon as it appears. it feels like a wound or something.
i dont know how to fill this emptiness, whether it be with someone or with something, but i know that i need to because i simply cant do ANYTHING like this. i absolutely hate being depressed because that is not who i am or who i want to be, but i can't help it. i think im just going to accept the fact that nothing really matters and go with the flow. whatever.
for the last week or so i feel like something big and necessary is missing. i dont know what it is but i feel like everywhere i go, something or someone is not there. this feeling, if you've ever experienced, is very bad and makes it so that i can never focus on anything. im always distracted and im always thinking about one particular thing with absolutely no results. this whole day i feel like i did absolutely NOTHING of note. NOTHING. thats about 10 hours ive wasted. and all the thinking brought me no closer to realizing anything. well thats not true, i did realize that half the shit i do is absolutely useless and makes no difference in anyone's life, not even mine. i feel like i have absolutely no control over everything that is happening, to me or to anyone else. this emptiness has been coupled with a really bad stomach ache probably caused by my anxiety over everything. the stomach ache hurts like hell but then suddenly goes away. it randomly happens and then dissapears as soon as it appears. it feels like a wound or something.
i dont know how to fill this emptiness, whether it be with someone or with something, but i know that i need to because i simply cant do ANYTHING like this. i absolutely hate being depressed because that is not who i am or who i want to be, but i can't help it. i think im just going to accept the fact that nothing really matters and go with the flow. whatever.