Go ahead and make a "Beard" joke
A couple weeks ago, I realized I hadn't shaved in a couple weeks. I applied shaving cream and suddenly said, I wonder what I would look like with a beard, like an actual, whole-face beard. Figuring it was a good time to experiment, I shaved my head, and cleaned up my cheeks and neckline a little and then looked in the mirror.
"Huh," I said to myself in the mirror, "that looks pretty retarded." I had suspected that I didn't grow dense enough hair on my cheeks to actually make a full beard worthwhile, and it turns out I was absolutely right. In order to make it not look like a patchy piece of shit I had to take it way down my cheeks, and once I lose 50 pounds I'm sure it will make me look rugged and cut but until then it just makes me look like a ten year old with a stupid beard hanging off of his glasses.
But on the other hand, I had already shaved, and didn't want to bother doing my whole face. As I put away my shaving gear, I wondered who would be the first person to actually man up and tell me I looked retarded. I decided to keep the beard until either someone told me I looked stupid or someone made a 'You missed a spot' joke.
Instead I got nothing. An eerie silence. Two people total mentioned it at all, and both referred to it in passing, as if they were afraid that if they looked at it directly they would get sucked in, never to be heard from again. "Please," I begged silently, "Please someone tell me I look like an idiot so I can get rid of it." I tied ribbons in it. I dyed it green. I used my razor to erratically slice patches into it. The worse it looked, the more studiously people ignored it.
Oh well. I guess I'm stuck with it for a while.
"Huh," I said to myself in the mirror, "that looks pretty retarded." I had suspected that I didn't grow dense enough hair on my cheeks to actually make a full beard worthwhile, and it turns out I was absolutely right. In order to make it not look like a patchy piece of shit I had to take it way down my cheeks, and once I lose 50 pounds I'm sure it will make me look rugged and cut but until then it just makes me look like a ten year old with a stupid beard hanging off of his glasses.
But on the other hand, I had already shaved, and didn't want to bother doing my whole face. As I put away my shaving gear, I wondered who would be the first person to actually man up and tell me I looked retarded. I decided to keep the beard until either someone told me I looked stupid or someone made a 'You missed a spot' joke.
Instead I got nothing. An eerie silence. Two people total mentioned it at all, and both referred to it in passing, as if they were afraid that if they looked at it directly they would get sucked in, never to be heard from again. "Please," I begged silently, "Please someone tell me I look like an idiot so I can get rid of it." I tied ribbons in it. I dyed it green. I used my razor to erratically slice patches into it. The worse it looked, the more studiously people ignored it.
Oh well. I guess I'm stuck with it for a while.