Now that I'm recovering from my little eating disorder, I was thinking of ways I could maybe help people who know people who have an eating disorder
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I am a compulsive eater too. I think I had a mild problem with it, but when I started the calorie restricting it escalated.
For me, I can either go on a very strict calorie-counting diet. Or I feel a need to eat everything in sight.
I was going back and forth--pigging out one day and then going on strict diet next day.
It's really bad. It's not about being hungry. I see these supress-your-appetite drugs and I know they won't help me. Because I eat when I have no appetite.
Anyway, I am sort of hoping that going off all diets will stop this idea that I need to eat everything in sight. Kind of get the idea what I don't eat today--I can eat it tomorrow if I want.
Honestly though, I just keep eating. But maybe it's getting a little better. I'm trying to do things like slow down my eating. And making a rule that I can only eat sitting down. I have a habit of standing in pantry and just stuffing my face. So if I have to sit down at the table, I'm a little less impulsive.
Anyway, maybe we can help support each other. I like your idea about not worrying about weight--worrying more about health.
I bought the book again. Haven't made it to any meetings and had actually forgotten about them. I am stuck in a place where I feel like I am unable to do anything about it - paralyzed with fear because over the past 20 years all I have done is gain more weight every time I lose.
I think it's interesting what you said about feeling comfortable being fat. I think there have been times where I have gotten so sick of the pressure to be thin. Because once you are thin, people expect you to stay that way. Or you feel they expect you to stay the same.
I don't know.
I guess weight is hard no matter what. Thin. Fat. Whatever.
If you're skinny, you have to worry about staying skinny. I hate when people say things like "You're so thin. You don't need to be on a diet!"
Well, duh. I'm this thin because I'm eating less than a thousand calories a day.
Now that I'm done counting calories, I'm not that thin anymore.
I think I'm "average" "regular". And who knows what will happen tomorrow?
Anyway, if you're fat you have to deal with discrimination, prejudice, etc.
It might have been my imagination, but I DO feel people were nicer to me when I was super thin. Especially guys.
And that's sad. To need the flirting attention of guys to boost your self-esteem.
Before I read your comment, I was just thinking about all this. I used to weigh myself every single day. Since November, I started weighing myself just once a month.
My weigh-in date is coming up and I'm thinking of not weighing myself period. Ever. Even telling the doctor's office that I have an eating disorder and don't want them to tell me my weight.
I don't know how weighing myself helps. Each month I weigh myself and I've gained a few pounds. It hasn't made me lose weight.
Anyway, there are three sides of me.
One that says. Oh just get fat. You're heading that way anyway. Just accept it. And you'll be fine.
Another says you can have a nice average healthy weight. Just eat a reasonable amount and be active.
And then there's that other part that still wants to be underweight.
For me, I can either go on a very strict calorie-counting diet. Or I feel a need to eat everything in sight.
I was going back and forth--pigging out one day and then going on strict diet next day.
It's really bad. It's not about being hungry. I see these supress-your-appetite drugs and I know they won't help me. Because I eat when I have no appetite.
Anyway, I am sort of hoping that going off all diets will stop this idea that I need to eat everything in sight. Kind of get the idea what I don't eat today--I can eat it tomorrow if I want.
Honestly though, I just keep eating. But maybe it's getting a little better. I'm trying to do things like slow down my eating. And making a rule that I can only eat sitting down. I have a habit of standing in pantry and just stuffing my face. So if I have to sit down at the table, I'm a little less impulsive.
Anyway, maybe we can help support each other. I like your idea about not worrying about weight--worrying more about health.
Reply
http://hanueseeking.livejournal.com/8103.html
I bought the book again. Haven't made it to any meetings and had actually forgotten about them. I am stuck in a place where I feel like I am unable to do anything about it - paralyzed with fear because over the past 20 years all I have done is gain more weight every time I lose.
Reply
I think it's interesting what you said about feeling comfortable being fat. I think there have been times where I have gotten so sick of the pressure to be thin. Because once you are thin, people expect you to stay that way. Or you feel they expect you to stay the same.
I don't know.
I guess weight is hard no matter what. Thin. Fat. Whatever.
If you're skinny, you have to worry about staying skinny. I hate when people say things like "You're so thin. You don't need to be on a diet!"
Well, duh. I'm this thin because I'm eating less than a thousand calories a day.
Now that I'm done counting calories, I'm not that thin anymore.
I think I'm "average" "regular". And who knows what will happen tomorrow?
Anyway, if you're fat you have to deal with discrimination, prejudice, etc.
It might have been my imagination, but I DO feel people were nicer to me when I was super thin. Especially guys.
And that's sad. To need the flirting attention of guys to boost your self-esteem.
Before I read your comment, I was just thinking about all this. I used to weigh myself every single day. Since November, I started weighing myself just once a month.
My weigh-in date is coming up and I'm thinking of not weighing myself period. Ever. Even telling the doctor's office that I have an eating disorder and don't want them to tell me my weight.
I don't know how weighing myself helps. Each month I weigh myself and I've gained a few pounds. It hasn't made me lose weight.
Anyway, there are three sides of me.
One that says. Oh just get fat. You're heading that way anyway. Just accept it. And you'll be fine.
Another says you can have a nice average healthy weight. Just eat a reasonable amount and be active.
And then there's that other part that still wants to be underweight.
We'll see who wins.
Reply
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