More Eating Disorder Stuff
Now that I'm recovering from my little eating disorder, I was thinking of ways I could maybe help people who know people who have an eating disorder.
So, although every case/individual is different, I'm going to make a list of what I personally found helpful and what I found not helpful.
HARMFUL
1. Complimenting me on my weight loss.
2. Complimenting me on my willpower.
(although I greatly appreciated the above--back then. Now I'm angry--resentful about it)
3. Assuming I'm on a diet during mealtime. Or saying things like "Do you want some of this candy or are you still on that diet?"
If someone you know might have an eating disorder, for Pete's sake, don't encourage it. Assume they're not dieting. Give them a big piece of cake. Give them the idea that you think they should eat. If they don't eat, that's their business. But at least you tried.
4. Provide special diet food for me. Now providing vegetarian food--that I appreciate. I GREATLY appreciate it. But it is a slap in the face to provide me with special low calorie food while everyone else is eating regular food. For example, giving everyone regular ice-cream and handing me a bowl of low-fat ice-cream.
Unless the person specifically requests it, don't provide it. It's like saying "I think it's good you're on a diet and turning yourself into a skeleton".
NOT VERY HELPFUL
1. Trying to scare me with medical stuff about Anorexia. Maybe helpful if I was seven. But I'm a grown educated woman. I majored in psychology. I used to read medical books for fun. I read People Magazine. I know the dangers of eating disorders. I never got that close to being in physical danger. I have a child. I never planned to leave him an orphan. If I ever did get THAT thin, it would have been because I WANTED to die. Not because I was ignorant and oh my! Look at me!! I just wanted to look like Paris Hilton and now my organs are failing. Oops!
2. Acting concerned. Like most people with eating disorders, I crave attention. I loved concern. I loved people saying things like "I'm getting worried about you." So, no. Not helpful.
3. Intervention Type Stuff. I was always very aware of what was going on with me. Again, I'm educated. But even with my awareness, I was still in denial. Maybe not in denial about having an eating disorder. I think I always knew I had one. It was more along the lines of "Yeah, so I have an eating "disorder" but is it really that bad. I'm not killing myself. I'm in control. There are worst things to worry about. Leave me alone.
I think I had to come to terms with things on my own. I had to realize on my own that being thin is not the most important thing in the world.
HELPFUL
1. People who gave me attention for things other than my weight. Helped me see myself as worthy.
2. People who completely ignored my weight loss. Oh, I was so annoyed with these people. I would think things like "They're just jealous." But now I am so grateful for them. I worry about facing certain people because they were so awed by my weight loss. But for the people who ignored it, who refused to compliment me...I feel safe with them. I don't dread facing them.
So, although every case/individual is different, I'm going to make a list of what I personally found helpful and what I found not helpful.
HARMFUL
1. Complimenting me on my weight loss.
2. Complimenting me on my willpower.
(although I greatly appreciated the above--back then. Now I'm angry--resentful about it)
3. Assuming I'm on a diet during mealtime. Or saying things like "Do you want some of this candy or are you still on that diet?"
If someone you know might have an eating disorder, for Pete's sake, don't encourage it. Assume they're not dieting. Give them a big piece of cake. Give them the idea that you think they should eat. If they don't eat, that's their business. But at least you tried.
4. Provide special diet food for me. Now providing vegetarian food--that I appreciate. I GREATLY appreciate it. But it is a slap in the face to provide me with special low calorie food while everyone else is eating regular food. For example, giving everyone regular ice-cream and handing me a bowl of low-fat ice-cream.
Unless the person specifically requests it, don't provide it. It's like saying "I think it's good you're on a diet and turning yourself into a skeleton".
NOT VERY HELPFUL
1. Trying to scare me with medical stuff about Anorexia. Maybe helpful if I was seven. But I'm a grown educated woman. I majored in psychology. I used to read medical books for fun. I read People Magazine. I know the dangers of eating disorders. I never got that close to being in physical danger. I have a child. I never planned to leave him an orphan. If I ever did get THAT thin, it would have been because I WANTED to die. Not because I was ignorant and oh my! Look at me!! I just wanted to look like Paris Hilton and now my organs are failing. Oops!
2. Acting concerned. Like most people with eating disorders, I crave attention. I loved concern. I loved people saying things like "I'm getting worried about you." So, no. Not helpful.
3. Intervention Type Stuff. I was always very aware of what was going on with me. Again, I'm educated. But even with my awareness, I was still in denial. Maybe not in denial about having an eating disorder. I think I always knew I had one. It was more along the lines of "Yeah, so I have an eating "disorder" but is it really that bad. I'm not killing myself. I'm in control. There are worst things to worry about. Leave me alone.
I think I had to come to terms with things on my own. I had to realize on my own that being thin is not the most important thing in the world.
HELPFUL
1. People who gave me attention for things other than my weight. Helped me see myself as worthy.
2. People who completely ignored my weight loss. Oh, I was so annoyed with these people. I would think things like "They're just jealous." But now I am so grateful for them. I worry about facing certain people because they were so awed by my weight loss. But for the people who ignored it, who refused to compliment me...I feel safe with them. I don't dread facing them.