incomplete
im so lonely... im sitting here trying to find somthing in the bible that cud...iono show me somthing...open my eyes...or give me some assurance....and its not making me feel any better, i wrote out a prayer in my journal asking god to...i dont even know...just to send me someone i guess..
i know i have alot of friends...but...i guess the best way i cud put it is from the song 'so beautiful', it says
"You've got them all convinced
But I know so well
That you could list your friends
But you can't count on them
Hold it now, you've got everyone convinced
That you're all right
When no one else is quite as vulnerable"
thats how i honestly feel. i may go hang with kat, or sarah, taleese, ally, david or dj,ect... but i know its only temporary. i miss having someone count on me and me count on them. i miss having the feeling that says "even if everyone turns on me i can always count on u" i need someone...i need that person that understands me and i dont hafta be on the brink of a nervouse break down to come to them, i want the inside jokes and the sleepovers every weekend, i want someone that puts me before some fucking b/f or g/f that will just probably be gone with in the year, i want to be the one in the front seat of the car...maybe im wrong for thiking i should have this...but i feel so left out i cant help it. taleese has emily, kat has nick, sarah has heather, arianna has riza and michelle, david has rissa, anna has shane, dj has his guys, jess has shannon, ally has ryan, kim has brian, pim has paul,literally everyone has someone...
i miss anna, and i miss kim, and i miss david *not the way ur thinking*
ive tried so hard to change me...i was the cute innocent blonde ditz, but everyone just said i was a fake. i tried to be the crazy fun girl, but no one bought that, i tried to be the girl in love, that just blew up in my face, i tried to be the best friend, the one that says "im always there", but after trying to give and give and give i never got anything in return so there for, left empty, i tried to be the rebel and all that got me was thrown in jail, i tried to fit in everywhere...and im still left by myself...i know i always have god...but sometimes its so hard...
ive been so depressed, literally, ive been told 3 times this year to get counciling or be put on antidepressants, the one time i went to a shrink she said to get envoloved in activities..but now i have none to take up my mind im back to how i was. sometimes i literally think im going to die of a broken heart...
hopefully once mission is possible and vbs comes around ill get better....
i dont really expect anyone to read this or even care but..iono...what ever...lol..imma try and get to sleep...night..
i know i have alot of friends...but...i guess the best way i cud put it is from the song 'so beautiful', it says
"You've got them all convinced
But I know so well
That you could list your friends
But you can't count on them
Hold it now, you've got everyone convinced
That you're all right
When no one else is quite as vulnerable"
thats how i honestly feel. i may go hang with kat, or sarah, taleese, ally, david or dj,ect... but i know its only temporary. i miss having someone count on me and me count on them. i miss having the feeling that says "even if everyone turns on me i can always count on u" i need someone...i need that person that understands me and i dont hafta be on the brink of a nervouse break down to come to them, i want the inside jokes and the sleepovers every weekend, i want someone that puts me before some fucking b/f or g/f that will just probably be gone with in the year, i want to be the one in the front seat of the car...maybe im wrong for thiking i should have this...but i feel so left out i cant help it. taleese has emily, kat has nick, sarah has heather, arianna has riza and michelle, david has rissa, anna has shane, dj has his guys, jess has shannon, ally has ryan, kim has brian, pim has paul,literally everyone has someone...
i miss anna, and i miss kim, and i miss david *not the way ur thinking*
ive tried so hard to change me...i was the cute innocent blonde ditz, but everyone just said i was a fake. i tried to be the crazy fun girl, but no one bought that, i tried to be the girl in love, that just blew up in my face, i tried to be the best friend, the one that says "im always there", but after trying to give and give and give i never got anything in return so there for, left empty, i tried to be the rebel and all that got me was thrown in jail, i tried to fit in everywhere...and im still left by myself...i know i always have god...but sometimes its so hard...
ive been so depressed, literally, ive been told 3 times this year to get counciling or be put on antidepressants, the one time i went to a shrink she said to get envoloved in activities..but now i have none to take up my mind im back to how i was. sometimes i literally think im going to die of a broken heart...
hopefully once mission is possible and vbs comes around ill get better....
i dont really expect anyone to read this or even care but..iono...what ever...lol..imma try and get to sleep...night..