(no subject)
All I have to say about everything is just UGH...
Nothing big or anything has happend..I'm just so fucking sick of all the same shit going on. I don't know how much more I can take.. I mean I know my life must seem pretty damn good concidering I have a house, go to school, and all that good shit. But I love how people think that it's just so fuckin great. They definatly need a reality check...I'm not like writing these things here because I want people to feel sorry for me or I'm like looking for attention..It's just because I know it's not like a lot of people read this, and I'd rather express myself this way instead of doing something I can't earase or delete...if you get what I'm saying...
I think the main reason I'm so unhappy is me. I know what I am. And it's my fault I look like this. But I am so sick of people saying "oh my god Ali, you are NOT fat. you are NOT ugly." I mean I don't expect people to tell me the truth and be like "yeah Ali, you need to loose weight." but I wish they would because when people tell me im not then it screws me up...I mean I know that's why guys don't look at me. Hell, girls don't even look at me. When they do..theyr usually making fun of me or judging me from the way I dress and the music I listen to. Oh (this cracks me up so fucking much) I LOVE when people think I'm gothic. I want to laugh so fucking hard. I mean come on. Everyone who knows me knows I am not goth. Yeah I wear black a lot and I'm sometimes depressed-looking. But that doesn't automatically make me goth. I think that label being thrown around so much. I know I call people preps a lot but I don't THAT much. Which brings me to another point. I'm so sick of people being labeled. Like people thinking I like (get this) AVRIL LAVIGNE. That fucking cracks me up man. I won't even go into that.
I seriously cannot wait to get out of OLQM. I am so sick of the people there and the school itself. Just for shits and giggles, for picture day, I wore purple fish nets over my black nylons (spelling?) with a black top and skirt. WOW the teachers loved that. That probly doesn't seem like a big deal for people at a public school, but it sure as hell is a big deal for my school. It's fucking hilarious.------------------------------------------------ I am so unhappy at school. Yeah I have a couple friends or whatever. But I am so sick of the guys. They lead everyone on into thinking they "like" them. Which is soo annoying because then everything gets so emotional with the girls and everyone hates eachother and its just...I cant stand it. It's like it's this huge competition of who can flirt the most and just such petty things. And none of the girls realize that nothing is going to happen...the guys won't go out with anyone from our school because they think it would be weird seeing that person every day. Which is such shit. All I can say to them is GOOD LUCK.
Currently, my sisters have left me to go shopping with their friends, and left me here with my brothers. Because my parents went to that football game today and now are probly off getting drunk and some barwith their friends. What a shocker. Not like I anything else to do. I have no life. I think a lot of people know that by now.
You know what I really just do not understand is why God dis-likes me so much? I mean am I really that bad of a person that I need to be punished with this life? I really just don't get it. I hate it. I hate everything. I know that must sound so stupid but I really do. The only thing that makes me happy anymore is sleeping. Because it's the one time of day where I get to escape reality...escape everything..........whatever...I need to stop dwelling on everything all the time.
Well.....I guess that's it.. I have a lot left that I'd like to put..but I don't know why I would bother puting it since no one really cares. And it's not like anything gonna change.It's not going to get better. Nothing ever gets better....
"good"night