Doorway to where
It's been a long few weeks.
After settling in it seems Marc and I are figuring out how we are ourselves, but also together when we are within and without.
Its ok, it just stressful and feels like work.
In some ways I know the goal is to pull back, hold on less, and ride, but it hits so close to the heart.
A while back when we were in Florida, I realized that some of my anger comes from my grandfather. I don't want to say its triangulated through history, but in some ways, it is.
What has been interesting is that since I've dated Marc, it's come out at strange times, and in those moments it hard for me to be present, or even remember what happened.
I'd say it's happened for real about five or so times, and has also been reminiscent of episodes with my stepmother the summer of 2022.
Anyway.
This weekend, after Nate's wedding, it happened again, but I had enough awareness to remember what happened, and also though in that moment it didn't go much different...would it be weird to say I am excited for it to come up again, so it can?
So.
That is that.
And before I move on, I guess what I need to acknowledge is that it's not anger, at least not at heart. It's my fear of losing him, though the anger is out front.
In other news my HS research student did amazingly well at ISEF winning an EPA award, as well as placing in their category.
It feels like compersion. But also weird to use that word in this setting.
The semester is about a day away from over, grades are almost in, and I am excited for the summer, even if everyone asking me what I'm doing is triggering.
I got a grant!
That's what.
Onto more students, and paper.
Thank's Dard.