feeling down
i think i've become a bit paranoid when it comes to my health. so today i'm feeling kindof down and fustrated and just short of doing an online self-diagnosis that i'm so famous for i'm just blaming it on the fact that i'm not on the pill anymore. maybe i'm pms-ing? is this what it felt like? i can't remember since it's been so long. i never really got pms on the pill, just recently the bloating which may or may not be due to the pill. so i'm like weighing my options which is better. i could be totally wrong. maybe the fact that we have had 20 days of crappy weather is bringing me down. or the fact that i'm broke and france is so stingy and cheap...
speaking of cheap, i just realized how much money i used to make for my summer jobs. i was living at home so saving a lot while making 1600-2000$ between lifeguarding and my amazing job last summer. fucking sucks man. atleast i'm getting "experience" and young & rubicam should look good on my resume. leakhena is super stressed-out about graduating in december and what she's going to do afterwards. she really likes the idea of london, and i have to admit, so do i. it's unfortunate that i like france so much and i have a life here, otherwise picking up and leaving would be easier. but i'm quite sure london has more opportunities. maybe i'll do a few years in paris first, get sick of it, and move to london? or vice-versa. although the moving part is the most stressful. i know my parents would help me out if need me, since, i'll be like 22 and hopefully independent by then. my sister is 25 and is still living off the fruits of my parents. sooo yeah. that's my goal: to get a job and be independent while living someone in europe.
went running last night but didn't feel so great. my timing was a bit off since like 4 firetrucks happened to just leave as i was coming towards the hill where the 'caserne' is. on my way back i did happen to catch one of the guys who was closing up who definately acknowledged me. for all i know, these dudes could be hideous. it was dark last night, and the other night i was too caught up in the fervor of it all that i didn't actually pay attention to faces. and even when i went to the "bal de pompiers" i didn't spot many that were hot. what is it then? here is my brief and pathetic analyzation as to why i'm attacted to french firefighters. i can't believe i'm doing this with my time. damn.
-the haircut- probably attracted to the short-buzzed hair cause it's neat and orderly and i'm definately a type a personality with anal tendancies.
-the job- i think i'm attracted to the fact that they save lives. who wouldn't? by this i mean, i feel some sort of comfort in protection. i remember the time the door randomly opening in the middle of the night when juliani was there and he just made a fist and held up his arm saying "if anyone comes in they'll get this in their face". and i believed it. guillaume the same, i think with his military training i feel in some sort of protection. oddly enough i'm not a coward. atleast i don't think so. but i like men to be protectors in some way.
-the red trruck-now this i can't quite understand because i absolutely hate the color red. nothing in my apartment is red. not even a stich of clothing. i should probably look up some symbolism here about this but i think it's pointless. i don't think i'm attracted to the red truck even.
-the uniform- again, this goes back to the neatness and orderly. pretty asthetically pleasing as well. i like the uniform for the same reason business men in suits are hot (europeans in european menswear that is, let's be specific.) i think the uniform gives some sort of credibility.
-the bod- do i really need to get into this? although i've previously gone for the svelte-but-petit-french-frame many times, my standards have been raised since going out with juliani and guillaume who both had much more muscle-mass. not like monsters of course. but definately more defined and stronger. i was really attracted to pierre and franck but there's nothing like seeing a firefighter off duty in jeans and you can actually see his muscles.
-the availability- since i only see them with other dude, i immediately think they are available. kindof like guys in the military, since it's not often that they get to be around women since they're probably on the base all the time. firefighters here are party of the army so this makes sense i guess. i also read somewhere that 50% are single.
-not wimps- this goes back to the protection and the job as well as the bod. i'm reminded of a really cute french guy who i met a while back that was so into literature and playing his guitar and his crisp white shirt and baby face attributes. he was very cute, and very nice. but when he mentioned he didn't like football something seemed off. now, i don't particularly like football even if i did get caught up in the world cup fervor (who didn't!), but if a european guy says he doesn't like football..something is very very wrong. you should be alarmed. they don't necessarily have to be sporting the jerseys, but atleast be generally into it, know some teams and players. it's not that i don't want an "intello" and would rather a stupid job, nooo no no my friends. us geminis must be stimulated physically AND mentally, and the mental part is very important. BUT i'm just saying, in general, i don't want a wimp. i dont' know how liking football and being a wimp ties in but it's sortof clearer in my head than writing it.
ok so now that i'm sortof done with my analysis of attraction i can eat lunch cause it's 15 to 1. i love french lunches. i can easily take like 2 hours and no one would care.
i'm kindof embarrased that i spent so much time on such a ridiculous subject. i'm also still unsure why i have this obsession when I HAVE A POMPIER!! well sortof, former pompier, now marine. i mean, just as good. even better probably. i don't know what it is. i just don't know!
foooood
speaking of cheap, i just realized how much money i used to make for my summer jobs. i was living at home so saving a lot while making 1600-2000$ between lifeguarding and my amazing job last summer. fucking sucks man. atleast i'm getting "experience" and young & rubicam should look good on my resume. leakhena is super stressed-out about graduating in december and what she's going to do afterwards. she really likes the idea of london, and i have to admit, so do i. it's unfortunate that i like france so much and i have a life here, otherwise picking up and leaving would be easier. but i'm quite sure london has more opportunities. maybe i'll do a few years in paris first, get sick of it, and move to london? or vice-versa. although the moving part is the most stressful. i know my parents would help me out if need me, since, i'll be like 22 and hopefully independent by then. my sister is 25 and is still living off the fruits of my parents. sooo yeah. that's my goal: to get a job and be independent while living someone in europe.
went running last night but didn't feel so great. my timing was a bit off since like 4 firetrucks happened to just leave as i was coming towards the hill where the 'caserne' is. on my way back i did happen to catch one of the guys who was closing up who definately acknowledged me. for all i know, these dudes could be hideous. it was dark last night, and the other night i was too caught up in the fervor of it all that i didn't actually pay attention to faces. and even when i went to the "bal de pompiers" i didn't spot many that were hot. what is it then? here is my brief and pathetic analyzation as to why i'm attacted to french firefighters. i can't believe i'm doing this with my time. damn.
-the haircut- probably attracted to the short-buzzed hair cause it's neat and orderly and i'm definately a type a personality with anal tendancies.
-the job- i think i'm attracted to the fact that they save lives. who wouldn't? by this i mean, i feel some sort of comfort in protection. i remember the time the door randomly opening in the middle of the night when juliani was there and he just made a fist and held up his arm saying "if anyone comes in they'll get this in their face". and i believed it. guillaume the same, i think with his military training i feel in some sort of protection. oddly enough i'm not a coward. atleast i don't think so. but i like men to be protectors in some way.
-the red trruck-now this i can't quite understand because i absolutely hate the color red. nothing in my apartment is red. not even a stich of clothing. i should probably look up some symbolism here about this but i think it's pointless. i don't think i'm attracted to the red truck even.
-the uniform- again, this goes back to the neatness and orderly. pretty asthetically pleasing as well. i like the uniform for the same reason business men in suits are hot (europeans in european menswear that is, let's be specific.) i think the uniform gives some sort of credibility.
-the bod- do i really need to get into this? although i've previously gone for the svelte-but-petit-french-frame many times, my standards have been raised since going out with juliani and guillaume who both had much more muscle-mass. not like monsters of course. but definately more defined and stronger. i was really attracted to pierre and franck but there's nothing like seeing a firefighter off duty in jeans and you can actually see his muscles.
-the availability- since i only see them with other dude, i immediately think they are available. kindof like guys in the military, since it's not often that they get to be around women since they're probably on the base all the time. firefighters here are party of the army so this makes sense i guess. i also read somewhere that 50% are single.
-not wimps- this goes back to the protection and the job as well as the bod. i'm reminded of a really cute french guy who i met a while back that was so into literature and playing his guitar and his crisp white shirt and baby face attributes. he was very cute, and very nice. but when he mentioned he didn't like football something seemed off. now, i don't particularly like football even if i did get caught up in the world cup fervor (who didn't!), but if a european guy says he doesn't like football..something is very very wrong. you should be alarmed. they don't necessarily have to be sporting the jerseys, but atleast be generally into it, know some teams and players. it's not that i don't want an "intello" and would rather a stupid job, nooo no no my friends. us geminis must be stimulated physically AND mentally, and the mental part is very important. BUT i'm just saying, in general, i don't want a wimp. i dont' know how liking football and being a wimp ties in but it's sortof clearer in my head than writing it.
ok so now that i'm sortof done with my analysis of attraction i can eat lunch cause it's 15 to 1. i love french lunches. i can easily take like 2 hours and no one would care.
i'm kindof embarrased that i spent so much time on such a ridiculous subject. i'm also still unsure why i have this obsession when I HAVE A POMPIER!! well sortof, former pompier, now marine. i mean, just as good. even better probably. i don't know what it is. i just don't know!
foooood