Dear Auntie, (2/2) ✿ for EVERYONE
"-Excuse me?" Jongdae pauses in the middle of his monologue, the bolts in his brain whirling yet not seeming to fully comprehend because he seems to have heard Baekhyun suggest something like staying married. Like, the two of them. Staying married.
"You okay? I mean, I understand that it is extremely upsetting for you and I am very sorry."
His stomach is exploding and his heart rate seems to be plummeting and soaring simultaneously. After twenty six years of lacking in the luck department he finally gets the chance he's been waiting for, like his name has finally come up in the ballot, and it's the best thing that could ever happen but at the same time it feels so, so fragile. Jongdae blinks too many times to make sure the fact that Baekhyun is returning his affections after one miraculous night of being married is real.
Part of him had long grudgingly accepted that he would die old and lonely (credits to Kyungsoo). Getting married was impossible. And to top it all off, getting married to Baekhyun-
"No, I'm sorry, I really don't want to use you but Zitao says the paparazzi are catching on, we weren't very careful the last time and they got some photos. They may have more. It's not very clear, but if ever one day they prove it was me then this marriage can disprove it. I am really, genuinely sorry Jongdae but, could you, do this for me? I know its really unfair to you but his entire career is at stake and I may have said some things last night but I can't leave him, you know? I would really be grateful if you could just-"
He doesn't finish, can't find words that make it sound better. But he doesn't need to. Jongdae doesn't know what compels him to say yes, to agree to sustain a marriage that was an accident from the start. Maybe it's the excitement of finally having someone to be with, however fake it is, or maybe it's the fact that part of himself wants to live out this real life fantasy for however long he can, but he does.
**
The marriage isn't very smooth, and this is exactly what Jongdae tells Kyungsoo in the middle of penning a column for January.
"Well, duh. You actually sound like you were expecting it to be all happy marital bliss. What? Did you expect to comb each other's hair in the morning or something? You two are so different; like you're not polar opposites but you're different in every possible way. Honestly the only thing you have in common is stature," Kyungsoo snorts from stirring his mug of coffee.
"Well, you're one to say," Jongdae makes sure to eye Kyungsoo up and down while fighting the defensive edge out of his voice, fingers jamming into the keyboard with a little more force than usual.
"It's Seoul. It's the 21st century. I hate to spoil it for you but that kind of means loveless marriages don't end up very blissful," Kyungsoo takes a sip from the coffee and nods at a discarded newspaper.
The paparazzi somehow managed to catch on and had a field day spamming blurry photos in the media, of Baekhyun and Zitao on all kinds of escapades, from the sweet, courtship dates to the 19+, pixellated images stolen through half-closed curtains.
They're low-quality enough to hide his identity, but that doesn't stop anyone from trying to unearth it anyway.
Jongdae is browsing yet another article on naver when he chances on photos with dishevelled hair, collapsed forms and limbs tangled everywhere on a mess of sheets, taken by paparazzi stationed 24/7 outside Zitao's apartment. They'd been careless and the curtains weren't quite as closed, or as opaque, as they'd assumed. There are too many pixels on that one for it to be innocent.
The nation had been taken by storm, as usual, wondering about the secret relationship of the newest trend. Online witch hunts came about from devoted fangirls determined on hunting down this mysterious partner of their oppa.
The search had been narrowed down to a couple of people, of which Baekhyun narrowly escaped the quarter final of because of the way they'd tracked down everything about him (found out after hours of scrolling through comments). Including the marriage certificate.
Jongdae scrolls through naver's homepage again, peering around the corner to see if anyone might be coming. Even with the way they avoided a scandal everyone had been thrown off when news got out that they were married. The office is abuzz with rumours and whispers and the occasional congratulations.
There is nobody they can trust, not when the office is full of ears and eyes just lurking to listen. Baekhyun comes over and leans on the panel in front of his desk, aware of all the eyes subtlely peering over the edge of their computer screens and plastic files.
"Ready to go home?" Baekhyun smiles at him so easily and with so much affection that he almost forgets it's an act. Again.
"Yeah, of course," He links arms with Baekhyun and they walk, laughing and talking like every newlywed couple out there to the lift lobby. Halfway there, Baekhyun's phone starts ringing, but they ignore it, continuing the overly outward displays of affection until the lift door closes. Then Baekhyun whips his phone out and redials the missed call immediately.
"Hello? Zitao? Yeah, sorry about that, we were in public. I'm great. Jongdae's been helping us a lot," he turns to Jongdae and mouths a 'zitao says thank you'. Whatever Baekhyun does to him in public, he does the same to Zitao, with ten times the amount of affection.
Baekhyun is in the middle of making plans for a secret date when the lift doors slide open in the middle of his words. They both freeze as an entire horde of journalists and reporters from another floor stand outside, inquisitive and staring. They're not sure if they heard anything incriminating, or if they're just curious and unsure, but the looks on their faces are alarming.
Moments of distraction like this could spell the end of everything, and no matter how many close shaves they've had it doesn't take away any of the fear they feel every time it happens.
It takes them a bit too long to regain their wits, and Baekhyun switches gears immediately, politely saying, "Yes, we will meet to discuss the details of the contract, 7pm tomorrow." before he cuts the call, slipping his phone into his pocket. Everything happens too fast, and Jongdae doesn't know why he does it, but suddenly he wraps his arms around Baekhyun, keeping a relaxed but firm grip, and smiles at everyone, trying to look easygoing and surprised before gently squeezing through the crowd.
Somehow, and it feels like an eternity, they squeeze through the evening peak hour rush before the cool air conditioned air finally manages to hit them and they brisk-walk towards the exit. Zitao had called a month ago about this, giving lessons on how to keep calm and quell suspicion.
They flag a cab and ride back home in silence, the radio playing generic pop music from yet another undistinguishable idol group in the oversaturated industry. Some of the usual cheery mess about summer romances and sweet relationships. Yeah, it isn't supposed to be this hard.
**
Valentine's day is always an awkward day. Jongdae's spent the last few years sitting in his office with cup ramen because going out to eat would warrant running into eateries and restaurants full of couples feeling the need to be extra sweet and fluffy in public. It made him feel even more lonely.
So when Baekhyun comes round at dinnertime and asks him if he has anything to do for the rest of the day and whether he would like to go out for dinner he nearly leaps out of his seat and trips in his haste to get around the cubicle wall and say yes. It's the first time in twenty six years he has been out for a valentine's day dinner, and no matter how fake it is Jongdae feels eager to prove to the world that he's no longer alone.
They get off at the ground level and the first thing Jongdae sees is Kyungsoo and Chanyeol standing expectantly in the lobby and he almost runs back into the lift. The last thing he needs is for them to catch him looking like an overzealous preschooler going on a dinner date with Baekhyun, but then Baekhyun waves at them and heads over, and he realizes that he's not only going on a dinner date with Baekhyun, he's going on a dinner date with them.
He should have known some things were too good to be true.
Chanyeol looks so excited it's bordering on scary as he blabs on about restaurant names and movies that Jongdae isn't paying enough attention to understand.
He regrets not listening when they end up in a district in Gangnam, at a French restaurant whose menus none of them can read. Chanyeol had apparently gone and found flawless reviews about this place on some rich blogger's site and decided it would be a good idea to "experience the atmosphere."
"Cut the bullshit," Kyungsoo snaps, looking considerably less enthusiastic than he was an hour ago. He's eyeing the menu with suspicious eyes, probably sweeping through the foreign names in the hope of understanding something, anything. "How are we going to afford this? No, actually, how are we going to read this?"
Chanyeol is happily flipping through the pages, oohing and aahing at various photos of unidentifiable food items drenched in sauces of all colours, "You seriously lack brains. We'll split the bill! That's why there are four of us," he points to each of them slowly, numbering them off and effectively infuriating Kyungsoo even more, "That way we save money instead!"
"Yeah, genius, except that the only thing I can read are the prices and one dish -whatever this is- is equivalent to the amount I pay for an entire week of food. Now I don't want to burst your enormous bubble filled with hot air but. No."
Baekhyun shifts uncomfortably in the seat before forcing a laugh, "HAHAH, Kyungsoo, there's no need to be so serious, Chanyeol mentioned that the blog states there was both excellent customer service and amazing food! It'll be worth it, besides, it's a special day today."
Chanyeol nods happily, agreeing before doing an elaborated and exaggerated snap of his fingers to summon the waiter. When the guy comes, eyeing all of their clothes up and down, he just flips through the menu, jabbing his finger at pictures repeatedly. There is a flowery insert in the menu filled with french words and a photo of the Eiffel Tower in the background, and Chanyeol seems to get even more excited looking at it, pointing to a "package deal" of more foreign names and nodding multiple times.
When the waiter goes off to fill in the order, Kyungsoo drops the polite smile, "I hope you know what you ordered,"
Chanyeol shakes his head, smiling extremely wide for the sole purpose of irritating Kyungsoo, "Nope," he gestures around at the couples waiting for their food, "where's the excitement if you know what you're ordering? It's like going on an adventure, you never know what's going to arrive on your table later! If I wanted to know I would have just gone and ordered fried chicken one street away from the office. Where's your sense of adventure Kyungsoo? You've aged."
Their food arrives in record time, complete with silver platter and candles, and they're about to dig in when the slow beginning chords of the violin waft through the air. There is a singer belting out soulful opera, emotion-filled and dramatic.
Wait.
The violin-playing waiter and singer stop in front of their table, getting progressively louder and elaborate. Kyungsoo gives them an uneasy smile, signaling for them to move on as more and more pairs of eyes glance at their table.
The waiter pauses the playing to bend down, hand folded behind him, and announces something that sounds like a song title with an extremely pretentious french accent. On cue, the singer clutches her chest and starts a rendition of a ballad, voice rising into tremors and vibrations in a foreign language. Her hand reaches out to grasp at the air around Kyungsoo's head as her voice rises into a perfect rendition of a wail, and he ducks.
The waiter swoops the violin back out and starts the accompanying piece, immersed in his own playing as he sways along to the music. Then an entire band joins in, piano and cello and a lot of other instruments Jongdae doesn't know the names of. There are even a couple of back-up singers.
They're very loud. The entire restaurant is looking at them now.
"Uhm," Chanyeol waves a hand in front of the violin, "This is all very nice but, I can't eat with you here."
It's obvious the violinist hears the comment from the way he bristles slightly, but he continues his playing and swaying, gestures needlessly grand, determined to see his job to the end.
They have no choice but to wait the impossibly long song out, Chanyeol attempting to interrupt several times to no success. Just when they're about to embark on their second piece, he reaches his breaking point and bursts out, "Hey, hey, HEY. WE'RE JUST HERE FOR A LONER'S GATHERING SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE YOUR VIOLIN AND GE-"
He's interrupted by the waiter, who finally switches back to Korean, "Sir, you ordered our Valentine's Day Lovers In Paris package. We usually tailor it for couples, but we are open to all kinds of romantic celebrations, especially one as comfortable as yours. This is only part one of the experience. Please sit back, relax, and enjoy." He returns the bow to the strings and Chanyeol almost topples out of his chair.
"I ordered your what-"
"Part one? How many parts are there?" Kyungsoo cuts in, his face a deep shade of red, embarrassed and irritated at the same time.
"Ah, an impatient one. Very well then." The waiter snaps his fingers in a way reminiscent of Chanyeol earlier and suddenly a younger waiter appears from the side, carrying a platter masked with a shiny cover.
"Double date?" His huge knowing smile is both proud and touched as he sweeps up the cover, producing two roses from his back pocket and holding it out, glancing from one of them to the other. Baekhyun delicately plucks them both out of his hand and sets them off to the side with a hesitant smile.
He taps the waiter on the shoulder, "It seems there's a misunderstanding here. We're just frie-"
"SIR," The waiter starts, full of passion, and Jongdae chokes on his water, "THERE IS NO NEED TO BE SHY. WE PROVIDE ONLY THE BEST SERVICES TO ALL KINDS OF COUPLES. YOUR PASSION IS TRULY AN INSPIRATION AND WE WISH YOU A BEAUTIFUL, EVERLASTING LOVE." he proclaims, putting his clenched fist to his chest in what they assume is a determined pledge of support. He beckons to another two waitresses and they pull out two glasses of cocktail, a single straw artfully bended and branching into two.
"We usually only provide one glass, but ah, what a great love you have. Against all odds. You truly embody the spirit of Valentine's Day. We are proud to have witnessed it. The second one's on the house." He takes their slow, resigned nods as acknowledgment and excitedly pulls out a camera with a flourish, "A photo for remembrance? Ah, I am going to cry. Seeing people find their true love despite everything is so, so, beautiful," he dabs at his eye, and before they can object-
Flash.
The waiter develops four copies within record time and passes them out, still smiling and sniffling. Kyungsoo stiffly receives his photo and looks about to duck under the table to hide it out when the entire restaurant bursts into applause. The violin player insists on finishing all three pieces despite their joint claims of "It's really okay," and only finally retreats, still bowing, after a grand medley of Celine Dion's My Love Will Go On.
Chanyeol breathes a visible sign of relief the moment he disappears into a back room, convinced that the traumatic night is over as they uncover their plates. Except apparently it isn't when their food comes into view. Baekhyun actually squints trying to locate the food.
Jongdae blinks twice before he chances a glance up. Chanyeol is fighting a losing battle with the look of betrayal in his eyes, swallowing slowly as his eyes dart to Kyungsoo and back to the plate.
Kyungsoo is silent and unmoving, drilling holes calmly into the offensive plate on the table. It's scarier that way.
"Taste it."
"Huh?" Chanyeol still sounds afraid. Baekhyun reaches out to touch Kyungsoo's arm, "It's okay, It was an experience, hahaha," he lets out a hollow laugh, "What's life without surprises? Right Chanyeol? Jongdae?" they both nod, almost too quickly.
"It would be a great pity to miss out on a Lovers In Paris special meal after the excellent customer service and performance we just had the joy of witnessing. Taste it." Kyungsoo deadpans.
Chanyeol's fork is shaking when he retrieves the meat from the plate. He eats the whole thing and Kyungsoo just about explodes.
"Why did you finish it?"
"You told me to eat it!"
"I said taste it, now there's only the green paste…sauce thing left!"
By the end of the evening they have drunk enough water to last a lifetime (it's the only thing that's free-flow) and eaten enough to have energy to walk to the exit (Jongdae estimates they had about three tablespoons of actual food each). Chanyeol weakly raises a hand to call for the bill.
A waitress arrives right on time with the tab, and Chanyeol opens it, takes a look, and shoves it right at Baekhyun. Jongdae leans in when Baekhyun's eyes widen. The amount is his expenses on food for the past half a month.
"UH, any of you happen to have a credit card or anything we can use?" Chanyeol looks around the table. They stare at each other, the hopeful glimmer in their eyes slowly fizzling out when they realize the obvious answer.
After inquiring too hopefully about installment plans and "financial package deals", only to get an unamused reply from the waitress, Chanyeol drops the smile and frantically digs into his pockets to retrieve crumpled ten thousand won bills. He empties out every crevice of cloth and comes up with a little over a hundred dollars, and the rest of them dig around to make up the remainder. The tab is weighed down by a mound of wrinkled, messy bills and stacks of coins by the time they get enough, and Jongdae is sure they're about to be thrown out.
They have five dollars and twenty cents left between them by the time they exit the restaurant and they make a promise never to mention anything about the night ever again. Kyungsoo rips up his photo, but Jongdae glances at its new place in his wallet, behind a flimsy plastic cover, and decides to leave it.
"I can't believe I spent five hundred dollars for someone to grab at my head repeatedly. Five hundred dollars to have two roses brandished in my face and handed a drink to share with the biggest idiot on the planet. Did I seriously just blow my paycheck to HEAR SOME IDIOT GIVE A SPEECH ABOUT MY GLORIOUS, PASSIONATE, TOUCHING, BUT ALSO VERY NON-EXISTENT LOVE LIFE." Kyungsoo rages into the night and makes it a point to stand the furthest away from Chanyeol he can. Which unfortunately means Jongdae finds himself next to Baekhyun.
They're walking down the classiest district in Seoul looking like scraggly teenagers in their father's rumpled clothes and attracting disdainful stares from the perfectly coiffed and posed residents of Seoul's elite. They split up at the main road, heading separate ways with Kyungsoo stubbornly stalking ahead of Chanyeol, who waves a hurried goodbye. Then it's quiet, and they're just two people hurrying down the street with everyday Seoul residents, blending in with the crowd wrapped up in their own problems.
Jongdae's attempt at conversation doesn't go very well, "Today was actually my very first valentine's day dinner, can you imagine? Definitely unforgettable, I never thought it would go this way."
"Me too, I didn't think Valentine's day would go this way, either." Baekhyun's answer is so silent he needs to strain to hear it, but the hidden connotation behind it has him feeling even more uncomfortable.
"Hey, its okay, I'm sure we won't have to keep doing this," his heart feels hollow, numbing yet heavy at the same time, and Jongdae struggles to get the comforting words out, "Charades don't last forever. So…cheer up."
He manages a pat on the back, somehow.
"Yeah, thanks." Baekhyun smiles at him, and it is no affection or overwhelming emotion but Jongdae sees the genuine gratefulness as clear as day and decides that it is enough.
They end up walking home, small snippets of conversation between them. It's still a bit awkward, and Jongdae is alert and self-conscious all the time, censoring everything he says and passing it through a mental scanner before actually voicing it in fear of accidentally making a mistake.
But they get through it, asking slightly more personal questions and going beyond the usual small talk. He learns Baekhyun is afraid of nothing but flying insects, has to drink green tea at least once a day, and keeps track of the number of times he goes to the toilet. It's like a belated getting-to-know-you. It's comfortable.
**
In early March Zitao scores his very first lead role in a drama, and even amidst general public incredulity and disbelief at his acting abilities the drama breaks it big from the pilot and Jongdae can tell Baekhyun is happy. Every news site on the web does at least three articles on the unprecedented success of a drama from a foreign idol actor, and his name populates the top few search term rankings throughout the day.
Baekhyun spends days reading the comments on every news homepage, scrutinizing the number of upvotes and downvotes and occasionally replying to offensive comment threads.
"What do you mean his acting sucks?? It's his first time acting and he's holding his own beside all the seniors. You're hating just for the sake of it!!" Baekhyun furiously clicks reply and hits into his keyboard.
"Look at his emotional crying scene (link) before judging, he totally stole the show during the exchange with his brother. (link) DOES THAT LOOK STIFF?? NO. HE COULD PROBABLY WIN BEST NEW ACTOR."
Not that Jongdae's watching or anything. With one last glance in the vague direction of Baekhyun's computer screen, he continues his reply to a girl complaining about her friends' lack of respect for her privacy.
Baekhyun buys him and the rest coffee in the mornings and thanks people for the most trivial things, big grin in place, and even though Jongdae is surprised the first few times, as the days wear on it's become a routine.
"Now I want you to be happy more often," Kyungsoo comments wryly from his cubicle as he takes a sip from the cup Baekhyun sets down in front of him. Chanyeol is slurping his smoothie in the back noisily, staring intently at the horoscope readings.
"Baekhyun, you're a taurus aren't you? Lady Luck is not shining on you this month, and watch out for misunderstandings, especially in your personal life. Sounds bad."
Jongdae wants to cover Baekhyun's ears or gag Chanyeol's mouth.
"Well, it's what the stars say." Chanyeol says solemnly when Jongdae mouths "shut up" at him, before brightening, "The smoothie is great though, so on my side I'll hope your luck remains good."
Jongdae sees the way Baekhyun chuckles at the remark and wants desperately to say something to really show his appreciation rather than a measly thank you.
So when Baekhyun comes around with dinner Jongdae musters the courage to thank him back and congratulate Zitao, saying something like "You must be proud," before he notices that the smile on Baekhyun's face fades ever so slightly.
It's a definite sign that he may have overstepped the line, and he feels horrible when the next moment Baekhyun leaves the food quietly on his desk and apologizes quietly about being insensitive and having his head clouded with joy. He retreats without another word.
His explanation is stuck somewhere on his tongue. He swallows it.
On the twenty sixth of March dating rumours appear between Zitao and the female lead on his first ever drama role. The day every major news site splashes it across their headlines, competing for juiciest headlines and scandalous content Jongdae keeps an eye out for Baekhyun, worried but unsure of how much he's allowed to care.
Zitao hasn't called or anything, which can either mean they trust each other enough, or the rumours are truth. Baekhyun goes about everything as normal, looking only slightly unfocused at times, so despite himself Jongdae only hopes it's the former.
Chanyeol is rattling something about site maintenance to Baekhyun, though he doesn't look like he's taking any of it in, nodding listlessly and clicking away at useless links on the screen.
"They're just rumours, every drama has them and the proof is ridiculous, don't get too bothered okay?" Jongdae turns and reassures him when Chanyeol finishes.
Baekhyun gives him a small smile, looking up from the piles of files he's turned to and says with a shrug, "I won't let them bother me, I have faith in Zitao."
Jongdae's relieved to hear it, almost laughing at himself for ever thinking something like a rumour might shake their relationship. Baekhyun's typing out his reports just like any other day, nothing has changed and nothing will change.
"Baekhyun? I'll be borrowing a stapler from your desk," Jongdae screams across the office towards the photocopying room later that day. He does it every other day and by now asking is just going through the motions and waiting for Baekhyun to agree.
There is a grunt of approval and Jongdae settles into his seat to open the drawers.
He digs around the mess of stationery piled into them, overflowing from their original storage places, before a bundle flops down from the space between the drawer and the frame. They're a bunch of gossip magazines and daily newspapers with sections dedicated to the scandal, rolled up and rumpled to fit into the space. A stray glance up at his screen shows a tab with the headline hidden amongst the rest.
It's only then that Jongdae lets the harsh headlines sink in, let the words make sense and the photos etch themselves into his memory.
It's only then that he realizes the lie.
He's shocked, but quickly stuffs them back and hurriedly sifts through the drawer when Baekhyun exits the pantry, grabbing the stapler and holding it up to show that he's borrowing it. He hopes his smile looks natural enough to hide the mild worry building in the pit of his stomach.
Being in the know is more painful than staying oblivious but curious, he soon finds out, because it becomes so much easier to see what a smile is hiding and how every action desperately hides some form of worry and unease, and so much more difficult to ignore it.
By the time he arrives in the office the next morning Baekhyun is already crouched over his computer screen, typing steadily into a word document and immersing himself in reference files.
He shuffles over and pushes one of the mugs he's holding at Baekhyun, who looks up slightly surprised.
"Have some cereal," is all he manages to come up with when Baekhyun eyes the cup quizzically, before mentally slapping himself because how much more uncool can he sound?
"You really didn't need to spend-" Baekhyun starts sounding apologetic, and Jongdae leaps to shush him.
"It's from the pantry. Secret stash." It's not something he wants to let out, because it makes him feel stingy, but if it means Baekhyun will accept his gesture Jongdae will play the part of noble idiot. He also reminds himself that it's perfectly alright because the pantry has brilliant instant cereal. Bonus points for being free.
"Oh," Baekhyun takes the cup and stares at Jongdae, waiting for him to continue. Jongdae shifts from one foot to the other, cursing himself for not planning further and deliberating his words on how to go about it without sounding nosy and obnoxious.
He decides to just come out with it.
"I was just thinking…if you, uh, need to talk, I'm here. Not that I'm saying you have a lot of hidden tears you need to let out or that it's problematic…or anything, just, if you need to talk, I'm here. You know, just in case. You're not alone- that's what I mean. Although of course you-"
Baekhyun cuts him off with a pat, "I understand, thanks." He takes a sip of the cereal as form of acknowledgement.
Surprisingly, Baekhyun takes him up on his offer to share, if not because he's the only listening ear. He confesses his worries over convenience store ramen and midnights in the office rushing for deadlines. Sometimes, in the midst of formulating a headline about a celebrity's relationship (that is frankly none of their business), something about the article hits too close to home, triggers something intensely personal in Baekhyun.
He confesses his worries and how he really wants to hang on for what the future can possibly be, but it's hard to have blind faith in something so completely out of your control.
Other times he admits to being insecure, to having been selfish and wanting to date openly, to just hope things can turn out fine because all he wants to feel is happy. He pours it all out when the office is dim, darkness surrounding them except for the light off their computer screens. Most of the time Jongdae can't see his face clearly, but Baekhyun's voice is enough to make the air fragile and melancholic and too much to bear.
Jongdae can't give any actual helpful advice, just nod and hope Baekhyun knows that he has a friend in him.
**
Something seems to change in June. They're not near lovers yet, but somehow it feels like they've transcended from awkward couple to something of friends. Sometimes they forget they're binded by marriage and Baekhyun seems to genuinely enjoy their time together, until the moment when the laughter recedes and reality lets itself back in, along with a long, dragged out moment of silence.
Most of the time though, Baekhyun is a lot less rigid, and a lot more stupid, but Jongdae likes that the atmosphere is casual, and Baekhyun's being more of an idiot around him. It's like he's elevated to Chanyeol status.
They've just done their routine raid on the nearest 7-eleven, bags filled with every flavour of cup ramen ("more variety") and even a selection of cup porridge. There are a few cartons of milk and Jongdae grabs the requisite cans of tuna and luncheon meat on his way out. They're all set for the month, grocery shopping complete in under 5 minutes. This is the way they pride themselves on being efficient independent men.
This is also how they end up bonding, eating food full of cholesterol with the tv playing in the background, cooped up in a humid, unbearably warm room.
**
July gives Seoul one of the hottest summers it's ever had, and Jongdae is content to laze around the air-conditioned office, ordering mcdelivery and waiting til the night air is cool before leaving. Then stupid Oh Sehun comes round and shatters his dream of a beautiful summer lifestyle.
"You know, I think the deputy director has some beef with you, because we just got the juiciest tip off ever but its extra dangerous and I got a direct order to send you." He stops at Baekhyun's desk and announces.
Baekhyun looks up from his screen slowly, glancing back to give it a once over before saving the piece, "Oh yeah, haha, kinda got those I-will-remember-you-for-a-lifetime vibes from deputy director Kim the last time I was there."
There is a long pause. "You're looking oddly relaxed about all of this," Sehun looks perplexed, narrowing his eyes in suspicion, "Shouldn't you be panicking by now? It's DEPUTY. DIRECTOR. KIM." he adds in, emphasising every syllable so much his face contorts into a ridiculous expression.
"I. HEARD. YOU. THE. FIRST. TIME." Baekhyun chuckles as he strings him along. He leans in and lowers his voice in mock seriousness, but Jongdae's close enough to hear when he says, "Decided to adopt a whatever attitude." and bursts out laughing.
"Are you high? I think you are. But whatever, you've already agreed so you can't go back on it. Bring back an exclusive or something. And redeem yourself. I'll email you the rest because explaining is a bother, but you can bring a partner or something if you want. It's a scary world out there." He's about to turn back down the hall, but halts suddenly in his tracks.
"You, " Sehun turns to Jongdae before he can look away and pretend he wasn't eavesdropping, "go with him, you still owe me from the time you got both our asses in trouble. Besides, bonding time and all," Sehun wiggles his eyebrows and stalks off.
So by eight pm Jongdae is at Garosugil, furtively hiding in an inconspicuous van with tinted windows and an exterior full of scraps, wearing a dusty black cap and glasses. He's squinting through the windows (everything just looks dark) for the subjects of the tip-off, double checking with the reference photos Sehun had thrown at him with an exaggerated sigh. Baekhyun slips out for the essential mission of securing fast food and coffee for the stakeout.
Five minutes later he returns with brown paper bags, oil from fries and pies greasing through the material and smelling absolutely heavenly, but the aroma of food is of no importance when the dry summer air is wafting through the open door.
"Close the door, THE COLD AIR'S ESCAPING," Jongdae screeches, and Baekhyun chucks the bag at his head, hissing "This is supposed to be a covet operation!" through pursed lips. He leans into the interior of the van and lowers his voice to a whisper, "I think it would be better to get off, we can hardly see anything in here and it'll be a lot easier if we were walking around like everybody else," he glances back to the street and looks both ways in quick succession, "since, you know, we're going for subtlety."
"Sure, real subtle, apart from this," Jongdae hoists the huge DSLRs from the back of the van, lenses jutting out, struggling to balance both, "any ideas, genius?"
He regrets asking because apparently Baekhyun does have ideas that involve them acting like tourists from the countryside and snapping photos of basically everything. They remove one of the lenses so it doesn't become painfully obvious what they're here for, tucking the reference photos into a bag and grabbing their oily food.
Five minutes later they leave the comfort of the van, and Jongdae cringes at Baekhyun's attempt at a loud Jeonju accent before joining in equally loud. They make awed comments at everything, marveling at how this totally doesn't exist in the countryside, from the lights used in the storefronts to the themed cafes everywhere. They get photos of the creaky chinese takeout signboard and the wilting trees lining the walkway. There are multiple unfocused shots of people performing on the streets and browsing around.
"Jongin is going to kill us for chugging up his memory space like this. How much do we even have left?" Jongdae squints at the hordes of people passing by, too many faces to place and too much chatter to hear.
"It's this, or nothing. Besides, I'll bet you anything Jongin is a lot easier to deal with than Sehun," Baekhyun raises a brow and continues snapping multiple photos, throwing long glances down the entire avenue.
Jongdae composes a mental image of Sehun's face and shudders, realizing that Baekhyun is most probably right. He musters his strength to continue keeping the DSLR up and maintaining an impressed expression at everything surrounding him.
There is no sign of the couple, and by then they've already drained the last of their coffee. Baekhyun vaguely wonders aloud if the entire tip off is fake and Kim Minseok is just really out to get them, which is a frightening possibility because Jongdae hasn't thought of it. The summer heat is already getting to him, and his t-shirt is sticking to his back, the sweat accumulating by the second.
"I kind of wonder right now if this was what the paparazzi had to go through when they were after Zitao and I." Baekhyun comments in passing, fiddling with the knob at the top of the camera for exposure settings. Jongdae looks over, alarmed and trying to process his expression, but there is no awkwardness, just a nose scrunched up in distaste at their surroundings.
He hadn't expected Baekhyun to bring it up himself, or to be comfortable enough to voice that sort of casual thought. It's surprisingly comforting and almost enough to make him momentarily forget the reason he's there.
Except that they run right into the couple they're supposed to look out for, disguised in masks and caps and no-makeup faces. Nobody's paying attention, partly because everybody is caught up in everything the place has to offer and partly because everybody down the street is wearing a cap of some sort. Another fad or something.
"Are you sure that's them? The features and details kind of match up but I can't be sure," Jongdae tries to squint subtly at the targets.
"Keep walking," Baekhyun grits out while pretending to marvel at the signboard for a bbq restaurant. He has been on a number of such outings and, it's funny, really, because it's made him realize that famous people are everywhere if you're looking.
He'd used to think they were inaccessible and hard to find, like they were faraway beings that existed in a separate world, but maybe it was because he hadn't been trying.
They walk past the targets, casually glancing around and careful not to let their gaze linger, continuing for a few store fronts before darting in and back out the other direction. It's like the spy flick Jongdae remembers watching a while ago, only it seems a lot less cool and a lot more suicidal. They start to brisk walk after the two, hiding behind people or their coffee cups and hoping the DSLR isn't that conspicuous.
By nine they have followed them to a quiet restaurant with the quiet, fancy, too-many-candles ambience famous people seem to especially like. It's on the second floor of a glass building that sticks out like an iphone in a sea of flip phones (aka no entry to flip phone Jongdae and Baekhyun), but there is a restaurant perched conveniently across the narrow street that's advertising a 2-for-1 dinner deal, so they head up the narrow staircase.
The place is, unfortunately, full of people with the same mindset, and the waitress points them to a table near the kitchen.
"Hi, yeah, would it be possible to give us a table by the window?" Baekhyun pleads, and tries his luck by flashing the hopeful puppy smile. Jongdae fights to keep his already-racing heart calm.
The waitress turns towards the row of tables along the windows, all fully taken, and sighs in exasperation, "Sir, as you can probably tell-"
"We're tourists," Baekhyun emphasises the Jeonju accent, "Want to experience Seoul y'know. Big City. Wah." He swings his camera upwards loosely for extra measure, "Experience the atmosphere."
"But you can see all the tables are-"
"I took a bus all the way up here just to see what Seoul looks like. What do you mean I can't sit at the window."
"I mean the seat is taken." The waitress gives him a pointed look and is about to hurry towards another customer when Baekhyun stops her by the arm. He resorts to pleading for the spot, desperate and refusing to let go.
The waitress eventually relents and nods quickly, promising to see what she can do, if only to get him off her back. So the moment a table frees up they are cramped into the corner seat, cameras lined up against the window frame and shaved ice dessert melting on the table.
It's a nearly perfect vantage point, if Jongdae is honest, because the distance masks any sound of the shutter and the angle gives them an impossibly clear view. All he has to do is sit back and happily prod the button when anything particularly scandalous happens, like when the appetizer arrives and he sees them reach over to cut up each other's pudding. Nearly perfect, because there is nowhere for them to hide either.
Jongdae is thankful for the ambience in that restaurant because all throughout their eight course the couple are engrossed in each other, never once looking out the window. He has over two hundred photos by the time they call for the tab, and is proudly adjusting the zoom button, crouching to peer through the lense at eye level when he sees them look up leisurely, admiring the view before line of vision reaches the camera. A part of Jongdae tries to convince himself that something else may have caught their attention, but the woman points, eyes widened in alarm at their cameras resting on the ledge, and her arm reaches over to frantically pat her boyfriend.
Jongdae sees through wide eyes the man start to get up, pulling out his phone and gesturing for her to leave. Probably calling his manager. Maybe his agency. Hopefully not his lawyer.
"I think they saw us," Jongdae whispers, his breath hitching and the camera feeling heavy and dangerous in his grip. He feels like a drug dealer who's just got spotted by the cops, except he can't flush the ridiculously huge camera down the toilet without the possibility of either having to pay for damages to the sewage system, or ending up on Kim Minseok's eternal shit list.
He's not sure which one is scarier, to be honest.
"Yeah they did," Baekhyun sounds as tense as his heart currently feels and it does nothing to help him calm down, "Crap crap crap."
"Hey, Baekhyun," Jongdae voices feebly, "Do you know what happens to people pressed with stalking charges? Will we be allowed bail? Should I call Kyungsoo? He'll kill me for making him come down now though. What do we do?" His knees are weak and his limbs are uncoordinated and the future looks incredibly bleak.
Jongdae decides he's not cut out for living on the edge and he is very much content with his lot in life, scribing letters under a pen name forever. There is a couple two tables away eyeing them dubiously, and Jongdae sends them a weak smile and nod.
Baekhyun is gathering his belongings and mass-gulping the remainder of his latte. "Haven't you seen enough movies? They always do the same thing!!" he chokes in his panic, picking up the DSLR from it's corner on the table.
(Jongdae passes him a serviette and realizes Baekhyun isn't as experienced as he thought.)
And they scramble off their seats, pissing off service staff and attracting stares as they take off, cameras bumping hard against their chests and legs burning from exhaustion. Somewhere along the way the adrenaline rush pushes fear to the back of their minds, panic twisting into a happy, carefree enjoyment, and suddenly they're laughing and choking like kids while weaving through the dinner crowd.
"God, I feel so juvenile, like I'm in high school all over again." Baekhyun gasps out, clutching his cap. They've just turned another corner into a street full of eateries and people milling about. Jongdae pulls Baekhyun into the closest one.
It's midnight and they're in a cutesy cafe full of employees judging the hell out of them with their sweaters pulled to their noses. Baekhyun orders a pancake in the shape of Hello Kitty and Jongdae mistakenly orders an entire pizza with sprinkles.
He feels sweaty and sticky and overall disgusting, his hair plastered to his head and palms still clammy despite the air condition. They're hiding it out for now, in case they're ambushed by cops with an arrest warrant for stalking the moment they exit the shop.
They're, unfortunately, running out of options, as employees start pulling down shutters and cleaning out the glass displays and more people start to leave. A sign nearby informs them that there's half an hour more before they'll be chased out.
"I think…well I hope, it's safe now, and besides, in case they do find us," Baekhyun says, peering over the edge of his sweater before brandishing an autograph book like a secret weapon, "My last resort was to say I was a fan and just wanted a sign."
"That's worse, they're gonna think we're sasaengs." Jongdae hisses before reaching over and stuffing the book back into the bag. His eyes dart back and forth from one corner of the street to the other. The coast is clear and they manage to make it to the van in one piece.
They spend a day sifting through useless shots before gathering the best and putting together a report. It's published near midnight on Friday, but the click rates skyrocket through the roof and at one point their website jams, comments entered way into early morning. Every other news site scrambles to get as much of the story they can, trying to dig up something previously uncovered or getting better photos through diehard camp-outs outside the apartments of the stars, but Awoo News retains bragging rights among the industry for being the first to release the most sensational dating scandal since Won Bin and Lee Na Young.
Jongdae refreshes the page for the ninety-second time and admires the KJD and BBH attached to the top of it, and Kyungsoo gives him a card (lecture paper) scribbled with "Congratulations, you won Dispatch." on his way to the pantry. It's a good day, he decides, as he reclines in his chair and takes a slurp of his top grade beef-flavoured ramen. Kim Minseok seems satisfied enough with the work because a few days later Jongdae's pay is finally back to normal. It's a good life.
**
Somewhere along the way, Jongdae starts looking out for Baekhyun, throwing glances over his shoulder or glancing at his computer, to make sure he isn't scouting out some other Zitao-related headline.
Kyungsoo still calls it a gross invasion of privacy occasionally and threatens to end their friendship because he doesn't want to be associated with a criminal, and Jongdae always assures him Baekhyun won't find out. Besides, he's just trying to look out for him. But then one day, mid-turn, he spots Baekhyun in a similar position of failed discretion, eyes trained on him.
The moment seems to stretch out unnecesarily long before they both swivel back abruptly. They make no mention of it later in the day when they're getting in the elevator to leave, pointedly changing the topic when it goes anywhere in the vicinity of privacy and concern.
**
Jongdae turns twenty-seven on the 21st of September, and though he marks it off as a year closer to thirty that doesn't need to be celebrated Baekhyun insists on commemorating the occasion and drags him out for an outing. He gives vague answers about where they're headed and Jongdae lets himself be dragged along, too tired to continue guessing and figuring they'll have to end up somewhere eventually anyway.
He should have learnt something about listening to Baekhyun's ideas because they end up in a station on Seoul subway line four, pushed around by the crowd and waiting with the rest of the evening rush hour for the next train.
"So…uh, you said we were celebrating?" Jongdae mumbles, tentatively broaching the topic, unsure of how to ask.
"Yup," Baekhyun peers into the darkness of the tracks, "Train should be arriving in a minute," He makes no effort to give any further explanation, moving closer to the doors as the screen above announces the train's arrival.
"Why train though?"
"I think trains have a certain…atmosphere to it. It's like…going on an adventure." Baekhyun says, and his face practically glows with excitement and anticipation.
There is the putrid smell of sweat and the hum of machinery operating non-stop. He hears a couple of girls gossiping about their coworker loudly on the bench behind him and a never-ending stream of people trickle into the already overcrowded station from the steps. Jongdae thinks he's just discovered he actually has claustrophobia that's been lying dormant for way too long.
A guy spits phlegm into the bin in a corner.
Adventure it is.
When the train pulls into the station Baekhyun tugs Jongdae closer to the doors, pressing against everybody else eager to get onto the train. It's a desperate rat race the moment the doors slide open, everyone surging forward at once to make it into the train. Jongdae is pushed forward by the people behind and prevented from moving forward by the people in front, his legs lost in a packed sea of shopping bags and jeans.
By the time the doors closed Jongdae finds himself awkwardly pinned into the corner with a big, bulky man sweating and breathing onto the top of his head. He thinks he can spot Baekhyun's arm amongst the throng of bodies and bags and suitcases if he squints hard enough, expertly balancing with his fingers curled around the handrail.
At every station more people squeeze in and somehow manage to fit themselves into the train, while a couple inch themselves out of the pack of bodies and sprint for the doors before they close. Jongdae almost gets pushed out onto the platform once or twice, and has to stick himself to the guy in front to avoid his shirt getting stuck to the doors.
There is a couple two bodies away demonstrating extremely uncomfortable PDA. Jongdae looks away.
He's getting too old for adventures.
Somewhere between Gwacheon and Icheon he loses track of the stations they've stopped at and lets the automated announcements trickle past his ears, barely aware of anything other than the fact that he is uncomfortably cornered on all sides by different people. All the chatter is blending into one indistinguishable mess.
He doesn't know where they are or how long they've been cramped into the suffocating space anymore when a hand clamps firmly around his wrist and Baekhyun's face comes into view, performing a series of impressive maneuvers only possible of a seasoned peak-hour train commuter to get to where he is. He pulls him out of the throng at the next station.
The station they alight at is a lot less crowded, and he squints at the panel overhead to make out the name, senses still fighting to register his surroundings and taking a couple of deep breaths to compensate for the lack of fresh air he'd had to endure.
After a short trek out of the station they end up at the bottom of the cable car at Namsan. Jongdae tears his gaze from the ticket booth- all closed except one- and checks his watch to make sure they're nowhere near closing time, because despite being on good terms with Baekhyun he really doesn't want to be stuck in a boys over flowers reenactment.
No, he needs to get that imagery out of his head.
Wednesday also means that there aren't many people queueing up to go on cable car rides at this time of night, and they secure tickets in front of a bored-looking employee sleepily taking orders.
The cable car is empty save for five other people, and as it ascends steadily they spend the ride staring at the city view, all harsh bright lights and marvelous architecture and indiscernible landmarks. Jongdae gapes despite himself- it's his first time at Namsan after the many years he's spent in Seoul; the kind of place you always include in a mental checklist of places to visit but never actually get to.
The copious number of locks hanging from the fences make up large steel and copper chunks, names scribbled on it in marker pen and some faded with age. From far they look like walls made of metal, thick and heavy and almost burdensome. They come upon a couple of peddlers selling locks in makeshift carts on the platform, an assortment of markers poking out of their pockets.
Seal your love with a special Namsan lock, a sign they're holding says. As we rip you off, Jongdae mentally adds.
But he can't deny that there's something about the sheer number of bold love declarations, unabashedly and unapologetically promising eternity, that feels oddly empowering. The way they're in temporary seclusion, high above everything else, the way everything is so calm, that makes it seem like some things don't matter as much anymore. Like boundaries are blurred and everything will work out. It's a lot easier to take the first step.
He's twenty-seven now. A year older, a year braver. He hopes.
"I have something to confess," with one last look at the lock-filled fences, he forces himself to turn to Baekhyun, who's admiring the scenery. There's no reply, so he continues, voice descending into a mumble, "I had the stupidest crush on you at first and I didn't know how to deal." There. It's all out in the open now. His grip on the railing tightens subconsciously.
Jongdae takes a few more deep breaths to calm himself down and chances a glance over his shoulder to make sure nobody's looking, tensed for Baekhyun's reply.
Baekhyun continues looking out into the distance, idly fingering the locks attached to the fence in front of them, his face slightly crinkled in concentration, slowly contemplating his words.
"I think I kinda knew deep down. Like, there were occasions…I always wondered. You were creepy at times. But I guess it's okay now." He musters a deep breath, chest puffing up suddenly to accomodate the large rush of air, "It's all in the past."
He says the last part more softly than the rest, like he's at peace with himself amidst the quiet serenity. It's almost sounds like acceptance, finally allowing something to sink in and finally acknowledging something you've been attempting to deny. It's oddly comforting though, feeling content with where you are in life.
Jongdae feels a small smile on his face, shoulders already a lot lighter. The lights aren't as glaring or intimidating anymore.
Baekhyun doesn't say anything else, just bends down to read a couple of locks, mouthing names softly to himself.
An extremely fancy lock with too many elaborated and flamboyant decorations on it stands out amidst the mess, mini pom poms glued crudely onto the side and glitter glue sealing the lock. He scoffs, squinting to read the messily scrawled name.
Byun Baekhyun ♥ Kim Jongdaee
He blinks.
EVARLASTING LUV. FOREVAR WIF YOU.
Baekhyun rubs at his eye. His mind whirs with this new information.
Jongdae glances down at him, finding his gaze fixated on one particularly embarrassingly showy lock.
Baekhyun tilts his head up slowly and gages the blank look on Jongdae's face. Jongdae sees the way Baekhyun looks unsurely to him, questioning, the barest hint of of accusatory threatening to bubble to the surface.
He's still grasping onto the embarrassing lock, hand unmoving even as he clears his throat and begins to say, "Uh, Jongdae? Did you- did you do this?"
That question doesn't make sense, but Jongdae squats, curious, his jeans uncomfortably tight as he forces himself to eye level with the lock. Baekhyun is flushing by now, stubbornly keeping a part of the message hidden with his palm before Jongdae pries his hand away, trying to get a better view.
The handwriting is huge but too messy of a scrawl to decipher immediately. Trying to make out the next word in limited light is struggle enough that the meaning of the previous ones are lost by the time he figures out the next few, and it isn't until he's done with everything and rereads them as a whole that it starts to sink in.
"WHAT. Of course I didn't. I don't even know wh-" the rest of his statement falters on the tip of his tongue when the memory of a distant conversation resurfaces from the murky depths of his mind.
"It just involves a lock, a pen, and a key I threw into the distance."
Chanyeol. Chanyeol and his stupid, stupid, magazine horoscope predictions.
He tells Baekhyun as much, words tumbling out of his mouth rapid-fire in a bid to clear his name as fast as possible.
"Is it possible to remove it then? I mean it's….cute and all…..I guess. But it's sort of, well," Baekhyun says, stumbling over a few of his words before trailing off.
"Extremely embarrassing." Jongae finishes for him and nods in agreement, "But I don't think you can go around ripping locks out over here."
Baekhyun looks down at the ground for a moment, before he seems to think of something and moves towards the nearest peddler, pointing at his pocket. He returns with a triumphant grin and a marker pen in hand.
He deftly scribbles out Chanyeol's exaggerated declarations of love, colouring out the words fully, and removes a few of the obnoxious decorations along the way. Every line but the first has been cleaned off by the time he stands up and dusts off his knees.
"I think you missed a line. The line with our names. And the heart." Jongdae says, peering over his shoulder and pointing at the black clumps on the lock.
"We can leave that," Baekhyun hums absently, capping the marker and returning it to the peddler. Jongdae doesn't react very quickly, the words lost somewhere between his malfunctioning brain cells and the tip of his tongue. Baekhyun looks everywhere but at him and fumbles for an explanation, "I meant, it would look out of place and redundant if the lock didn't have a name…every one has a name here and since it's gonna stay permanently…"
Ah, that makes sense. Jongdae nods in understanding and Baekhyun visibly relaxes.
The subway line is thankfully more quiet on the way back. They catch one of the last trains home and Baekhyun entertains Jongdae with urban legends of the train tracks that he doesn't necessarily appreciate.
"Sometimes people on the last train see a procession of people dressed in white on the tracks, carrying a-" Baekhyun excitedly says, even going so far as to helpfully point out areas on the map for the benefit of his comprehension. Jongdae's pretty sure the glares he shoots him and the way he turns away should be indication enough that he's not very interested, but Baekhyun doesn't seem particularly adept at reading signals.
He almost forgives Baekhyun for the train horrors, though, when he pulls out a joint birthday card from his three friends when they arrive home. He proudly declares as he hands over the card, "I was in charge of designing, basically drew everything in there. I really like the artsy side of things. I bet you didn't know but I interviewed for our magazine's artistic design department before I went for writing."
Jongdae gives the card a once over, "And they rejected you?"
"No, they said I was good but they were impressed with my app and I seemed to show even more talent in writing. Also because of manpower shortages." Baekhyun says, smiling fondly at his drawing.
"It's a good thing you ended up in writing." Jongdae says, opening the card.
"What do you mean?" Baekhyun asks, frowning slightly as his fingers graze the cover and linger lovingly on a crayon sketch of a cake.
"I meant they were right, you are very talented in writing, of course. And thanks, by the way."
**
By the December edition, acting married has become an easy camaraderie, palms and heads fitting easily in the crooks of backs and necks.
It's also December when Baekhyun gets a call from Zitao on their way home.
"You don't need to reply this," Zitao starts calmly, "because I'm calling just to inform you, but let's break up. There's no point anymore, this relationship is becoming a burden more than anything."
Jongdae wonders if he should turn to the side. This conversation seems too private for his ears. He risks a peek and is surprised to find that Baekhyun looks a lot calmer than he expects. In fact, he's the one who cuts the call first. For the next few minutes, Jongdae keeps silent, unsure of what to say to ease the atmosphere.
**
The new year is approaching, and while for others it means fresh starts, turning points, Jongdae just thinks there is too much snow on the road.
His morning starts out as horrible as usual. It's a rainy day and he'd just gotten splashed with dirty water on his way to work, all while skidding down the frost-filled road. Baekhyun's off to Japan to cover SNSD's concert in the Tokyo Dome. Their relationship is a lot more comfortable, but Baekhyun seems to thread the line between platonic and romantic love very delicately and Jongdae's been getting all kinds of mixed signals.
There is a new letter at the top of the pile. He's surprised, because ever since the biggest publishing mistake in the history of publishing mistakes the number of letters he'd gotten decreased at least two fold. He opens it anyway. His editor deadline is coming up.
Dear Auntie,
I have a massive problem. Not everybody can solve it but I figured you weren't just ann-ybody (hurhur)
Jongdae cringes at the writer's sense of humour before reading on.
I just realized I've been in denial about my affections for someone for a long time, and things haven't been going very well. We got married when I was still addressing him with honourifics, and at that time I thought he was the weirdest little- there is a word scribbled over repeatedly -anyway, it wasn't expected and I wanted out. But then we had to keep up the charade for the stupidest of purposes, and I was miserable. Even though I'd been the selfish asshole who asked for his help in the first place. Until I started enjoying our time together? Somehow. I guess that's what they call a blessing in disguise? A silver lining? I don't know. It's been maybe 3 months since I kind of realized, but I didn't have the balls to admit it, and I'm still not completely sure. But I want to give it a try. Anyway, his name's Jongdae, maybe you can help?
Love,
yours (god, please don't cringe, I really tried)
P.S. you don't need to reply this, just wanted to try and be ~romantic~ for once
1 | 2
Additional Author's Notes: i m genuinely sorry about how bad it turned out like i actually had hopes for this but somewhere along the way it ??? spiralled into the pits of disaster ft my efforts to cram an entire tv show into a short story
also im all kinds of horrible at romance and fluff and i tried very hard to stop my attempts at crack from veering into extremely obnoxious territory. i hope you didn't mind too much ;;
also i apologize that your request for dumb!chinguline became country bumpkin! chinguline
shoutout to r ily ty for all your ideas and ALL THE CONVOS i will treasure the screenshots 5ever
"You okay? I mean, I understand that it is extremely upsetting for you and I am very sorry."
His stomach is exploding and his heart rate seems to be plummeting and soaring simultaneously. After twenty six years of lacking in the luck department he finally gets the chance he's been waiting for, like his name has finally come up in the ballot, and it's the best thing that could ever happen but at the same time it feels so, so fragile. Jongdae blinks too many times to make sure the fact that Baekhyun is returning his affections after one miraculous night of being married is real.
Part of him had long grudgingly accepted that he would die old and lonely (credits to Kyungsoo). Getting married was impossible. And to top it all off, getting married to Baekhyun-
"No, I'm sorry, I really don't want to use you but Zitao says the paparazzi are catching on, we weren't very careful the last time and they got some photos. They may have more. It's not very clear, but if ever one day they prove it was me then this marriage can disprove it. I am really, genuinely sorry Jongdae but, could you, do this for me? I know its really unfair to you but his entire career is at stake and I may have said some things last night but I can't leave him, you know? I would really be grateful if you could just-"
He doesn't finish, can't find words that make it sound better. But he doesn't need to. Jongdae doesn't know what compels him to say yes, to agree to sustain a marriage that was an accident from the start. Maybe it's the excitement of finally having someone to be with, however fake it is, or maybe it's the fact that part of himself wants to live out this real life fantasy for however long he can, but he does.
**
The marriage isn't very smooth, and this is exactly what Jongdae tells Kyungsoo in the middle of penning a column for January.
"Well, duh. You actually sound like you were expecting it to be all happy marital bliss. What? Did you expect to comb each other's hair in the morning or something? You two are so different; like you're not polar opposites but you're different in every possible way. Honestly the only thing you have in common is stature," Kyungsoo snorts from stirring his mug of coffee.
"Well, you're one to say," Jongdae makes sure to eye Kyungsoo up and down while fighting the defensive edge out of his voice, fingers jamming into the keyboard with a little more force than usual.
"It's Seoul. It's the 21st century. I hate to spoil it for you but that kind of means loveless marriages don't end up very blissful," Kyungsoo takes a sip from the coffee and nods at a discarded newspaper.
The paparazzi somehow managed to catch on and had a field day spamming blurry photos in the media, of Baekhyun and Zitao on all kinds of escapades, from the sweet, courtship dates to the 19+, pixellated images stolen through half-closed curtains.
They're low-quality enough to hide his identity, but that doesn't stop anyone from trying to unearth it anyway.
Jongdae is browsing yet another article on naver when he chances on photos with dishevelled hair, collapsed forms and limbs tangled everywhere on a mess of sheets, taken by paparazzi stationed 24/7 outside Zitao's apartment. They'd been careless and the curtains weren't quite as closed, or as opaque, as they'd assumed. There are too many pixels on that one for it to be innocent.
The nation had been taken by storm, as usual, wondering about the secret relationship of the newest trend. Online witch hunts came about from devoted fangirls determined on hunting down this mysterious partner of their oppa.
The search had been narrowed down to a couple of people, of which Baekhyun narrowly escaped the quarter final of because of the way they'd tracked down everything about him (found out after hours of scrolling through comments). Including the marriage certificate.
Jongdae scrolls through naver's homepage again, peering around the corner to see if anyone might be coming. Even with the way they avoided a scandal everyone had been thrown off when news got out that they were married. The office is abuzz with rumours and whispers and the occasional congratulations.
There is nobody they can trust, not when the office is full of ears and eyes just lurking to listen. Baekhyun comes over and leans on the panel in front of his desk, aware of all the eyes subtlely peering over the edge of their computer screens and plastic files.
"Ready to go home?" Baekhyun smiles at him so easily and with so much affection that he almost forgets it's an act. Again.
"Yeah, of course," He links arms with Baekhyun and they walk, laughing and talking like every newlywed couple out there to the lift lobby. Halfway there, Baekhyun's phone starts ringing, but they ignore it, continuing the overly outward displays of affection until the lift door closes. Then Baekhyun whips his phone out and redials the missed call immediately.
"Hello? Zitao? Yeah, sorry about that, we were in public. I'm great. Jongdae's been helping us a lot," he turns to Jongdae and mouths a 'zitao says thank you'. Whatever Baekhyun does to him in public, he does the same to Zitao, with ten times the amount of affection.
Baekhyun is in the middle of making plans for a secret date when the lift doors slide open in the middle of his words. They both freeze as an entire horde of journalists and reporters from another floor stand outside, inquisitive and staring. They're not sure if they heard anything incriminating, or if they're just curious and unsure, but the looks on their faces are alarming.
Moments of distraction like this could spell the end of everything, and no matter how many close shaves they've had it doesn't take away any of the fear they feel every time it happens.
It takes them a bit too long to regain their wits, and Baekhyun switches gears immediately, politely saying, "Yes, we will meet to discuss the details of the contract, 7pm tomorrow." before he cuts the call, slipping his phone into his pocket. Everything happens too fast, and Jongdae doesn't know why he does it, but suddenly he wraps his arms around Baekhyun, keeping a relaxed but firm grip, and smiles at everyone, trying to look easygoing and surprised before gently squeezing through the crowd.
Somehow, and it feels like an eternity, they squeeze through the evening peak hour rush before the cool air conditioned air finally manages to hit them and they brisk-walk towards the exit. Zitao had called a month ago about this, giving lessons on how to keep calm and quell suspicion.
They flag a cab and ride back home in silence, the radio playing generic pop music from yet another undistinguishable idol group in the oversaturated industry. Some of the usual cheery mess about summer romances and sweet relationships. Yeah, it isn't supposed to be this hard.
**
Valentine's day is always an awkward day. Jongdae's spent the last few years sitting in his office with cup ramen because going out to eat would warrant running into eateries and restaurants full of couples feeling the need to be extra sweet and fluffy in public. It made him feel even more lonely.
So when Baekhyun comes round at dinnertime and asks him if he has anything to do for the rest of the day and whether he would like to go out for dinner he nearly leaps out of his seat and trips in his haste to get around the cubicle wall and say yes. It's the first time in twenty six years he has been out for a valentine's day dinner, and no matter how fake it is Jongdae feels eager to prove to the world that he's no longer alone.
They get off at the ground level and the first thing Jongdae sees is Kyungsoo and Chanyeol standing expectantly in the lobby and he almost runs back into the lift. The last thing he needs is for them to catch him looking like an overzealous preschooler going on a dinner date with Baekhyun, but then Baekhyun waves at them and heads over, and he realizes that he's not only going on a dinner date with Baekhyun, he's going on a dinner date with them.
He should have known some things were too good to be true.
Chanyeol looks so excited it's bordering on scary as he blabs on about restaurant names and movies that Jongdae isn't paying enough attention to understand.
He regrets not listening when they end up in a district in Gangnam, at a French restaurant whose menus none of them can read. Chanyeol had apparently gone and found flawless reviews about this place on some rich blogger's site and decided it would be a good idea to "experience the atmosphere."
"Cut the bullshit," Kyungsoo snaps, looking considerably less enthusiastic than he was an hour ago. He's eyeing the menu with suspicious eyes, probably sweeping through the foreign names in the hope of understanding something, anything. "How are we going to afford this? No, actually, how are we going to read this?"
Chanyeol is happily flipping through the pages, oohing and aahing at various photos of unidentifiable food items drenched in sauces of all colours, "You seriously lack brains. We'll split the bill! That's why there are four of us," he points to each of them slowly, numbering them off and effectively infuriating Kyungsoo even more, "That way we save money instead!"
"Yeah, genius, except that the only thing I can read are the prices and one dish -whatever this is- is equivalent to the amount I pay for an entire week of food. Now I don't want to burst your enormous bubble filled with hot air but. No."
Baekhyun shifts uncomfortably in the seat before forcing a laugh, "HAHAH, Kyungsoo, there's no need to be so serious, Chanyeol mentioned that the blog states there was both excellent customer service and amazing food! It'll be worth it, besides, it's a special day today."
Chanyeol nods happily, agreeing before doing an elaborated and exaggerated snap of his fingers to summon the waiter. When the guy comes, eyeing all of their clothes up and down, he just flips through the menu, jabbing his finger at pictures repeatedly. There is a flowery insert in the menu filled with french words and a photo of the Eiffel Tower in the background, and Chanyeol seems to get even more excited looking at it, pointing to a "package deal" of more foreign names and nodding multiple times.
When the waiter goes off to fill in the order, Kyungsoo drops the polite smile, "I hope you know what you ordered,"
Chanyeol shakes his head, smiling extremely wide for the sole purpose of irritating Kyungsoo, "Nope," he gestures around at the couples waiting for their food, "where's the excitement if you know what you're ordering? It's like going on an adventure, you never know what's going to arrive on your table later! If I wanted to know I would have just gone and ordered fried chicken one street away from the office. Where's your sense of adventure Kyungsoo? You've aged."
Their food arrives in record time, complete with silver platter and candles, and they're about to dig in when the slow beginning chords of the violin waft through the air. There is a singer belting out soulful opera, emotion-filled and dramatic.
Wait.
The violin-playing waiter and singer stop in front of their table, getting progressively louder and elaborate. Kyungsoo gives them an uneasy smile, signaling for them to move on as more and more pairs of eyes glance at their table.
The waiter pauses the playing to bend down, hand folded behind him, and announces something that sounds like a song title with an extremely pretentious french accent. On cue, the singer clutches her chest and starts a rendition of a ballad, voice rising into tremors and vibrations in a foreign language. Her hand reaches out to grasp at the air around Kyungsoo's head as her voice rises into a perfect rendition of a wail, and he ducks.
The waiter swoops the violin back out and starts the accompanying piece, immersed in his own playing as he sways along to the music. Then an entire band joins in, piano and cello and a lot of other instruments Jongdae doesn't know the names of. There are even a couple of back-up singers.
They're very loud. The entire restaurant is looking at them now.
"Uhm," Chanyeol waves a hand in front of the violin, "This is all very nice but, I can't eat with you here."
It's obvious the violinist hears the comment from the way he bristles slightly, but he continues his playing and swaying, gestures needlessly grand, determined to see his job to the end.
They have no choice but to wait the impossibly long song out, Chanyeol attempting to interrupt several times to no success. Just when they're about to embark on their second piece, he reaches his breaking point and bursts out, "Hey, hey, HEY. WE'RE JUST HERE FOR A LONER'S GATHERING SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE YOUR VIOLIN AND GE-"
He's interrupted by the waiter, who finally switches back to Korean, "Sir, you ordered our Valentine's Day Lovers In Paris package. We usually tailor it for couples, but we are open to all kinds of romantic celebrations, especially one as comfortable as yours. This is only part one of the experience. Please sit back, relax, and enjoy." He returns the bow to the strings and Chanyeol almost topples out of his chair.
"I ordered your what-"
"Part one? How many parts are there?" Kyungsoo cuts in, his face a deep shade of red, embarrassed and irritated at the same time.
"Ah, an impatient one. Very well then." The waiter snaps his fingers in a way reminiscent of Chanyeol earlier and suddenly a younger waiter appears from the side, carrying a platter masked with a shiny cover.
"Double date?" His huge knowing smile is both proud and touched as he sweeps up the cover, producing two roses from his back pocket and holding it out, glancing from one of them to the other. Baekhyun delicately plucks them both out of his hand and sets them off to the side with a hesitant smile.
He taps the waiter on the shoulder, "It seems there's a misunderstanding here. We're just frie-"
"SIR," The waiter starts, full of passion, and Jongdae chokes on his water, "THERE IS NO NEED TO BE SHY. WE PROVIDE ONLY THE BEST SERVICES TO ALL KINDS OF COUPLES. YOUR PASSION IS TRULY AN INSPIRATION AND WE WISH YOU A BEAUTIFUL, EVERLASTING LOVE." he proclaims, putting his clenched fist to his chest in what they assume is a determined pledge of support. He beckons to another two waitresses and they pull out two glasses of cocktail, a single straw artfully bended and branching into two.
"We usually only provide one glass, but ah, what a great love you have. Against all odds. You truly embody the spirit of Valentine's Day. We are proud to have witnessed it. The second one's on the house." He takes their slow, resigned nods as acknowledgment and excitedly pulls out a camera with a flourish, "A photo for remembrance? Ah, I am going to cry. Seeing people find their true love despite everything is so, so, beautiful," he dabs at his eye, and before they can object-
Flash.
The waiter develops four copies within record time and passes them out, still smiling and sniffling. Kyungsoo stiffly receives his photo and looks about to duck under the table to hide it out when the entire restaurant bursts into applause. The violin player insists on finishing all three pieces despite their joint claims of "It's really okay," and only finally retreats, still bowing, after a grand medley of Celine Dion's My Love Will Go On.
Chanyeol breathes a visible sign of relief the moment he disappears into a back room, convinced that the traumatic night is over as they uncover their plates. Except apparently it isn't when their food comes into view. Baekhyun actually squints trying to locate the food.
Jongdae blinks twice before he chances a glance up. Chanyeol is fighting a losing battle with the look of betrayal in his eyes, swallowing slowly as his eyes dart to Kyungsoo and back to the plate.
Kyungsoo is silent and unmoving, drilling holes calmly into the offensive plate on the table. It's scarier that way.
"Taste it."
"Huh?" Chanyeol still sounds afraid. Baekhyun reaches out to touch Kyungsoo's arm, "It's okay, It was an experience, hahaha," he lets out a hollow laugh, "What's life without surprises? Right Chanyeol? Jongdae?" they both nod, almost too quickly.
"It would be a great pity to miss out on a Lovers In Paris special meal after the excellent customer service and performance we just had the joy of witnessing. Taste it." Kyungsoo deadpans.
Chanyeol's fork is shaking when he retrieves the meat from the plate. He eats the whole thing and Kyungsoo just about explodes.
"Why did you finish it?"
"You told me to eat it!"
"I said taste it, now there's only the green paste…sauce thing left!"
By the end of the evening they have drunk enough water to last a lifetime (it's the only thing that's free-flow) and eaten enough to have energy to walk to the exit (Jongdae estimates they had about three tablespoons of actual food each). Chanyeol weakly raises a hand to call for the bill.
A waitress arrives right on time with the tab, and Chanyeol opens it, takes a look, and shoves it right at Baekhyun. Jongdae leans in when Baekhyun's eyes widen. The amount is his expenses on food for the past half a month.
"UH, any of you happen to have a credit card or anything we can use?" Chanyeol looks around the table. They stare at each other, the hopeful glimmer in their eyes slowly fizzling out when they realize the obvious answer.
After inquiring too hopefully about installment plans and "financial package deals", only to get an unamused reply from the waitress, Chanyeol drops the smile and frantically digs into his pockets to retrieve crumpled ten thousand won bills. He empties out every crevice of cloth and comes up with a little over a hundred dollars, and the rest of them dig around to make up the remainder. The tab is weighed down by a mound of wrinkled, messy bills and stacks of coins by the time they get enough, and Jongdae is sure they're about to be thrown out.
They have five dollars and twenty cents left between them by the time they exit the restaurant and they make a promise never to mention anything about the night ever again. Kyungsoo rips up his photo, but Jongdae glances at its new place in his wallet, behind a flimsy plastic cover, and decides to leave it.
"I can't believe I spent five hundred dollars for someone to grab at my head repeatedly. Five hundred dollars to have two roses brandished in my face and handed a drink to share with the biggest idiot on the planet. Did I seriously just blow my paycheck to HEAR SOME IDIOT GIVE A SPEECH ABOUT MY GLORIOUS, PASSIONATE, TOUCHING, BUT ALSO VERY NON-EXISTENT LOVE LIFE." Kyungsoo rages into the night and makes it a point to stand the furthest away from Chanyeol he can. Which unfortunately means Jongdae finds himself next to Baekhyun.
They're walking down the classiest district in Seoul looking like scraggly teenagers in their father's rumpled clothes and attracting disdainful stares from the perfectly coiffed and posed residents of Seoul's elite. They split up at the main road, heading separate ways with Kyungsoo stubbornly stalking ahead of Chanyeol, who waves a hurried goodbye. Then it's quiet, and they're just two people hurrying down the street with everyday Seoul residents, blending in with the crowd wrapped up in their own problems.
Jongdae's attempt at conversation doesn't go very well, "Today was actually my very first valentine's day dinner, can you imagine? Definitely unforgettable, I never thought it would go this way."
"Me too, I didn't think Valentine's day would go this way, either." Baekhyun's answer is so silent he needs to strain to hear it, but the hidden connotation behind it has him feeling even more uncomfortable.
"Hey, its okay, I'm sure we won't have to keep doing this," his heart feels hollow, numbing yet heavy at the same time, and Jongdae struggles to get the comforting words out, "Charades don't last forever. So…cheer up."
He manages a pat on the back, somehow.
"Yeah, thanks." Baekhyun smiles at him, and it is no affection or overwhelming emotion but Jongdae sees the genuine gratefulness as clear as day and decides that it is enough.
They end up walking home, small snippets of conversation between them. It's still a bit awkward, and Jongdae is alert and self-conscious all the time, censoring everything he says and passing it through a mental scanner before actually voicing it in fear of accidentally making a mistake.
But they get through it, asking slightly more personal questions and going beyond the usual small talk. He learns Baekhyun is afraid of nothing but flying insects, has to drink green tea at least once a day, and keeps track of the number of times he goes to the toilet. It's like a belated getting-to-know-you. It's comfortable.
**
In early March Zitao scores his very first lead role in a drama, and even amidst general public incredulity and disbelief at his acting abilities the drama breaks it big from the pilot and Jongdae can tell Baekhyun is happy. Every news site on the web does at least three articles on the unprecedented success of a drama from a foreign idol actor, and his name populates the top few search term rankings throughout the day.
Baekhyun spends days reading the comments on every news homepage, scrutinizing the number of upvotes and downvotes and occasionally replying to offensive comment threads.
"What do you mean his acting sucks?? It's his first time acting and he's holding his own beside all the seniors. You're hating just for the sake of it!!" Baekhyun furiously clicks reply and hits into his keyboard.
"Look at his emotional crying scene (link) before judging, he totally stole the show during the exchange with his brother. (link) DOES THAT LOOK STIFF?? NO. HE COULD PROBABLY WIN BEST NEW ACTOR."
Not that Jongdae's watching or anything. With one last glance in the vague direction of Baekhyun's computer screen, he continues his reply to a girl complaining about her friends' lack of respect for her privacy.
Baekhyun buys him and the rest coffee in the mornings and thanks people for the most trivial things, big grin in place, and even though Jongdae is surprised the first few times, as the days wear on it's become a routine.
"Now I want you to be happy more often," Kyungsoo comments wryly from his cubicle as he takes a sip from the cup Baekhyun sets down in front of him. Chanyeol is slurping his smoothie in the back noisily, staring intently at the horoscope readings.
"Baekhyun, you're a taurus aren't you? Lady Luck is not shining on you this month, and watch out for misunderstandings, especially in your personal life. Sounds bad."
Jongdae wants to cover Baekhyun's ears or gag Chanyeol's mouth.
"Well, it's what the stars say." Chanyeol says solemnly when Jongdae mouths "shut up" at him, before brightening, "The smoothie is great though, so on my side I'll hope your luck remains good."
Jongdae sees the way Baekhyun chuckles at the remark and wants desperately to say something to really show his appreciation rather than a measly thank you.
So when Baekhyun comes around with dinner Jongdae musters the courage to thank him back and congratulate Zitao, saying something like "You must be proud," before he notices that the smile on Baekhyun's face fades ever so slightly.
It's a definite sign that he may have overstepped the line, and he feels horrible when the next moment Baekhyun leaves the food quietly on his desk and apologizes quietly about being insensitive and having his head clouded with joy. He retreats without another word.
His explanation is stuck somewhere on his tongue. He swallows it.
On the twenty sixth of March dating rumours appear between Zitao and the female lead on his first ever drama role. The day every major news site splashes it across their headlines, competing for juiciest headlines and scandalous content Jongdae keeps an eye out for Baekhyun, worried but unsure of how much he's allowed to care.
Zitao hasn't called or anything, which can either mean they trust each other enough, or the rumours are truth. Baekhyun goes about everything as normal, looking only slightly unfocused at times, so despite himself Jongdae only hopes it's the former.
Chanyeol is rattling something about site maintenance to Baekhyun, though he doesn't look like he's taking any of it in, nodding listlessly and clicking away at useless links on the screen.
"They're just rumours, every drama has them and the proof is ridiculous, don't get too bothered okay?" Jongdae turns and reassures him when Chanyeol finishes.
Baekhyun gives him a small smile, looking up from the piles of files he's turned to and says with a shrug, "I won't let them bother me, I have faith in Zitao."
Jongdae's relieved to hear it, almost laughing at himself for ever thinking something like a rumour might shake their relationship. Baekhyun's typing out his reports just like any other day, nothing has changed and nothing will change.
"Baekhyun? I'll be borrowing a stapler from your desk," Jongdae screams across the office towards the photocopying room later that day. He does it every other day and by now asking is just going through the motions and waiting for Baekhyun to agree.
There is a grunt of approval and Jongdae settles into his seat to open the drawers.
He digs around the mess of stationery piled into them, overflowing from their original storage places, before a bundle flops down from the space between the drawer and the frame. They're a bunch of gossip magazines and daily newspapers with sections dedicated to the scandal, rolled up and rumpled to fit into the space. A stray glance up at his screen shows a tab with the headline hidden amongst the rest.
It's only then that Jongdae lets the harsh headlines sink in, let the words make sense and the photos etch themselves into his memory.
It's only then that he realizes the lie.
He's shocked, but quickly stuffs them back and hurriedly sifts through the drawer when Baekhyun exits the pantry, grabbing the stapler and holding it up to show that he's borrowing it. He hopes his smile looks natural enough to hide the mild worry building in the pit of his stomach.
Being in the know is more painful than staying oblivious but curious, he soon finds out, because it becomes so much easier to see what a smile is hiding and how every action desperately hides some form of worry and unease, and so much more difficult to ignore it.
By the time he arrives in the office the next morning Baekhyun is already crouched over his computer screen, typing steadily into a word document and immersing himself in reference files.
He shuffles over and pushes one of the mugs he's holding at Baekhyun, who looks up slightly surprised.
"Have some cereal," is all he manages to come up with when Baekhyun eyes the cup quizzically, before mentally slapping himself because how much more uncool can he sound?
"You really didn't need to spend-" Baekhyun starts sounding apologetic, and Jongdae leaps to shush him.
"It's from the pantry. Secret stash." It's not something he wants to let out, because it makes him feel stingy, but if it means Baekhyun will accept his gesture Jongdae will play the part of noble idiot. He also reminds himself that it's perfectly alright because the pantry has brilliant instant cereal. Bonus points for being free.
"Oh," Baekhyun takes the cup and stares at Jongdae, waiting for him to continue. Jongdae shifts from one foot to the other, cursing himself for not planning further and deliberating his words on how to go about it without sounding nosy and obnoxious.
He decides to just come out with it.
"I was just thinking…if you, uh, need to talk, I'm here. Not that I'm saying you have a lot of hidden tears you need to let out or that it's problematic…or anything, just, if you need to talk, I'm here. You know, just in case. You're not alone- that's what I mean. Although of course you-"
Baekhyun cuts him off with a pat, "I understand, thanks." He takes a sip of the cereal as form of acknowledgement.
Surprisingly, Baekhyun takes him up on his offer to share, if not because he's the only listening ear. He confesses his worries over convenience store ramen and midnights in the office rushing for deadlines. Sometimes, in the midst of formulating a headline about a celebrity's relationship (that is frankly none of their business), something about the article hits too close to home, triggers something intensely personal in Baekhyun.
He confesses his worries and how he really wants to hang on for what the future can possibly be, but it's hard to have blind faith in something so completely out of your control.
Other times he admits to being insecure, to having been selfish and wanting to date openly, to just hope things can turn out fine because all he wants to feel is happy. He pours it all out when the office is dim, darkness surrounding them except for the light off their computer screens. Most of the time Jongdae can't see his face clearly, but Baekhyun's voice is enough to make the air fragile and melancholic and too much to bear.
Jongdae can't give any actual helpful advice, just nod and hope Baekhyun knows that he has a friend in him.
**
Something seems to change in June. They're not near lovers yet, but somehow it feels like they've transcended from awkward couple to something of friends. Sometimes they forget they're binded by marriage and Baekhyun seems to genuinely enjoy their time together, until the moment when the laughter recedes and reality lets itself back in, along with a long, dragged out moment of silence.
Most of the time though, Baekhyun is a lot less rigid, and a lot more stupid, but Jongdae likes that the atmosphere is casual, and Baekhyun's being more of an idiot around him. It's like he's elevated to Chanyeol status.
They've just done their routine raid on the nearest 7-eleven, bags filled with every flavour of cup ramen ("more variety") and even a selection of cup porridge. There are a few cartons of milk and Jongdae grabs the requisite cans of tuna and luncheon meat on his way out. They're all set for the month, grocery shopping complete in under 5 minutes. This is the way they pride themselves on being efficient independent men.
This is also how they end up bonding, eating food full of cholesterol with the tv playing in the background, cooped up in a humid, unbearably warm room.
**
July gives Seoul one of the hottest summers it's ever had, and Jongdae is content to laze around the air-conditioned office, ordering mcdelivery and waiting til the night air is cool before leaving. Then stupid Oh Sehun comes round and shatters his dream of a beautiful summer lifestyle.
"You know, I think the deputy director has some beef with you, because we just got the juiciest tip off ever but its extra dangerous and I got a direct order to send you." He stops at Baekhyun's desk and announces.
Baekhyun looks up from his screen slowly, glancing back to give it a once over before saving the piece, "Oh yeah, haha, kinda got those I-will-remember-you-for-a-lifetime vibes from deputy director Kim the last time I was there."
There is a long pause. "You're looking oddly relaxed about all of this," Sehun looks perplexed, narrowing his eyes in suspicion, "Shouldn't you be panicking by now? It's DEPUTY. DIRECTOR. KIM." he adds in, emphasising every syllable so much his face contorts into a ridiculous expression.
"I. HEARD. YOU. THE. FIRST. TIME." Baekhyun chuckles as he strings him along. He leans in and lowers his voice in mock seriousness, but Jongdae's close enough to hear when he says, "Decided to adopt a whatever attitude." and bursts out laughing.
"Are you high? I think you are. But whatever, you've already agreed so you can't go back on it. Bring back an exclusive or something. And redeem yourself. I'll email you the rest because explaining is a bother, but you can bring a partner or something if you want. It's a scary world out there." He's about to turn back down the hall, but halts suddenly in his tracks.
"You, " Sehun turns to Jongdae before he can look away and pretend he wasn't eavesdropping, "go with him, you still owe me from the time you got both our asses in trouble. Besides, bonding time and all," Sehun wiggles his eyebrows and stalks off.
So by eight pm Jongdae is at Garosugil, furtively hiding in an inconspicuous van with tinted windows and an exterior full of scraps, wearing a dusty black cap and glasses. He's squinting through the windows (everything just looks dark) for the subjects of the tip-off, double checking with the reference photos Sehun had thrown at him with an exaggerated sigh. Baekhyun slips out for the essential mission of securing fast food and coffee for the stakeout.
Five minutes later he returns with brown paper bags, oil from fries and pies greasing through the material and smelling absolutely heavenly, but the aroma of food is of no importance when the dry summer air is wafting through the open door.
"Close the door, THE COLD AIR'S ESCAPING," Jongdae screeches, and Baekhyun chucks the bag at his head, hissing "This is supposed to be a covet operation!" through pursed lips. He leans into the interior of the van and lowers his voice to a whisper, "I think it would be better to get off, we can hardly see anything in here and it'll be a lot easier if we were walking around like everybody else," he glances back to the street and looks both ways in quick succession, "since, you know, we're going for subtlety."
"Sure, real subtle, apart from this," Jongdae hoists the huge DSLRs from the back of the van, lenses jutting out, struggling to balance both, "any ideas, genius?"
He regrets asking because apparently Baekhyun does have ideas that involve them acting like tourists from the countryside and snapping photos of basically everything. They remove one of the lenses so it doesn't become painfully obvious what they're here for, tucking the reference photos into a bag and grabbing their oily food.
Five minutes later they leave the comfort of the van, and Jongdae cringes at Baekhyun's attempt at a loud Jeonju accent before joining in equally loud. They make awed comments at everything, marveling at how this totally doesn't exist in the countryside, from the lights used in the storefronts to the themed cafes everywhere. They get photos of the creaky chinese takeout signboard and the wilting trees lining the walkway. There are multiple unfocused shots of people performing on the streets and browsing around.
"Jongin is going to kill us for chugging up his memory space like this. How much do we even have left?" Jongdae squints at the hordes of people passing by, too many faces to place and too much chatter to hear.
"It's this, or nothing. Besides, I'll bet you anything Jongin is a lot easier to deal with than Sehun," Baekhyun raises a brow and continues snapping multiple photos, throwing long glances down the entire avenue.
Jongdae composes a mental image of Sehun's face and shudders, realizing that Baekhyun is most probably right. He musters his strength to continue keeping the DSLR up and maintaining an impressed expression at everything surrounding him.
There is no sign of the couple, and by then they've already drained the last of their coffee. Baekhyun vaguely wonders aloud if the entire tip off is fake and Kim Minseok is just really out to get them, which is a frightening possibility because Jongdae hasn't thought of it. The summer heat is already getting to him, and his t-shirt is sticking to his back, the sweat accumulating by the second.
"I kind of wonder right now if this was what the paparazzi had to go through when they were after Zitao and I." Baekhyun comments in passing, fiddling with the knob at the top of the camera for exposure settings. Jongdae looks over, alarmed and trying to process his expression, but there is no awkwardness, just a nose scrunched up in distaste at their surroundings.
He hadn't expected Baekhyun to bring it up himself, or to be comfortable enough to voice that sort of casual thought. It's surprisingly comforting and almost enough to make him momentarily forget the reason he's there.
Except that they run right into the couple they're supposed to look out for, disguised in masks and caps and no-makeup faces. Nobody's paying attention, partly because everybody is caught up in everything the place has to offer and partly because everybody down the street is wearing a cap of some sort. Another fad or something.
"Are you sure that's them? The features and details kind of match up but I can't be sure," Jongdae tries to squint subtly at the targets.
"Keep walking," Baekhyun grits out while pretending to marvel at the signboard for a bbq restaurant. He has been on a number of such outings and, it's funny, really, because it's made him realize that famous people are everywhere if you're looking.
He'd used to think they were inaccessible and hard to find, like they were faraway beings that existed in a separate world, but maybe it was because he hadn't been trying.
They walk past the targets, casually glancing around and careful not to let their gaze linger, continuing for a few store fronts before darting in and back out the other direction. It's like the spy flick Jongdae remembers watching a while ago, only it seems a lot less cool and a lot more suicidal. They start to brisk walk after the two, hiding behind people or their coffee cups and hoping the DSLR isn't that conspicuous.
By nine they have followed them to a quiet restaurant with the quiet, fancy, too-many-candles ambience famous people seem to especially like. It's on the second floor of a glass building that sticks out like an iphone in a sea of flip phones (aka no entry to flip phone Jongdae and Baekhyun), but there is a restaurant perched conveniently across the narrow street that's advertising a 2-for-1 dinner deal, so they head up the narrow staircase.
The place is, unfortunately, full of people with the same mindset, and the waitress points them to a table near the kitchen.
"Hi, yeah, would it be possible to give us a table by the window?" Baekhyun pleads, and tries his luck by flashing the hopeful puppy smile. Jongdae fights to keep his already-racing heart calm.
The waitress turns towards the row of tables along the windows, all fully taken, and sighs in exasperation, "Sir, as you can probably tell-"
"We're tourists," Baekhyun emphasises the Jeonju accent, "Want to experience Seoul y'know. Big City. Wah." He swings his camera upwards loosely for extra measure, "Experience the atmosphere."
"But you can see all the tables are-"
"I took a bus all the way up here just to see what Seoul looks like. What do you mean I can't sit at the window."
"I mean the seat is taken." The waitress gives him a pointed look and is about to hurry towards another customer when Baekhyun stops her by the arm. He resorts to pleading for the spot, desperate and refusing to let go.
The waitress eventually relents and nods quickly, promising to see what she can do, if only to get him off her back. So the moment a table frees up they are cramped into the corner seat, cameras lined up against the window frame and shaved ice dessert melting on the table.
It's a nearly perfect vantage point, if Jongdae is honest, because the distance masks any sound of the shutter and the angle gives them an impossibly clear view. All he has to do is sit back and happily prod the button when anything particularly scandalous happens, like when the appetizer arrives and he sees them reach over to cut up each other's pudding. Nearly perfect, because there is nowhere for them to hide either.
Jongdae is thankful for the ambience in that restaurant because all throughout their eight course the couple are engrossed in each other, never once looking out the window. He has over two hundred photos by the time they call for the tab, and is proudly adjusting the zoom button, crouching to peer through the lense at eye level when he sees them look up leisurely, admiring the view before line of vision reaches the camera. A part of Jongdae tries to convince himself that something else may have caught their attention, but the woman points, eyes widened in alarm at their cameras resting on the ledge, and her arm reaches over to frantically pat her boyfriend.
Jongdae sees through wide eyes the man start to get up, pulling out his phone and gesturing for her to leave. Probably calling his manager. Maybe his agency. Hopefully not his lawyer.
"I think they saw us," Jongdae whispers, his breath hitching and the camera feeling heavy and dangerous in his grip. He feels like a drug dealer who's just got spotted by the cops, except he can't flush the ridiculously huge camera down the toilet without the possibility of either having to pay for damages to the sewage system, or ending up on Kim Minseok's eternal shit list.
He's not sure which one is scarier, to be honest.
"Yeah they did," Baekhyun sounds as tense as his heart currently feels and it does nothing to help him calm down, "Crap crap crap."
"Hey, Baekhyun," Jongdae voices feebly, "Do you know what happens to people pressed with stalking charges? Will we be allowed bail? Should I call Kyungsoo? He'll kill me for making him come down now though. What do we do?" His knees are weak and his limbs are uncoordinated and the future looks incredibly bleak.
Jongdae decides he's not cut out for living on the edge and he is very much content with his lot in life, scribing letters under a pen name forever. There is a couple two tables away eyeing them dubiously, and Jongdae sends them a weak smile and nod.
Baekhyun is gathering his belongings and mass-gulping the remainder of his latte. "Haven't you seen enough movies? They always do the same thing!!" he chokes in his panic, picking up the DSLR from it's corner on the table.
(Jongdae passes him a serviette and realizes Baekhyun isn't as experienced as he thought.)
And they scramble off their seats, pissing off service staff and attracting stares as they take off, cameras bumping hard against their chests and legs burning from exhaustion. Somewhere along the way the adrenaline rush pushes fear to the back of their minds, panic twisting into a happy, carefree enjoyment, and suddenly they're laughing and choking like kids while weaving through the dinner crowd.
"God, I feel so juvenile, like I'm in high school all over again." Baekhyun gasps out, clutching his cap. They've just turned another corner into a street full of eateries and people milling about. Jongdae pulls Baekhyun into the closest one.
It's midnight and they're in a cutesy cafe full of employees judging the hell out of them with their sweaters pulled to their noses. Baekhyun orders a pancake in the shape of Hello Kitty and Jongdae mistakenly orders an entire pizza with sprinkles.
He feels sweaty and sticky and overall disgusting, his hair plastered to his head and palms still clammy despite the air condition. They're hiding it out for now, in case they're ambushed by cops with an arrest warrant for stalking the moment they exit the shop.
They're, unfortunately, running out of options, as employees start pulling down shutters and cleaning out the glass displays and more people start to leave. A sign nearby informs them that there's half an hour more before they'll be chased out.
"I think…well I hope, it's safe now, and besides, in case they do find us," Baekhyun says, peering over the edge of his sweater before brandishing an autograph book like a secret weapon, "My last resort was to say I was a fan and just wanted a sign."
"That's worse, they're gonna think we're sasaengs." Jongdae hisses before reaching over and stuffing the book back into the bag. His eyes dart back and forth from one corner of the street to the other. The coast is clear and they manage to make it to the van in one piece.
They spend a day sifting through useless shots before gathering the best and putting together a report. It's published near midnight on Friday, but the click rates skyrocket through the roof and at one point their website jams, comments entered way into early morning. Every other news site scrambles to get as much of the story they can, trying to dig up something previously uncovered or getting better photos through diehard camp-outs outside the apartments of the stars, but Awoo News retains bragging rights among the industry for being the first to release the most sensational dating scandal since Won Bin and Lee Na Young.
Jongdae refreshes the page for the ninety-second time and admires the KJD and BBH attached to the top of it, and Kyungsoo gives him a card (lecture paper) scribbled with "Congratulations, you won Dispatch." on his way to the pantry. It's a good day, he decides, as he reclines in his chair and takes a slurp of his top grade beef-flavoured ramen. Kim Minseok seems satisfied enough with the work because a few days later Jongdae's pay is finally back to normal. It's a good life.
**
Somewhere along the way, Jongdae starts looking out for Baekhyun, throwing glances over his shoulder or glancing at his computer, to make sure he isn't scouting out some other Zitao-related headline.
Kyungsoo still calls it a gross invasion of privacy occasionally and threatens to end their friendship because he doesn't want to be associated with a criminal, and Jongdae always assures him Baekhyun won't find out. Besides, he's just trying to look out for him. But then one day, mid-turn, he spots Baekhyun in a similar position of failed discretion, eyes trained on him.
The moment seems to stretch out unnecesarily long before they both swivel back abruptly. They make no mention of it later in the day when they're getting in the elevator to leave, pointedly changing the topic when it goes anywhere in the vicinity of privacy and concern.
**
Jongdae turns twenty-seven on the 21st of September, and though he marks it off as a year closer to thirty that doesn't need to be celebrated Baekhyun insists on commemorating the occasion and drags him out for an outing. He gives vague answers about where they're headed and Jongdae lets himself be dragged along, too tired to continue guessing and figuring they'll have to end up somewhere eventually anyway.
He should have learnt something about listening to Baekhyun's ideas because they end up in a station on Seoul subway line four, pushed around by the crowd and waiting with the rest of the evening rush hour for the next train.
"So…uh, you said we were celebrating?" Jongdae mumbles, tentatively broaching the topic, unsure of how to ask.
"Yup," Baekhyun peers into the darkness of the tracks, "Train should be arriving in a minute," He makes no effort to give any further explanation, moving closer to the doors as the screen above announces the train's arrival.
"Why train though?"
"I think trains have a certain…atmosphere to it. It's like…going on an adventure." Baekhyun says, and his face practically glows with excitement and anticipation.
There is the putrid smell of sweat and the hum of machinery operating non-stop. He hears a couple of girls gossiping about their coworker loudly on the bench behind him and a never-ending stream of people trickle into the already overcrowded station from the steps. Jongdae thinks he's just discovered he actually has claustrophobia that's been lying dormant for way too long.
A guy spits phlegm into the bin in a corner.
Adventure it is.
When the train pulls into the station Baekhyun tugs Jongdae closer to the doors, pressing against everybody else eager to get onto the train. It's a desperate rat race the moment the doors slide open, everyone surging forward at once to make it into the train. Jongdae is pushed forward by the people behind and prevented from moving forward by the people in front, his legs lost in a packed sea of shopping bags and jeans.
By the time the doors closed Jongdae finds himself awkwardly pinned into the corner with a big, bulky man sweating and breathing onto the top of his head. He thinks he can spot Baekhyun's arm amongst the throng of bodies and bags and suitcases if he squints hard enough, expertly balancing with his fingers curled around the handrail.
At every station more people squeeze in and somehow manage to fit themselves into the train, while a couple inch themselves out of the pack of bodies and sprint for the doors before they close. Jongdae almost gets pushed out onto the platform once or twice, and has to stick himself to the guy in front to avoid his shirt getting stuck to the doors.
There is a couple two bodies away demonstrating extremely uncomfortable PDA. Jongdae looks away.
He's getting too old for adventures.
Somewhere between Gwacheon and Icheon he loses track of the stations they've stopped at and lets the automated announcements trickle past his ears, barely aware of anything other than the fact that he is uncomfortably cornered on all sides by different people. All the chatter is blending into one indistinguishable mess.
He doesn't know where they are or how long they've been cramped into the suffocating space anymore when a hand clamps firmly around his wrist and Baekhyun's face comes into view, performing a series of impressive maneuvers only possible of a seasoned peak-hour train commuter to get to where he is. He pulls him out of the throng at the next station.
The station they alight at is a lot less crowded, and he squints at the panel overhead to make out the name, senses still fighting to register his surroundings and taking a couple of deep breaths to compensate for the lack of fresh air he'd had to endure.
After a short trek out of the station they end up at the bottom of the cable car at Namsan. Jongdae tears his gaze from the ticket booth- all closed except one- and checks his watch to make sure they're nowhere near closing time, because despite being on good terms with Baekhyun he really doesn't want to be stuck in a boys over flowers reenactment.
No, he needs to get that imagery out of his head.
Wednesday also means that there aren't many people queueing up to go on cable car rides at this time of night, and they secure tickets in front of a bored-looking employee sleepily taking orders.
The cable car is empty save for five other people, and as it ascends steadily they spend the ride staring at the city view, all harsh bright lights and marvelous architecture and indiscernible landmarks. Jongdae gapes despite himself- it's his first time at Namsan after the many years he's spent in Seoul; the kind of place you always include in a mental checklist of places to visit but never actually get to.
The copious number of locks hanging from the fences make up large steel and copper chunks, names scribbled on it in marker pen and some faded with age. From far they look like walls made of metal, thick and heavy and almost burdensome. They come upon a couple of peddlers selling locks in makeshift carts on the platform, an assortment of markers poking out of their pockets.
Seal your love with a special Namsan lock, a sign they're holding says. As we rip you off, Jongdae mentally adds.
But he can't deny that there's something about the sheer number of bold love declarations, unabashedly and unapologetically promising eternity, that feels oddly empowering. The way they're in temporary seclusion, high above everything else, the way everything is so calm, that makes it seem like some things don't matter as much anymore. Like boundaries are blurred and everything will work out. It's a lot easier to take the first step.
He's twenty-seven now. A year older, a year braver. He hopes.
"I have something to confess," with one last look at the lock-filled fences, he forces himself to turn to Baekhyun, who's admiring the scenery. There's no reply, so he continues, voice descending into a mumble, "I had the stupidest crush on you at first and I didn't know how to deal." There. It's all out in the open now. His grip on the railing tightens subconsciously.
Jongdae takes a few more deep breaths to calm himself down and chances a glance over his shoulder to make sure nobody's looking, tensed for Baekhyun's reply.
Baekhyun continues looking out into the distance, idly fingering the locks attached to the fence in front of them, his face slightly crinkled in concentration, slowly contemplating his words.
"I think I kinda knew deep down. Like, there were occasions…I always wondered. You were creepy at times. But I guess it's okay now." He musters a deep breath, chest puffing up suddenly to accomodate the large rush of air, "It's all in the past."
He says the last part more softly than the rest, like he's at peace with himself amidst the quiet serenity. It's almost sounds like acceptance, finally allowing something to sink in and finally acknowledging something you've been attempting to deny. It's oddly comforting though, feeling content with where you are in life.
Jongdae feels a small smile on his face, shoulders already a lot lighter. The lights aren't as glaring or intimidating anymore.
Baekhyun doesn't say anything else, just bends down to read a couple of locks, mouthing names softly to himself.
An extremely fancy lock with too many elaborated and flamboyant decorations on it stands out amidst the mess, mini pom poms glued crudely onto the side and glitter glue sealing the lock. He scoffs, squinting to read the messily scrawled name.
Byun Baekhyun ♥ Kim Jongdaee
He blinks.
EVARLASTING LUV. FOREVAR WIF YOU.
Baekhyun rubs at his eye. His mind whirs with this new information.
Jongdae glances down at him, finding his gaze fixated on one particularly embarrassingly showy lock.
Baekhyun tilts his head up slowly and gages the blank look on Jongdae's face. Jongdae sees the way Baekhyun looks unsurely to him, questioning, the barest hint of of accusatory threatening to bubble to the surface.
He's still grasping onto the embarrassing lock, hand unmoving even as he clears his throat and begins to say, "Uh, Jongdae? Did you- did you do this?"
That question doesn't make sense, but Jongdae squats, curious, his jeans uncomfortably tight as he forces himself to eye level with the lock. Baekhyun is flushing by now, stubbornly keeping a part of the message hidden with his palm before Jongdae pries his hand away, trying to get a better view.
The handwriting is huge but too messy of a scrawl to decipher immediately. Trying to make out the next word in limited light is struggle enough that the meaning of the previous ones are lost by the time he figures out the next few, and it isn't until he's done with everything and rereads them as a whole that it starts to sink in.
"WHAT. Of course I didn't. I don't even know wh-" the rest of his statement falters on the tip of his tongue when the memory of a distant conversation resurfaces from the murky depths of his mind.
"It just involves a lock, a pen, and a key I threw into the distance."
Chanyeol. Chanyeol and his stupid, stupid, magazine horoscope predictions.
He tells Baekhyun as much, words tumbling out of his mouth rapid-fire in a bid to clear his name as fast as possible.
"Is it possible to remove it then? I mean it's….cute and all…..I guess. But it's sort of, well," Baekhyun says, stumbling over a few of his words before trailing off.
"Extremely embarrassing." Jongae finishes for him and nods in agreement, "But I don't think you can go around ripping locks out over here."
Baekhyun looks down at the ground for a moment, before he seems to think of something and moves towards the nearest peddler, pointing at his pocket. He returns with a triumphant grin and a marker pen in hand.
He deftly scribbles out Chanyeol's exaggerated declarations of love, colouring out the words fully, and removes a few of the obnoxious decorations along the way. Every line but the first has been cleaned off by the time he stands up and dusts off his knees.
"I think you missed a line. The line with our names. And the heart." Jongdae says, peering over his shoulder and pointing at the black clumps on the lock.
"We can leave that," Baekhyun hums absently, capping the marker and returning it to the peddler. Jongdae doesn't react very quickly, the words lost somewhere between his malfunctioning brain cells and the tip of his tongue. Baekhyun looks everywhere but at him and fumbles for an explanation, "I meant, it would look out of place and redundant if the lock didn't have a name…every one has a name here and since it's gonna stay permanently…"
Ah, that makes sense. Jongdae nods in understanding and Baekhyun visibly relaxes.
The subway line is thankfully more quiet on the way back. They catch one of the last trains home and Baekhyun entertains Jongdae with urban legends of the train tracks that he doesn't necessarily appreciate.
"Sometimes people on the last train see a procession of people dressed in white on the tracks, carrying a-" Baekhyun excitedly says, even going so far as to helpfully point out areas on the map for the benefit of his comprehension. Jongdae's pretty sure the glares he shoots him and the way he turns away should be indication enough that he's not very interested, but Baekhyun doesn't seem particularly adept at reading signals.
He almost forgives Baekhyun for the train horrors, though, when he pulls out a joint birthday card from his three friends when they arrive home. He proudly declares as he hands over the card, "I was in charge of designing, basically drew everything in there. I really like the artsy side of things. I bet you didn't know but I interviewed for our magazine's artistic design department before I went for writing."
Jongdae gives the card a once over, "And they rejected you?"
"No, they said I was good but they were impressed with my app and I seemed to show even more talent in writing. Also because of manpower shortages." Baekhyun says, smiling fondly at his drawing.
"It's a good thing you ended up in writing." Jongdae says, opening the card.
"What do you mean?" Baekhyun asks, frowning slightly as his fingers graze the cover and linger lovingly on a crayon sketch of a cake.
"I meant they were right, you are very talented in writing, of course. And thanks, by the way."
**
By the December edition, acting married has become an easy camaraderie, palms and heads fitting easily in the crooks of backs and necks.
It's also December when Baekhyun gets a call from Zitao on their way home.
"You don't need to reply this," Zitao starts calmly, "because I'm calling just to inform you, but let's break up. There's no point anymore, this relationship is becoming a burden more than anything."
Jongdae wonders if he should turn to the side. This conversation seems too private for his ears. He risks a peek and is surprised to find that Baekhyun looks a lot calmer than he expects. In fact, he's the one who cuts the call first. For the next few minutes, Jongdae keeps silent, unsure of what to say to ease the atmosphere.
**
The new year is approaching, and while for others it means fresh starts, turning points, Jongdae just thinks there is too much snow on the road.
His morning starts out as horrible as usual. It's a rainy day and he'd just gotten splashed with dirty water on his way to work, all while skidding down the frost-filled road. Baekhyun's off to Japan to cover SNSD's concert in the Tokyo Dome. Their relationship is a lot more comfortable, but Baekhyun seems to thread the line between platonic and romantic love very delicately and Jongdae's been getting all kinds of mixed signals.
There is a new letter at the top of the pile. He's surprised, because ever since the biggest publishing mistake in the history of publishing mistakes the number of letters he'd gotten decreased at least two fold. He opens it anyway. His editor deadline is coming up.
Dear Auntie,
I have a massive problem. Not everybody can solve it but I figured you weren't just ann-ybody (hurhur)
Jongdae cringes at the writer's sense of humour before reading on.
I just realized I've been in denial about my affections for someone for a long time, and things haven't been going very well. We got married when I was still addressing him with honourifics, and at that time I thought he was the weirdest little- there is a word scribbled over repeatedly -anyway, it wasn't expected and I wanted out. But then we had to keep up the charade for the stupidest of purposes, and I was miserable. Even though I'd been the selfish asshole who asked for his help in the first place. Until I started enjoying our time together? Somehow. I guess that's what they call a blessing in disguise? A silver lining? I don't know. It's been maybe 3 months since I kind of realized, but I didn't have the balls to admit it, and I'm still not completely sure. But I want to give it a try. Anyway, his name's Jongdae, maybe you can help?
Love,
yours (god, please don't cringe, I really tried)
P.S. you don't need to reply this, just wanted to try and be ~romantic~ for once
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Additional Author's Notes: i m genuinely sorry about how bad it turned out like i actually had hopes for this but somewhere along the way it ??? spiralled into the pits of disaster ft my efforts to cram an entire tv show into a short story
also im all kinds of horrible at romance and fluff and i tried very hard to stop my attempts at crack from veering into extremely obnoxious territory. i hope you didn't mind too much ;;
also i apologize that your request for dumb!chinguline became country bumpkin! chinguline
shoutout to r ily ty for all your ideas and ALL THE CONVOS i will treasure the screenshots 5ever