The Tide, It Ebbed
Recently, my collection of old CDs resurfaced. Stuffed into bags inside bags, i felt a childish elation as i pulled it out and flipped through them. Fiona Apple, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Daydream Cycle, Madonna, Blur, Neil Young . But what excited me the most were the compilation CDs, given to me by friends and past lovers, filled with the soundtrack of my college days.
I popped one in, and instantly recognized Smokey and Miho, Sebastian Telier, Lali Puna, The Jesus and Mary Chain. Some of my closest friends were in there, witnesses to my darkest days, and some of my most innocent, hopeful moments.
It's amazing how music can just wash over you and pull you under. It engulfs you and suddenly it's 2005 and you're wearing knee high socks. or 2002 and the first day of school. or 2006 and you're hearing the man you loved say he doesn't believe what you're feeling is real.
And so for a good 45 minutes I allowed it all to crash all around me. I relived heartbreaks and crazy adventures and drunken confessions. I felt them all. I had a stupid smile pasted on my face at the memory. Man. College was fun.
But eventually the music stopped. I tucked the cd back safely into its little sleeve. And along with it went all those memories, folding over each other like a worn out letter that's been read a million times. These things used to make me hurt, cry, cringe. But as i packed my old things up and prepared to walk out and into the arms of new days, i felt thankful for every single feeling, every single mistake. Nothing would be as beautiful as it is today if it weren't for all of those seemingly stupid things.
I can't redo anything, or undo my mistakes. But now, everytime i pop one of those cds in, i can at least see [hear], just how far i've come. And how things will, thankfully, never be the same.
I popped one in, and instantly recognized Smokey and Miho, Sebastian Telier, Lali Puna, The Jesus and Mary Chain. Some of my closest friends were in there, witnesses to my darkest days, and some of my most innocent, hopeful moments.
It's amazing how music can just wash over you and pull you under. It engulfs you and suddenly it's 2005 and you're wearing knee high socks. or 2002 and the first day of school. or 2006 and you're hearing the man you loved say he doesn't believe what you're feeling is real.
And so for a good 45 minutes I allowed it all to crash all around me. I relived heartbreaks and crazy adventures and drunken confessions. I felt them all. I had a stupid smile pasted on my face at the memory. Man. College was fun.
But eventually the music stopped. I tucked the cd back safely into its little sleeve. And along with it went all those memories, folding over each other like a worn out letter that's been read a million times. These things used to make me hurt, cry, cringe. But as i packed my old things up and prepared to walk out and into the arms of new days, i felt thankful for every single feeling, every single mistake. Nothing would be as beautiful as it is today if it weren't for all of those seemingly stupid things.
I can't redo anything, or undo my mistakes. But now, everytime i pop one of those cds in, i can at least see [hear], just how far i've come. And how things will, thankfully, never be the same.