The Subconscious, Speaking.
I had a dream last night about a girl who lives in my head. she has lived there for a while now, and i've let her stay there rent-free. it's a very uneasy co-habitation-- i'm not used to the way she breathes, or the way her presence fills the room or how she always smells of expensive perfume and cheap cigarettes.
No one knows she lives there though. even i didn't, until last night, when finally she made herself known to me.
i wasn't surprised, i guess i always knew that i left the door open one night, and she creeped in, and i just never got the nerve to ask her to leave. or maybe for a little bit i liked having her around, because it gave me reason to be cautious and suspicious, and it validated a lot of my theories.
But last night i dreamt that she was everywhere i went. she was in the backseat while my boyfriend and i looked for a nice vacation spot. she would tell me where to go and what to do and i'd relay the information to my boyfriend. I guess he couldn't see or hear her.
She would stand where i stood, walk where i walked. as the dream went on, she would creep closer and closer, until finally her arm was around my waist and her mouth was against my cheek. even when she spoke her mouth would still be pressed against my face, smiling, whispering, giggling. she would say anything, and i would do it.
and i let her. i just let her get that close, that intertwined with me, that i couldn't seem to separate myself from her. i wanted to get away, i wanted help, but no one could see her. not even the man i loved the most. he would continue on, living life, seeing only me, whilst i let this stranger live inside me. i knew that it would only be a matter of time before i would finally be consumed.
Fortunately, i woke up before that happened. the air-conditioner was on full blast and i was freezing, and so i hid deeper into my comforter, digging deeper inside until finally, no cold air hit me, and i was safe.
Today, things start to change.
No one knows she lives there though. even i didn't, until last night, when finally she made herself known to me.
i wasn't surprised, i guess i always knew that i left the door open one night, and she creeped in, and i just never got the nerve to ask her to leave. or maybe for a little bit i liked having her around, because it gave me reason to be cautious and suspicious, and it validated a lot of my theories.
But last night i dreamt that she was everywhere i went. she was in the backseat while my boyfriend and i looked for a nice vacation spot. she would tell me where to go and what to do and i'd relay the information to my boyfriend. I guess he couldn't see or hear her.
She would stand where i stood, walk where i walked. as the dream went on, she would creep closer and closer, until finally her arm was around my waist and her mouth was against my cheek. even when she spoke her mouth would still be pressed against my face, smiling, whispering, giggling. she would say anything, and i would do it.
and i let her. i just let her get that close, that intertwined with me, that i couldn't seem to separate myself from her. i wanted to get away, i wanted help, but no one could see her. not even the man i loved the most. he would continue on, living life, seeing only me, whilst i let this stranger live inside me. i knew that it would only be a matter of time before i would finally be consumed.
Fortunately, i woke up before that happened. the air-conditioner was on full blast and i was freezing, and so i hid deeper into my comforter, digging deeper inside until finally, no cold air hit me, and i was safe.
Today, things start to change.