This is me rambling.
Alright. Got the music set up. Smashing Pumpkins. Ave Adore. I don't know what's going to come of this post but I suppose it's a good thing. I've got way too much that I've been thinking about, way too much that's angered me. I'll start with Kelli. A usual thing that I feel the need to tell everyone about. Alright. We're done. For good. I still love her. Problem? I think so. I'm a very picky person when it comes to dating and Kelli seems to fit just about everything I want. And she seems to think she's picky too. Which she is. She seems to think that She'll never find anyone that fits her. She sent me a list of things she wants out of a guy and guess what? I fit over 90% of the criteria and the 10% that I dont fit, I can change quite easily. (drinking etc.) Come on! I've poured my heart out every day I've talked to her and I get nothing. I can't understand it. I left a girl who I dated for two and a half years and felt nothing. I get left by a girl I've dated ten months and can't deal with it. I miss everything about her. Even the things that made me mad while we dated. I don't know what to do. I love her and miss her like hell and I dont want anyone else but at the same time I feel a need to be with someone. And I state this as a fact: I'm not swooning over Kelli just because I need someone. Screw you if you think that. Someone (Marisa?) give me advice. Something to help me out.
For you people that really know me inside and out, this is for you. Kelli thinks I'm bi-polar. Not jokingly bi-polar but seriously messed up, please see a doctor bi-polar. I'm starting to think she's right. Casey seems to think it's just my tolerance for stress and bullshit that changed and not my moods. I kinda do want to see a doctor about it but I'm not one to do something for myself like that. I wouldn't go unless forced to or begged to by a significant other. It's been bothering me becasue I can't make others happy. I pushed Kelli away by mood swings and it scares the hell out of me.
Tonight I hung out with Anne from work and it was a nice short get-away. For once, I hang out with someone who doesn't shut up and finds something for me to stay interested in listening to. I picked her up from work and we went to the new Tim Hortons. I had beef stew in a bread bowl. Delicious. Then later I went to Casey's to just hang out and talk about things that were going on. Even though she's my boss and about 6 years older than me, she was a really fun person to hang out with. And then after that I went to see Mariesa. I feel bad for that girl. She's in a relationship that's not working but is putting up with it when she knows she shouldnt. They've both talked about taking breaks. If there's doubt that the relationship's working or of you're happy, what's the point? Tomorrow I get to go see Skeleton Key with Emily. Yet another girl from work. I can't wait to see the movie. Plus Emily is nice and it should be a good time. Saturday's the big day. I get all my food and the rest of the furniture and such for the apartment. Saturday's also the first night I'll be spending the night there. All alone. I got used to it last year but I think I'm going to have to get used to being all alone all night with no one around or in the next room again. Sunday will be fun though. Kate's going to come over and hang out. I havent seen her since we went to lunch last semester.
I hope I didn't bore the hell out of all of you. Much love.
For you people that really know me inside and out, this is for you. Kelli thinks I'm bi-polar. Not jokingly bi-polar but seriously messed up, please see a doctor bi-polar. I'm starting to think she's right. Casey seems to think it's just my tolerance for stress and bullshit that changed and not my moods. I kinda do want to see a doctor about it but I'm not one to do something for myself like that. I wouldn't go unless forced to or begged to by a significant other. It's been bothering me becasue I can't make others happy. I pushed Kelli away by mood swings and it scares the hell out of me.
Tonight I hung out with Anne from work and it was a nice short get-away. For once, I hang out with someone who doesn't shut up and finds something for me to stay interested in listening to. I picked her up from work and we went to the new Tim Hortons. I had beef stew in a bread bowl. Delicious. Then later I went to Casey's to just hang out and talk about things that were going on. Even though she's my boss and about 6 years older than me, she was a really fun person to hang out with. And then after that I went to see Mariesa. I feel bad for that girl. She's in a relationship that's not working but is putting up with it when she knows she shouldnt. They've both talked about taking breaks. If there's doubt that the relationship's working or of you're happy, what's the point? Tomorrow I get to go see Skeleton Key with Emily. Yet another girl from work. I can't wait to see the movie. Plus Emily is nice and it should be a good time. Saturday's the big day. I get all my food and the rest of the furniture and such for the apartment. Saturday's also the first night I'll be spending the night there. All alone. I got used to it last year but I think I'm going to have to get used to being all alone all night with no one around or in the next room again. Sunday will be fun though. Kate's going to come over and hang out. I havent seen her since we went to lunch last semester.
I hope I didn't bore the hell out of all of you. Much love.