I hate being an extrovert.
Edit4: Unlocked for all to see now. In advance, sorry for the language. I just want people to know how I felt yesterday. :|
I feel like I'm under peer pressure at the moment. (Just skip this post if you don't want to hear some ranting. I don't have a post like thttp://www.livejournal.com/editjournal.bml
Edit Journal Entrieshis that often, so sorry in advance.)
I've been majorly guilt tripped into something I did NOT want to do. And because of it, I was bored out of my mind and hated everything that went on today. I couldn't wait until it was over.
First of all, my friends wanted to originally go out at 12 PM, but instead we actually went out at 4 PM. I was supposed to be back by 5 or 6 PM, but they all decided to guilt trip me into staying an extra two hours. "We didn't stay out for too long! OH MY GOSH, Nathan came all the way from ILLINOIS AND YOU DON'T WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM?" I felt terrible about that, so I agreed to beg my mom to let me stay out for two more hours.
So we went to my friend's house. I asked my friend if I could use his computer, since I knew that Des was waiting for me on the computer. Since I originally figured that our trip to the mall (which I hated)would end at 5 or 6 PM, I told Des that we would be able to RP then. All my "friends" did was laugh and say that this was more important than that. I felt terrible the whole time, since Des has a bad knee at the moment and isn't supposed to be sitting and bending it, but I was dragged along with them anyway.
As soon as we got there, they decided to play Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I lost interest instantly. I tried to get myself away by reading or drawing. They threatened to do things with my copy of the Aeneid. They insisted that I go and do things "with my friends" instead of by myself. I didn't WANT TO though, but I wasn't going to say that. I didn't want to be rude. I did it anyway.
Of course, my friend Nathan kept looking at me, but he didn't realize how fucking DISTANT I looked. I DID NOT want to be there. I was NOT having fun. I kept LOOKING AT THE TIME to see when it would finally hit 8 PM.
Finally it did. My friend Nathan asked me what was wrong, so I told him the truth - I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to be playing games. I felt GUILT TRIPPED into doing it, and I felt SERIOUSLY UPSET that they wouldn't let me get on my friend's computer or even do what I WANTED TO DO. (a.k.a. read a book or at least DRAW.) Not only that, because we only played one game for those extra two hours, all the stuff that I brought with me was a WASTE. I couldn't even fucking use it. I actually felt like CRYING out of boredom there.
I was GLAD to be home as soon as I got home. I got on AIM to see if Des was online, but she wasn't. (I don't blame her, I'm terrible with things.) But I'm really afraid that she might hate me now. I wouldn't blame her for that either, but I hope not. We were really great friends until I made that mistake by letting myself get guilt tripped, and I feel TERRIBLE for it. I'm really sorry. At least I had a shitty time, right? I hope we can still be good friends, Des, and continue our RP sometime.
I hate being an extrovert. But when I try to be an introvert, everyone around me tries to force me not to be. I don't get it. What am I doing wrong? What SHOULD I be? I like BEING an extrovert sometimes, but I want to be an INTROVERT sometimes too. But no one wants me to do stuff by myself. It pisses me off so much.
Edit: (WARNING: Very bad language if you click the cut. It's also lots of SUPER ANGRY ranting.) This reminds me, I was YELLING at my friend NATHAN earlier because of how DISORGANIZED everything my friends were doing was. I was PISSED that he even BOTHERED to fucking ASK for "A FEW EXTRA HOURS" for me. I can't FUCKING BELIEVE HIM. THEY DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME WHERE THEY WERE GOING UNTIL TODAY. All of this shit is fucking disorganized. And when I told him that, he fucking gave a shitty reply. "I came all this way... YADDA YADDA. NOT MY FAULT IT'S DISORGANIZED. YOU KNOW YOU COULD HELP IT A LITTLE, YADDA YADDA." I felt guilty about it, of course, like the fucking pussy I am. But hey, I figured they'd make it a bit more organized.
I fucking explained to them why I wanted to get back at 5 or 6, but they don't fucking care. They just kept on with their disorganized schedule and it PISSED ME OFF.
If you guys WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME, you guys got to ORGANIZE YOUR TIME CORRECTLY, so I can ORGANIZE MY SHIT TOO. Goddamn.
AND they fucking want me to go with them somewhere on Friday, when I have an orthodontist appointment AND A birthday party to go to. THEY FUCKING TOLD ME to RESCHEDULE and SKIP THE PARTY. Oh HELL fucking no. How dare they tell ME to reschedule MY plans. They told me to even fucking beg my mom and DEMAND for her to let me go. I fucking had it after today. I do NOT want to hang out with them for the rest of the week. I said my mom wouldn't let me go out. I am fucking pissed at them. I am REALLY fucking pissed, and in all honesty, all that they're dragging me out to do has NO INTEREST FOR ME WHAT SO EVER. I do NOT want to go to a water park when I have a fucking pool. I do not CARE if you are my friends. I do NOT want to fucking go. WHY won't you guys just LET ME BE and let me BE ALONE for a bit? I like FREE TIME with myself to, you know, DRAW, or READ. I'm barely into the Aeneid.
I was upset this morning because everything was so disorganized. And when things actually come down to it, I am STILL freaking upset because EVERYTHING became disorganized. I can't believe it. They f'd up my entire schedule, and then they wanted me to f it up even more. As great as a friend Nathan is for coming to California, NO. Just NO, okay?
They need to lay off my f'ing back and let me BE for a bit. AUGH.
Yet I still tag along with them and hope things will turn out for the better, because I'm their friend. And I'm easily guilt tripped and swayed by them. Do they even realize my FAMILY hates them too, and hates the shit that they're MAKING ME do? Like, staying out this late with them?! Augh.
I fucking hate myself for being nice.
End of ranting, end of edit.
Edit 2: I'm mostly calm now, but I'm still really irritated at my friends. My friend Nathan wasn't really apart of the whole peer pressure/guilt tripping thing, but the others were. I can't really hate my friends, but that doesn't mean they can't make me feel uncomfortable or piss me off. (Which is what my three friends IRL did today.) (I'm too forgiving and nice, I know. D:)
I feel like I'm under peer pressure at the moment. (Just skip this post if you don't want to hear some ranting. I don't have a post like thttp://www.livejournal.com/editjournal.bml
Edit Journal Entrieshis that often, so sorry in advance.)
I've been majorly guilt tripped into something I did NOT want to do. And because of it, I was bored out of my mind and hated everything that went on today. I couldn't wait until it was over.
First of all, my friends wanted to originally go out at 12 PM, but instead we actually went out at 4 PM. I was supposed to be back by 5 or 6 PM, but they all decided to guilt trip me into staying an extra two hours. "We didn't stay out for too long! OH MY GOSH, Nathan came all the way from ILLINOIS AND YOU DON'T WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM?" I felt terrible about that, so I agreed to beg my mom to let me stay out for two more hours.
So we went to my friend's house. I asked my friend if I could use his computer, since I knew that Des was waiting for me on the computer. Since I originally figured that our trip to the mall (which I hated)would end at 5 or 6 PM, I told Des that we would be able to RP then. All my "friends" did was laugh and say that this was more important than that. I felt terrible the whole time, since Des has a bad knee at the moment and isn't supposed to be sitting and bending it, but I was dragged along with them anyway.
As soon as we got there, they decided to play Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I lost interest instantly. I tried to get myself away by reading or drawing. They threatened to do things with my copy of the Aeneid. They insisted that I go and do things "with my friends" instead of by myself. I didn't WANT TO though, but I wasn't going to say that. I didn't want to be rude. I did it anyway.
Of course, my friend Nathan kept looking at me, but he didn't realize how fucking DISTANT I looked. I DID NOT want to be there. I was NOT having fun. I kept LOOKING AT THE TIME to see when it would finally hit 8 PM.
Finally it did. My friend Nathan asked me what was wrong, so I told him the truth - I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to be playing games. I felt GUILT TRIPPED into doing it, and I felt SERIOUSLY UPSET that they wouldn't let me get on my friend's computer or even do what I WANTED TO DO. (a.k.a. read a book or at least DRAW.) Not only that, because we only played one game for those extra two hours, all the stuff that I brought with me was a WASTE. I couldn't even fucking use it. I actually felt like CRYING out of boredom there.
I was GLAD to be home as soon as I got home. I got on AIM to see if Des was online, but she wasn't. (I don't blame her, I'm terrible with things.) But I'm really afraid that she might hate me now. I wouldn't blame her for that either, but I hope not. We were really great friends until I made that mistake by letting myself get guilt tripped, and I feel TERRIBLE for it. I'm really sorry. At least I had a shitty time, right? I hope we can still be good friends, Des, and continue our RP sometime.
I hate being an extrovert. But when I try to be an introvert, everyone around me tries to force me not to be. I don't get it. What am I doing wrong? What SHOULD I be? I like BEING an extrovert sometimes, but I want to be an INTROVERT sometimes too. But no one wants me to do stuff by myself. It pisses me off so much.
Edit: (WARNING: Very bad language if you click the cut. It's also lots of SUPER ANGRY ranting.) This reminds me, I was YELLING at my friend NATHAN earlier because of how DISORGANIZED everything my friends were doing was. I was PISSED that he even BOTHERED to fucking ASK for "A FEW EXTRA HOURS" for me. I can't FUCKING BELIEVE HIM. THEY DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME WHERE THEY WERE GOING UNTIL TODAY. All of this shit is fucking disorganized. And when I told him that, he fucking gave a shitty reply. "I came all this way... YADDA YADDA. NOT MY FAULT IT'S DISORGANIZED. YOU KNOW YOU COULD HELP IT A LITTLE, YADDA YADDA." I felt guilty about it, of course, like the fucking pussy I am. But hey, I figured they'd make it a bit more organized.
I fucking explained to them why I wanted to get back at 5 or 6, but they don't fucking care. They just kept on with their disorganized schedule and it PISSED ME OFF.
If you guys WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME, you guys got to ORGANIZE YOUR TIME CORRECTLY, so I can ORGANIZE MY SHIT TOO. Goddamn.
AND they fucking want me to go with them somewhere on Friday, when I have an orthodontist appointment AND A birthday party to go to. THEY FUCKING TOLD ME to RESCHEDULE and SKIP THE PARTY. Oh HELL fucking no. How dare they tell ME to reschedule MY plans. They told me to even fucking beg my mom and DEMAND for her to let me go. I fucking had it after today. I do NOT want to hang out with them for the rest of the week. I said my mom wouldn't let me go out. I am fucking pissed at them. I am REALLY fucking pissed, and in all honesty, all that they're dragging me out to do has NO INTEREST FOR ME WHAT SO EVER. I do NOT want to go to a water park when I have a fucking pool. I do not CARE if you are my friends. I do NOT want to fucking go. WHY won't you guys just LET ME BE and let me BE ALONE for a bit? I like FREE TIME with myself to, you know, DRAW, or READ. I'm barely into the Aeneid.
I was upset this morning because everything was so disorganized. And when things actually come down to it, I am STILL freaking upset because EVERYTHING became disorganized. I can't believe it. They f'd up my entire schedule, and then they wanted me to f it up even more. As great as a friend Nathan is for coming to California, NO. Just NO, okay?
They need to lay off my f'ing back and let me BE for a bit. AUGH.
Yet I still tag along with them and hope things will turn out for the better, because I'm their friend. And I'm easily guilt tripped and swayed by them. Do they even realize my FAMILY hates them too, and hates the shit that they're MAKING ME do? Like, staying out this late with them?! Augh.
I fucking hate myself for being nice.
End of ranting, end of edit.
Edit 2: I'm mostly calm now, but I'm still really irritated at my friends. My friend Nathan wasn't really apart of the whole peer pressure/guilt tripping thing, but the others were. I can't really hate my friends, but that doesn't mean they can't make me feel uncomfortable or piss me off. (Which is what my three friends IRL did today.) (I'm too forgiving and nice, I know. D:)