The Journal of Varney (2003)
Rabbits. . .rabbits. . .rabbits. . .I like writing the word ‘rabbits.’ Rabbits. . .rabbits. . .rabbits. . .I have a rabbit in my pants. . .wait. . .scratch that. . .I’m not wearing pants. . .so I guess it’s more of a rabbit in my pocket. . .my cloak pocket. . .it’s gnawing on my chocolate bar. . .the one I’m saving for later. . .for after dinner. . .it’s a big tasty chocolate bar. . .waaaait. . .
(Large splotches of ink)
Have removed rabbit from chocolate bar. Chocolate is intact with some tooth marks in it and some white hair sticking to it. And a paperclip. Oh well, paperclips and lint never hurt anyone.
(Crumbs of chocolate)
So, I’m supposed to be writing what happened tonight. Ok, well, uh. . .I woke up and. . .I. . .uh. . .went to the. . .place with the carrots.
Yeah, the place with the carrots is just next door, so it’s really convenient. Talk about a hop, skip, and a jump away. Actually, it’s more of a wander across the yard, leap over the barbed wire fence, sneak past the guard dogs away. With a large shovel and a garbage bag. And some mace. (Word of the day.)
The carrots must be really special, because there’s like. . .all these guys who attack you if you get caught going over there. With Shock Sticks. Patent Pending. The carrots glow a greenish color. If you take several of them and shove them in a candelabra, it saves you matches. And when you feed the carrots to the rabbits, the rabbits eyes glow greenish and the rabbits get bigger. And their teeth get sharper. And their fur gets a bit longer. And they hop on two legs rather than four. And make really loud rabbit noises.
Anyway, these irritable guys work for some thing called the Fbye and Nahsaww. I think that’s how you pronounce it. Cause their uniforms say “FBI” and “NASA” on them. There’s also a guy whose uniform says something about a music station for ADDs like me, called “Radio Active.”
Right, so you might be wondering why I haven’t updated in a really really really long forever. Well, um, after that incident last time, some people got mad at me and stole my diary, because I found it in a coven house. I was hanging out there the other day, being “cool” with Radu, and it was on the shelf. It was neat. Kinda. Hope no one read it.
Or at least. . .no one evil. Who would blackmail me. Like Ruthven. I didn’t just write that. . .