The Journal of Varney (2003)
Good morning Portland!
Whew, busy week we got going on here. I’ve been working v. v. hard on buffing my dentist chair, so I’ve been occupied. And Snorgo needed a bath. And so did my duck. But I didn’t bathe either of them because they didn’t give me permission. I asked Snorgo, and he didn’t say anything. He just sniffed at me.
I wonder if I can train him to churn butter.
Lestat finally got dumped, so HAH on him. I have his cell phone. Someone keeps calling and leaving obscene messages for him. And I keep answering the calls for him.
It’s really fun to play with other people’s cell phones. I also hacked into his laptop by mistake and found some interesting documents. A lot of them were locked, so it took awhile to find the passwords out. They’re all the same once you find it. I won’t tell everyone that his password is Lelio because that would be cruel. Anyway, I’m not sure if some of these documents are legal. I mean, a majority were so TOTALLY ripped off of Anne Rice that it wasn’t funny. She could sue Lestat. And potentially win. Money.
In other news, Radu and I went to the movies the other day. Absolutely nothing “manly and violent” was playing except for League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, but Dracula forbade us to go to see that, so we went to see Pirates of the Caribbean. That one guy reminded me so much of that elf it was astounding. I mean, he was like, he looked like he could have been the same guy. And the other guy had killer eyeliner. I mean, he rivaled many vampires I know.
It was a very entertaining movie. Radu thinks Kiera Knightly is hot. I, personally, was checking out that monkey.
Rawr.
Afterwards, Radu and I went to see the League. Because we felt like it. And Radu was hoping to maybe get me to stop talking about the incredible hotness of the monkey. But I think he also just wanted to annoy Dracula.
So we went to see the League. I must say, I really want Captain Nemo to take home on a leash. I mean, that guy is just so friggin awesome. He’s, like, compact to fit in overhead storage bins, and can do these killer Matrix moves. With a sword. Swords are really cool. I mean, with guns it’s like “Yeah, Sawyer has a gun, and he can mow down everything that moves. . .and more.” But with swords, it’s like “Wow. . .he might not make it!”
Yeah, so that was a really good movie too. What made it even greater was that in the middle, when Sean Connery was talking about something, Radu screamed out, “I’LL TAKE S-WORDS FOR FIVE HUNDRED, ALEX!!!” I must say, I too was tempted to shout out phrases from Celebrity Jeopardy.
Hyde reminded me of Snorgo.
I would, however, like to object to the obscene part in the end in which a helpless vampire is impaled with a sword. THAT WAS UNNECCESSARY. I was glad when she nailed the sorry son of a . . .
Language! Must watch language!