An Actual Update
I feel like I am starting off every post recently with how long it's been since my last one...*sigh* and I was so trying to keep on the ball. So now that I have gotten some of my art project dumps out of the way I think it is finally time for a true livejournal update and not some community-based post.
Being home has been a lot less stressful than I originally imagined it would be - while it is definitely not without it's little flareups, my parent's and i seem to be getting along on a more regular basis. I attribute all of this strangely to me not having a job - which inevitably leads to me doing a lot of housework that normally doesn't get done so them coming home from their jobs to a clean house as opposed to their usual coffee messes and disarray caused by getting ready in the morning has put them in better respective moods. And strangely enough when I do get into a fight with my parents it seems to be more with my dad than my mom like normal - she is getting ready for their vow renewal and has a pretty dress and a clean house and a pretty pleasant job so she has been in a very good mood recently. However, my dad is all of a sudden prone to these little flare ups that come in extreme waves and are sudden and unexpected. And I feel like most of the time they stem from him simply not listening to others - it seems he blocks everyone but himself out and then repeats things incessantly. Because of this Tori and I are constantly saying "i know...I know...I Know...I KNOW" and then he gets mad at us for raising our voices and when we call him on his attitude he quickly calms down but denies that it ever even happened. As was always the case with dealing with our parents - the weirdness they exude causes Tori and I to become closer friends and we have pretty much only had eachother to hang out with on a regular basis and have as of yet gotten sick of each other. We talk about getting an apartment together someday because we know we can live together and we are best friends now. But it all depends on what happens this fall I suppose - she is trying to lose weight to go into the air force (I don't know if I have discussed this yet) but I don'tk now how I feel about the situation...I know she is using it as a time to introspect and figure out what she wants to do with her life...but I wonder why she can't do that now with her job that she has and subsequently begin down the path she wants right away as opposed to taking this side step that involves contracts and such. But she really has her mind set on it so I really don't voice my opinion anymore because I want her to be able to get out of the house and be happy.
Her situation, also, makes my plans for the fall seem that much more eminent and scary - I need to fins a place to live and some loan company to take out a loan to pay for school, but first I need a job to pay off my debt so I can be more appealing to a loan company. All the same problems of last year except seemingly more tumultuous and thinking about it makes me feel super overwhelmed and depressed and without a place to start solving the issue I feel - although I know I need to start acting if I want to be able to go in the fall - and I DESPERATELY do.
From my previous posts you can see I have been spending downtime doing art which calms me a lot, but also makes me think of what branch of illustration I really want to go into when I get out of school...so that I can get an internship right away, because if I have to do this whole damn job search to get a measly job out of my field just to pay off my student loans I might get a little broken - as it is I have come down to my last resort and asked tori to get me a job a dunkin donuts - after being oddly eliminated from jobs such as 7-11 and stop and shop. I did have one interview at the purple ape - a surf shop nearby - and it was the first interview I have had that I didn't come out of knowing that I got the job. It was so weird - he was so mellow the whole time that I got the impression that he was just asking the questions out of formality and had judged me upon immediately entering the store that I wasn't some blonde high schooler who he could flirt with all summer.
So while all of this has been getting me down I have been escaping into watching true blood - which has been a weird experience after reading some of the books a long time ago - I have vague memories of plot lines and such and feel like in the books Sookie is portrayed as a much stronger individual and while she shows interest in other men it seems less like in a flippy floppy whiny way that the show portrays it - as is such in the books I usually am inclined towards the sookie/bill relationship - but she is so whishy washy in the show that I cheer more for sam because I feel he is so taken advantage of by her. Subsequently I have started reading the books again and I think my feelings from the show have now seeped into reading since I like it when sookie strays from bill - ESPECIALLY since she leans towards eric a lot more than in the show and I LOVE THAT. Eric and Sam are like my two favorite characters and eric is such a GREAT character in the books that I hope the show stays on track with him...and am kind of now a sookie/eric fan.
I think as a direct result of this and reading right before bedtime this happened..I had THE MOST fulfilling sexual dream last night. And the weird thing about it was that there wasn't even any sex involved. I have had plenty of full-on dreams ranging from plain nudity to hardcore porn action and have sometimes woken up feeling slightly satisfied or pleasant in the morning. This dream had no sex and yet there was a definitely "climax" that was so strong in the dream it woke me up and the feeling continued while I was awake! I don't remember the circumstances that lead to it - but somehow Eric (from trueblood) and I (in a prettier form) were walking through a wooded park (in the daylight no less) when he acknowledged that he was going to teach me how to defend my self with some "grappling" techniques. When I inquired how he was going to go about these teachings he very swiftly forced me against the nearest tree with my back to him and bracing himself on his arms above my shoulders on the tree as well. (so essentially I was up close to the tree and he was leaning over me) He then proceeds to lean into me with his pelvis slow but hard and I get the pleasant feeling of familiar sexual sensations of a very intense tickle - like a spark that leaves behind a warm trails and continues spreading over my body whick intensifies as he slowly leans in from his body until the lengths of our bodies are touching and I turn my head slightly over my left shoulder to where his head is resting crooked now between my forehead and collarbone and while I can't see him I have the distinct pleasure of feeling his breath on my neck with the knoweldge that his fangs are out and this intense wave hits me as I am anticipating him biting my neck and the anticipation of pleasure radiates stronger throughout my body and I feel my breath going ragged and my face growing hot and I know as soon as he bites me I am going to climax. And the wait seems to go on forever so that my face is on fire it seems and the feeling is so strong that I half wake up so I feel like I am REALLY against a tree and I look behind me and he's not there at which point I fully wake up and feel that my face is burning up as if I had a fever yet there is no sweat or clamminess - just this intense warm feeling and even without a conventional climax - the sensation of being completely satisfied and enamored with what has just happened. It was by far the best dream I have had in a while - and what I attribute my good mood today to. Because of this I feel like there is no way I cannot be an eric fangirl now and only hope that if I saturate my brain with him that I will have a similar dream again.
Other than that my days have been pretty boring and purposeless - occasionally I hang out with Summer, Tom, and Shiela with whom I always have a great time but it always seems so short-lived. Although this weekend for the fourth we are having my parent's chowder and clamcakes with the family invited and there is sure to be some games of badminton for which I am truly excited and have been given certain chores to do to prepare for such an event. Before all this though there is supposed to be a friday get together for Summer's Birthday which is tentative do to some drama. On the whole we shall see and maybe with such events this week will start to look up - I have a counseling session tomorrow and now a sweet little dream memory in my bank to pull out whenever I am feeling a little down :D
Being home has been a lot less stressful than I originally imagined it would be - while it is definitely not without it's little flareups, my parent's and i seem to be getting along on a more regular basis. I attribute all of this strangely to me not having a job - which inevitably leads to me doing a lot of housework that normally doesn't get done so them coming home from their jobs to a clean house as opposed to their usual coffee messes and disarray caused by getting ready in the morning has put them in better respective moods. And strangely enough when I do get into a fight with my parents it seems to be more with my dad than my mom like normal - she is getting ready for their vow renewal and has a pretty dress and a clean house and a pretty pleasant job so she has been in a very good mood recently. However, my dad is all of a sudden prone to these little flare ups that come in extreme waves and are sudden and unexpected. And I feel like most of the time they stem from him simply not listening to others - it seems he blocks everyone but himself out and then repeats things incessantly. Because of this Tori and I are constantly saying "i know...I know...I Know...I KNOW" and then he gets mad at us for raising our voices and when we call him on his attitude he quickly calms down but denies that it ever even happened. As was always the case with dealing with our parents - the weirdness they exude causes Tori and I to become closer friends and we have pretty much only had eachother to hang out with on a regular basis and have as of yet gotten sick of each other. We talk about getting an apartment together someday because we know we can live together and we are best friends now. But it all depends on what happens this fall I suppose - she is trying to lose weight to go into the air force (I don't know if I have discussed this yet) but I don'tk now how I feel about the situation...I know she is using it as a time to introspect and figure out what she wants to do with her life...but I wonder why she can't do that now with her job that she has and subsequently begin down the path she wants right away as opposed to taking this side step that involves contracts and such. But she really has her mind set on it so I really don't voice my opinion anymore because I want her to be able to get out of the house and be happy.
Her situation, also, makes my plans for the fall seem that much more eminent and scary - I need to fins a place to live and some loan company to take out a loan to pay for school, but first I need a job to pay off my debt so I can be more appealing to a loan company. All the same problems of last year except seemingly more tumultuous and thinking about it makes me feel super overwhelmed and depressed and without a place to start solving the issue I feel - although I know I need to start acting if I want to be able to go in the fall - and I DESPERATELY do.
From my previous posts you can see I have been spending downtime doing art which calms me a lot, but also makes me think of what branch of illustration I really want to go into when I get out of school...so that I can get an internship right away, because if I have to do this whole damn job search to get a measly job out of my field just to pay off my student loans I might get a little broken - as it is I have come down to my last resort and asked tori to get me a job a dunkin donuts - after being oddly eliminated from jobs such as 7-11 and stop and shop. I did have one interview at the purple ape - a surf shop nearby - and it was the first interview I have had that I didn't come out of knowing that I got the job. It was so weird - he was so mellow the whole time that I got the impression that he was just asking the questions out of formality and had judged me upon immediately entering the store that I wasn't some blonde high schooler who he could flirt with all summer.
So while all of this has been getting me down I have been escaping into watching true blood - which has been a weird experience after reading some of the books a long time ago - I have vague memories of plot lines and such and feel like in the books Sookie is portrayed as a much stronger individual and while she shows interest in other men it seems less like in a flippy floppy whiny way that the show portrays it - as is such in the books I usually am inclined towards the sookie/bill relationship - but she is so whishy washy in the show that I cheer more for sam because I feel he is so taken advantage of by her. Subsequently I have started reading the books again and I think my feelings from the show have now seeped into reading since I like it when sookie strays from bill - ESPECIALLY since she leans towards eric a lot more than in the show and I LOVE THAT. Eric and Sam are like my two favorite characters and eric is such a GREAT character in the books that I hope the show stays on track with him...and am kind of now a sookie/eric fan.
I think as a direct result of this and reading right before bedtime this happened..I had THE MOST fulfilling sexual dream last night. And the weird thing about it was that there wasn't even any sex involved. I have had plenty of full-on dreams ranging from plain nudity to hardcore porn action and have sometimes woken up feeling slightly satisfied or pleasant in the morning. This dream had no sex and yet there was a definitely "climax" that was so strong in the dream it woke me up and the feeling continued while I was awake! I don't remember the circumstances that lead to it - but somehow Eric (from trueblood) and I (in a prettier form) were walking through a wooded park (in the daylight no less) when he acknowledged that he was going to teach me how to defend my self with some "grappling" techniques. When I inquired how he was going to go about these teachings he very swiftly forced me against the nearest tree with my back to him and bracing himself on his arms above my shoulders on the tree as well. (so essentially I was up close to the tree and he was leaning over me) He then proceeds to lean into me with his pelvis slow but hard and I get the pleasant feeling of familiar sexual sensations of a very intense tickle - like a spark that leaves behind a warm trails and continues spreading over my body whick intensifies as he slowly leans in from his body until the lengths of our bodies are touching and I turn my head slightly over my left shoulder to where his head is resting crooked now between my forehead and collarbone and while I can't see him I have the distinct pleasure of feeling his breath on my neck with the knoweldge that his fangs are out and this intense wave hits me as I am anticipating him biting my neck and the anticipation of pleasure radiates stronger throughout my body and I feel my breath going ragged and my face growing hot and I know as soon as he bites me I am going to climax. And the wait seems to go on forever so that my face is on fire it seems and the feeling is so strong that I half wake up so I feel like I am REALLY against a tree and I look behind me and he's not there at which point I fully wake up and feel that my face is burning up as if I had a fever yet there is no sweat or clamminess - just this intense warm feeling and even without a conventional climax - the sensation of being completely satisfied and enamored with what has just happened. It was by far the best dream I have had in a while - and what I attribute my good mood today to. Because of this I feel like there is no way I cannot be an eric fangirl now and only hope that if I saturate my brain with him that I will have a similar dream again.
Other than that my days have been pretty boring and purposeless - occasionally I hang out with Summer, Tom, and Shiela with whom I always have a great time but it always seems so short-lived. Although this weekend for the fourth we are having my parent's chowder and clamcakes with the family invited and there is sure to be some games of badminton for which I am truly excited and have been given certain chores to do to prepare for such an event. Before all this though there is supposed to be a friday get together for Summer's Birthday which is tentative do to some drama. On the whole we shall see and maybe with such events this week will start to look up - I have a counseling session tomorrow and now a sweet little dream memory in my bank to pull out whenever I am feeling a little down :D