or I could watch SAPPY STUPID MOVIES
My back hurts. I missed out on time-and-a-half pay yesterday (Waitangi Day, Feb 6; google it you foreign bastards :-) ) and wasted money on doctors and pills. Fuckity. Today I breathed deep and went to work anyway. Then I came home and lay face down and cried.
Last night everyone who ever made me scream was rolled into one, in that way where dreams sometimes conflate people into a single easy representation. I screamed a lot, and panicked, and Paris (a girl I once knew who has grown up to be someone entirely different) convinced everybody that I had just reacted that way to gain attention. Then I cried because my friend thought so harshly of me.
*snort* Like I can even remember when she still treated me like a friend.
I can't pick up extra hours this week because I wrenched my back, and I spent all of today holding everything up by being slowed down and frustrated (and simultaneously cranky at everyone else for being slow and holding things up, because logic = not my strong point) and I hate feeling like I'm doing less than my best. Plus, I want to work all the time so I don't have to think about anything because sometimes at the moment I just want to run away from here, away from Paris (even though I never see her, because it goes something like 'uh, don't call me, I'll call you') and university and work and the Rock DJ and the whole damn city.
I could go stay at my parents' house for a while, except that within five minutes of showing up there I tend to want to leave. Hurrah for highly-strung relations.
I wonder if battle.net loves me today. I feel like killing shit and Baal is always ripe for an ass-kicking.
Last night everyone who ever made me scream was rolled into one, in that way where dreams sometimes conflate people into a single easy representation. I screamed a lot, and panicked, and Paris (a girl I once knew who has grown up to be someone entirely different) convinced everybody that I had just reacted that way to gain attention. Then I cried because my friend thought so harshly of me.
*snort* Like I can even remember when she still treated me like a friend.
I can't pick up extra hours this week because I wrenched my back, and I spent all of today holding everything up by being slowed down and frustrated (and simultaneously cranky at everyone else for being slow and holding things up, because logic = not my strong point) and I hate feeling like I'm doing less than my best. Plus, I want to work all the time so I don't have to think about anything because sometimes at the moment I just want to run away from here, away from Paris (even though I never see her, because it goes something like 'uh, don't call me, I'll call you') and university and work and the Rock DJ and the whole damn city.
I could go stay at my parents' house for a while, except that within five minutes of showing up there I tend to want to leave. Hurrah for highly-strung relations.
I wonder if battle.net loves me today. I feel like killing shit and Baal is always ripe for an ass-kicking.