What does it mean to be brave?
Hello ghosts of LJ :) Here's another update whoo!
Funny how one does not get less angsty as years go by. I always thought that by the age of 27, I would be a confident, well-spoken, put together person. Want to be - working on it but "not yet". Which is fine, I mean where is the fun if you already have everything right? So today's entry will be focused around being couragous and brave.
What I noticed it that I learn and grow so much more whenever I am outside my comfort zone. Yeah, newsflash huh? I know it sounds like a broken record, but it's always scary to take that step. And it's scary to acknowledge the bad bits about yourself, the bits that you are working on, but would rather not admit or show to anybody - not even yourself. That is how we create blindspots for ourselves which ultimately leads us to have wrong or misguided perceptions about ourselves, under or overvaluing certain aspects of ourself or even completely ignoring it. No matter how you look at it, it is not a very healthy or grounded relationship with yourself. The first step is admittance because, nobody is perfect. Again, it seems so obvious but everybody's trying their damnest to hide it! I am no different. Perhaps what I have realized more these years is that being a soft-spoken, understanding, empathic person does not really help in worldly affairs. Would you rather have a leader that can get things done, or a leader who simply understands you but is too scared of other people's opinions? That is what I am struggling with at the moment. I, still, after so many years care too much about everything: offending people, saying no, disappointing people, not living up to expectations, not being open enough or vulnerable, not being likable enough, not being sociable enough, not being interesting enough, not being pretty enough or thin, not being independent enough, not being critical enough. You know, the list goes on forever. I don't see them as bad traits about myself, because I believe we need a lot of affection and care in this world. However, caring about too many things can detract from your path or what you truly want in life. it is important not to lose sight of your goal. I too like many others, lose sight of my goal through all the social bullshit one has to deal with on a daily basis. The social expectations, roles we assume, the things we ought to do or not. They're all binding us to a play we never even wanted to act out. In fact, being part of this very play may make us feel miserable. So why do we play? If life is like Plato's cave and we are all bound together, forced to look at the shadow plays on the wall that is supposed to be our life, without ever truly seeing the blue sky or smelling the fresh air? Are we made to believe that somehow, by being a meaningful character in this play and this story, we can fool ourselves to be more than just shadows dancing on the wall? Can we free ourselves by finding meaning in this play?
I am always searching. Sometimes it doesn't matter and all you have to focus on is getting through another daty or week. Striping off those things from your to-do list.
Oh no time to finish my entry. Anyway. Let's be brave and discover ourself, expand, grow. I'm riddled in anxiety these days but looking at my anxiety I wonder if I should call it anxiety.. maybe it's exhiliration and excitement in disguise? I try to make the switch in my mind to look at it that way. To be excited, to be energized by the possibilities ahead of me. Empowering myself to action instead of being frozen in fear. Let the heart grow big and strong that it does not feel stretched and worn out. Let it grow bigger and stronger, like an old wise oak that has weather many decades of storms and fires. Let it be filled with love!
Funny how one does not get less angsty as years go by. I always thought that by the age of 27, I would be a confident, well-spoken, put together person. Want to be - working on it but "not yet". Which is fine, I mean where is the fun if you already have everything right? So today's entry will be focused around being couragous and brave.
What I noticed it that I learn and grow so much more whenever I am outside my comfort zone. Yeah, newsflash huh? I know it sounds like a broken record, but it's always scary to take that step. And it's scary to acknowledge the bad bits about yourself, the bits that you are working on, but would rather not admit or show to anybody - not even yourself. That is how we create blindspots for ourselves which ultimately leads us to have wrong or misguided perceptions about ourselves, under or overvaluing certain aspects of ourself or even completely ignoring it. No matter how you look at it, it is not a very healthy or grounded relationship with yourself. The first step is admittance because, nobody is perfect. Again, it seems so obvious but everybody's trying their damnest to hide it! I am no different. Perhaps what I have realized more these years is that being a soft-spoken, understanding, empathic person does not really help in worldly affairs. Would you rather have a leader that can get things done, or a leader who simply understands you but is too scared of other people's opinions? That is what I am struggling with at the moment. I, still, after so many years care too much about everything: offending people, saying no, disappointing people, not living up to expectations, not being open enough or vulnerable, not being likable enough, not being sociable enough, not being interesting enough, not being pretty enough or thin, not being independent enough, not being critical enough. You know, the list goes on forever. I don't see them as bad traits about myself, because I believe we need a lot of affection and care in this world. However, caring about too many things can detract from your path or what you truly want in life. it is important not to lose sight of your goal. I too like many others, lose sight of my goal through all the social bullshit one has to deal with on a daily basis. The social expectations, roles we assume, the things we ought to do or not. They're all binding us to a play we never even wanted to act out. In fact, being part of this very play may make us feel miserable. So why do we play? If life is like Plato's cave and we are all bound together, forced to look at the shadow plays on the wall that is supposed to be our life, without ever truly seeing the blue sky or smelling the fresh air? Are we made to believe that somehow, by being a meaningful character in this play and this story, we can fool ourselves to be more than just shadows dancing on the wall? Can we free ourselves by finding meaning in this play?
I am always searching. Sometimes it doesn't matter and all you have to focus on is getting through another daty or week. Striping off those things from your to-do list.
Oh no time to finish my entry. Anyway. Let's be brave and discover ourself, expand, grow. I'm riddled in anxiety these days but looking at my anxiety I wonder if I should call it anxiety.. maybe it's exhiliration and excitement in disguise? I try to make the switch in my mind to look at it that way. To be excited, to be energized by the possibilities ahead of me. Empowering myself to action instead of being frozen in fear. Let the heart grow big and strong that it does not feel stretched and worn out. Let it grow bigger and stronger, like an old wise oak that has weather many decades of storms and fires. Let it be filled with love!