I'm not gonna write you a love song
This is a teaser of a possible continuation or sequel to "Stand-Up Truth". I do like the idea of doing more Ralph stand-up. And I love the idea of having some "special guests" at a Ralph roast, but I figured I wanted to float some pieces out there before I start down that rode. Feedback is always welcome.
Title: (none/teaster)
Author: December
Fandom: Life With Derek
Pairings/Characters: Dasey, Ralph, Lizzie
Rating: T/PG-13 (mainly for language)
Summary: A commerical for an upcoming special catches someone's eye.
Note: Can I just say, figuring out how to write commericals and voice overs completely sucks? If you are confused, please let me know. And obviously, this is a future fic. I don't think it spoils any episodes from the show, however.
As she closed the door to her hotel room, she sighed. She loved soccer. She loved coaching soccer. She loved “her kids,” i.e., her players, but play-offs were exhausting. Those girls had better behave tonight, as their coach really needed some sleep.
As she began to get ready for bed, she turned on the TV for background noise, landing on the US Comedy Central channel. Some barely funny comic was on, so she managed to tune out the TV as she got ready to turn it. It was as she was about to turn the TV off for the night that the commercial caught her attention. It began simply enough, but by the end of the announcer’s introduction, she was leaning into the TV.
“Here at Comedy Central,” the announcer began, “we consider it our mission to make sure you get the most important information. We roasted Scott Baio because you had burning questions about his reality TV stint. We presented ‘Fatness Friday’ to explore the continued appeal behind Ralphie May and Gabriel Iglesias. And now, we bring you a special to explain the most important power couple of our time: Derek and Casey.”
The commercial cuts to Ralph at the beginning of his first Comedy Central Presents special, saying “Whoa, dudes. Nice, nice. Thanks for that.”
“We know you’ve heard about them,” the commercial announcer continued before a montage of Ralph stand-up clips rolls by.
First, there was Ralph on Premium Blend, “Which means I have to talk about Derek. And Casey.”
Then there was Ralph on Live at Gotham, “Derek and Casey. Casey and Derek. D and C. It was like all the time. All the time.”
Ralph during his first Comedy Central special, “…to start talking about how I ended up with Casey, we have to talk about my best friend, Derek.”
Finally, there was Ralph on the World Comedy Tour, “And this audience member had the nerve to ask me after the show, ‘Can you, like, do a set without mentioning Derek and Casey?’ And I look at her and said, ‘Um…like, no?’”
“And, based on the way Ralph talks about them, they must be pretty epic,” the announcer observes
Now the commercial shows a clip from the middle of Ralph’s second Live at Gotham set, “And Martika looks at me and asks, ‘You never got into the whole Brangenlia thing?’ And I was like, ‘No. Who needs Brangelia? I had Dasey. Yep, Derek and Casey were more drama than anything Hollywood ever thought about putting out,’”
“But, Ralph’s never given us their story,” the announcer continued. “And he’s given us a reason why.”
The next Ralph clip also came from his first Comedy Central special, “Now, I don’t have time to talk about the whole Derek and Casey thing, because that’s like a three hour special.”
“So,” the announcer went on to say, “we’ve given him that special.”
A clip of Ralph during an opening monologue came next. “Really?! Sweet!”
“But,” the announcer insisted, “you have to keep it to an hour, Stoner Boy.”
“Well, f**k,” from Ralph in another set.
“Don’t worry, Ralph. We know you can do it. You told us you could,” the announcer finishes right before the clip of the end of Ralph’s Live at Gotham special comes up.
“And, you know, your roommate’s girlfriend as been around for too long when you start channeling Project Runway. I mean, I found looking over my set and saying out loud in an upper crust American accent, ‘I’m worried. It’s too long and it sounds a little hippy-dippy. I really think you need to re-think this piece. Here you’ve smooshed Casey and Derek together, but you never even talk about this other issue. And that hem needs to be addressed or Nina’s going to say something. Just make it work. Make it work.’”
“And we know you will. So this Friday, Comedy Central presents, Mini-Dasey, an explanation - A Ralph stand up special, at eight, seven central,” the announcer concludes. “Oh, and Ralph, you might want to tell Derek what you’re doing this time.”
The last clip shows Ralph being interviewed on The Daily Show on Comedy Central. “Yeah, no more surprises. I want to know when my ass-kicking is coming,” Ralph laughingly shares.
“Get the whole scoop with Mini-Dasey - A Ralph stand up special. On Comedy Central,”
As the commercial faded into the next, the woman in the hotel room smiled and shook her head. She might actually have to watch this special, just to hear Ralph’s take on the story. And to see how it differs from the story she and Edwin would tell.
Elizabeth McDonald smiled as she cut off the TV in the hotel room. “Dasey, huh,” she thought to herself. “That explains the huge bouquet of daisies he sent for their third anniversary. At least it was better than what he sent for their second anniversary. Still not remotely sure what Casey ended up doing with that.”
- end teaser -
Title: (none/teaster)
Author: December
Fandom: Life With Derek
Pairings/Characters: Dasey, Ralph, Lizzie
Rating: T/PG-13 (mainly for language)
Summary: A commerical for an upcoming special catches someone's eye.
Note: Can I just say, figuring out how to write commericals and voice overs completely sucks? If you are confused, please let me know. And obviously, this is a future fic. I don't think it spoils any episodes from the show, however.
As she closed the door to her hotel room, she sighed. She loved soccer. She loved coaching soccer. She loved “her kids,” i.e., her players, but play-offs were exhausting. Those girls had better behave tonight, as their coach really needed some sleep.
As she began to get ready for bed, she turned on the TV for background noise, landing on the US Comedy Central channel. Some barely funny comic was on, so she managed to tune out the TV as she got ready to turn it. It was as she was about to turn the TV off for the night that the commercial caught her attention. It began simply enough, but by the end of the announcer’s introduction, she was leaning into the TV.
“Here at Comedy Central,” the announcer began, “we consider it our mission to make sure you get the most important information. We roasted Scott Baio because you had burning questions about his reality TV stint. We presented ‘Fatness Friday’ to explore the continued appeal behind Ralphie May and Gabriel Iglesias. And now, we bring you a special to explain the most important power couple of our time: Derek and Casey.”
The commercial cuts to Ralph at the beginning of his first Comedy Central Presents special, saying “Whoa, dudes. Nice, nice. Thanks for that.”
“We know you’ve heard about them,” the commercial announcer continued before a montage of Ralph stand-up clips rolls by.
First, there was Ralph on Premium Blend, “Which means I have to talk about Derek. And Casey.”
Then there was Ralph on Live at Gotham, “Derek and Casey. Casey and Derek. D and C. It was like all the time. All the time.”
Ralph during his first Comedy Central special, “…to start talking about how I ended up with Casey, we have to talk about my best friend, Derek.”
Finally, there was Ralph on the World Comedy Tour, “And this audience member had the nerve to ask me after the show, ‘Can you, like, do a set without mentioning Derek and Casey?’ And I look at her and said, ‘Um…like, no?’”
“And, based on the way Ralph talks about them, they must be pretty epic,” the announcer observes
Now the commercial shows a clip from the middle of Ralph’s second Live at Gotham set, “And Martika looks at me and asks, ‘You never got into the whole Brangenlia thing?’ And I was like, ‘No. Who needs Brangelia? I had Dasey. Yep, Derek and Casey were more drama than anything Hollywood ever thought about putting out,’”
“But, Ralph’s never given us their story,” the announcer continued. “And he’s given us a reason why.”
The next Ralph clip also came from his first Comedy Central special, “Now, I don’t have time to talk about the whole Derek and Casey thing, because that’s like a three hour special.”
“So,” the announcer went on to say, “we’ve given him that special.”
A clip of Ralph during an opening monologue came next. “Really?! Sweet!”
“But,” the announcer insisted, “you have to keep it to an hour, Stoner Boy.”
“Well, f**k,” from Ralph in another set.
“Don’t worry, Ralph. We know you can do it. You told us you could,” the announcer finishes right before the clip of the end of Ralph’s Live at Gotham special comes up.
“And, you know, your roommate’s girlfriend as been around for too long when you start channeling Project Runway. I mean, I found looking over my set and saying out loud in an upper crust American accent, ‘I’m worried. It’s too long and it sounds a little hippy-dippy. I really think you need to re-think this piece. Here you’ve smooshed Casey and Derek together, but you never even talk about this other issue. And that hem needs to be addressed or Nina’s going to say something. Just make it work. Make it work.’”
“And we know you will. So this Friday, Comedy Central presents, Mini-Dasey, an explanation - A Ralph stand up special, at eight, seven central,” the announcer concludes. “Oh, and Ralph, you might want to tell Derek what you’re doing this time.”
The last clip shows Ralph being interviewed on The Daily Show on Comedy Central. “Yeah, no more surprises. I want to know when my ass-kicking is coming,” Ralph laughingly shares.
“Get the whole scoop with Mini-Dasey - A Ralph stand up special. On Comedy Central,”
As the commercial faded into the next, the woman in the hotel room smiled and shook her head. She might actually have to watch this special, just to hear Ralph’s take on the story. And to see how it differs from the story she and Edwin would tell.
Elizabeth McDonald smiled as she cut off the TV in the hotel room. “Dasey, huh,” she thought to herself. “That explains the huge bouquet of daisies he sent for their third anniversary. At least it was better than what he sent for their second anniversary. Still not remotely sure what Casey ended up doing with that.”
- end teaser -