strange things... they do happen...
so as I was compulsively cleaning my room last night I came across a piece of paper that I believe I wrote in my fall semester of 04' (which would have been my freshman year at Columbia)... I'm not sure whether it is something that I found on the internet printed off and than copied down because I thought it was pretty instead of paying attention in class or if I really wrote it on a whim of literary genius. Either way, I think there are some good thoughts, some crazy thoughts and other thoughts that you can judge for yourself. I figure since the entire world has abandoned livejournal it is fairly safe to post this...
all i can say is that The Blarg has got some demons... the likes of which he didn't even know he had until he moved the furniture in his apartment:
"Nothing is permanent and everything begins knowing it will have an end. Endings are never fair and rarely just. Heartache and heartbreak are eminent, it is part of the human condition. To be hurt is to be human and to heal yourself or others is to act as god. No wound will ever close completely, and it will always silently sting. There are wounds that shape who we are. It is never better to fear, fear is mishandled doubt. Doubt will plague you and make you bitter. From underneath you the world will swallow you whole... you can fall or you can fight. That is what it means to live. There are no happily ever after's. And often times it is the negative before the positive. The ecstacy of misery often outwieghs the bliss of contentment. To not know pain is to walk about the world not noticing the way that life is. It is the balance of joy and sorrow that keeps the universe revolving on it's axis. Good and bad, yin and yang. All revolve around balance. The balance of youth, war, peace, death, birth... all lead back to a grand scheme that may not have a happy ending. What determines our fate? God? You? Genetics? The constant question that will never be answered. What makes you hold on a second longer or renew your faith in god? Even though he seems to do nothing but play for sport? The invisible force that every now and then takes a part in your life. What is the cause of that feeling you get on a clear night, or those rare moments when your eyes meet with a stranger's... a connection is made. The likes of which you can not say. You can call it faith or you can call it what you will. All we can do is live. Take our cosmic moments when we can get them and attempt to leave everything behind. Our souls will never rest and true happiness and love have reduced to tales for children to fill themselves with reason to believe. As for the rest of us... we settle. For life, money, pleasure or fear you may never know of something better. The only true comfort in life is to know yourself. Maybe if we knew how to do that we would gain some kind of peace. But we will not. We stay hollow shells that drift from this life to the next in search of a fable. An ending that makes us whole. Home... it is suggested that mankind will bring forth their own demise. Murder in the name of god... bigotry and prejudice run us all. Anger and pain are the most fundamental of human emotions. Before love and comfort there is fear and grief. They govern our lives which we spend hopelessly dirfting and going through the motions never being fulfilled and wanting more. Satisfaction is a myth and justification is merely a tool for the unsure. But that is the way of the world... cause and effect, action and reaction, rationalizing and logic are simply veils we pull over ourselves to avoid thinking ourselves into oblivion. We are frightened and we are cold. Our innate nature is based on selfishness and self-pity. Beleiving we are of more importance than we really are and taking comfort in the fact that we may be remembered . Memory is the only way for us to live forever. But memories, like all things, fade and become distorted. History disappears and reemerges edited and supposedly correct. I can find but one comfort in this world. When our history has reached it's end and the sun will set for the last time and the moon is no more and the light that was mankind has faded from space and the earth turns to ashes, somewhere new life is born. Inevitably doomed to repeat our same sad existence. In this light we are hopeless and life seems to be a pointless waste. But, still... we live on. Not out of job or pride. But out of habit. For all we know there is no before and no after... there is a beginning and an end. Life and earth. Simple... yes? Depressing... absolutely? But why not? What do you love? Will you Love? Should you love? but more importantly... can you love?"
I have no idea... but I'm drunk and this post seemed like a good idea at the time...
all i can say is that The Blarg has got some demons... the likes of which he didn't even know he had until he moved the furniture in his apartment:
"Nothing is permanent and everything begins knowing it will have an end. Endings are never fair and rarely just. Heartache and heartbreak are eminent, it is part of the human condition. To be hurt is to be human and to heal yourself or others is to act as god. No wound will ever close completely, and it will always silently sting. There are wounds that shape who we are. It is never better to fear, fear is mishandled doubt. Doubt will plague you and make you bitter. From underneath you the world will swallow you whole... you can fall or you can fight. That is what it means to live. There are no happily ever after's. And often times it is the negative before the positive. The ecstacy of misery often outwieghs the bliss of contentment. To not know pain is to walk about the world not noticing the way that life is. It is the balance of joy and sorrow that keeps the universe revolving on it's axis. Good and bad, yin and yang. All revolve around balance. The balance of youth, war, peace, death, birth... all lead back to a grand scheme that may not have a happy ending. What determines our fate? God? You? Genetics? The constant question that will never be answered. What makes you hold on a second longer or renew your faith in god? Even though he seems to do nothing but play for sport? The invisible force that every now and then takes a part in your life. What is the cause of that feeling you get on a clear night, or those rare moments when your eyes meet with a stranger's... a connection is made. The likes of which you can not say. You can call it faith or you can call it what you will. All we can do is live. Take our cosmic moments when we can get them and attempt to leave everything behind. Our souls will never rest and true happiness and love have reduced to tales for children to fill themselves with reason to believe. As for the rest of us... we settle. For life, money, pleasure or fear you may never know of something better. The only true comfort in life is to know yourself. Maybe if we knew how to do that we would gain some kind of peace. But we will not. We stay hollow shells that drift from this life to the next in search of a fable. An ending that makes us whole. Home... it is suggested that mankind will bring forth their own demise. Murder in the name of god... bigotry and prejudice run us all. Anger and pain are the most fundamental of human emotions. Before love and comfort there is fear and grief. They govern our lives which we spend hopelessly dirfting and going through the motions never being fulfilled and wanting more. Satisfaction is a myth and justification is merely a tool for the unsure. But that is the way of the world... cause and effect, action and reaction, rationalizing and logic are simply veils we pull over ourselves to avoid thinking ourselves into oblivion. We are frightened and we are cold. Our innate nature is based on selfishness and self-pity. Beleiving we are of more importance than we really are and taking comfort in the fact that we may be remembered . Memory is the only way for us to live forever. But memories, like all things, fade and become distorted. History disappears and reemerges edited and supposedly correct. I can find but one comfort in this world. When our history has reached it's end and the sun will set for the last time and the moon is no more and the light that was mankind has faded from space and the earth turns to ashes, somewhere new life is born. Inevitably doomed to repeat our same sad existence. In this light we are hopeless and life seems to be a pointless waste. But, still... we live on. Not out of job or pride. But out of habit. For all we know there is no before and no after... there is a beginning and an end. Life and earth. Simple... yes? Depressing... absolutely? But why not? What do you love? Will you Love? Should you love? but more importantly... can you love?"
I have no idea... but I'm drunk and this post seemed like a good idea at the time...