Fic: Happy Days Are Here Again - 14/18
Title: Happy Days Are Here Again - 14/18
Pairing: Rachel/Finn, Strong Rachel/Kurt friendship. Rachel/Dave friendship
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Rachel Berry has a secret she wants to reveal but is far too afraid to do so.
Warnings: Transgendered Character, Transphobia,
AN: Previous chapters can be found here.
I walk on stage, blinded by the shimmering stage lights and my own reeling head. I inspired someone with my music. I wait.
"And the winner for the 2011 season is the McKinley High New Directions!"
I stare blankly. We won. My team won. My team won with a song that I wrote about my problems. I scream and clap with my friends but at the same time I feel like I won beforehand. I won when I inspired. "Rachel, we're going to New York," Finn says, leaning into my shoulder. It hits me like a bullet. We're going to New York.
Our dreams have come true and they came true while I found myself.
After Regionals, self doubt starts kicking in. I am harassed immediately after the competition. Someone told. I don't know who but I suspect Santana, Brittany or Quinn. I don't put it above a single one of them. I'm stressed.
A group of football boys approaches me. I try and ignore them when Mark Fischer yells out "tranny!" It's easy to ignore him and his slurs. It isn't easy to ignore the slushie to the face. It hits me like a cold jolt back to reality. For the first time in a long time grape and watermelon slush burns and makes me cry.
What do you jerks want?" I ask shrilly. "I may not be the average girl but I'm proud of who I am and what makes me different." I pull on strength that my friendship with Kurt has given me.
"Fuckin' tranny freak," Ritter says, shaking his head and patting Azimio's shoulder.
Azimio scoffs. "I am so sick of this school bein' overrun by little queers and lady dudes."
I stare and turn as he gets in my face. I shut my eyes and just miss him being yanked away from me. "Get the fuck off of her. We don't mess with girls," Dave says, looking furious. "She's a girl, okay? No matter what her junk says, she's a girl. Also, for your information, this big queer is tired of us messin' with little queers."
I gape at him. Dave just came out and defended the transgendered freak.
I watch, astonished, as Dave Karofsky comes out to his friends in front of me and to protect me. I stare at him and pull him away from what could be a brutal confrontation. "David, they're not worth the time," I say, linking my arm with his. He looks emotional and dangerous, eyes watering. We walk along and when we get to the bathrooms he punches the wall.
"Dave!" I yell, terrified.
He looks at me and I watch him shatter. Tears gush from the corners of his eyes and he gasps for breath. "I just c-came out to them," he whispers. "Over you." He looks infuriated. I feel sorry. It's my fault. I...I don't know what to do."
"I'm just done..."
I take him to the slushie cleanup bathroom. Well, it's actually an old staff bathroom by the choir room. We used it a lot. I clean myself up expertly, dabbing at my wet face. "David, I found what you did very valiant and courageous," I say cautiously. "You're a very nice guy under your bullying exterior."
He rolls his eyes. He takes up the cloth and helps me attempt to get the stain out of my clothes. "Sorry, I'm not so good at this stuff," he mumbles. "I may be queer but I'm not Hummel or anything."
I roll my eyes. "You'll be okay," I say, "you just came out to protect me."
"Please, I'm trying my best not to think about that," he mumbles low. He looks so hurt. "I'm tired, Berry. I'm so tired that I can't even get myself to care about what I just did. I can't get myself to give a fuck."
I wrap my arms around him in a big hug. He hugs me back and sighs a little. "If I wasn’t…you know then Hudson would have some competition," he says under his breath. It's a joke but I understand why he's joking. He's trying not to think about the devastating implications of what he's done. "I just don't know what to do right now. You don't understand. I just gave up everything."
I hesitate, before saying, "you're more than welcome to join us in glee club." I know that it's misplaced but he's already lost everything that created his fake world. I have to say something comforting and let him know that he's not alone in the world. Despite the past tensions he's had with the glee club, they are beginning to realize that he's as much of an outcast as we are and well, they'll understand.
"I'll think about it," he says glumly. It's as much as I can ask.
We part ways shortly after. I am worried about him. I go to glee club that evening and Mr. Schue has a new assignment for us. He brings in Ms. Pillsbury, who is wearing a shirt with the word Ginger written across the front. He says that he wants us all to make t-shirts with similar slogans, about things that are a part of us and have caused us shame and embarrassment. It's arguable whether or not the guidance counselors' shirt is accurate and Mr. Schue seems uncomfortable with it, but we will go for it. We're going to perform Gaga again so Kurt is ecstatic.
"I know it's probably extremely clichéd," he says, leaning over into my side, "but I am going to put Likes Boys on mine. It is what people have given me hell over and I was born that way, right?"
"I agree," I say. "I'm going with Girl."
Everyone seems really eager for the assignment. Like most glee club related things, the date of the actual assignment comes pretty quickly. Kurt and I proudly display our shirts but a lot of the other club members are anxious. Artie is the first to reveal his, a shirt revealing the word: Depressed. It kind of shocks the rest of us, but he shrugs a little. "I was originally planning on doing something about my glasses," he admits, "but I heard Kurt and Rachel talking about what they wanted to do and I figured I'd be honest. I've had problems with depression since I was eight. It's a part of my history and it's embarrassing."
I am so shocked that I rush over to him and hug him. I feel like an idiot. I've known the original members of glee my entire time at McKinley and I never had an idea. Shortly after Artie reveals his shirt, a few more bombshells are dropped. Tina's says Anxiety, Puck's says Bad Reputation, Mercedes says Black Girl etc. I have to admit though that Quinn's affects me the most profoundly. Her shirt reads Fake.
She looks at me as she shrugs and speaks. "I didn't want to do this stupid assignment," she admits out loud. "Rachel, when I first found out that you were born a boy, I was disgusted. I ramped up the bullying and I didn't bat an eye when Santana and I accidentally let it slip. I started making fun of you for faking your gender. It was Brittany who called me out on my behavior though. She said 'everything about you is fake,' and I realized that it is. I had a nose job the moment I was allowed to, I spend hours on my appearance, I make friends with people I don't really like. I'm fake as anything."
She then sits down, avoiding all eye contact.
We perform our number and all I can think about is Quinn, until Dave appears in the auditorium. He asks Mr. Schue quietly if he would let him auditon for glee club. Mr. Schue says yes and casually asks him in typical Schuester fashion, "Well, what would your shirt say if you were involved in this assignment?"
Dave blinks and looks at Kurt. "It'd say, I liked him."
Pairing: Rachel/Finn, Strong Rachel/Kurt friendship. Rachel/Dave friendship
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Rachel Berry has a secret she wants to reveal but is far too afraid to do so.
Warnings: Transgendered Character, Transphobia,
AN: Previous chapters can be found here.
I walk on stage, blinded by the shimmering stage lights and my own reeling head. I inspired someone with my music. I wait.
"And the winner for the 2011 season is the McKinley High New Directions!"
I stare blankly. We won. My team won. My team won with a song that I wrote about my problems. I scream and clap with my friends but at the same time I feel like I won beforehand. I won when I inspired. "Rachel, we're going to New York," Finn says, leaning into my shoulder. It hits me like a bullet. We're going to New York.
Our dreams have come true and they came true while I found myself.
After Regionals, self doubt starts kicking in. I am harassed immediately after the competition. Someone told. I don't know who but I suspect Santana, Brittany or Quinn. I don't put it above a single one of them. I'm stressed.
A group of football boys approaches me. I try and ignore them when Mark Fischer yells out "tranny!" It's easy to ignore him and his slurs. It isn't easy to ignore the slushie to the face. It hits me like a cold jolt back to reality. For the first time in a long time grape and watermelon slush burns and makes me cry.
What do you jerks want?" I ask shrilly. "I may not be the average girl but I'm proud of who I am and what makes me different." I pull on strength that my friendship with Kurt has given me.
"Fuckin' tranny freak," Ritter says, shaking his head and patting Azimio's shoulder.
Azimio scoffs. "I am so sick of this school bein' overrun by little queers and lady dudes."
I stare and turn as he gets in my face. I shut my eyes and just miss him being yanked away from me. "Get the fuck off of her. We don't mess with girls," Dave says, looking furious. "She's a girl, okay? No matter what her junk says, she's a girl. Also, for your information, this big queer is tired of us messin' with little queers."
I gape at him. Dave just came out and defended the transgendered freak.
I watch, astonished, as Dave Karofsky comes out to his friends in front of me and to protect me. I stare at him and pull him away from what could be a brutal confrontation. "David, they're not worth the time," I say, linking my arm with his. He looks emotional and dangerous, eyes watering. We walk along and when we get to the bathrooms he punches the wall.
"Dave!" I yell, terrified.
He looks at me and I watch him shatter. Tears gush from the corners of his eyes and he gasps for breath. "I just c-came out to them," he whispers. "Over you." He looks infuriated. I feel sorry. It's my fault. I...I don't know what to do."
"I'm just done..."
I take him to the slushie cleanup bathroom. Well, it's actually an old staff bathroom by the choir room. We used it a lot. I clean myself up expertly, dabbing at my wet face. "David, I found what you did very valiant and courageous," I say cautiously. "You're a very nice guy under your bullying exterior."
He rolls his eyes. He takes up the cloth and helps me attempt to get the stain out of my clothes. "Sorry, I'm not so good at this stuff," he mumbles. "I may be queer but I'm not Hummel or anything."
I roll my eyes. "You'll be okay," I say, "you just came out to protect me."
"Please, I'm trying my best not to think about that," he mumbles low. He looks so hurt. "I'm tired, Berry. I'm so tired that I can't even get myself to care about what I just did. I can't get myself to give a fuck."
I wrap my arms around him in a big hug. He hugs me back and sighs a little. "If I wasn’t…you know then Hudson would have some competition," he says under his breath. It's a joke but I understand why he's joking. He's trying not to think about the devastating implications of what he's done. "I just don't know what to do right now. You don't understand. I just gave up everything."
I hesitate, before saying, "you're more than welcome to join us in glee club." I know that it's misplaced but he's already lost everything that created his fake world. I have to say something comforting and let him know that he's not alone in the world. Despite the past tensions he's had with the glee club, they are beginning to realize that he's as much of an outcast as we are and well, they'll understand.
"I'll think about it," he says glumly. It's as much as I can ask.
We part ways shortly after. I am worried about him. I go to glee club that evening and Mr. Schue has a new assignment for us. He brings in Ms. Pillsbury, who is wearing a shirt with the word Ginger written across the front. He says that he wants us all to make t-shirts with similar slogans, about things that are a part of us and have caused us shame and embarrassment. It's arguable whether or not the guidance counselors' shirt is accurate and Mr. Schue seems uncomfortable with it, but we will go for it. We're going to perform Gaga again so Kurt is ecstatic.
"I know it's probably extremely clichéd," he says, leaning over into my side, "but I am going to put Likes Boys on mine. It is what people have given me hell over and I was born that way, right?"
"I agree," I say. "I'm going with Girl."
Everyone seems really eager for the assignment. Like most glee club related things, the date of the actual assignment comes pretty quickly. Kurt and I proudly display our shirts but a lot of the other club members are anxious. Artie is the first to reveal his, a shirt revealing the word: Depressed. It kind of shocks the rest of us, but he shrugs a little. "I was originally planning on doing something about my glasses," he admits, "but I heard Kurt and Rachel talking about what they wanted to do and I figured I'd be honest. I've had problems with depression since I was eight. It's a part of my history and it's embarrassing."
I am so shocked that I rush over to him and hug him. I feel like an idiot. I've known the original members of glee my entire time at McKinley and I never had an idea. Shortly after Artie reveals his shirt, a few more bombshells are dropped. Tina's says Anxiety, Puck's says Bad Reputation, Mercedes says Black Girl etc. I have to admit though that Quinn's affects me the most profoundly. Her shirt reads Fake.
She looks at me as she shrugs and speaks. "I didn't want to do this stupid assignment," she admits out loud. "Rachel, when I first found out that you were born a boy, I was disgusted. I ramped up the bullying and I didn't bat an eye when Santana and I accidentally let it slip. I started making fun of you for faking your gender. It was Brittany who called me out on my behavior though. She said 'everything about you is fake,' and I realized that it is. I had a nose job the moment I was allowed to, I spend hours on my appearance, I make friends with people I don't really like. I'm fake as anything."
She then sits down, avoiding all eye contact.
We perform our number and all I can think about is Quinn, until Dave appears in the auditorium. He asks Mr. Schue quietly if he would let him auditon for glee club. Mr. Schue says yes and casually asks him in typical Schuester fashion, "Well, what would your shirt say if you were involved in this assignment?"
Dave blinks and looks at Kurt. "It'd say, I liked him."