Fic: Happy Days Are Here Again - 13/18
Title: Happy Days Are Here Again - 13/18
Pairing: Rachel/Finn, Strong Rachel/Kurt friendship. Rachel/Dave friendship
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Rachel Berry has a secret she wants to reveal but is far too afraid to do so.
Warnings: Transgendered Character, Transphobia,
AN: Previous chapters can be found here.
Even though she is the favored substitute teacher at McKinley High School, I cannot stand Ms. Holliday. It's even worse now that she's acting as a sex education teacher. Now, I'm aware that small towns like this one tend to lack proper sex education but the woman is about as qualified to teach us as Mrs. Schuester was to be a nurse. Also, the fact that he's attracted to her means that Mr. Schue has enlisted her to teach us glee kids about sex and sexuality.
She is so offensive it hurts. She implies that sexual urges in high school are natural, as is acting on those urges, which I agree with, but then she goes on to imply that those who choose not to have sex are frigid and do not have their reasons. Everyone seems to be hanging off of her every word too, but I notice a few things. Mercedes, who has not had a real, steady boyfriend, seems a little upset, even though she hangs onto the words just as tightly as anyone else. Kurt shifts in his seat and rolls his eyes. Quinn looks aghast.
After she leaves, I cannot keep my mouth shut. "While I do agree that sex is natural and abstinence only sex education is dangerous," I say, "Ms. Holliday failed to acknowledge the fact that some young people, or well, people of any age, have reasons for not having sex. There are those who have been traumatized by some sort of sexual activity or assault, there are those who are not ready and have not met the right person, there are asexual individuals…" I take a deep breath, hoping that they don't think this is another one of my soapboxes. "There are also those with gender issues who are made incredibly insecure by their bodies."
I look at Mr. Schue and feel like I'm going to cry. "Mr. Schue," I say, "I would like this opportunity to perform for the glee club. It's an original song that I prepared while writing songs for the club."
I sing my song. It's hard to get the words out, as I am crying, but I sing everyone from my heart. This is me. This is the struggle that I've endured my entire life. This is the story of the little boy who knew in his heart from a young age that he wasn't a he at all. This means a lot to me and I want them all to know it. I let it out freely. I almost can't finish but the show must go on so I end my song.
"What are you saying, exactly?" Santana asks.
"Spit it out, Berry," Quinn mutters.
I take a breath. Here it goes. "A little boy was born," I say. "His name was Ross. He was a normal boy on the outside but it didn't take him long to realize that he was wrong. He was a girl. He felt like a girl and he knew he was a girl. He told his fathers and they helped him transition and become the girl she is today." I play with my gender pronouns a little, hoping that it helps ease them into what I'm really saying. "I took the name Rachel when I established my girl identity, so that way my dads could keep up with their Friends theme naming."
The club stands in front of me in shocked silence. Kurt looks around him, stands up, and applauds, nudging Finn to join him. They both clap but it doesn't exactly kill the silence all around us. "I know it was a lame segue from Ms. Holiday's 'presentation' to my song, but I figured it worked," I say.
"Wait, so Rachel's a boy?" Brittany asks. "Or she, uh, was a boy?"
I sit down and close my eyes. I hear Finn and Quinn talk beside me. "You knew about that?" Quinn asks. "Finn that's so disgusting." I shut her out. I shut everything out. I'm just trying to deal with what I just did.
"Yeah I know," I hear Finn say, despite my blocking everything out. "Just, leave her alone okay? She's an amazing, perfect girl and you don’t get it. There's nothing disgusting about it at all."
"I feel betrayed," Mercedes mumbles.
"Does she have a penis?" Brittany asks Santana.
I have to keep closing them out. I feel Kurt's arm around me but other than the people I know are on my side, I have to close everything out. After awhile, Mr. Schue finally gets his act together. "Rachel," he says. "That was a fantastic song and I definitely think it should be the highlight of our Regionals performance."
I blink and nod, leaning on Kurt's shoulder.
After the rehearsal ends, Finn comforts me. He takes me outside and holds my hand. "I really, really love you Rachel," he tells me in that breathless voice that lets me know he means it. He stares into my eyes and I find that I can finally make eye contact with someone again. I hold his gaze, because it feels safe and makes me feel less like I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. I keep his eyes in view. "That was one of the bravest things that I've ever witnessed in my whole life."
"I'm scared," I tell Finn. "I'm scared of the consequences of doing what I just did. It could be a disaster."
"It was time for your song to be sung, I think," he says, gently.
I guess it is time for my song to be sung. Our Regionals competition is a week and a half later. I wait, nervous, before New Directions is slated to go on. It makes me flash back to the previous year. Quinn actually seems nervous, which is fair considering the fact that she went into labor the last time we performed at Regionals, but the way she's treated me since she found out I was transgendered, I can't help her.
We go on.
Our first numbers are fabulous. Everyone is strong and we're better as a group than we ever, ever have been. Our final number is my song. I can hardly hold myself together as I sing. I feel like I'm screaming, well, not literally, but metaphorically at least. I'm letting out things that have been festering, boiling up inside of my chest. They come out screaming. I need Kurt and Finn to practically guide me off the stage when I'm done. I've never been in a music trance like that.
"Uh hi."
I stop in my tracks when I hear an unfamiliar voice. It's a soft, sweet voice. I notice that the voice is from an Aural Intensity boy. He has a soft feminine face and a nice smile. He looks at me nervously, shifting around and looking down at his feet. "Hi?" I say, unsure why my competition is talking to me.
"I was just wondering," he says, hesitating as he speaks, "was the song you sang…did it have anything to do with being transgendered? I mean, it could be me just reading far too deeply into the song."
I almost lie but then realize that I have absolutely nothing to lose. I think I suspect why he is asking and I take a risk. "Yes, it was," I say, "of course, it can be implied as being about any situation where you don't feel safe and comfortable in your own skin. I think it's relatable to all people, not just those of us who are trans."
The boy smiles. It's a lovely smile. "That's awesome," he says. "I'm transgendered too um, female-to-male and it really inspired me. Thank you."
I'm still reeling from that when they call us on stage.
Pairing: Rachel/Finn, Strong Rachel/Kurt friendship. Rachel/Dave friendship
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Rachel Berry has a secret she wants to reveal but is far too afraid to do so.
Warnings: Transgendered Character, Transphobia,
AN: Previous chapters can be found here.
Even though she is the favored substitute teacher at McKinley High School, I cannot stand Ms. Holliday. It's even worse now that she's acting as a sex education teacher. Now, I'm aware that small towns like this one tend to lack proper sex education but the woman is about as qualified to teach us as Mrs. Schuester was to be a nurse. Also, the fact that he's attracted to her means that Mr. Schue has enlisted her to teach us glee kids about sex and sexuality.
She is so offensive it hurts. She implies that sexual urges in high school are natural, as is acting on those urges, which I agree with, but then she goes on to imply that those who choose not to have sex are frigid and do not have their reasons. Everyone seems to be hanging off of her every word too, but I notice a few things. Mercedes, who has not had a real, steady boyfriend, seems a little upset, even though she hangs onto the words just as tightly as anyone else. Kurt shifts in his seat and rolls his eyes. Quinn looks aghast.
After she leaves, I cannot keep my mouth shut. "While I do agree that sex is natural and abstinence only sex education is dangerous," I say, "Ms. Holliday failed to acknowledge the fact that some young people, or well, people of any age, have reasons for not having sex. There are those who have been traumatized by some sort of sexual activity or assault, there are those who are not ready and have not met the right person, there are asexual individuals…" I take a deep breath, hoping that they don't think this is another one of my soapboxes. "There are also those with gender issues who are made incredibly insecure by their bodies."
I look at Mr. Schue and feel like I'm going to cry. "Mr. Schue," I say, "I would like this opportunity to perform for the glee club. It's an original song that I prepared while writing songs for the club."
I sing my song. It's hard to get the words out, as I am crying, but I sing everyone from my heart. This is me. This is the struggle that I've endured my entire life. This is the story of the little boy who knew in his heart from a young age that he wasn't a he at all. This means a lot to me and I want them all to know it. I let it out freely. I almost can't finish but the show must go on so I end my song.
"What are you saying, exactly?" Santana asks.
"Spit it out, Berry," Quinn mutters.
I take a breath. Here it goes. "A little boy was born," I say. "His name was Ross. He was a normal boy on the outside but it didn't take him long to realize that he was wrong. He was a girl. He felt like a girl and he knew he was a girl. He told his fathers and they helped him transition and become the girl she is today." I play with my gender pronouns a little, hoping that it helps ease them into what I'm really saying. "I took the name Rachel when I established my girl identity, so that way my dads could keep up with their Friends theme naming."
The club stands in front of me in shocked silence. Kurt looks around him, stands up, and applauds, nudging Finn to join him. They both clap but it doesn't exactly kill the silence all around us. "I know it was a lame segue from Ms. Holiday's 'presentation' to my song, but I figured it worked," I say.
"Wait, so Rachel's a boy?" Brittany asks. "Or she, uh, was a boy?"
I sit down and close my eyes. I hear Finn and Quinn talk beside me. "You knew about that?" Quinn asks. "Finn that's so disgusting." I shut her out. I shut everything out. I'm just trying to deal with what I just did.
"Yeah I know," I hear Finn say, despite my blocking everything out. "Just, leave her alone okay? She's an amazing, perfect girl and you don’t get it. There's nothing disgusting about it at all."
"I feel betrayed," Mercedes mumbles.
"Does she have a penis?" Brittany asks Santana.
I have to keep closing them out. I feel Kurt's arm around me but other than the people I know are on my side, I have to close everything out. After awhile, Mr. Schue finally gets his act together. "Rachel," he says. "That was a fantastic song and I definitely think it should be the highlight of our Regionals performance."
I blink and nod, leaning on Kurt's shoulder.
After the rehearsal ends, Finn comforts me. He takes me outside and holds my hand. "I really, really love you Rachel," he tells me in that breathless voice that lets me know he means it. He stares into my eyes and I find that I can finally make eye contact with someone again. I hold his gaze, because it feels safe and makes me feel less like I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. I keep his eyes in view. "That was one of the bravest things that I've ever witnessed in my whole life."
"I'm scared," I tell Finn. "I'm scared of the consequences of doing what I just did. It could be a disaster."
"It was time for your song to be sung, I think," he says, gently.
I guess it is time for my song to be sung. Our Regionals competition is a week and a half later. I wait, nervous, before New Directions is slated to go on. It makes me flash back to the previous year. Quinn actually seems nervous, which is fair considering the fact that she went into labor the last time we performed at Regionals, but the way she's treated me since she found out I was transgendered, I can't help her.
We go on.
Our first numbers are fabulous. Everyone is strong and we're better as a group than we ever, ever have been. Our final number is my song. I can hardly hold myself together as I sing. I feel like I'm screaming, well, not literally, but metaphorically at least. I'm letting out things that have been festering, boiling up inside of my chest. They come out screaming. I need Kurt and Finn to practically guide me off the stage when I'm done. I've never been in a music trance like that.
"Uh hi."
I stop in my tracks when I hear an unfamiliar voice. It's a soft, sweet voice. I notice that the voice is from an Aural Intensity boy. He has a soft feminine face and a nice smile. He looks at me nervously, shifting around and looking down at his feet. "Hi?" I say, unsure why my competition is talking to me.
"I was just wondering," he says, hesitating as he speaks, "was the song you sang…did it have anything to do with being transgendered? I mean, it could be me just reading far too deeply into the song."
I almost lie but then realize that I have absolutely nothing to lose. I think I suspect why he is asking and I take a risk. "Yes, it was," I say, "of course, it can be implied as being about any situation where you don't feel safe and comfortable in your own skin. I think it's relatable to all people, not just those of us who are trans."
The boy smiles. It's a lovely smile. "That's awesome," he says. "I'm transgendered too um, female-to-male and it really inspired me. Thank you."
I'm still reeling from that when they call us on stage.