Fic: Of Wishes and Dresses (28/38)
Title: Of Wishes and Dresses - Chapter 28
Genre: Angst / Drama
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Mike/Tina friendship, Mika/Sam
Summary: Mike Mika Chang was a girl; her body just didn't agree with that assessment.
From the moment that Mike died and Mika was born, Mika had taken extra care to avoid her body. Even when she changed her clothes and bathed, she specifically avoided looking. It bothered her and instantly led to frustration, not only with her male body but the fact that no amount of surgery could make her a biological female. She did not understand that Saturday morning why she had decided to look now, but she was looking. Her body would have been a nice body for a boy; it was a shame that she could not just give it away. It was toned and defined, decidedly masculine. It wasn't ugly, but it was hideous.
Mika wanted to get onto hormones as soon as she could. As soon as she had enough sessions with her therapist, she planned on it, but she was not sure what she thought about eventual gender reassignment surgery. She knew that not every transgendered individual chose to have surgery and she wasn’t sure what decision she would make, but still the idea terrified her. She was terrified of going under the knife of course, because who wasn’t, but she was also afraid of the potential for doctor error and the fact that she would never be biologically female and there would always be something wrong with her body even if it finally became the proper gender.
She sighed and walked away from the mirror, putting on her clothes. It wasn’t just her stupid body that was frustrating her either. The day before, at school, she had heard Santana talking to some of the other Cheerios and she had not liked what she overheard. “Sam is so dumb, thinking that he can be with her like this,” she said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. “No matter what he likes, he’s a teenage boy and he needs to stick his dick up something. He’s going to get bored of it.”
“Do you think they’d fuck?” another girl asked.
“No way,” Santana said. “I don’t pretend to get any of that tranny shit but if you don’t like your body, you’re not going to let someone screw you. Sam’s horny as hell and he has no outlet. I mean, when he and Fabray were dating he was all over her, groping her boobs and trying to get to second base. He doesn’t even have any real boobs to grope now. What’s he gonna do?”
It pissed Mika off beyond belief but she was trying her best to be non-confrontational and keep quiet. She was trying her best not to cause any more trouble that she was worth. She didn’t believe that Sam would leave her because she didn’t want to have sex but still the horrible words made her feel badly for him. Sam was a teenage boy and he did have the typical teenage boy’s libido. He deserved a girlfriend who could actually have sex with him.
Mika did want to have sex with Sam. She wanted to have sex with Sam so badly that she was literally dreaming of it at night. She just wasn’t sure that she could have sex in her male body. It seemed so wrong; just becoming aroused when she and Sam were making out had made her cry. It was horrible and she wasn’t sure that she could take it. She was not sure that she would be comfortable. As a matter of fact, she wasn’t sure that Sam would be comfortable with it. He was bisexual and all but still, he’d end up being forced into having anal sex for his first time and that was probably weird.
Mika groaned and walked downstairs. She didn’t really feel in the best of moods after all that angst and introspection. She went to the kitchen and got a drink of water. “How are you doing sweetheart?” Mari asked. She was sitting at the kitchen counter and pouring over stacks of paper and a calculator.
“I’m alright,” Mika lied, even though she had been doing nothing if not stressing out like crazy. “What are you doing?”
“Bills, bills, bills, what else?” Mari asked grinning. “I swear, things are so stressful and no offense to Daniel, but he’s horrible at math, so it’s usually less stress if I just do this kind of stuff all by myself. “
Mika sat down next to the woman and saw all the documents lined up on the table. A lot of them, well, a lot of them were related to her. She inhaled sharply as she noticed that very fact. Therapist’s bills, lawyer fees…
“Can I help you any?” she asked and well, she wasn’t exactly talking about doing the mathematics. She was stunned when it hit her: Mari and Daniel were spending a lot of money to take care of the daughter that wasn’t even theirs to take care of in the first place. It all of a sudden hurt her. “I…wow, that’s a lot of money.” Her heart fell through her chest and down to her feet. “I…didn’t know that he was that expensive.”
Mari immediately pulled the bill from her line of vision. “It’s all good,” she said softly. “Don’t worry about it Mika sweetheart. I got this.”
Mika nodded slowly and got up, but the guilt still remained tight in her chest. She was a huge financial burden to her new family. They had taken in a transgendered teenager who had been kicked out of her home, given her safety and adopted her. They were amazing but she wanted to be able to help them somehow.
She found Tina in the next room. “I want to get a job,” she said. “Where can I get a job in this town?”
Tina laughed sweetly at that, sitting back on the sofa. “This is a question that Lima teens have been asking for ages,” she said, pausing. “Wait, Mika, weren’t you planning on trying for a job at the dance studio? There’s always Asian Camp again this summer, of course, but you already know how little that pays and how little work gets done.”
Mika flinched a little bit at the memories of their relationship. It was so weird, formerly dating your own sister. Tina winced a little bit too and smiled, trying to keep the topic away from those memories. “The studio would be a fantastic idea though. You should go down and see if they’re hiring dance instructors. You’re an amazing teacher. I mean you even taught Finn how to dance halfway decently.”
“That’s not a bad idea,” Mika said.
“Why don’t we actually walk down there now?” Tina asked softly. “We’ve got nothing to do until dinner time and we can at least see if they’re looking.”
“Good plan.”
The two girls left the house, telling their mother where they were going, and headed up to the dance studio that Mika, as Mike, had once frequented. It wasn’t a huge dance studio but it would be nice if they needed some help. Mika loved teaching dance almost as much as she loved dancing. It gave her a huge smile and a sense of accomplishment when someone improved because of her instruction. “Hey Christian,” she said nervously, seeing the owner of the dance studio. “Long time no see…”
“Mike…”
“It’s Mika now,” she said softly, trying her best not to fall to the awkwardness. It had spread around town like wildfire that she was transgendered and presented as a girl now, so he very likely knew, but she had not yet attended a studio session as Mika out of her nerves. “Chris, I was wondering if you were hiring at all right now. I’m really looking for a job to help my family out and stuff and you always said that I was good enough to teach.”
The man looked Mika over, considering her. “Well, I actually am in the works of hiring two dance instructors - one four our children’s class and one for a hip-hop class. You could fill this application out and I’ll call you back for an audition?”
“That’d be great, thank you,” Mika said, taking the application to fill out. Maybe she could be helpful and no longer be a burden to her family members. She went to the small waiting area where there were chairs and began to fill out the application. “That’s so awkward,” she told Tina. “I stopped coming here for awhile after I started living as a girl. He probably hasn’t seen me since.”
“It must be strange to see someone you knew looking different,” Tina agreed, “but he seems like a very nice guy.”
Mika busied herself with the application, deciding that she could also ask Tina about another one of her insecurities. “Tina, I heard Santana say something about Sam the other day at school,” she said, scribbling away. “Do you think that he’s bothered by the fact that I’m not…prepared to be intimate? I mean, I would love to be intimate with him but the idea terrifies me. I’m not at all comfortable with my body or anything like that.”
Tina smiled softly, patting Mika on the shoulder. “Sam loves you. Sweetheart, you know he’ll wait for you to be comfortable. He’s a good guy and he loves you. Don’t let Santana’s bitchy comments make you feel anxious or upset.”
“He is a teenage boy, Tina.”
“He’s also come a long way because of one thing: You.”
Mika finished the application and handed it back to Christian before giving her sister the biggest hug she could. “I love you Tina, so much.”
Genre: Angst / Drama
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Mike/Tina friendship, Mika/Sam
Summary: Mike Mika Chang was a girl; her body just didn't agree with that assessment.
From the moment that Mike died and Mika was born, Mika had taken extra care to avoid her body. Even when she changed her clothes and bathed, she specifically avoided looking. It bothered her and instantly led to frustration, not only with her male body but the fact that no amount of surgery could make her a biological female. She did not understand that Saturday morning why she had decided to look now, but she was looking. Her body would have been a nice body for a boy; it was a shame that she could not just give it away. It was toned and defined, decidedly masculine. It wasn't ugly, but it was hideous.
Mika wanted to get onto hormones as soon as she could. As soon as she had enough sessions with her therapist, she planned on it, but she was not sure what she thought about eventual gender reassignment surgery. She knew that not every transgendered individual chose to have surgery and she wasn’t sure what decision she would make, but still the idea terrified her. She was terrified of going under the knife of course, because who wasn’t, but she was also afraid of the potential for doctor error and the fact that she would never be biologically female and there would always be something wrong with her body even if it finally became the proper gender.
She sighed and walked away from the mirror, putting on her clothes. It wasn’t just her stupid body that was frustrating her either. The day before, at school, she had heard Santana talking to some of the other Cheerios and she had not liked what she overheard. “Sam is so dumb, thinking that he can be with her like this,” she said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. “No matter what he likes, he’s a teenage boy and he needs to stick his dick up something. He’s going to get bored of it.”
“Do you think they’d fuck?” another girl asked.
“No way,” Santana said. “I don’t pretend to get any of that tranny shit but if you don’t like your body, you’re not going to let someone screw you. Sam’s horny as hell and he has no outlet. I mean, when he and Fabray were dating he was all over her, groping her boobs and trying to get to second base. He doesn’t even have any real boobs to grope now. What’s he gonna do?”
It pissed Mika off beyond belief but she was trying her best to be non-confrontational and keep quiet. She was trying her best not to cause any more trouble that she was worth. She didn’t believe that Sam would leave her because she didn’t want to have sex but still the horrible words made her feel badly for him. Sam was a teenage boy and he did have the typical teenage boy’s libido. He deserved a girlfriend who could actually have sex with him.
Mika did want to have sex with Sam. She wanted to have sex with Sam so badly that she was literally dreaming of it at night. She just wasn’t sure that she could have sex in her male body. It seemed so wrong; just becoming aroused when she and Sam were making out had made her cry. It was horrible and she wasn’t sure that she could take it. She was not sure that she would be comfortable. As a matter of fact, she wasn’t sure that Sam would be comfortable with it. He was bisexual and all but still, he’d end up being forced into having anal sex for his first time and that was probably weird.
Mika groaned and walked downstairs. She didn’t really feel in the best of moods after all that angst and introspection. She went to the kitchen and got a drink of water. “How are you doing sweetheart?” Mari asked. She was sitting at the kitchen counter and pouring over stacks of paper and a calculator.
“I’m alright,” Mika lied, even though she had been doing nothing if not stressing out like crazy. “What are you doing?”
“Bills, bills, bills, what else?” Mari asked grinning. “I swear, things are so stressful and no offense to Daniel, but he’s horrible at math, so it’s usually less stress if I just do this kind of stuff all by myself. “
Mika sat down next to the woman and saw all the documents lined up on the table. A lot of them, well, a lot of them were related to her. She inhaled sharply as she noticed that very fact. Therapist’s bills, lawyer fees…
“Can I help you any?” she asked and well, she wasn’t exactly talking about doing the mathematics. She was stunned when it hit her: Mari and Daniel were spending a lot of money to take care of the daughter that wasn’t even theirs to take care of in the first place. It all of a sudden hurt her. “I…wow, that’s a lot of money.” Her heart fell through her chest and down to her feet. “I…didn’t know that he was that expensive.”
Mari immediately pulled the bill from her line of vision. “It’s all good,” she said softly. “Don’t worry about it Mika sweetheart. I got this.”
Mika nodded slowly and got up, but the guilt still remained tight in her chest. She was a huge financial burden to her new family. They had taken in a transgendered teenager who had been kicked out of her home, given her safety and adopted her. They were amazing but she wanted to be able to help them somehow.
She found Tina in the next room. “I want to get a job,” she said. “Where can I get a job in this town?”
Tina laughed sweetly at that, sitting back on the sofa. “This is a question that Lima teens have been asking for ages,” she said, pausing. “Wait, Mika, weren’t you planning on trying for a job at the dance studio? There’s always Asian Camp again this summer, of course, but you already know how little that pays and how little work gets done.”
Mika flinched a little bit at the memories of their relationship. It was so weird, formerly dating your own sister. Tina winced a little bit too and smiled, trying to keep the topic away from those memories. “The studio would be a fantastic idea though. You should go down and see if they’re hiring dance instructors. You’re an amazing teacher. I mean you even taught Finn how to dance halfway decently.”
“That’s not a bad idea,” Mika said.
“Why don’t we actually walk down there now?” Tina asked softly. “We’ve got nothing to do until dinner time and we can at least see if they’re looking.”
“Good plan.”
The two girls left the house, telling their mother where they were going, and headed up to the dance studio that Mika, as Mike, had once frequented. It wasn’t a huge dance studio but it would be nice if they needed some help. Mika loved teaching dance almost as much as she loved dancing. It gave her a huge smile and a sense of accomplishment when someone improved because of her instruction. “Hey Christian,” she said nervously, seeing the owner of the dance studio. “Long time no see…”
“Mike…”
“It’s Mika now,” she said softly, trying her best not to fall to the awkwardness. It had spread around town like wildfire that she was transgendered and presented as a girl now, so he very likely knew, but she had not yet attended a studio session as Mika out of her nerves. “Chris, I was wondering if you were hiring at all right now. I’m really looking for a job to help my family out and stuff and you always said that I was good enough to teach.”
The man looked Mika over, considering her. “Well, I actually am in the works of hiring two dance instructors - one four our children’s class and one for a hip-hop class. You could fill this application out and I’ll call you back for an audition?”
“That’d be great, thank you,” Mika said, taking the application to fill out. Maybe she could be helpful and no longer be a burden to her family members. She went to the small waiting area where there were chairs and began to fill out the application. “That’s so awkward,” she told Tina. “I stopped coming here for awhile after I started living as a girl. He probably hasn’t seen me since.”
“It must be strange to see someone you knew looking different,” Tina agreed, “but he seems like a very nice guy.”
Mika busied herself with the application, deciding that she could also ask Tina about another one of her insecurities. “Tina, I heard Santana say something about Sam the other day at school,” she said, scribbling away. “Do you think that he’s bothered by the fact that I’m not…prepared to be intimate? I mean, I would love to be intimate with him but the idea terrifies me. I’m not at all comfortable with my body or anything like that.”
Tina smiled softly, patting Mika on the shoulder. “Sam loves you. Sweetheart, you know he’ll wait for you to be comfortable. He’s a good guy and he loves you. Don’t let Santana’s bitchy comments make you feel anxious or upset.”
“He is a teenage boy, Tina.”
“He’s also come a long way because of one thing: You.”
Mika finished the application and handed it back to Christian before giving her sister the biggest hug she could. “I love you Tina, so much.”