Fic: Revelations (5/?)
Title: Revelations - 5/?
Genre: Angst
Rating: R
Pairing: Dave/Puck friendship
Summary: Nobody knew Dave Karofsky's reasons for being so hateful, until it all came together.
Warnings: Mention of past rape.
Puck spent most of the next school day thinking about telling his mom. It was not going to be easy, at all, but maybe if he told her then he could actually start to heal. He could actually stop thinking about how it felt, the other man’s bigger body pressing down on his, all the heat of the contact that he didn’t want. He could stop dreaming about it at night. Maybe he could stop shoving down his pain, so that he didn’t have to let it out in bouts of fucking whoever would let him, doing whatever caused a scene, whatever brught the most attention.
Maybe he could be a better person if only he told his mother.
“Puckerman.”
Karofsky had definitely snuck up on him, because he had not seen the other boy coming. “Hi,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets. Nothing could make Dave Karofsky look small, but he did appear as though he was trying to look as small as possible, just vanish into the crowded hallway. “I jus’…I wanted to let you know that I talked to my mom yesterday. I told her everything. I told her that I was - you know - and that everyone knew. I also told her what he did to you, well not to you specifically, but to someone.”
Puck froze up. Oh god. He was so not ready for this. He looked at Dave and shook his head from side to side. “No,” he said.
“Man, I…” Karofsky said, struggling with his words. “He was arrested a couple years ago. I don’t know if that’s like comforting or something, but he was.”
It was sort of comforting, Puck supposed, but it didn’t stop the fact that the man had been haunting his dreams for way too long. He shifted a little. “I’m gonna tell my mom. I went to Kurt, trying to figure out what I should do. I just…I’m so sorry that it screwed you up so bad. It’s kinda sick.”
“Dude, I’m not the problem,” Dave said firmly. “I just…I never told. It’s my fault you got messed up by this.”
“You were a kid.”
“So were you.”
Puck shrugged his shoulders. “It’s all good man,” he mumbled. “What matters right now is what’s here and now. Is it getting any better, the way that people are treating you? I know it must suck being the butt of everyone’s jokes.”
“Nah,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “Don’t freak about it though. I deserve it man, I deserve it like…so much, because of what went down with Hummel. It’s like that karma thing.”
Puck grinned a little bit. Dave was so intent on being some kind of martyr over this. “Shit went down really bad with Kurt, didn’t it?” he asked. “The moment I mentioned your name he looked at me like I was crazy.”
Dave shook his head. “Don’t even, okay? It’s bad but I’ve been doin’ my best to get em to shut up.”
“I’d offer you a place in glee but that may cause more drama, really. I know it stopped me from being so messed up and everything.”
“I’ll pass,” he said, but that did get a smile out of the reformed bully.
“Dude, you wanna head out to the football field or something?” Puck asked. “I have a ball on me. I just…I can’t think right now.”
Karofsky nodded. He and Puck walked outside and out of the suffocating halls of McKinley high school. Puck took the football out of his bag and threw the bag onto the grass, throwing the ball across the field and towards the other boy in a short pass. Dave picked it up when it hit the ground. “Weak dude,” he teased before backing off and tossing it back.
A few moments passed and Puck tossed the ball low. “Dude, were you okay with being gay when you were a kid?” he asked. “I mean, probably not okay, cause this is Lima and all, but you know what I mean.”
Dave caught the ball and held it in both hands, rolling it for a moment. “I wasn’t okay with it,” he mumbled. “I mean, Dad always said things like ‘what a queer,’ ‘don’t play like a fairy-boy’ and I knew it wouldn’t be easy to be gay, but it didn’t bother me much back then. I started liking guys, but I wasn’t gonna stop bein’ me you know? I’m not a fairy-boy or whatever. I knew my mom’s brother was gay and she was okay with him, so I kept an eye on him.”
“Is that why you were visiting him?”
Dave finally passed the ball back and he focused on that. He felt horrible. God, the kid had been using his uncle as an example of what a good gay guy was and how a regular old gay guy lived and functioned.
“Sorta yeah,” Dave mumbled. “It was like, I knew he was gay and people were still cool with him so I wanted to be around him more. Mom liked it and all, my being comfortable with her brother. I was pretty close to coming out when I saw…”
Puck inhaled. Fuck. He threw the ball hard. Dave didn’t mind the extra moment he had to take chasing it, either, because he absolutely darted after it. If Puck hadn’t been raped and if Dave had not witnessed it, how much would be different about their worlds?
“I gotta admit something,” he said, nodding towards the bleachers when Dave returned. They made their way towards them. “When I was talking to him about all of this, for advice, I told Kurt. I didn’t know who to ask for help, so I had to go to Kurt, to talk about this stuff. He told me that I need to tell someone, and since you told your mom and it’ll…it’ll get out sometime now, I think I’m gonna talk to my Ma.”
Dave paled at the mention of Kurt. Puck watched his face tense up and he could practically hear his racing heart. “You told Hummel everything?” he asked softly. “Oh.”
“Why is he such a trigger-point for you?” Puck asked, climbing to the top of the bleachers, where they had spoken before. “I know that it must’ve been hard being this repressed gay dude while Kurt was prancing around not caring who knew he was gay, and you really made his life shit but…”
“I kissed him, Puckerman.”
Puck looked up, and god, Dave looked close to tears. He clenched his fists up and sat down on the seat next to Puck’s with a thudding sound. “I kissed him,” he said. “I had been shoving him around for the longest time, because of what he was. He was this fucked up dude, but he was also what I wanted to be, proud of myself, okay with myself. I pushed and pushed and pushed until he finally got some balls and pushed back.”
Dave wiped his eyes. “I’d never hit him, you know? But I was in his face and he was yelling and I threatened and he kept pushing so I-I broke, dude. I did what I had wanted to do all that time. I wanted to kiss him; I wanted to show him what I kept hiding so I did it.”
“Damn.”
“He was so scared and pissed and I realized I couldn’t hide anymore. Fuck, I even t-tried to do it again, just cause I felt good for the first time in forever.”
“Dude, that wasn’t right.”
‘Don’t I know it,” he mumbled, low, looking up.
“You and Kurt should probably talk,” Puck mentioned quietly.
“Dude, he’d never even come near me after the shit I pulled. I was so scared he’d tell, I said dumb, horrible things…”
“I’ll arrange it,” Puck said, a frantic need to go home gripping his chest. He had to start this fixing itself. He had to make it start working. “Dude, I gotta go. I’m ditching. I gotta tell my mom.”
Dave looked at him like he understood. “I get you.”
Genre: Angst
Rating: R
Pairing: Dave/Puck friendship
Summary: Nobody knew Dave Karofsky's reasons for being so hateful, until it all came together.
Warnings: Mention of past rape.
Puck spent most of the next school day thinking about telling his mom. It was not going to be easy, at all, but maybe if he told her then he could actually start to heal. He could actually stop thinking about how it felt, the other man’s bigger body pressing down on his, all the heat of the contact that he didn’t want. He could stop dreaming about it at night. Maybe he could stop shoving down his pain, so that he didn’t have to let it out in bouts of fucking whoever would let him, doing whatever caused a scene, whatever brught the most attention.
Maybe he could be a better person if only he told his mother.
“Puckerman.”
Karofsky had definitely snuck up on him, because he had not seen the other boy coming. “Hi,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets. Nothing could make Dave Karofsky look small, but he did appear as though he was trying to look as small as possible, just vanish into the crowded hallway. “I jus’…I wanted to let you know that I talked to my mom yesterday. I told her everything. I told her that I was - you know - and that everyone knew. I also told her what he did to you, well not to you specifically, but to someone.”
Puck froze up. Oh god. He was so not ready for this. He looked at Dave and shook his head from side to side. “No,” he said.
“Man, I…” Karofsky said, struggling with his words. “He was arrested a couple years ago. I don’t know if that’s like comforting or something, but he was.”
It was sort of comforting, Puck supposed, but it didn’t stop the fact that the man had been haunting his dreams for way too long. He shifted a little. “I’m gonna tell my mom. I went to Kurt, trying to figure out what I should do. I just…I’m so sorry that it screwed you up so bad. It’s kinda sick.”
“Dude, I’m not the problem,” Dave said firmly. “I just…I never told. It’s my fault you got messed up by this.”
“You were a kid.”
“So were you.”
Puck shrugged his shoulders. “It’s all good man,” he mumbled. “What matters right now is what’s here and now. Is it getting any better, the way that people are treating you? I know it must suck being the butt of everyone’s jokes.”
“Nah,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “Don’t freak about it though. I deserve it man, I deserve it like…so much, because of what went down with Hummel. It’s like that karma thing.”
Puck grinned a little bit. Dave was so intent on being some kind of martyr over this. “Shit went down really bad with Kurt, didn’t it?” he asked. “The moment I mentioned your name he looked at me like I was crazy.”
Dave shook his head. “Don’t even, okay? It’s bad but I’ve been doin’ my best to get em to shut up.”
“I’d offer you a place in glee but that may cause more drama, really. I know it stopped me from being so messed up and everything.”
“I’ll pass,” he said, but that did get a smile out of the reformed bully.
“Dude, you wanna head out to the football field or something?” Puck asked. “I have a ball on me. I just…I can’t think right now.”
Karofsky nodded. He and Puck walked outside and out of the suffocating halls of McKinley high school. Puck took the football out of his bag and threw the bag onto the grass, throwing the ball across the field and towards the other boy in a short pass. Dave picked it up when it hit the ground. “Weak dude,” he teased before backing off and tossing it back.
A few moments passed and Puck tossed the ball low. “Dude, were you okay with being gay when you were a kid?” he asked. “I mean, probably not okay, cause this is Lima and all, but you know what I mean.”
Dave caught the ball and held it in both hands, rolling it for a moment. “I wasn’t okay with it,” he mumbled. “I mean, Dad always said things like ‘what a queer,’ ‘don’t play like a fairy-boy’ and I knew it wouldn’t be easy to be gay, but it didn’t bother me much back then. I started liking guys, but I wasn’t gonna stop bein’ me you know? I’m not a fairy-boy or whatever. I knew my mom’s brother was gay and she was okay with him, so I kept an eye on him.”
“Is that why you were visiting him?”
Dave finally passed the ball back and he focused on that. He felt horrible. God, the kid had been using his uncle as an example of what a good gay guy was and how a regular old gay guy lived and functioned.
“Sorta yeah,” Dave mumbled. “It was like, I knew he was gay and people were still cool with him so I wanted to be around him more. Mom liked it and all, my being comfortable with her brother. I was pretty close to coming out when I saw…”
Puck inhaled. Fuck. He threw the ball hard. Dave didn’t mind the extra moment he had to take chasing it, either, because he absolutely darted after it. If Puck hadn’t been raped and if Dave had not witnessed it, how much would be different about their worlds?
“I gotta admit something,” he said, nodding towards the bleachers when Dave returned. They made their way towards them. “When I was talking to him about all of this, for advice, I told Kurt. I didn’t know who to ask for help, so I had to go to Kurt, to talk about this stuff. He told me that I need to tell someone, and since you told your mom and it’ll…it’ll get out sometime now, I think I’m gonna talk to my Ma.”
Dave paled at the mention of Kurt. Puck watched his face tense up and he could practically hear his racing heart. “You told Hummel everything?” he asked softly. “Oh.”
“Why is he such a trigger-point for you?” Puck asked, climbing to the top of the bleachers, where they had spoken before. “I know that it must’ve been hard being this repressed gay dude while Kurt was prancing around not caring who knew he was gay, and you really made his life shit but…”
“I kissed him, Puckerman.”
Puck looked up, and god, Dave looked close to tears. He clenched his fists up and sat down on the seat next to Puck’s with a thudding sound. “I kissed him,” he said. “I had been shoving him around for the longest time, because of what he was. He was this fucked up dude, but he was also what I wanted to be, proud of myself, okay with myself. I pushed and pushed and pushed until he finally got some balls and pushed back.”
Dave wiped his eyes. “I’d never hit him, you know? But I was in his face and he was yelling and I threatened and he kept pushing so I-I broke, dude. I did what I had wanted to do all that time. I wanted to kiss him; I wanted to show him what I kept hiding so I did it.”
“Damn.”
“He was so scared and pissed and I realized I couldn’t hide anymore. Fuck, I even t-tried to do it again, just cause I felt good for the first time in forever.”
“Dude, that wasn’t right.”
‘Don’t I know it,” he mumbled, low, looking up.
“You and Kurt should probably talk,” Puck mentioned quietly.
“Dude, he’d never even come near me after the shit I pulled. I was so scared he’d tell, I said dumb, horrible things…”
“I’ll arrange it,” Puck said, a frantic need to go home gripping his chest. He had to start this fixing itself. He had to make it start working. “Dude, I gotta go. I’m ditching. I gotta tell my mom.”
Dave looked at him like he understood. “I get you.”