(no subject)
i have alot on my mind....not sure about certain things in my personal life right now...
i mean...Anthony considers me one of his best friends...which is what i wanted...right? I always wanted him to be close to me, to confide in me, to feel that i'm a neccesity...so i should be happy....right? He comes over every weekend, calls every night, even comes over during the week days...that's great...right?
i'm not happy...i love him too much...i really, truly do love him....as much of an asshole as he is...no matter what he has/will do...i love him....and that is my downfall....
i want someone to love me BACK...i want someone to want me forever....to want to be with me for me...to be sure about me...to cherish me like i do him...to not want to be without me...to consider me special....WHY CANT I FIND THAT!!!!! WHY CANT I BE THAT LUCKY?!
i'm tired of this....i so tired of his remiders that we're nothing more than friends...i'm tired of him seeing my pain and ignoring it...i'm tired of the "I WAS falling for you"s and the "I felt this way about u ONCE"s...i sick and tired of these games...i NEED him to make up his mind...i cant take this shit nemore...i cant be wit neone else...i've tried...many, MANY times...i'm not happy unless he's around...THIS IS RIDICULOUS....i feel like my mother...except...i dont think i'll win out like she did...
why cant he see that something in me...WHAT DONT I HAVE???? WHAT DONT I DO???? why cant he see? does he not know? does he not know that i would love him forever...never cheat...always treat him like he wants...i mean DAMN...
I NEED TO LEAVE...i need to stop...stop letting him have his cake and eat it too...if i cant be happy...why should he??? he shouldnt get to have everything but a relationship...WHY IS HE ALWAYS AROUND?! if he doesnt want me...why does he act like it? why does he always call? why does he care? why does he act stupid when i have something other to do besides be with him? why does he get mad if i get mad at him? WHY DOES HE CARE?!
I NEED ONE FOR ME!!!! i need a man to look at me like i'd look at him...i had that once...but we were to0o young...to dumb...we fucked it up
you know what i dont understand???? why is it that everyone else i ever talked to but him...wants me like that? whats me to be their girls...would die to hav me? why?? and why is it that i dont want them???!!! what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!
i gotta go...i NEED to go...i gotta stop...i need to let him go...if he comes back...i will love and cherish him till i die...if he doesnt...i will love and cherish his memory until i die...i know i love hard...but i'm true...i'm honest...i have to force myself to leave him alone...and be prepared to do it for good...i love him...but its too deep...if i cant have all of him...than i cant have ne...like he said...he single...so so am i...imma be my old self...fuck the loyalty! fuck being true! fuck love!
"Gotta go...gotta leave...so please don't make it hard for me...i gave enough...i'm tired of love...i gotta let it go"
i mean...Anthony considers me one of his best friends...which is what i wanted...right? I always wanted him to be close to me, to confide in me, to feel that i'm a neccesity...so i should be happy....right? He comes over every weekend, calls every night, even comes over during the week days...that's great...right?
i'm not happy...i love him too much...i really, truly do love him....as much of an asshole as he is...no matter what he has/will do...i love him....and that is my downfall....
i want someone to love me BACK...i want someone to want me forever....to want to be with me for me...to be sure about me...to cherish me like i do him...to not want to be without me...to consider me special....WHY CANT I FIND THAT!!!!! WHY CANT I BE THAT LUCKY?!
i'm tired of this....i so tired of his remiders that we're nothing more than friends...i'm tired of him seeing my pain and ignoring it...i'm tired of the "I WAS falling for you"s and the "I felt this way about u ONCE"s...i sick and tired of these games...i NEED him to make up his mind...i cant take this shit nemore...i cant be wit neone else...i've tried...many, MANY times...i'm not happy unless he's around...THIS IS RIDICULOUS....i feel like my mother...except...i dont think i'll win out like she did...
why cant he see that something in me...WHAT DONT I HAVE???? WHAT DONT I DO???? why cant he see? does he not know? does he not know that i would love him forever...never cheat...always treat him like he wants...i mean DAMN...
I NEED TO LEAVE...i need to stop...stop letting him have his cake and eat it too...if i cant be happy...why should he??? he shouldnt get to have everything but a relationship...WHY IS HE ALWAYS AROUND?! if he doesnt want me...why does he act like it? why does he always call? why does he care? why does he act stupid when i have something other to do besides be with him? why does he get mad if i get mad at him? WHY DOES HE CARE?!
I NEED ONE FOR ME!!!! i need a man to look at me like i'd look at him...i had that once...but we were to0o young...to dumb...we fucked it up
you know what i dont understand???? why is it that everyone else i ever talked to but him...wants me like that? whats me to be their girls...would die to hav me? why?? and why is it that i dont want them???!!! what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!
i gotta go...i NEED to go...i gotta stop...i need to let him go...if he comes back...i will love and cherish him till i die...if he doesnt...i will love and cherish his memory until i die...i know i love hard...but i'm true...i'm honest...i have to force myself to leave him alone...and be prepared to do it for good...i love him...but its too deep...if i cant have all of him...than i cant have ne...like he said...he single...so so am i...imma be my old self...fuck the loyalty! fuck being true! fuck love!
"Gotta go...gotta leave...so please don't make it hard for me...i gave enough...i'm tired of love...i gotta let it go"