First or Second, that is the question
Ok, not that anyone ever reads my lj but i do have a question for all of you out there. This week I am entering a poetry contest and I have been working on two poems. We are only allowed to submit one piece of writing so I was hoping you guys could commment on which poem you liked better and offer suggestions for any changes I might make. all of this would be greatly apprecicated. So, here are the poems:
NUMBER 1: Always Remember, Forever Regret
Always remember the suffering of the lost
Always remember life changes too fast
Forever regret what pain love can cost
Forever regret present quickly turns past
Always remember the face of a baby
Always remember the cry of laughter’s tears
Forever regret the unending maybe
Forever regret your shameful fears
Always remember the sun of tomorrow
Always remember passion’s deep plea
Forever regret the rains of sorrow
Forever regret your fateful flee
Always remember winds bringing a new
Always remember hidden pleasures
Forever regret our goodbyes so few
Forever regret hate’s personal treasures
Always remember those out of your reach
Always remember expectations not met
Always remember what life is meant to teach
Always remember to never regret.
NUMBER 2: WHispering Fate
Golden rays sprinkle onto green fields
Sharp winds blow fiercely the crinkled leaves
As stone, I gaze to see what time yields
Lightly carrying what each soul heaves
Running through the meadow of wheat
All is yellow, afraid of what could be
I slow down, thinking of life’s feat
Wondering if he shall set me free
I fall to the ground beneath the birch
Soft grass blades rub against my will
Beyond the sun, deep blue water does search
Determines when life shall last until
Winds again sift through my hair
Telling the glory our fate does hold
But icy breath follows to share
The stories not yet told
A single leaf falls to the ground
Clouds blow forth; ready to show
He whispers fate is not determined but found
Something man is not meant to know
Well, there they are and I am hoping someone out there will give me feedback. I would be nice. Anyways, Father of the Bride is this week. My first lead role. I hope i do ok. I mean the show is kinda slow but it is funny so I think thats good. Altho, our director is a nazi, she is making us saty until 8 pm on monday after school. Thats 13 fuckin hours at school. Oh well. OK, i guess i should go do my homework bye!
NUMBER 1: Always Remember, Forever Regret
Always remember the suffering of the lost
Always remember life changes too fast
Forever regret what pain love can cost
Forever regret present quickly turns past
Always remember the face of a baby
Always remember the cry of laughter’s tears
Forever regret the unending maybe
Forever regret your shameful fears
Always remember the sun of tomorrow
Always remember passion’s deep plea
Forever regret the rains of sorrow
Forever regret your fateful flee
Always remember winds bringing a new
Always remember hidden pleasures
Forever regret our goodbyes so few
Forever regret hate’s personal treasures
Always remember those out of your reach
Always remember expectations not met
Always remember what life is meant to teach
Always remember to never regret.
NUMBER 2: WHispering Fate
Golden rays sprinkle onto green fields
Sharp winds blow fiercely the crinkled leaves
As stone, I gaze to see what time yields
Lightly carrying what each soul heaves
Running through the meadow of wheat
All is yellow, afraid of what could be
I slow down, thinking of life’s feat
Wondering if he shall set me free
I fall to the ground beneath the birch
Soft grass blades rub against my will
Beyond the sun, deep blue water does search
Determines when life shall last until
Winds again sift through my hair
Telling the glory our fate does hold
But icy breath follows to share
The stories not yet told
A single leaf falls to the ground
Clouds blow forth; ready to show
He whispers fate is not determined but found
Something man is not meant to know
Well, there they are and I am hoping someone out there will give me feedback. I would be nice. Anyways, Father of the Bride is this week. My first lead role. I hope i do ok. I mean the show is kinda slow but it is funny so I think thats good. Altho, our director is a nazi, she is making us saty until 8 pm on monday after school. Thats 13 fuckin hours at school. Oh well. OK, i guess i should go do my homework bye!