Broken records, anyone?
Eventually I'm going to stop being surprised every time shit like this happens. We were just supposed to meet with Lauren to catch up because she's been away at college and is back for the summer. So around 2 I started trying to get in touch with Amanda just to remind her of our plans. Around four I gave her a call and took a shower when she didn't answer. Called her again around 4:15 since we were supposed to be there at 5, still no answer. Asked my dad if he could give me a ride since my car is out of order, but he's working so it wasn't going to be easy to break away.
I called her house phone and she answered that. She had been sleeping. Inevitably decided she was too tired, even though at that point we needed to meet Lauren in about ten minutes. She said she'd call Lauren and tell her, but at that point it's impossible to keep the strain out of my voice. She knows I'm upset and somehow that makes it worse because even though I'd like to scream at her I still don't want her to be mad at me in turn. She wants to reschedule for Sunday, but I'm going to be working. So now we've postponed indefinitely, and she says, "I know you're pissed at me. I'm sorry but I'm just really tired and I don't feel well." And there's an awkward "It's okay. ....Talk to you later." "Okay...bye..."
Call it cold but I feel like her excuses are almost completely invalid. She knew ahead of time we were supposed to see Lauren, she knew it would be after work, she knew she'd be tired. She tells me she went to bed at seven last night and she's still tired, as if that's supposed to prove a point even though out of boredom I checked her Twitter last night and she was still posting around 10. She took a nap because she forgot we were supposed to meet with Lauren, otherwise she would have been awake enough to get her shit together.
And then there's me feeling bad because she could tell I was angry. Feeling bad like I'm not supposed to be angry. This happens all the time, to the point where I'm actually more surprised when plans work out. Because when something can't work it's always because she doesn't feel like it, she's tired, she's busy. Because she's never the one trying to make plans, because she's never the one who has to care about whether plans work or not. Because she doesn't try, and I can't make her no matter how many times I tell her how easy it is and how bad I feel when she doesn't.
Oh, and yeah. Congratulations to her for being able to hold plans every Tuesday for three weeks in a row. Good job on that. On me spending $12.50 per ticket to get you to see a movie you should have watched at home with me for nothing out of your own goddamn free will. Because that's what I asked you for, for fucking Christmas. In September, I asked for that. And now I'm treating YOU to it, and you don't even really care that much. But if I don't do it, it's never going to happen. I'm apparently that desperate to spend time with you.
You know last Tuesday she jokingly complained that I'm always at her house, why don't we ever do shit at my house? And I said she could but she doesn't, and she laughed and told me to shut up.
There is literally nothing I can do. I can continue to work my ass off for a mediocre one-sided friendship or I can give up and not have to worry about friends at all. Both options are equally as shitty. I must be sick, to feel like dying every time she does something selfish and still find myself during the day thinking that it would by nice to get her a Zelda game she doesn't have.
Somebody please tell me what I'm supposed to do here.
I called her house phone and she answered that. She had been sleeping. Inevitably decided she was too tired, even though at that point we needed to meet Lauren in about ten minutes. She said she'd call Lauren and tell her, but at that point it's impossible to keep the strain out of my voice. She knows I'm upset and somehow that makes it worse because even though I'd like to scream at her I still don't want her to be mad at me in turn. She wants to reschedule for Sunday, but I'm going to be working. So now we've postponed indefinitely, and she says, "I know you're pissed at me. I'm sorry but I'm just really tired and I don't feel well." And there's an awkward "It's okay. ....Talk to you later." "Okay...bye..."
Call it cold but I feel like her excuses are almost completely invalid. She knew ahead of time we were supposed to see Lauren, she knew it would be after work, she knew she'd be tired. She tells me she went to bed at seven last night and she's still tired, as if that's supposed to prove a point even though out of boredom I checked her Twitter last night and she was still posting around 10. She took a nap because she forgot we were supposed to meet with Lauren, otherwise she would have been awake enough to get her shit together.
And then there's me feeling bad because she could tell I was angry. Feeling bad like I'm not supposed to be angry. This happens all the time, to the point where I'm actually more surprised when plans work out. Because when something can't work it's always because she doesn't feel like it, she's tired, she's busy. Because she's never the one trying to make plans, because she's never the one who has to care about whether plans work or not. Because she doesn't try, and I can't make her no matter how many times I tell her how easy it is and how bad I feel when she doesn't.
Oh, and yeah. Congratulations to her for being able to hold plans every Tuesday for three weeks in a row. Good job on that. On me spending $12.50 per ticket to get you to see a movie you should have watched at home with me for nothing out of your own goddamn free will. Because that's what I asked you for, for fucking Christmas. In September, I asked for that. And now I'm treating YOU to it, and you don't even really care that much. But if I don't do it, it's never going to happen. I'm apparently that desperate to spend time with you.
You know last Tuesday she jokingly complained that I'm always at her house, why don't we ever do shit at my house? And I said she could but she doesn't, and she laughed and told me to shut up.
There is literally nothing I can do. I can continue to work my ass off for a mediocre one-sided friendship or I can give up and not have to worry about friends at all. Both options are equally as shitty. I must be sick, to feel like dying every time she does something selfish and still find myself during the day thinking that it would by nice to get her a Zelda game she doesn't have.
Somebody please tell me what I'm supposed to do here.