Extreme Paintbrawl
It was early in the morning, and both teams were filled to the brim with a freshly made breakfast that consisted of omelets from a well-trained chef and various other breakfast meats and veggies. The referees pulled both teams aside, made them sign waivers, and promptly loaded up each person with a weapon, backup ammo, and basic instructions.
I turned and surveyed my surroundings. Nature's splendor in its purest form, that of an early morning forest, seemed to reach out an envelope me. As I walked through the wooded path, I noticed a small woodland creature scampering out to meet the early morning, and I felt my heart rise a bit. The creature stopped and seemed to smile at me as he was going along his way, and for a second we exchanged the knowing winks of mammals thriving in a natural environment. Then, I raised my paintball gun and RIDDLED HIS LI'L A$$ FULL OF PAINT! MOOO HAHAHAHAHAH!
CRIKEY! Why the 'ELL didn't anyone ever tell me about how swanky paintball fields were! I mean, seriously, I had an idea but never knew it'd be quite that enjoyable. I had the standard fears: being shot in the neck, in the crotch, or in the back o' the head, but I'm happy to report none of that even came close to happening. In fact, on two separate occasions I got hit and dinnae even notice until the ref called me offa the field.
For those of you not fully in the know, I went to a field (that shall remain nameless) with work, which meant there were a lot of people toting weaponary on a lotta fields. The first event though, included EVERYONE on a single field. During this event, I ran out to a barricade, cemented myself in place, turned to get the movement plan from the other guys, and promptly got shot in the face-mask. The very next round I did much better, taking out a couple of people, only to get shot in the man-boobz no less than 68 consecutive times (I knew those things would come in handy one day).
But the reason you're here is for the embarassing stuff right? Welp, during one event, my team was in a structure and one of our snipers on the wall went down. I ran up to take his place, and noticed a gunner out in the field! Using the reflexes of a Ninja Monkey, I dodged one of the shots, and then violently threw myself off the six-foot catwalk onto the vicious, uncaring ground below. My face-mask ended up somewhere in central Texas and my paintball gun was embedded into the ground no less than ten feet. One of the referees said "Chickens eat blue beetles" or "Are you okay" or something. I was sorta dazed and couldn't really understand.
So, it was, as Dane Cook would say, a "Blasty blast," of about five hours worth of entertainment. One day, prolly spring or later winter, we gotsa get a group out there. Filled with fat, slow moving targets!
Quotable Quote:
"...we like violence [and] I know you're like me, when you see someone walking down the street with a Superman shirt on you just wanna shoot them in the chest and when they start to bleed say 'I guess not.' --Dane Cook
I turned and surveyed my surroundings. Nature's splendor in its purest form, that of an early morning forest, seemed to reach out an envelope me. As I walked through the wooded path, I noticed a small woodland creature scampering out to meet the early morning, and I felt my heart rise a bit. The creature stopped and seemed to smile at me as he was going along his way, and for a second we exchanged the knowing winks of mammals thriving in a natural environment. Then, I raised my paintball gun and RIDDLED HIS LI'L A$$ FULL OF PAINT! MOOO HAHAHAHAHAH!
CRIKEY! Why the 'ELL didn't anyone ever tell me about how swanky paintball fields were! I mean, seriously, I had an idea but never knew it'd be quite that enjoyable. I had the standard fears: being shot in the neck, in the crotch, or in the back o' the head, but I'm happy to report none of that even came close to happening. In fact, on two separate occasions I got hit and dinnae even notice until the ref called me offa the field.
For those of you not fully in the know, I went to a field (that shall remain nameless) with work, which meant there were a lot of people toting weaponary on a lotta fields. The first event though, included EVERYONE on a single field. During this event, I ran out to a barricade, cemented myself in place, turned to get the movement plan from the other guys, and promptly got shot in the face-mask. The very next round I did much better, taking out a couple of people, only to get shot in the man-boobz no less than 68 consecutive times (I knew those things would come in handy one day).
But the reason you're here is for the embarassing stuff right? Welp, during one event, my team was in a structure and one of our snipers on the wall went down. I ran up to take his place, and noticed a gunner out in the field! Using the reflexes of a Ninja Monkey, I dodged one of the shots, and then violently threw myself off the six-foot catwalk onto the vicious, uncaring ground below. My face-mask ended up somewhere in central Texas and my paintball gun was embedded into the ground no less than ten feet. One of the referees said "Chickens eat blue beetles" or "Are you okay" or something. I was sorta dazed and couldn't really understand.
So, it was, as Dane Cook would say, a "Blasty blast," of about five hours worth of entertainment. One day, prolly spring or later winter, we gotsa get a group out there. Filled with fat, slow moving targets!
Quotable Quote:
"...we like violence [and] I know you're like me, when you see someone walking down the street with a Superman shirt on you just wanna shoot them in the chest and when they start to bleed say 'I guess not.' --Dane Cook