A New Beginning Is Near
I began traveling several days ago to spend a year countryside, to plan and work on the beginning of my new life. But my journey has been cut short for the time being, until my body can heal.
What will hopefully be the last entry into my past "year of hell", is my sudden development of appendicitis. Some pretty scary shit when they tell you in the ER, "your appendix is inflamed. You made it just in time before it ruptured." Well, how the hell did this happen in the first place?... but, of course, there is no answer to that question.
At first, I was scared out of my mind- I've never had surgery before. My fear overpowered the pain I was going through- I was so close to death, as if for some reason I Had to experience it, But-no matter what, it wasn't going to be able to touch me.
To add, I was also stuck in a place where last year my "year of hell" really began.
What the Fuck is happening to me? When will this year end?
They took me into pre-op, and began to administer into my IV- the fun calming/sleepy stuff to knock my ass out. And that is no joke- I watched her put that needle into my IV; watched her push the happy substance in, and that's the last thing I remembered.
The operation was to only take several hours, but when I awoke, it seemed only minutes had passed with the same nurses and doctors beside me. "The operation was a success", they said to me while I was in and out of consciousness.
I don't think I even cared, I was just happy to be alive, and also happy I didn't feel or remember a thing!
The next day when I woke up, I felt so much pain, but also more comfort... I was grateful.
Grateful to know- things do happen for a reason.
Ex.. 2 months ago, I was diagnosed with having anxiety/panic disorder.
If it wasn't for this disorder, I would be dead right now! I would
have thought the pain I was having in my stomach and lower right
side was a stomach flu of some kind and would have stayed home
and hoped for it to go away sometime later since I hated going to
the hospital.
But because of this disorder, it made me wonder about the pain I
was having, and made me think it could be something serious. So
thankfully, I decided to go to the dreaded hospital.
What was also strange about developing this disorder, was that I'm usually a very happy person, and I wouldn't usually allow things to bother me. If problems arose, especially the ones during my "year of hell" I would deal with it and get over it- so I could be my happy self again. So, when I developed this shit, I was somewhat amazed but thankful since it made me realize a few things I left behind throughout my year... like pieces of me scattered about, lost some how.
Is it God who does this to help us find ourselves again?
Is it he/she who brought this disorder into me so I wouldn't ignore the pain that could bring about my death that I was going to have in the near future?
Is it my subconscious giving signals?
Is it my sixth, seventh, plus senses trying to knock some sense into me? (which we all have, but we need to learn to use them)
Who Knows...but I'll tell you this...
I'm pretty damn happy for Everything I have experienced-
the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.
Everything happens for a reason.
There is a lesson to learn in all we do and experience.
We must cherish every moment, and not take for granted what is given to us, and who walks into our lives.
How happy I am to...
What will hopefully be the last entry into my past "year of hell", is my sudden development of appendicitis. Some pretty scary shit when they tell you in the ER, "your appendix is inflamed. You made it just in time before it ruptured." Well, how the hell did this happen in the first place?... but, of course, there is no answer to that question.
At first, I was scared out of my mind- I've never had surgery before. My fear overpowered the pain I was going through- I was so close to death, as if for some reason I Had to experience it, But-no matter what, it wasn't going to be able to touch me.
To add, I was also stuck in a place where last year my "year of hell" really began.
What the Fuck is happening to me? When will this year end?
They took me into pre-op, and began to administer into my IV- the fun calming/sleepy stuff to knock my ass out. And that is no joke- I watched her put that needle into my IV; watched her push the happy substance in, and that's the last thing I remembered.
The operation was to only take several hours, but when I awoke, it seemed only minutes had passed with the same nurses and doctors beside me. "The operation was a success", they said to me while I was in and out of consciousness.
I don't think I even cared, I was just happy to be alive, and also happy I didn't feel or remember a thing!
The next day when I woke up, I felt so much pain, but also more comfort... I was grateful.
Grateful to know- things do happen for a reason.
Ex.. 2 months ago, I was diagnosed with having anxiety/panic disorder.
If it wasn't for this disorder, I would be dead right now! I would
have thought the pain I was having in my stomach and lower right
side was a stomach flu of some kind and would have stayed home
and hoped for it to go away sometime later since I hated going to
the hospital.
But because of this disorder, it made me wonder about the pain I
was having, and made me think it could be something serious. So
thankfully, I decided to go to the dreaded hospital.
What was also strange about developing this disorder, was that I'm usually a very happy person, and I wouldn't usually allow things to bother me. If problems arose, especially the ones during my "year of hell" I would deal with it and get over it- so I could be my happy self again. So, when I developed this shit, I was somewhat amazed but thankful since it made me realize a few things I left behind throughout my year... like pieces of me scattered about, lost some how.
Is it God who does this to help us find ourselves again?
Is it he/she who brought this disorder into me so I wouldn't ignore the pain that could bring about my death that I was going to have in the near future?
Is it my subconscious giving signals?
Is it my sixth, seventh, plus senses trying to knock some sense into me? (which we all have, but we need to learn to use them)
Who Knows...but I'll tell you this...
I'm pretty damn happy for Everything I have experienced-
the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.
Everything happens for a reason.
There is a lesson to learn in all we do and experience.
We must cherish every moment, and not take for granted what is given to us, and who walks into our lives.
How happy I am to...