Brown Chicken Brown Cow!audreyii_ficMarch 27 2011, 15:42:32 UTC
I'm typing this in child care at church. Just sayin'. I could write a book on this, but since I'm on the iPhone I'll be brief.
What I like:
Effective word use. Sex in fic is about mood setting, and the wrong word can throw everything out and wreck what's been built. Alliteration is the writer's friend here. Literally how the sentence looks and sounds is equally important to what the words actually mean.
A sense of humor.
Believability. Particularly in virgin!sex. It can be realistic AND sexy when you know what you're doing.
Recognition of variety of stimulation, particularly focus on the pleasure brought by your partner's pleasure. In short: Blowjobs.
What I don't like:
The word "cum". It's not a real word, it's visually ugly, and it makes things vulgar in a bad way. It's "come", people -- and it's NOT a noun.
Excessive use of slang -- cock, pussy, etc. Use it, but like all writing, don't overuse. Implication is usually sexier than direct references, so be a little coy. Also, again, eventually it's visually unappealing. (I hate the word pussy anyway, it doesn't look or sound attractive. Cunt is better and underutilized.)
Imbalance of the act. Don't spend all your time on foreplay then none on fucking, or vice versa.
Sex that doesn't make sense to the story or have relevance to the plot. GAH.
Bad dirty talk. Like in real life, good dirty talk is fabulous, but bad dirty talk brings things to a giggling halt almost instantly.
Writers who obviously don't knkw what the fuck they're talking about. I'm not saying you can only write about things you've directly experienced, but as a general rule it's pretty easy to tell when this BDSM dungeon fantasy is being written by a tittering fifteen year old who hasn't ever taken her top off. If I can read a story and say, "Oh, yeah, this chick's a virgin", then it probably shouldn't have been written. (Not that virgins can't write. But I shouldn't be able to tell.)
Hmm. Perhaps shall write some sexing sometime soon.
Re: Brown Chicken Brown Cow!likexaxdoveMarch 27 2011, 18:20:44 UTC
and the wrong word can throw everything out and wreck what's been built
You ain't kiddin'.
I think the funniest thing I've read for a guy's precum (I know you don't like that word. Too bad.) is "a bead of cream". I mean...come on now. And then for a girl, it was "petals of a rose". LMAO...I can't. Too serious business.
And yeah, don't like "pussy" either. Too...I don't know. Raunchy?
Re: Brown Chicken Brown Cow!audreyii_ficMarch 27 2011, 18:29:46 UTC
...bead of cream. Right. This is what I mean about writers not knowing what they're talking about. If that's how she'd describe it then her guy needs to see a doctor ASAP.
And petals of a rose is, among othervthings, shit characterization. Unless it's a femslash with superhistrionic chicks. What guy thinks "petals of a rose"? Internal monologue fail.
Re: Brown Chicken Brown Cow!likexaxdoveMarch 27 2011, 19:37:38 UTC
What guy thinks "petals of a rose"?
This reminds me of a scene from Superbad.
Evan: You could always subscribe to a site like Perfect Ten. I mean that could be anything, it could be a bowling site. Seth: Yeah, but it doesn't actually show dick going in which is a huge concern. Evan: Right, I didn't realize that. Seth: Besides, have you ever seen a vagina by itself? Evan: No. Seth: [shakes his head] Not for me.
Re: Brown Chicken Brown Cow!audreyii_ficMarch 27 2011, 19:08:24 UTC
I don't have a problem with cock as long as it's not used excessively. A big failing in a lot of lemons is constant slang repetition. Too many cocks and pussies all over the place. Repetition bugs me, unattractive slang bugs me ("cock" isn't a terrible offender, but it's not great), and excessive directness bugs me (I prefer my lemons verb and adjective heavy and light on the nouns). So... yeah.
The word penis has no place in a lemon unless it's a comedy.
What I like:
Effective word use. Sex in fic is about mood setting, and the wrong word can throw everything out and wreck what's been built. Alliteration is the writer's friend here. Literally how the sentence looks and sounds is equally important to what the words actually mean.
A sense of humor.
Believability. Particularly in virgin!sex. It can be realistic AND sexy when you know what you're doing.
Recognition of variety of stimulation, particularly focus on the pleasure brought by your partner's pleasure. In short: Blowjobs.
What I don't like:
The word "cum". It's not a real word, it's visually ugly, and it makes things vulgar in a bad way. It's "come", people -- and it's NOT a noun.
Excessive use of slang -- cock, pussy, etc. Use it, but like all writing, don't overuse. Implication is usually sexier than direct references, so be a little coy. Also, again, eventually it's visually unappealing. (I hate the word pussy anyway, it doesn't look or sound attractive. Cunt is better and underutilized.)
Imbalance of the act. Don't spend all your time on foreplay then none on fucking, or vice versa.
Sex that doesn't make sense to the story or have relevance to the plot. GAH.
Bad dirty talk. Like in real life, good dirty talk is fabulous, but bad dirty talk brings things to a giggling halt almost instantly.
Writers who obviously don't knkw what the fuck they're talking about. I'm not saying you can only write about things you've directly experienced, but as a general rule it's pretty easy to tell when this BDSM dungeon fantasy is being written by a tittering fifteen year old who hasn't ever taken her top off. If I can read a story and say, "Oh, yeah, this chick's a virgin", then it probably shouldn't have been written. (Not that virgins can't write. But I shouldn't be able to tell.)
Hmm. Perhaps shall write some sexing sometime soon.
Reply
You ain't kiddin'.
I think the funniest thing I've read for a guy's precum (I know you don't like that word. Too bad.) is "a bead of cream". I mean...come on now. And then for a girl, it was "petals of a rose". LMAO...I can't. Too serious business.
And yeah, don't like "pussy" either. Too...I don't know. Raunchy?
Reply
And petals of a rose is, among othervthings, shit characterization. Unless it's a femslash with superhistrionic chicks. What guy thinks "petals of a rose"? Internal monologue fail.
Reply
This reminds me of a scene from Superbad.
Evan: You could always subscribe to a site like Perfect Ten. I mean that could be anything, it could be a bowling site.
Seth: Yeah, but it doesn't actually show dick going in which is a huge concern.
Evan: Right, I didn't realize that.
Seth: Besides, have you ever seen a vagina by itself?
Evan: No.
Seth: [shakes his head] Not for me.
Reply
To me "penis" is almost too...technical, like something out of an anatomy book. And from my perspective "cock" is less vulgar than "dick."
When I can't use "length" or "shaft," I tend to go with "cock."
Reply
The word penis has no place in a lemon unless it's a comedy.
Reply
Reply
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