life and love are messy most of the time

[theaerosolkid]

Oh holy fuck my tits, it is hot as hell.

It actually isn't all that bad, it was about 89 today, but coming off some really soothing June gloom and dealing with the Unholy Tower of Evil, aka the server rack, I feel like I've been broiled alive.

Anyway. So, I learned something from that last post: making hysterical, drunk, middle-of-the-night entries about something that's making you super upset is a dumb plan, because then every time you check your email at work the next morning, you will have a notification of someone reminding you that your cat has vanished into the night. Good times!

Better times: seeing Transformers 2 this weekend with gigantic and wovenindelibly. You can read CJ's post about that, because she pretty much sums up exactly how I felt about the movie. It was long, 'splody, and Megan Fox and Shia LaBeouf are hot. Though I felt more or less personally slighted by the fact that although The Beef's shirt was shredded all to hell by the end, he kept it on. Sigh. More naked, please.

Speakin' of nekkid!

Goddamn, I like Jessica more and more with each episode. I know lots of people don't -- I had this conversation with my father ("The internet hates her, Padre." "The internet is right -- this time.") -- but her new storyline seems to be inspiring a lot of hearthandsing, from what I can tell. As well it should, it's more adorable than kittens. Hoyt was adorable last season, but I didn't really care about him all that much. This is changing.

I'm not a huge fan of the evil church storyline, surprise surprise, but I do like Sarah. Like the rest of the universe, I am waiting for her to jump Jason's bones, in part because I need more Jason nudity in my life. Dude is hot.

Also, Lafayette continues to be my favourite character and Eric is much improved by his haircut, though I wish he'd leave the fucking track jackets alone. And more Pam is always needed. I love her more than words.

And now, something for which I probably should apologize but...eh. I doubt this will surprise anyone. Blame CJ and Jessa for encouraging me, and Michael Bay for beating me so far into submission by all his explosions and running that my brain had to take a side trip around hour six of Transformers to contemplate Megan Fox with a strap-on.



Shia hears Megan call his name and looks up.

He's flopped on her hotel room's bed, the windows closed tight against the ever-present New York noise, and he's tired. Tired and a little blurred from the beers he'd had at dinner -- not too much, but everything hits him twice as hard when he's low on sleep, and the press tour for Transformers feels like it isn't ever going to end. My kingdom for a summer vacation, Shia thinks.

It's probably a good idea to blame the delay between him seeing Megan and reacting to what he sees on how tired he is. She's standing in the doorway of the bathroom, wearing a satiny black bra and a strap-on. Shia doesn't normally have a particularly easy time ignoring her tits, but right now all his focus is on the black thing harnessed to her hips. She shimmies her hips back and forth, grinning wide. The dildo waves back and forth comically.

"Um," is what Shia manages. Megan laughs, a full-throated sound that's almost a cackle, would be except there's something purely gleeful about her posture.

"Wanna try it?" Megan asks, rolling her hips again. She's not trying to be sexy; there's no pouting or posing going on now. She's just entertaining herself by making the dildo flop around.

"Try what," Shia says. It's not even a question, he's too incredulous. Strap-ons happen in lesbian porn. He isn't letting himself think about what she's suggesting, beyond the endless mental loop of ohmygawdwhatthefuck.

"Well, I thought I'd fuck you with it," Megan says, rolling her eyes.

"Why?" Shia asks. He's sitting up now, just barely avoiding inching away. She isn't coming any closer, which is only vague comfort.

Megan's smile fades a little. "I thought it'd be fun," she says.

"Oh," Shia says. He feels dumb, trying to manage thinking when the only thing in his line of sight is a beautiful girl with a fake dick strapped to her body.

"We don't have to," Megan says. "I mean, like. It was just an idea."

"No, I mean," Shia says. "I just -- I've never, uh. I haven't even fucked someone in the ass, you know?"

"I get it," Megan says, sitting down on the bed next to him. She fiddles with the straps of the harness, biting her lip.

"Have you?" Shia asks.

"Fucked someone in the ass?" Megan says. "Yeah, a couple times. Brian didn't like it all that much."

"Huh," Shia says. It's remarkably easy to think of Megan holding her boyfriend down and fucking him, but he can't really see the appeal. It's hard to imagine that she'd be able to get off on it, and Shia has an even harder time thinking that a straight guy could keep his dick hard with something like that going on, much less actually get somewhere good. The whole thing seems like a pointless exercise in weirdness for the sake of weirdness.

"Seriously, it was just an idea," Megan says, standing up and working on unbuckling the harness. It looks like a pretty complicated process, but then Shia's the kind of guy who's utterly defeated by front-fastening bras.

"You really wanted to do it, huh," he says softly. She bites her lip again, and doesn't meet his eyes.

"Yeah," she admits. "Didn't know how to ask."

They've been fucking off and on since they started filming the second movie, easy friendship and general lazy attraction lending itself to half-drunk fumbling after bar hopping with the cast and crew, but it's never really gotten serious or anything. They're both the all-or-nothing people, and so far it's been easiest to keep it simple, uncomplicated, lest they stray into something that could feel permanent. There's something about falling in actual love on-set that's so thoroughly unappealing to Shia. He hasn't let himself entertain the possibility that fucking around could lead to anything but more casual fucking around, because he has a hard time seeing a midpoint between hookups and moving in together. He's never seen the point of just idling: either you are in love with someone and you're ready to start the long journey towards marriage, or you're fooling around and that's that. Megan maybe doesn't see it quite that way, but asking those kinds of questions while they're slipping easily between just-fucking and just-friends seems like it might be sort of dangerous, like it's the kind of "sign" ladymags tell you to watch for when you think your guy might be getting serious. Shia reads too many ladymags at airports.

Doing something like this feels like it's not something just-friends or just-fucking do. It's kind of a couples-only activity, the way Shia sees it, but there's something in him that just likes making people happy. People like Megan are tough to get to know, brazenly open with details that would be privileged to other people, but fiercely private about the things that actually matter. It's been a long process, getting to know her, but Shia's at the point that he knows what she looks like when she's smiling because she's absolutely spin-in-circles happy, and that was the look on her face when she started moving her hips with the strap-on.

"Maybe we could try it," Shia says slowly, heart hammering.

"We really don't have to," Megan says. "It's not gonna be fun if you're not into it."

"Dude, no promises," Shia says. "I just meant we could give it a shot. Start off slow, right? And if it's not good, it's not good and we get some crappy pay-per-view movie instead. No harm, no foul."

"You're sure?" Megan asks. She looks hopeful, but guarded, like she doesn't really believe him.

"Yeah," Shia says. "Yeah, yeah, let's try." It's daring, agreeing to do this, or at least it feels like it's daring.

Megan kisses him, almost awkwardly. She's a lot of bluster and bragging for someone who needs so much reassurance. It's kind of refreshing to know that she's got some cracks in her foundation. They get into a rhythm, though, like they always do, and before he knows it Megan's slipping on top of him, nudging her way between his thighs and pressing flat against him. The odd weight of the dildo between them is hardly distracting, once she slips her fingers into his hair and tugs lightly. She sits back on her haunches, reaching for his shirt, tugging it up and off.

Shia's more anxious about this than anything, but Megan's crouched in front of him, flushed and obviously intent, and that's pretty good incentive. It's unfamiliar enough that it's like losing his virginity all over again, only he's more up-front about this. It's easy to wonder if it's like this for girls, the fear of something foreign inside.

"So, take your pants off, buddy," Megan says with a grin. She's nervous, too, maybe. Shia can't really tell.

"Take your bra off," he challenges, and she shrugs, reaching behind herself and unhooking it easily. The sight of her breasts makes his mouth go dry, and he reaches forward to cup one, thumbing her nipple before sighing and fumbling with his pants at her pointed look.

"So," Shia says, settling back on his elbows, looking up at her. "How're we doing this?"

Megan gets up, goes to the bathroom and comes back with a bottle of lube. Shia shifts, waiting for further instruction. Megan smiles at him, then crawls on the bed and noses at the inside of his thigh. His dick gives an interested twitch, and Shia's almost surprised to realize that he's kind of hard already. Not all the way, but he's getting there. Megan licks at the underside of his dick, sort of casually. She's not the biggest fan of giving head, so Shia appreciates the effort. It's nice when she starts sucking him for real, softly to start with, just the head of his cock in her mouth, and there's an absurd moment when Shia thinks, yeah, I'm lying down and Megan Fox is going down on me.

There's a low curl of pleasure in Shia's belly while he watches her work, watches her eyes flutter closed as she takes him deeper, one hand curled around his hip and squeezing lightly in time with her sucks. Jesus, he's so fucking nervous. They can stop any time, he knows, and she won't sulk -- she's not a sulker -- but he'd really like to make her happy. And at this point, it's hard to not be a little curious about how it's going to feel. Millions of gay guys can't be wrong, right? Maybe it'll feel good. There's a faintly terrifying possibility that it'll feel too good, that he'll like it too much, but Shia can't think about that, he'd rather think about Megan's sweaty blissed-out grin when they actually really get going.

Megan pulls back with a soft pop, trail of spit linking his dick and her lips. She licks them, absentmindedly, then wipes her mouth off with the back of her hand. "Roll over," she says, and her voice is lower now, kind of raspy. It makes Shia shiver. He may be the one who's ready to call abort on this craziness, but she's the one in charge. It's new and kind of exciting.

Shia obeys, parting his legs after Megan nudges at his knee. He can hear the cap on the lube popping open, the squeeze of the lube, and then one of her hands is braced on his ass, spreading him open. He shivers again, tensing up when Megan trails one slick cold fingertip along the crack of his ass. She rubs at his hole, slow gentle circle, and just when he starts relaxing, she wiggles the tip of her finger in. "Okay?" she asks.

"Sure," Shia says, forcing himself to relax a little further. Megan pushes her finger deeper, and Shia can't hold back a small grunt. It's -- it's weird, mostly, but nothing much past that. Doesn't hurt, so far. Megan draws her finger out, slowly, pushing it back in, and that's weirder, the drag on his insides.

She keeps doing that a bit longer, working her finger in and out, and then she drips a bit more lube on his hole, around his finger, the cold making him hiss. "Sorry," she whispers, pressing another finger alongside the first.

"S'okay," Shia whispers back, but his voice feels strained. Sounds strained. The second finger is a tighter fit, hurts a little as she forces her way in, but it's better when she draws them out and slides them back in, when she settles in, slick and sick little noises coming from behind him. It dawns on Shia that what she's doing -- she's fucking him. Just with fingers, so far, but that's more than he's had up there, and it's a little intimidating to realize that he hasn't gone soft. That it's more that he doesn't dislike this. There's a possibility he actively likes this, could want it again.

Megan's fingers curl, then, and stroke something deep inside that just feels really fucking good, and Shia huffs out a shaky breath. "Jesus, do that again." She does, and it feels even better, a tug on his spine, and Shia's clenching up tight again. She keeps curling her fingers that same way, and it makes Shia's veins pound, makes him want more.

He doesn't have to wait long -- she pulls both fingers out to get more lube on his skin, and rubs at his loose hole with three before she asks, "Still doing all right?"

"Yeah," Shia says, shifting, wanting her fingers back. He doesn't want to ask, though, and he's not sure why. Fuck, it felt good, but admitting as much is maybe more than he's really ready to do.

"Can you take another one?" Megan asks, and her voice is still low, kind of heated.

"Yeah, yeah," Shia says, closing his eyes. "Yeah, I'm good."

Megan hums in agreement before rubbing a little harder, trying to get all three inside him. Her fingers are long and slim, pretty, but this is most definitely a stretch at this point, and it burns a little. Burns a lot. It's not quite pain, though; or at least Shia's not really willing to call it pain, because it doesn't feel bad. Just weird. Megan twists her fingers, and fuck, it feels like she takes his guts with her, and Shia arches, gasping. Megan gets him going, works up to fucking him with those fingers, spreading them out so they're wider inside him. Shia's breathing hard, weight braced on his forearms, an ache low in his back from the sharp curve.

Megan's not saying anything and neither is he, so the only sounds in the room are Shia's harsh breathing and the sick little squelching noises her fingers are making. His dick is hard, pressed against the bed, leaking a little, but it feels dry as hell compared to his ass, uncomfortably wet. Jesus, this whole thing is such a trip. Shia's not sure if he's freaking out too much or not enough. Impossible to quantify.

"You need to tell me when you're ready," Megan says, finally, and Shia starts. "I mean -- I can keep doing this, or whatever, but you gotta tell me."

"No, I'm -- this is -- " and Shia's flailing about for an answer. This feels good, this feels like something he can take, like something manageable, but the thought of her actually fucking him with something more substantial than her fingers, that's a lot. Fuck. It's not fair for her to ask him to call the shots, to change it up so abruptly.

"It's okay," she says, sounding kind of bewildered. "I can stop, you know? We can do something else."

"No," Shia says, trying to not sound vehement or needy or -- or whatever. "I can. Shit, I don't know what's enough, you know?"

"Okay, yeah," Megan says, hand stilling. Shia wishes she'd keep moving her fingers inside him -- that she'd keep finger-fucking him. It's hard to think with just the dead weight inside of him.

"I don't know, fuck it," Shia says.

"By 'it' do you mean your ass?" Megan asks, unable to keep the giggle out of her voice. Shia groans. "Sorry, sorry, couldn't resist."

"Uh-huh," he says. "Yeah, fuck, let's try it."

Megan pulls her fingers free, and Shia winces a bit at the sudden slide to emptiness. He can her her squirting lube out onto her hands, the slick sounds of her smoothing it over the dildo. Jesus, this is really happening.

"Hands and knees, kay?" Megan asks, and her voice is raspy and demanding. Shia scrambles to obey, kind of awkwardly. The blunt head of the dildo slides up and down the crack of his ass, slick and kind of cold. Shia sucks in a sharp breath when Megan presses the dildo to his hole, rubbing it in small, tight circles.

"Just do it," he grits out, shocked at himself. Megan's breath hitches, and she grabs at his hip with one hand, squeezing kind of hard, steadying him as she pushes her hips forward.

It's insane, the way his ass opens up around the dildo. It should be gross, oh God, it should be gross and repulsive and his dick absolutely should not be throbbing like this. He shouldn't be shuddering, shouldn't be straining to get more.

Megan's hips press flush against Shia's ass, and she's gasping, "holy shit, holy shit, holy shit," over and over again like she's just as out of it as he is, just as insanely turned on.

"Yeah, keep," Shia says, or at least that's what he thinks he says. It's hard to tell, his whole brain is fuzzy and oh God oh God Megan is fucking him. He's stretched wide around some thick black dildo and Jesus he hopes she bought it new. This is. This is good, this is fucking insane, this is hot, Shia is dealing, he's processing, but if he has to think about her fucking someone else (fucking Brian) with the dildo, the dildo that's in his ass, he is seriously gonna lose it.

Megan jerks her hips out, and the dildo's curved tip slips out of his ass, and Megan curses under her breath before repositioning it and shoving it back in, harder this time. Shia moans out loud at that, fisting at the pillow. God, she's really going for it now, both hands braced on his hips, keeping his cheeks spread, fucking in deep. She has to be watching him, there's no other reason to hold him open like that.

It's still so weird, how much he likes this. It shouldn't -- it shouldn't feel this good, getting shoved open and invaded but oh fuck Shia likes it. Each thrust is jarring him on the bed, he feels liquid, like his body isn't really his own.

"Fuck," he says, with feeling.

"You like this?" Megan says, and it's not meant to be dirty, even though she's gasping and it sounds straight out of a porno. She just sounds eager, maybe curious too, like she wants him to be getting off on this as much as she clearly is.

"Yeah, it's -- Jesus, just don't -- aughg," Shia gives up on speaking, gives up on articulating anything. Megan just laughs, fucks into him harder and it's not any less insane, not any less hot. He's closer than he thought he could be, just from getting fucked open. Her hips are moving smoothly, making him take the dildo deep, not letting him off easy. Shia doesn't want her to let him off easy, he wants her to keep fucking him hard, keep forcing him open and vulnerable and oh God he wants to come. His ass is already burning from the stretch and the friction and the gross squelch of lube is going to be disgusting when this is all over.

Megan reaches for his dick, squeezes a shade to hard, and Shia goes tense, clenches down around the dildo, and that feels even better. "You could totally get off like this," Megan says, sounding surprised. Sounding pleased. "Want me to jerk you off?"

"Yeah -- " Shia gasps. "Yeah, fuckin' -- God." It's kind of clumsy when she starts stroking him, thumb rubbing over the head of his dick, but it's probably enough. Feels like it should be. He doesn't -- does not -- entertain the idea that just her dildo in his ass could be enough. It doesn't matter, anyway, because she's jacking him just right, mouth wet and soft at his shoulder, breathing damp and heavy. Shia arches his back, stuttering out the stupidest noises in the whole world when he comes, everything crashing over him all at once. He's gasping hard as Megan fucks him through it, hips shoving the dildo in deeper and grinding in, like she's reminding him of what they're doing. As if he could forget, fuck.

Megan pulls out in a slow, filthy slide, and his ass feels loose and slick. Shia flops on his side, looking up at her with wide eyes. Her face is flushed and her lips are bitten raw, nipples hard and skin sweaty. It's the absolute hottest Shia's ever seen her. God, she must have really wanted this.

Shia's still breathing hard, still coming down and adjusting to how empty he feels, to the seeming enormity of what he just managed, but her happiness is kind of riveting. He can't look away.

"D'you," he tries, clearing his throat. "Are you gonna -- ?" His brain is thick and sludgy, and he'd really like to make her come. He feels so fucking good right now, languid and happy.

"Yeah, just," Megan says, fumbling with the harness. She kicks it away as soon as it's off, shuddering and slipping fingers down to touch herself.

"No, let me," Shia says, gesturing dumbly. "C'mon, let me eat you out." Megan bites her lip, looking up at him through her eyelashes. She crawls back to him, pushing him on his back. He wraps hands arounds her legs and urges her upwards.

She settles down over his face easily, thighs bracketing his head, and Shia licks up along her folds, moaning at how slick she is already. They've done this a couple times, just like this, but Megan's so clearly desperate, grinding down against his face and moaning, high-pitched and needy. Shia sucks as best as he can, but she's mostly just shoving down against him, shuddering. Megan cries out when he grabs more tightly at her skin, her whole body going tight, her cunt flooding even wetter.

Shia's surprised that Megan came that easily, because she doesn't usually. He lifts her up as gently as he can, helping her get settled on the bed next to him. Her hair is a matted, tangled mess, and her mascara's smeared all over her eyes, and she's breathing hard, breasts heaving. Shia leans over and licks at the salt on her skin, sighing.

"That was fuckin' awesome," Megan gasps, throwing a leg over his hip. "Jesus." She reaches down, rubbing at her clit kind of frantically.

"What, again?" Shia says, watching her.

"Shut up," she hisses, and he dips his head down to suck at her nipple, one hand flat on her belly, tracing down and pushing two into her pussy, trying to help her along. Megan starts making these little squeaking noises, her whole body shaking and then like that she's done again, whimpering. Shia kisses her mouth, drowsily. He pulls his fingers free and sucks them, reveling in the taste of her.

They lie like that for a while, sweat cooling on their bodies, and then Megan reaches for his hand, twining their fingers together. "Thanks," she whispers.

"S'good," Shia whispers back. His eyes are slipping shut, and he's too worn out to fight his exhaustion any more. His phone's on the dresser, and it's got an alarm set. He can totally sleep like this.

Well, I feel dirty now.