VICIOUS GOOSE ATTACK FOR REAL
OMG. O.M.G. Ok, so the NEW BIKE I was so happy about purchasing LAST NIGHT? I rode it tonight for the first time, with
I posted this over at DevArt, but I'm cross-posting it here, because it was just completely freaking unreal. I cannot believe this just happened. Read on for the EVIL GOOSE ATTACK OF VILENESS:
Yes. So there I was, riding my NEW BICYCLE. Why new? Because last Saturday, the wind threw my bike over (while I was out photographing The Long Way Home), and my bike frame was so trashed, the bike was totaled. Therefore, I needed a new bike. Which I bought. Last night. And rode for the FIRST TIME tonight.
So. There I was, trucking along, doing a good clip with the wind at my back, when a WRETCHED GOOSE came hissing out at me from the marsh. We have these rails-to-trails bike trails, and this one happens to go through some marshy area. And it's spring, so I know to stay away from the geese and their nests, but jeez, what are you going to do when the path is five feet wide, and the cattails start right at the edge of the path?
So the goose comes at me. I see him at the last second. I swerve. I yelp. He takes this as a sign that I MUST PAY. So what does he do? That fracker flew after me, and as I was pedaling away as fast as my bike could carry me (did I mention the tail wind, and the fact that I was already rocketing along?) the goose DIVE-BOMBED ME IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD. He THREW me over my handlebars, where the NEW BIKE and I landed in a rolling heap on the nice, soft PAVEMENT. THUD.
But wait. There's more. The goose wasn't done. I wasn't dead yet, clearly, and so his evil task was not yet complete. Thank God I didn't have any broken bones. THANK GOD I decided to wear my helmet tonight, because I was able to leap to my feet almost as soon as I fell. At this point, I spent about a good solid five minutes facing off with The Goose of Wrath. He kept running at me and hissing, and I shooed him back, then picked up my bike. But as soon as he saw me retreating, he felt that this was his cue to attack again, so I had to advance again, and was even forced to use my jacket to "get big." (Anyone who has seen The Gods Must Be Crazy II will know what I'm talking about.) This went on for a while. I was actually forced to HISS. Yes. I was standing in the middle of a marsh, facing off with The Evil Gooseticon, and HISSING for REAL.
Finally, another bicyclist came by, and the goose seemed to feel that two people were too many for him to handle. I'm pretty sure if dude guy hadn't happened down my way, I'd still be out there wrangling with The Evil One. As it is, I didn't exactly walk away scratch-free, since my entire right arm is now swollen up, and my left knee is a little puffy. Nothing is broken, and again, thank God I wore my helmet. That goose hit me dead center in the back of the head with enough force to throw me over the handlebars. Fortunately, my bike is ok, but I think I'll avoid that particular trail unless I have a buddy with me -- at least until spring is over, and The Winged Evil's eggs have hatched. Primus, it's not my fault he has his nest two feet from the trail.
UGH. I'm off to go take a hot shower and hopefully NOT wake up tomorrow morning so swollen I can't move.
*grumble, trudge*
I posted this over at DevArt, but I'm cross-posting it here, because it was just completely freaking unreal. I cannot believe this just happened. Read on for the EVIL GOOSE ATTACK OF VILENESS:
Yes. So there I was, riding my NEW BICYCLE. Why new? Because last Saturday, the wind threw my bike over (while I was out photographing The Long Way Home), and my bike frame was so trashed, the bike was totaled. Therefore, I needed a new bike. Which I bought. Last night. And rode for the FIRST TIME tonight.
So. There I was, trucking along, doing a good clip with the wind at my back, when a WRETCHED GOOSE came hissing out at me from the marsh. We have these rails-to-trails bike trails, and this one happens to go through some marshy area. And it's spring, so I know to stay away from the geese and their nests, but jeez, what are you going to do when the path is five feet wide, and the cattails start right at the edge of the path?
So the goose comes at me. I see him at the last second. I swerve. I yelp. He takes this as a sign that I MUST PAY. So what does he do? That fracker flew after me, and as I was pedaling away as fast as my bike could carry me (did I mention the tail wind, and the fact that I was already rocketing along?) the goose DIVE-BOMBED ME IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD. He THREW me over my handlebars, where the NEW BIKE and I landed in a rolling heap on the nice, soft PAVEMENT. THUD.
But wait. There's more. The goose wasn't done. I wasn't dead yet, clearly, and so his evil task was not yet complete. Thank God I didn't have any broken bones. THANK GOD I decided to wear my helmet tonight, because I was able to leap to my feet almost as soon as I fell. At this point, I spent about a good solid five minutes facing off with The Goose of Wrath. He kept running at me and hissing, and I shooed him back, then picked up my bike. But as soon as he saw me retreating, he felt that this was his cue to attack again, so I had to advance again, and was even forced to use my jacket to "get big." (Anyone who has seen The Gods Must Be Crazy II will know what I'm talking about.) This went on for a while. I was actually forced to HISS. Yes. I was standing in the middle of a marsh, facing off with The Evil Gooseticon, and HISSING for REAL.
Finally, another bicyclist came by, and the goose seemed to feel that two people were too many for him to handle. I'm pretty sure if dude guy hadn't happened down my way, I'd still be out there wrangling with The Evil One. As it is, I didn't exactly walk away scratch-free, since my entire right arm is now swollen up, and my left knee is a little puffy. Nothing is broken, and again, thank God I wore my helmet. That goose hit me dead center in the back of the head with enough force to throw me over the handlebars. Fortunately, my bike is ok, but I think I'll avoid that particular trail unless I have a buddy with me -- at least until spring is over, and The Winged Evil's eggs have hatched. Primus, it's not my fault he has his nest two feet from the trail.
UGH. I'm off to go take a hot shower and hopefully NOT wake up tomorrow morning so swollen I can't move.
*grumble, trudge*