(no subject)
I hate that feeling... its like a knot in my esophagus. this ball of sadness and anger and hatred and everything else I feel. It makes me physically ill. And it won't go away. Its been there since november. no amount of talking about it, or medication, or ignoring it, or crying, or screaming, or anything is making it go away. every time something remotely ok happens to me, it gets fucked up. I can't stand being around anyone anymore, the 2 or 3 people left that I do care about and want to be with, are too busy, or too far away. and everyone else won't leave me alone. I've been working hard academically and emotionally, and to have people mindlessly mimic me, follow me, pursue me, is insulting, creepy, and fucking annoying. I hope people read this. I'm teetering dangerously close to destroying something, almost needlessly, whether it be something literal, in the physical sense, or it be someone's emotions, or relationship. I've got this major urge to fuck people up, and pulling any bullshit with me will cause me to explode. STOP PLAYING YOUR EMOTIONAL MIND GAMES WITH ME. BEING AROUND YOU IS THE BIGGEST CHORE OF MY LIFE. GO AWAY.