Bah Humbuggin comes to an end
.. the last gift has been openned, The dishes have been washed & put away and the trash bins are filled with discarded wrapping that only earlier sparkled with anticipation. What remains are the gift bombs that have made it in from the car and will eventually have to put away but not today- today I deserve to sigh and be glad that the Holiday season is FINALLY over!
Its amazing that as a child you could hardly wait for Christmas to get here and you wanted it to never end- "MORE PRESENTS PLEASE!"- but as adults it feels like every moment of the upcoming holiday is a chore. There are gifts to buy, Things to wrap and trying to figure out if you forgot anyone at the last moment... and how is it that no matter how prepared you think you are, there is ALWAYS one last minute person who shows up out of the blue that you need to scramble about trying to find a gift for? If I were someone else I would make a point of looking up people I havent seen in years and announcing I am coming by on Christmas day just to gather a bunch of last minute gift cards. (But with my luck I would end up gathering all the unwanted, regifted fruit cakes).
This year we did an excellent job at being ready. It was probably the first time ever that we had everything purchased and ready ahead of time. I looked under our tree 2 weeks ago and there were ample presents covering the base.I had even managed to purchase the husband gifts and had them well hidden amongst all the other pacakages (we normally dont exchange presents since we buy things as we want them).
First stop was Christmas eve at the in laws. Though things went semi smoothly, though there were way too many people there for my liking. As the family grows and people start adding new girl friends to the mix, they start bringing along their children as well and the living room becomes smaller and louder. Don't get me wrong- I like having my family being happy but its difficult having to purchase for people that you sometimes wonder if they will be around in the following year. And why is it that we are made to buy their children gifts when the same kids arent made to buy for everyone else (these are adult kids- 18 and over). The rules we have set in place are there to save everyone money- which is that we draw names so everyone only has to purchase for one person outside of the parents and the little kids (of which there are 3) so I was a bit surprised to suddenly see 2 more adult kids not in the drawing but instead on the "all buy for" list. And if that weren't bad enough, one of those kids brought along their 1 year old and we now had to buy for that child as well.
I don't mind kids but what I do mind is screaming kids that throw things out of their play pen nonstop (including food) while their unwed mother just socializes and allows everyone else to watch her child. With each new gift that was open, the 1 year old would grunt, point and moan, wanting the gift to be passed to him for inspection (which equals promptly going into his mouth). Finally, tired of his tantrum throwingm, the mum removed him from the play pen and set him free on the room with even less supervision. Because I most likely had the glare of death on my face, the baby made a bee line for my pile of wrapped packages. There was a stare down and then, while making eye contact with me, he began pulling them out from the bottom of the stack like a game of Jenga. I looked around for help from ANYONE who was actually related to the child but they didn't seem to care. I peeled sticky drool ridden fingers off my basket of art supplies and it was only when I was trying to wrestle clinched closed fist off the handle that someone happened to look causing me to look like the arsehole who didn't want to share.... but truth be told- I DIDN'T want to share.
In the back ground my brother in law decided that Foot ball needed to be on the large screen TV (which happened to be located right behind my head) so on top of everything else we had him bitching about the score bobbing and weaving trying to see around me.
10 hours later (ya, you read that right) when we were ready to leave, it suddenly became picture time. The husband and I had a discussion about the subject on the way up. ME" how is it that your mum can since hope in our eyes when we are ready to leave and only then does she decide it is time to take pictures?" HUSBAND: "I dunno but she has done that to us since we were kids." ME: "Why cant we do it when we all first get there and look nice? Or when we are actually smiling and still happy to be there?" HIM: "What would be the fun in that? Ha Ha" ME: "Can we sneak out, maybe say we are going to the car and then call from the road? Oh sorry... did we forget to say good be? I could have swore we had...." HIM, " You know we would never be able to live that one down. But dont worry babe. I think I can get us out of there early this time. I went and had dinner with my parents a week ago so I think I have at least 2 hours banked." ME: Do you seriously think your mum would allow you to bank hours? No... we will still be there for at least 8 to 9 hours and when we are ready to leave we will get stopped for an hour of break down picture taking"
So here we were... taking pictures. Pictures that will most likely show up on next years Christmas cards with all of us fake smiling through gritted teeth, hair flat, kids crying (having fought over opening ALL their toys). The only person in the picture who actually looks good and is happy IS my mother in law..
Then we hit the road for 3 hours, sleep for 3 hours and get up to do MY parents house.
(last night in car on way to in laws, talking to husband) Me" At least we can count on time at my parents being short and going by quickly." HUSBAND: "True... but I think I have it all figured out. You see, My parents house may take forever to get thru on Christmas eve but thats because our family 's crazy is spread out... your family's starts the minute we walk in the door and is at full throttle for the entire 4-5 hours we are there." he couldnt be more right.
As we approach my parents house within 2 car lengths, the husband slows the car to a crawl and then comes to a complete stop while leaning forward over the stirring wheel. "babe,?" He asks, "Am I imaginging things or do you see a chicken crossing the road too?" I sit up in my seat and look for myself.... "um.... ya.... I think I see it too". I want to rub my eyes. My parents don't live in on a farm... they dont live out in the country at all , infact up until this moment in my life I have NEVER seen an adult chicken let alone in the middle of a suburbia and now there is one crossing the road unattended in the middle of my parents street. Not only that but it stops directly in front of the car to look look up at the two of us looking down over the hood at the thing, and then taking the time to swivel its head around a few times, it continues on its way across the road and disappears between cars.
The minute we pull up to my parents house everyone is already argueing. Though we will end up opening gifts all together AFTER we eat breakfast, we all are sneaking around the house swapping hidden gifts we dont want the others to see because we didn't buy the same amount of presents for everyone else. Thats correct... the same NUMBER of pacakages. This has become a "rule" due to my sister's jackarse tightwad husband who counts the number of presents for each person. Not only that but if they are not close in valve, he wants people to PAY the difference out in cash. Hair clips for Raven $2.50... if we dont have a gift of the same or equal value for his son- we should be giving him $2.50 in cash (who does this shit? aparently he does!) The only way around it is to have a bunch of small Christmas exchanges is various locations around the house (including the bathroom).
There are fights over the amount of bacon strips taken, the length of time someone stood in line to fill their plate and when eating is done, my sister becomes scarce until the dishes have been washed without her. Opening gifts goes smoothly but thats only because I put someone in charge of the trash bag for the torn paper while I collect empty boxes and refold them for next year. Gifts all open, everyone scatters once again to load up their cars and just as fast as everyone arrived, they are gone- leaving my husband, brother and I behind to clean up everything for my parents.
OH!!! best gift of all this year- my brother was there! He delivers the news that after the current tour, he is thinking about leaving "Fall out Boy" and settling down. He is ready to be married and be in one place. I would LOVE to have him around again and see him more often but time will tell.
Home at last I am happy to out the whole Christmas season behind us. Now I have coloring books to attend to. I hope everyone had a lovely holiday and I look forward to hearing all about it!