May angels lead you in, hear you me my friend..
I'm just so tired
Won't you sing me to sleep
And fly through my dreams
So I can hitch a ride with you tonight
And get away from this place
Have a new name and face
I just ain't the same without you in my life
Late night drives, all alone in my car
I can't help but start
Singing lines from all our favorite songs
And melodies in the air
Singin' life just ain't fair
Sometimes I still just can't believe you're gone
And I'm sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven,
Maybe we'll make it through one more year
Down here
Feel your fire,
When its cold in my heart
And things sorta start
Remindin' me of my last night with you
I only need one more day
Just one more chance to say
I wish that I had gone up with you too
And I'm sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven
Maybe we'll make it through one more year
Down here
You won't be comin' back
And I didn't get to say goodbye
I really wish I got to say goodbye
I hope that I find you in heaven
Cuz I'm so...
Lost without you down here
-Yellowcard
what a tough TOUGH week this has been. I have fought back in forth with myself lately. The whole... I should have hung out when you asked so I could have been that positive change you needed in your life, I should have made a difference. You were so far from everyone though, no one could reach you. but I think we all feel a little responsible. I dont think you wanted anyones help. I know how bad you hurt... and I wish I could've been the one to take that away, but I couldn't. Only temporarily.
I read some of your old notes last night that I had kept. I laughed and cried. I dont think anyone has ever written me notes with so many I Love You's. I apple you. Its crazy how time passes you by and you forget a lot of memories that you shared, but it has all come back to me in the past week. One of the millions that I love is the time we went to Florida, and you actually slept in the floor between the two beds just so you could hold my hand as we fell asleep. I wish I was still in a relationship with that kind of compassion.
It hurts so bad knowing i'll never get to talk to you or hang out with you again. I randomly break down.. like right now.. and I don't know exactly how to handle it. My friends, and your friends have been extremely supportive. They remind me that they know how much I meant to you. Im sorry for breaking your heart, but I was hurting so bad watching you do that to yourself that I felt like I had no choice. I wish you would have chosen me over drugs, like you promised to in your notes. Maybe then you'd still be here. I wish you were. All I keep doing is remembering the great times we had. Im thankful I kept pictures, notes, and still have a hilarious voicemail you left a couple months ago.
I had a dream about you yesterday morning, where your friends and I were traveling the country for who knows what reason, and we stopped at this po-dunk gas station in the middle of nowhere, and there you were checking out at the cash register. We all flipped out and were so glad to see you. Apparently, your parents told everyone you died just so you could truly get some help and go to rehab and make it count this time. Which.. would be a sick joke... but I wish it were true in a way. I feel like it is a sick joke almost. I just remember looking at you, and you looked at me while you were checking out and I mouthed I Love You to you. and.... then I woke up crying.
I hope I get to say my goodbyes to you this weekend. After your mom had said she wasnt going to have a service with you because she bascially hated all your friends and didnt know who was to blame... I guess she came around and decided a memorial service at your house would be a good idea. thank God. Although it is going to be depressing, crazy, and a million emotions to be in your house without you there. But i know in a way... you will be there.
I miss you like I cant even describe and I will always love you.