I'm sorry, everyone.
So, I have this weird thing about me.
And I guess in a way it can be viewed as a flaw, or a benefit, I dunno. In fact, I don't really care anymore because there's nothing I can do about it.
I care too much about people.
I'm a people pleaser.
I'm a bit of a bitch.
I can't leave things unresolved. In fact, I'm a problem solver almost to the point of madness.
I'm sick of the way I've been treated as of late.
And most importantly:
I can only be Von.
By that I mean, this is the only way I know how to be. And trust me, I've tried to be other things. I've tried to bend to other people's preferences. I've tried acting smarter than I am, funnier or sexier. I've tried to like things I don't, like people I don't, do things I don't want to and in the end, it only made me miserable and left me confused.
I just don't now how to be any different.
And that being said, I'm going to issue an apology to everyone. Because this flaw seems to cause trouble on occasion. I can't pretend to care about things that I don't. I can't pretend to love things that I don't, be happy when I'm not, and (as of late, especially) I can't pretend things are okay when they aren't.
Right now, I'm not at a particularly happy place in life. In fact, not gonna lie, I'm pretty miserable. I'm second guessing just about everything and it's not fun. But one thing I'm certain of is that I'm still Von, and it's the only thing I can and ever will be. So, in attempt to figure things out I'm going to little by little start trying to deal with a lot of the problems in my life. Most notably, my crappy connections with some people.
I've reached the point where I'm sick of people treating me like shit. I'm tired of being only expected to laugh and smile and make silly jokes to cheer everyone up, and when I'm down being treated like the plague. I'm tired of being talked down to, or talked about, or lied on, or be blamed for shit that's not my fault. I'm tired of being expected to go along with all this bullshit, and when I don't, said bullshit suddenly becomes my fault. I'm tired of having these crap-tastic connections with people. Where we're like frayed wire. Sometimes the connection goes through and we read each other loud and clear, and other times I reach out and all I get is shit and static back.
So, I'm sorry, but I've gotta do what's best for me by this point.
And, so I'm going to start trying to mend things. If you have a problem with me, I'd like you to contact me and say it. If you don't, then great! I'm going to try and start fixing some of the frayed wire between me and people, because I'm tired of letting things sit stagnant like they are now. But I just want to say that from now on:
If you're my friend, you're my friend.
It doesn't matter where we are or who's around. Doesn't matter who likes me or who doesn't. If you're my friend, then you're there for me. I'm not saying that you always have to agree with me, or like what I'm doing. But don't call yourself my friend, and then don't act like one. I'm not in the mood for it anymore. I would rather have no connections than crappy ones. Than dishonest ones.
I just want to strengthen the connections I have with those who want them, than to keep stretching myself thin between people who don't care about me.
And I guess in a way it can be viewed as a flaw, or a benefit, I dunno. In fact, I don't really care anymore because there's nothing I can do about it.
I care too much about people.
I'm a people pleaser.
I'm a bit of a bitch.
I can't leave things unresolved. In fact, I'm a problem solver almost to the point of madness.
I'm sick of the way I've been treated as of late.
And most importantly:
I can only be Von.
By that I mean, this is the only way I know how to be. And trust me, I've tried to be other things. I've tried to bend to other people's preferences. I've tried acting smarter than I am, funnier or sexier. I've tried to like things I don't, like people I don't, do things I don't want to and in the end, it only made me miserable and left me confused.
I just don't now how to be any different.
And that being said, I'm going to issue an apology to everyone. Because this flaw seems to cause trouble on occasion. I can't pretend to care about things that I don't. I can't pretend to love things that I don't, be happy when I'm not, and (as of late, especially) I can't pretend things are okay when they aren't.
Right now, I'm not at a particularly happy place in life. In fact, not gonna lie, I'm pretty miserable. I'm second guessing just about everything and it's not fun. But one thing I'm certain of is that I'm still Von, and it's the only thing I can and ever will be. So, in attempt to figure things out I'm going to little by little start trying to deal with a lot of the problems in my life. Most notably, my crappy connections with some people.
I've reached the point where I'm sick of people treating me like shit. I'm tired of being only expected to laugh and smile and make silly jokes to cheer everyone up, and when I'm down being treated like the plague. I'm tired of being talked down to, or talked about, or lied on, or be blamed for shit that's not my fault. I'm tired of being expected to go along with all this bullshit, and when I don't, said bullshit suddenly becomes my fault. I'm tired of having these crap-tastic connections with people. Where we're like frayed wire. Sometimes the connection goes through and we read each other loud and clear, and other times I reach out and all I get is shit and static back.
So, I'm sorry, but I've gotta do what's best for me by this point.
And, so I'm going to start trying to mend things. If you have a problem with me, I'd like you to contact me and say it. If you don't, then great! I'm going to try and start fixing some of the frayed wire between me and people, because I'm tired of letting things sit stagnant like they are now. But I just want to say that from now on:
If you're my friend, you're my friend.
It doesn't matter where we are or who's around. Doesn't matter who likes me or who doesn't. If you're my friend, then you're there for me. I'm not saying that you always have to agree with me, or like what I'm doing. But don't call yourself my friend, and then don't act like one. I'm not in the mood for it anymore. I would rather have no connections than crappy ones. Than dishonest ones.
I just want to strengthen the connections I have with those who want them, than to keep stretching myself thin between people who don't care about me.