Nothing In This World 10/?
Title: Nothing In This World
Author: the_resolver
Fandom: Got7
Chapter: 10/?
Pairing: Mark/Jackson, Jinyoung/Jaebum, Mark/Youngjae
Rating: R
Warning: I curse a bit,
Summary: One summer, one kiss, one breath it took to make Mark realise how he felt his best friend and then to slowly have to watch his best friend push him away a bit. Starting university is hard enough but to feel like you've made the biggest mistake of your life is something else...
A/N:
Mark looked at Youngjae. "Im going to fail human anatomy." Mark said quietly, "Im going to fail and you are refusing to have sex with me." Mark whined a little, "sex will make me so much more relaxed."
"Mark you're a virgin, what are you even thinking? I'm not going to sleep with you because you're stressed." Youngjae said taking a sip of his coffee. "Plus the sex is about Jackson." he sighed a little, "if you have sex with me you're probably going to feel bad because I know and you know you want it to be Jackson." Youngjae looked at Mark, "and I make it a point to only have sex with boys who are into me and aren't hung up on their weird best friend who's either a giant closet case or just confused." Youngjae shrugged as Mark threw a pen at him, "Plus you're not going to fail human anatomy how hard can it be?"
"Yeah well life is easy for you, your taking all singing classes, anyone who can nearly sing can pass them." Mark bitched, looking back over his notes.
"It's literally only a quiz Mark, you still have the midterm and the final before you go throw yourself off the building for failing." Youngjae sighed a little, "Jackson isn't worth fucking up school."
"It's not about Jackson"
"Mark, if you hadn't noticed, everything to do with you is about Jackson." Mark just eyed Youngjae. "Not that I'm complaining, I get it you love him and all that, but really you need to stop caring so much about it." Youngjae just grabbed his water and took a drink. "Look, ignore him for at least a bit, just focus on studying and not on his weird self."
"That's not exactly easy when I live with him and he's always around, just making me feel weird. I don't know what he wants from me - even now. I just, I don't know what I can do anymore Youngjae." Mark sighed a little, "And now I'm going to fail out and I don't even know what I'm going to do about it."
"Listen to me, you're not going to fail, just learn the book, you're going to be fine." Youngjae got up from the seat. "Now I'm going to leave you to do it by yourself like a big boy - I have class to go to, so are you going to be fine on your own?" He teased a little. Mark shook his head but then gave the other a small smile.
"Of course I'm going to be fine." Mark said but deep down he wasn't so sure. He was pretty sure that this whole Jackson thing was going to drive him insane, and he didn't even know if there was ever going to be a way where he could just live normally with him again. He didn't want to say the whole thing was a mistake but it was beginning to feel like the worst things he had ever done in his entire life.
Mark sighed when he heard Jackson come into the room. Jackson just sat down on his bed and looked over at Mark, "So how long are you going to avoid being anywhere with me for longer than an hour?" He said not even looking at Mark. "I mean you're making this way more weird than it needs to be."
"I'm not making it at all weirder than it is." Mark said only side-eyeing his best friend. "This is weird because it is weird. You don't know if you're fucking into men or if I was a joke or what is even going on." Mark couldn't help but raise his voice. "I don't know what exactly is going on in that small brain of yours but you need to work it the fuck out because you're really draining me." Mark sighed, as he stood up grabbing his books. "I don't even know who you are anymore, I don't even think I understand anything about you."
"Then you shouldn't care if I'm into you or not then. As you know nothing about me." Jackson was quick to answer back. It drove Mark absolutely insane to know that his best friend could just answer him back so quickly, that they were just trapped in this never ending circle of fighting and it was going to end badly for both of them if they couldn't get it together.
Mark left and went straight to Jaebum and Jinyoung's room. He knew he could rely on his friends to try to tell him he's not being completely neurotic about the whole thing with his best friend, although in a way he knew he probably was thinking too much about everything. He knew he had to give Jackson some space to work out what he wanted but he hated waiting, he hated the fact that it clearly didn't affect Jackson the way that it affected him, and he hated that even throughout it all he was still hoping more than anything that Jackson would want to be with him.
Jaebum was the only one in the room, Jinyoung had a class. Mark honestly preferred it this way. Jaebum was a lot more understand to his point of view. Mark didn't really know what to say, but Jaebum pretty much took over the whole conversation talking about being more official with Jinyoung. It was apparently amazing and everything he ever wanted and Mark just felt the envy bubbling inside him. "Look, Jae, it's great that you and him are together and are completely in love or whatever, but I am still having the same problem with Jackson and it's as if he doesn't even understand what it is that I'm trying to say to him. I can't just separate everything like he can, I can't just pretend that everything is ok when I really want to know what is going on between us and if we're going to be together in the long run. I just don't know what is happening but how do I even begin to get those answers from him."
"Ok Mark." Jaebum said with a small smile. "Firstly you really need to calm down. Jackson is figuring himself out, you need to give him space and then he's going to work out what it is he exactly wants." Jaebum looks at the other and gave him a small smile, "you need to stop stressing about it all. He is going to work out what he wants more than anything else but you know, he is going to find it out and then be happy. And you're going to have your answer but you have to know that he is still feeling confused and bad just like you are. Except you know who you are and he has no idea who he is. You think it's easy when you're questioning your sexuality?"
"No, I know it suck Jae, but I don't know what to do about it. He affects me too and it's not just about him." Mark said trying not to whine. "He wants to continue like we did before, but we can't. I can't let him kiss me or hold my hand or anything. He wants to pretend everything is ok but the reality is nothing is ok."
"You've already told him what you feel comfortable with, so I don't really see why it's such a big problem." Jaebum said quietly.
"Because I'm torn Jaebum, I am torn because while I'm holding out for him to decide who he wants to be with he's hooking up with other people and that sucks, it hurts to know that he is going and getting something from other people when it could be me if I would just let him. If I would just do what you did for Jinyoung for so long letting him fuck you and then being heartbroken after until you got him in a corner where he finally decided what he wanted and it was so luckily you. You know that it wasn't very likely to be you and somehow you got the guy. I am not going to be that lucky, if I let him sleep with me he's probably going to try it out a few times and then think nah he'd rather date women and I was just a pointless experiment."
"Me and Jinyoung are not relevant." Jaebum said under his breath. "We just, we were different, we started having sex under different circumstances and we just fell for each other after. It was something different. You and Jackson, you're both just entangled in this mess that you need to sort out. Plus Mark, you can't claim to be innocent, you're the one who was kissing Youngjae, who is leading him on because Jackson isn't making his choice fast enough. Why do you think he is still around? Because it's not so he can listen to the never ending saga of is Jackson really into men. Because no one in their right mind wants to listen to you constantly whining about him. He is what he is and you know that. You knew that when this all started and now you think you can magically change him." Jaebum shook his head, Mark knew that it was just because he was getting defensive because Mark had brought up his relationship with Jinyoung. He didn't really know how he could even get out of this situation.
"Jae... I just don't know what to do. I just need your advice."
"My advice is that you knew what you were getting into when you got involved with Jackson. You need to wait for him to decide what he wants."
Author: the_resolver
Fandom: Got7
Chapter: 10/?
Pairing: Mark/Jackson, Jinyoung/Jaebum, Mark/Youngjae
Rating: R
Warning: I curse a bit,
Summary: One summer, one kiss, one breath it took to make Mark realise how he felt his best friend and then to slowly have to watch his best friend push him away a bit. Starting university is hard enough but to feel like you've made the biggest mistake of your life is something else...
A/N:
Mark looked at Youngjae. "Im going to fail human anatomy." Mark said quietly, "Im going to fail and you are refusing to have sex with me." Mark whined a little, "sex will make me so much more relaxed."
"Mark you're a virgin, what are you even thinking? I'm not going to sleep with you because you're stressed." Youngjae said taking a sip of his coffee. "Plus the sex is about Jackson." he sighed a little, "if you have sex with me you're probably going to feel bad because I know and you know you want it to be Jackson." Youngjae looked at Mark, "and I make it a point to only have sex with boys who are into me and aren't hung up on their weird best friend who's either a giant closet case or just confused." Youngjae shrugged as Mark threw a pen at him, "Plus you're not going to fail human anatomy how hard can it be?"
"Yeah well life is easy for you, your taking all singing classes, anyone who can nearly sing can pass them." Mark bitched, looking back over his notes.
"It's literally only a quiz Mark, you still have the midterm and the final before you go throw yourself off the building for failing." Youngjae sighed a little, "Jackson isn't worth fucking up school."
"It's not about Jackson"
"Mark, if you hadn't noticed, everything to do with you is about Jackson." Mark just eyed Youngjae. "Not that I'm complaining, I get it you love him and all that, but really you need to stop caring so much about it." Youngjae just grabbed his water and took a drink. "Look, ignore him for at least a bit, just focus on studying and not on his weird self."
"That's not exactly easy when I live with him and he's always around, just making me feel weird. I don't know what he wants from me - even now. I just, I don't know what I can do anymore Youngjae." Mark sighed a little, "And now I'm going to fail out and I don't even know what I'm going to do about it."
"Listen to me, you're not going to fail, just learn the book, you're going to be fine." Youngjae got up from the seat. "Now I'm going to leave you to do it by yourself like a big boy - I have class to go to, so are you going to be fine on your own?" He teased a little. Mark shook his head but then gave the other a small smile.
"Of course I'm going to be fine." Mark said but deep down he wasn't so sure. He was pretty sure that this whole Jackson thing was going to drive him insane, and he didn't even know if there was ever going to be a way where he could just live normally with him again. He didn't want to say the whole thing was a mistake but it was beginning to feel like the worst things he had ever done in his entire life.
Mark sighed when he heard Jackson come into the room. Jackson just sat down on his bed and looked over at Mark, "So how long are you going to avoid being anywhere with me for longer than an hour?" He said not even looking at Mark. "I mean you're making this way more weird than it needs to be."
"I'm not making it at all weirder than it is." Mark said only side-eyeing his best friend. "This is weird because it is weird. You don't know if you're fucking into men or if I was a joke or what is even going on." Mark couldn't help but raise his voice. "I don't know what exactly is going on in that small brain of yours but you need to work it the fuck out because you're really draining me." Mark sighed, as he stood up grabbing his books. "I don't even know who you are anymore, I don't even think I understand anything about you."
"Then you shouldn't care if I'm into you or not then. As you know nothing about me." Jackson was quick to answer back. It drove Mark absolutely insane to know that his best friend could just answer him back so quickly, that they were just trapped in this never ending circle of fighting and it was going to end badly for both of them if they couldn't get it together.
Mark left and went straight to Jaebum and Jinyoung's room. He knew he could rely on his friends to try to tell him he's not being completely neurotic about the whole thing with his best friend, although in a way he knew he probably was thinking too much about everything. He knew he had to give Jackson some space to work out what he wanted but he hated waiting, he hated the fact that it clearly didn't affect Jackson the way that it affected him, and he hated that even throughout it all he was still hoping more than anything that Jackson would want to be with him.
Jaebum was the only one in the room, Jinyoung had a class. Mark honestly preferred it this way. Jaebum was a lot more understand to his point of view. Mark didn't really know what to say, but Jaebum pretty much took over the whole conversation talking about being more official with Jinyoung. It was apparently amazing and everything he ever wanted and Mark just felt the envy bubbling inside him. "Look, Jae, it's great that you and him are together and are completely in love or whatever, but I am still having the same problem with Jackson and it's as if he doesn't even understand what it is that I'm trying to say to him. I can't just separate everything like he can, I can't just pretend that everything is ok when I really want to know what is going on between us and if we're going to be together in the long run. I just don't know what is happening but how do I even begin to get those answers from him."
"Ok Mark." Jaebum said with a small smile. "Firstly you really need to calm down. Jackson is figuring himself out, you need to give him space and then he's going to work out what it is he exactly wants." Jaebum looks at the other and gave him a small smile, "you need to stop stressing about it all. He is going to work out what he wants more than anything else but you know, he is going to find it out and then be happy. And you're going to have your answer but you have to know that he is still feeling confused and bad just like you are. Except you know who you are and he has no idea who he is. You think it's easy when you're questioning your sexuality?"
"No, I know it suck Jae, but I don't know what to do about it. He affects me too and it's not just about him." Mark said trying not to whine. "He wants to continue like we did before, but we can't. I can't let him kiss me or hold my hand or anything. He wants to pretend everything is ok but the reality is nothing is ok."
"You've already told him what you feel comfortable with, so I don't really see why it's such a big problem." Jaebum said quietly.
"Because I'm torn Jaebum, I am torn because while I'm holding out for him to decide who he wants to be with he's hooking up with other people and that sucks, it hurts to know that he is going and getting something from other people when it could be me if I would just let him. If I would just do what you did for Jinyoung for so long letting him fuck you and then being heartbroken after until you got him in a corner where he finally decided what he wanted and it was so luckily you. You know that it wasn't very likely to be you and somehow you got the guy. I am not going to be that lucky, if I let him sleep with me he's probably going to try it out a few times and then think nah he'd rather date women and I was just a pointless experiment."
"Me and Jinyoung are not relevant." Jaebum said under his breath. "We just, we were different, we started having sex under different circumstances and we just fell for each other after. It was something different. You and Jackson, you're both just entangled in this mess that you need to sort out. Plus Mark, you can't claim to be innocent, you're the one who was kissing Youngjae, who is leading him on because Jackson isn't making his choice fast enough. Why do you think he is still around? Because it's not so he can listen to the never ending saga of is Jackson really into men. Because no one in their right mind wants to listen to you constantly whining about him. He is what he is and you know that. You knew that when this all started and now you think you can magically change him." Jaebum shook his head, Mark knew that it was just because he was getting defensive because Mark had brought up his relationship with Jinyoung. He didn't really know how he could even get out of this situation.
"Jae... I just don't know what to do. I just need your advice."
"My advice is that you knew what you were getting into when you got involved with Jackson. You need to wait for him to decide what he wants."