Nothing in this World. (5/?)
Title: Nothing In This World
Author: the_resolver
Fandom: Got7
Chapter: 5/?
Pairing: Mark/Jackson, Jinyoung/Jaebum, Mark/Youngjae
Rating: NC-17 (rest of fic is R mostly)
Warning: I curse a bit, sexual scene
Summary: One summer, one kiss, one breath it took to make Mark realise how he felt his best friend and then to slowly have to watch his best friend push him away a bit. Starting university is hard enough but to feel like you've made the biggest mistake of your life is something else...
A/N:
JB looked at JR and pressed a kiss to the boys lips. “Morning honey pie.” JB teased, keeping his body close to JR, not wanting to move, he wanted to go back to sleep but he couldn’t. “Morning wood.” JB mumbled, when JR opened his mouth to question why JB was up so hard. “It’s not easy to sleep when I have your dick pressing into me.” JR looked away and JB bit his lip. “I can take care of it,” he said quietly. JR shook his head, he didn’t need it taking care of.
“It wasn’t about you.” JR said quietly. “I know you..” JR trailed off.
“Gave you amazing head. I know.” JB laughed, resting his head on JR’s chest. “And you got me off too so it’s not like it’s a problem that I sucked your cock.” JB closed his eyes and then smiled when JR moved his hand to rest on the small of his back.
“Mark went home with Youngjae last night.” JR said quietly. “Jackson was so angry when he left.” JB’s eyes fluttered open again, “Do you think Jackson went to Youngjae’s?”
“I hope he walked in while Mark was being fucked.” JB mumbled. JR rolled his eyes, JB was always in a bad mood when it was the morning. “I know you’re straight, but Youngjae is really sexy. I wouldn’t hold out on sex if he was into me.”
“Jae, you regularly have one night stands.” JR laughed, “You don’t hold out on sex on anyone.”
“It took you years.” JB stuck his tongue out.
“No it didn’t, I asked if you wanted to have sex with me and you did.” JR laughed and then smiled as JB pushed his body up as if he was going to kiss him. That was when the door opened. “fuck” JR mumbled under his breath and then looked over and saw Mark who was crying.
JB turned and looked at the boy who was now sat on the end of the bed. “Mark, what happened?” JB said, “Stop crying and talk to us.” JB was actually being nice which surprised JR and then caused him to press a kiss to JB’s cheek. “Sorry about him, we sometimes have kinda romantic mornings,” JB shrugged. “Another thing you don’t need to question.” JB said his eyes warning Mark that this was another one of those things that the pair did, it was just the way it was and it worked for them. Mark shook his head.
“I called Youngjae Jackson.” Mark said quietly.
“When he was fucking you?” JB asked before getting a sharp elbow.
“No. He sucked me off yesterday night, and he was really good. I had to keep looking at him because when I closed my eyes I imagined Jackson, he’s got beautiful lips.” Mark blushed.
“So you called him Jackson while he had your dick in his mouth?”
“No, he woke me up this morning, and I called him Jackson. He kissed me to wake me up, and then said he loved me. I said I love you too Jackson.” Mark bit his lip. “then I ran out.”
“Mark, I’m just gonna say it. Youngjae is probably done now with you.” JB said “If anyone called me another man’s name they’d be gone.” Mark just looked at Jinyoung and Jaebum but didn’t say anything. “Look Mark, I’m going to be honest here. You either need to talk to Jackson about how you feel or move on, make a choice.”
JR smiled at Jaebum and then looked at Mark. “Look, if you’re choosing to move on, maybe you should lay off trying to find someone and focus on you ok?” Mark nodded and got up, walking back to his room, wiping his eyes. He didn’t want to go in already crying. He walked in and found Jackson sat there staring at his phone.
“You didn’t text me to say where you were.” Jackson said, but he noticed Mark’s demeanour, “Mark, are you ok? What did he do?” Mark shook his head and Jackson stood up and held Mark close to him. “It’s ok to tell me, I’m not going to say anything to him ok? I won’t be angry and I won’t punch his lights out for making you sad.”
“It was me Jackson. I’m the problem.” Mark said quietly. “We need to talk.”
“I can try harder to be nice to him.” Jackson said quickly. “I promise I can try harder. Just please don’t cry.” Mark held onto Jackson tightly as he cried, Jackson rubbed his back gently.
“Sit down Jacks, Please” Mark said quietly and they both sat. Mark looked at Jackson. “I need you to know something.” Jackson nodded, but before Mark could speak, he was kissing Jackson, eyes closed, hands bunched in Jackson’s shirt as they kept kissing, until they broke the kiss. “I love you Jackson.” Mark said quietly. “I’m in love with you.”
Jackson looked at Mark and shook his head. “No.” he stood up. “I can’t, I can’t do this. I’m straight.” Jackson looked at Mark who was just watching him. “Why do you keep kissing me? It’s not a fucking game. I’m straight Mark, how do you not get that?” Jackson said before leaving, slamming the door. Mark curled up on Jackson’s bed and cried, he texted JB explaining what had happened, hoping the other would track down Jackson before he did something stupid like beat up Youngjae or something.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
JB had turned up at Mark’s door, looking pretty upset. “Hey let me take you to a gay bar.” He said, Mark then noticed that Jackson was dressed to go out. “Both of our best friends are dickheads, we should go get wasted.” JB said, clearly he wasn’t going to talk about whatever it was with JR that had him wanting to go out. He threw some clothes at Mark. “Put these on, We need to go now.” He said again. Mark didn’t question he just started getting dressed. He wanted to go over and hug JB but he wasn’t sure JB was ready to tell him what had gone on. Mark walked with JB, pretty much in silence, even when they went into the bar and ordered drinks they didn’t really talk, until JB said quietly. “He called a girl round to have sex.” JB ordered another one. “Which you know I don’t mind, but he then asked me why I didn’t just come out as gay.” JB sighed, “and then we had a fight about my sexuality.”
Mark watched JB drink the drink pretty much in one. “Well it’s not you that sleeps with guys when you’re saying you’re straight.”
“Seems both of our best friends have that problem.” JB smiled a little. “By the way, Youngjae is walking over, and he looks pissed. And kinda bruised. I thought JR was going to stop Jackson.”
Mark looked over and Youngjae came over. “You sent Jackson to beat me up, after you called me Jackson. I didn’t hate you for being confused about him. But I did not make you start throwing yourself at him. I wasn’t going to end it with you, but clearly it’s him you want, so ask him to leave me the fuck alone.” Youngjae pretty much growled. Mark nodded.
Once Youngjae had gone JB raised his eyebrow. “Dance. We need to dance.”, Dancing with JB was an experience. JB was a good dancer, Mark had seen the boy dance in competitions, but this was very different dancing. JB was grinding against him, and he hated to admit it but it was turning him on. Mark closed his eyes and started to move his hips back against JB’s.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Mark somehow ended up back at JB’s. JR wasn’t in and they were both sober enough to make their own choices. Kissing JB was different, he wasn’t like any of the boys he’d kissed that he’d had feelings for. JB was just there, just like Mark was just there. There was no meaning to this, other than the pair wanted to be thinking of anything else. JB broke the kiss to kiss Mark’s neck, leaving small marks behind, JB cupped Mark and smirked as Mark’s clear arousal. “I’m not going to have sex with you.” Mark said quietly and JB nodded.
JB smirked as Mark whispered against his ear. JB’s hand palming Mark over his pants. JB loved the little pants that Mark made, he knew the boy was trying to hold back the noises, no one wanted to admit they were needy when it came to a hook up. JB unbuttoned the pants, and slipped his hand in. He smirked, Mark was getting hard fast. JB looked at Mark and gave him one more kiss.
JB sunk to his knees, pulling Mark’s pants down a little. Mentally complaining about how tight Mark’s pants were, as they clung to his thighs. JB pressed kisses to Mark’s cock but over the boxers, while one of his hands traced up and down one of the other’s thighs. He didn’t really know if he wanted Mark to make a lot of noise and alert people to what they were doing, but he loved hearing the sounds that he could make people.
JB hooked his fingers in Mark’s boxers and slowly pulled them down. JB kissed down Mark’s length, before moving to stroke the boy, kissing the sensitive skin around the base. He smirked and pressed his tongue to the underside of Mark’s cock, and in one fluid movement going from the base to the tip, leaving a wet stripe. JB then took the tip into his mouth, his hands still moving, stroking Mark.
JB looked up to make eye contact with Mark, all the while moving his tongue to tease the tip, hand still moving. He let out a slight moan, he wanted Mark to think he was enjoying this, well he was enjoying this. He moved a little to take more of Mark into his mouth, his hand moved faster on the boys length as his mouth moved, trying to make sure he teased enough to get Mark vocal.
The other made glorious noises, noises that went straight to his crotch. One of JB’s hands moving to rub himself over his own pants. He looked up at Mark before moving his hand a little to try to take the other deeper. JB didn’t like deep throating someone but he wanted to hear more. He also wanted to get Mark to release, wanting to hear what that would sound like. JB took as much as he could into his mouth, part of him loved the struggle to breathe as much he hated it.
In saying that he wasn’t going to die of being unable to breathe due to someone’s dick. He smiled as Mark’s hand was on the back of his head, encouraging him to keep going, JB managed to get all of Mark into his mouth, his nose pressed against Mark’s stomach. JB pushed against Mark’s hand to move off the length a little, he smirked.
He stroked Mark again as he teased Mark’s tip again, he smirked at the noise of Mark, who’s hand was pushing JB again. JB smirked taking Mark in slowly. JB’s eyes were closed now, he was focussing on trying to get the other to come.
He didn’t have to wait long. Mark came and JB tried his best to swallow it all, but wasn’t successful. Mark panted, and JB wiped his mouth. When he heard Jackson, “You have to be fucking kidding me.” Mark’s body jolted him back into reality. Jackson was standing in the doorway with JR.
Mark and JB looked over at their friends who’d barged in at an oh so inconvenient time. JB looked over at the pair and then got up from his knees. Mark was breathing hard and moved quickly to put himself away, wondering how much of that the pair had seen - knowing that regardless it didn’t take a genius to work out what was going on. Mark looked at Jackson and then away from him. “Jaebum” that was Jackson’s voice, he sounded calm. “You said you wouldn’t touch him.” Jackson said again. Mark rolled his eyes.
“You don’t want me in any way so you can go fuck yourself.” Mark said trying to regain his breath. He looked at Jr who was just staring at JB. “Jinyoung.” Mark said quietly.
“Mark.” Jinyoung’s eyes flickered to Mark. “You’re fucking Mark.” JB opened his mouth to speak. “I don’t know who you are Jaebum.” Jinyoung shook his head. “On your knees like a whore, in front of our friend. And you know how Mark feels about Jackson, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you acting like a slut?” Jaebum winced a little at the word. “He will never love you Jaebum, you always look for love in the wrong fucking place.”
“Fuck you Jinyoung.” Jaebum said looking at his best friend. “Yeah I gave Mark a blow job. He wanted one and I made him scream, just like you fucking wished you could do to me. I’m allowed to be a whore for guys as long as it’s you? You want me to always be ready to bend over for you.” Jaebum looked at Jinyoung. “You brought a girl back tonight, and I brought back Mark. I haven’t done anything wrong.”
“This isn’t you.” Jinyoung shouted. “You’re not some cheap guy, giving out blow jobs because I’ve brought a girl back.”
“It’s what I do now. I suck dick.” Jaebum shouted before storming out. Jinyoung turned to look at Mark.
“What are you doing Mark?” Jinyoung nearly growled.
“Jinyoung cool it.” Jackson said.
“I don’t need you protecting me Jackson. You can both just fuck off.” Mark said before storming out as well.
“Let me handle it? Yeah Jinyoung you totally handled it.” Jackson rolled his eyes, and walked out to follow them.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Mark was curled up in his bed when Jackson walked in. “You kissed me first Jackson.” Mark said before Jackson could say anything. “You kissed me first then told me to stop kissing you. Why don’t you stop fucking with my mind.”
“Mark.” Jackson said softly. “I’m straight.”
“You closed the gap, you kissed me, I just kissed back!” Mark sat up and glared. “I fucking told you I love you Jackson.”
“Mark.” Jackson said quietly. “Please, just accept I’m not gay.”
“You don’t have to be gay Jackson.”
“I’m into women.” Jackson said softly. “You’re a man. Do you see what my problem is? I would love to be able to love you back. So I could make you happy but I can’t Mark.”
“Jinyoung is straight.” Mark said quickly.
“Jaebum is the only man he’s ever liked.” Jackson says quietly. “loved.” Jackson looked at Mark. “But I’m not him and you can’t make me him.”
“I thought we were best friends.” Mark said quietly. “If you’re confused we can talk about it.”
“I’m not confused. I know you want me to be gay but I’m not. So leave it the fuck alone.” Jackson shouted. “I don’t love you. I can’t love you.” Jackson looked at Mark and then sighed. “And you looked pretty fucking content with Jaebum sucking your dick.” Jackson said maliciously. Mark’s eyes welled a little. “Don’t fuck with Jaebum and Jinyoung.” Jackson said, stripping down to get into bed. “They need each other, and you and Jaebum whoring around together isn’t good for Jaebum or Jinyoung.”
“I’m a whore am I, Jackson?” Mark looked at Jackson. “I’ve never had sex. I’ve only ever had 3 sexual partners, two of which were my boyfriend at the time. One was the guy you never met and we dry humped and the other was Youngjae and we sucked each other off. My other sexual partner was Jaebum.” Mark raised his voice. “You on the other hand, you don’t even know the name of the person that took your virginity, you don’t know how many people you’ve even fucked. You sleep around and don’t care about the consequences, but yet I’m the whore, because I got 1 blow job from 1 friend.” Mark said wiping away his tears.
“Don’t.” Jackson said quietly. “I’ve never tried to fuck a friend’s relationship up.”
“They aren’t together Jackson.” Mark growled. “Do you know what, fuck you, and fuck your sexuality issues, and fuck this conversation.” Mark pulled his jacket on, thankful that he’d gotten into bed still fully dressed. When Mark got to the door he looked back at Jackson. “Don’t wait for a text, because fuck you” Mark said before leaving and slamming the door.
Mark went outside and managed to mooch a cigarette and a light off someone before walking onto the roof terrace. He sat on the bench that was there and looked at his phone. He took a long drag and looked up at the sky. He pressed a call button on his phone and smiled when he heard his dad’s voice. “Dad.” Mark said, he was already trying to hold back the tears. “I don’t know what to do dad. It hurts so bad.” He started crying down the phone.
“Mark, tell me what’s wrong? Do you need to go to a hospital? Have to asked Jackson to take you?”
“It’s Jackson dad.” Mark said crying more, “I love him, and he keeps messing with my head. He tells me he can’t love me but he kissed me, and now I’m so confused.” Mark sobbed more, completely forgetting that he’d never told his family his orientation.
“Do you need me to come up and beat him up for you? No one hurt my little boy.”
“He’s not gay, Dad, beating him up isn’t going to help.” Mark tried to stop crying. “I’m just so confused, he is being weird with me. I just need your advice.”
“Mark, if you love him it’s sometimes better to let him go. If he’s not willing to accept feeling from you, or that he might feel similarly it is better to leave him.”
“Thank you dad.” Mark said quietly. “I’m gay dad”
“I know Mark, I love you.” Mark’s dad said. “But don’t let Jackson get you down ok?” Mark agreed and hung up the phone, texting JR and JB, and then sitting and starting to smoke again. He looked over when he heard footsteps, and saw JB. JB sat next to Mark and raised his eyebrow at the cigarette.
“I need it.” Mark said quietly. “I came out to my dad.” JB looked at Mark and tentatively rested his hand on the other’s leg, giving it a squeeze. “He didn’t even care that Jackson was a guy, he just cared that he hurt me.” Mark smiled at JB.
“I’m sorry if Jinyoung was rude to you.” JB said quietly. “He’s refusing to sleep in the same room as me.” JB sighed. “He’ll get over it.”
“Jackson kissed me earlier today.” Mark said, taking another drag on his cigarette, before putting it out. “I mean he denies doing it, but he kissed me.”
“Please tell me you weren’t thinking about it when I was sucking your dick.” JB said looking at Mark. Mark shook his head. “Also is it some couple thing that both you and him smoke when you’re upset about something but never at any other time?” Mark smiled a little.
“I can’t even remember, I think we fought, and when we made up we shared a cigarette, and since then we do it when we’re mad, usually at each other.” Mark said quietly. “Which seems to be a lot recently.”
“Why do you keep trying?” JB said quietly. “He’s never going to face his sexuality, you do know that right?”
“You’re sleeping with a straight guy.”
“I sleep with many guys and girls Mark.” JB said looking down. “And JR pretty much kicked me out of our room. Until he cools down.” JB looked at his own hands. “I shouldn’t have done that to you. I knew he was with Jackson, and I knew they were going to back to that room.” JB looked away from Mark. “I knew they’d find us, and I knew Jackson would get angry.” JB looked at Mark. “I didn’t want to break your friendship.” Mark just watched as JB looked down, he could tell the other was trying not to cry. “But now my best friend thinks I’m a whore, and he hates me. Jackson hates me for you and you will hate me too for doing it intentionally.”
“You’re pretty fucked up Jaebum” Mark said quietly, “But you’re my best friend.” He pressed a kiss to JB’s cheek. “Them hating us is temporary.” Mark said quietly. Mark sighed and then looked at JB. “Maybe you should try to go back to your room.”
“So he can tell me again how much of a whore I am? Or so he can tell me I’m gay and only pretending to like girls to sleep with more people?” JB looked down. “He’s the only person in the world with the power to make me feel like a cheap slut, and he does it do well.” JB closed his eyes in an attempt to stop himself crying. “He won’t say what we do out loud. When we had sex he left before I woke up. He can take me back to that exact moment, waking up alone after I’d given him my virginity. I was too ashamed to call someone to come pick me up from his house, so I walked home.”
Mark looked at JB “I never heard this part of the story.”
“I love telling people how JR single handedly took everything good about my first time and tarred it.” JB said sarcastically. JB stood up. “Look I’ll walk you back to your place, Jackson didn’t kick you out and then I’ll sleep outside my door. He needs to find me in the morning, to know I didn’t fuck you.” JB said getting up.
After dropping off Mark, JB walked back to his room, and sat outside the door. He knew JR was still awake, he could hear him moving. JB sent a text to JR saying he was sorry. He heard JR throw his phone at the wall, and JB couldn’t help but to start crying. He looked up when he heard the door open. “You can sleep in here. Only because I don’t like sleeping alone. But we’re not ok.” JR said before going in. JB followed him and got into bed next to him, making sure he faced JR, who was facing the wall. “I let you do what you want, but this was just too much Jae.” JR said before going silent and closing his eyes.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Mark was sat on his bed facing Jackson who was sat on his. “So you know Jaebum is, he’s just destroyed.” Mark said quietly.
“He chose to do it.” Jackson looked at Mark, “Just like you did.”
“I just wanted anyone that wasn’t you.” Mark said quietly. “You tell me you’re straight, well I don’t want to love you. I want to love someone who isn’t ashamed to say he kissed me.” Jackson looked at Mark and then looked down. “I don’t want to become Jaebum.” Mark said quietly. “I don’t want to always love someone who doesn’t love me.” He started crying. “I don’t want to hate you. I want to go back to before, when none of this happened. Before we kissed the first time, before I noticed how I felt, before I wanted you to love me, before sexuality became an issue, before we started hurting each other, before I saw what being like JB and JR does to people.” Mark gave up and just cried, moving to lie in his bed and crying into his pillow. “Make it all stop Jackson.” He cried more. “Please tell me how we can go back.” Mark cried onto Jackson, as Jackson moved into bed with him. “It hurts too much.” He held onto Jackson and buried his face in the other’s shirt.
“I don’t want to hurt you anymore Mark” Jackson said quietly. “We’re never going to be like them. We’re going to sort everything out. We’re going to be ok.” Jackson held Mark tight to him. “No one is going to hurt you, not even me.” Jackson whispered as Mark quietened down. “No one will ever make you cry like this again.”
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
When Mark woke in Jackson’s arms, he looked at his best friend who was already awake. “Feeling better?” Jackson said quietly and Mark nodded. “I’m sorry for what I said yesterday, I was just angry.”
“I’m sorry too.” Mark moved to sit up. “So I guess we’ve decided we’re not going to talk about that kiss.”
“I want to protect you Mark.”
“Protect me from what?” Mark looked at Jackson. “Because you’re what hurts me the most.”
“Me.” Jackson said. “I want to protect you from me.” Jackson sat up and cupped Mark’s cheek. “I never want to hear you crying like that again. Especially not over me.” Jackson moved as if he was going to kiss Mark, but didn’t he just stayed there, close enough to kiss him, but not actually doing it. Until he heard a knock on the door, and got up. He smiled when he saw JR.
“Where’s Jae?” Mark asked. JR shrugged.
“He got up early this morning. I’m still not talking to him.”
“You should find him” Mark said looking down. “And you should stop calling him a whore. You sleep with more people than him.”
“He tried to fuck with you and Jackson.”
“I wanted it Jinyoung, why do you all act like he forced his mouth on me. I wanted it, I wanted him, we both just wanted to get away.” Mark looked at JR. “You hurt him, so badly. You broke him.” Mark stood up and JR stepped towards him.
“Fuck you Mark.” JR felt Jackson’s arm across his chest. “Fuck you, you know nothing about me and Jaebum. You just throw yourself at Jackson over and over again, when are you going to learn?” Mark just looked at JR. “Jaebum and I have things under control.”
“Then why are you calling him a whore?” Mark shouted.
“Because he touched you.” JR shouted back, “Because you’re a friend, you’re off limits.”
“Fuck off Jinyoung.” Mark shouted. “I want you to leave now.”
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
It didn’t take long for JR to find JB, sat with his legs crossed on a balcony, with headphones in. JR sat down next to him mirroring his actions. “I’m sorry Jinyoung.” JB said taking his headphones off. “I’m sorry about Mark, and I’m sorry I left this morning, I thought you didn’t want to see me.”
“I’m sorry Jae, I shouldn’t have called you a whore.” Jinyoung held his hand out and Jaebum took it, and gave it a squeeze. “Please, don’t sleep with our friends.” Jinyoung said quietly. “I don’t know why, but it hurts.”
“I was just, I was angry.” JB said quietly. “I needed a release.”
“Are we ok?” Jinyoung asked quietly.
“Yeah. We’re fine.” Jaebum smiled.
Author: the_resolver
Fandom: Got7
Chapter: 5/?
Pairing: Mark/Jackson, Jinyoung/Jaebum, Mark/Youngjae
Rating: NC-17 (rest of fic is R mostly)
Warning: I curse a bit, sexual scene
Summary: One summer, one kiss, one breath it took to make Mark realise how he felt his best friend and then to slowly have to watch his best friend push him away a bit. Starting university is hard enough but to feel like you've made the biggest mistake of your life is something else...
A/N:
JB looked at JR and pressed a kiss to the boys lips. “Morning honey pie.” JB teased, keeping his body close to JR, not wanting to move, he wanted to go back to sleep but he couldn’t. “Morning wood.” JB mumbled, when JR opened his mouth to question why JB was up so hard. “It’s not easy to sleep when I have your dick pressing into me.” JR looked away and JB bit his lip. “I can take care of it,” he said quietly. JR shook his head, he didn’t need it taking care of.
“It wasn’t about you.” JR said quietly. “I know you..” JR trailed off.
“Gave you amazing head. I know.” JB laughed, resting his head on JR’s chest. “And you got me off too so it’s not like it’s a problem that I sucked your cock.” JB closed his eyes and then smiled when JR moved his hand to rest on the small of his back.
“Mark went home with Youngjae last night.” JR said quietly. “Jackson was so angry when he left.” JB’s eyes fluttered open again, “Do you think Jackson went to Youngjae’s?”
“I hope he walked in while Mark was being fucked.” JB mumbled. JR rolled his eyes, JB was always in a bad mood when it was the morning. “I know you’re straight, but Youngjae is really sexy. I wouldn’t hold out on sex if he was into me.”
“Jae, you regularly have one night stands.” JR laughed, “You don’t hold out on sex on anyone.”
“It took you years.” JB stuck his tongue out.
“No it didn’t, I asked if you wanted to have sex with me and you did.” JR laughed and then smiled as JB pushed his body up as if he was going to kiss him. That was when the door opened. “fuck” JR mumbled under his breath and then looked over and saw Mark who was crying.
JB turned and looked at the boy who was now sat on the end of the bed. “Mark, what happened?” JB said, “Stop crying and talk to us.” JB was actually being nice which surprised JR and then caused him to press a kiss to JB’s cheek. “Sorry about him, we sometimes have kinda romantic mornings,” JB shrugged. “Another thing you don’t need to question.” JB said his eyes warning Mark that this was another one of those things that the pair did, it was just the way it was and it worked for them. Mark shook his head.
“I called Youngjae Jackson.” Mark said quietly.
“When he was fucking you?” JB asked before getting a sharp elbow.
“No. He sucked me off yesterday night, and he was really good. I had to keep looking at him because when I closed my eyes I imagined Jackson, he’s got beautiful lips.” Mark blushed.
“So you called him Jackson while he had your dick in his mouth?”
“No, he woke me up this morning, and I called him Jackson. He kissed me to wake me up, and then said he loved me. I said I love you too Jackson.” Mark bit his lip. “then I ran out.”
“Mark, I’m just gonna say it. Youngjae is probably done now with you.” JB said “If anyone called me another man’s name they’d be gone.” Mark just looked at Jinyoung and Jaebum but didn’t say anything. “Look Mark, I’m going to be honest here. You either need to talk to Jackson about how you feel or move on, make a choice.”
JR smiled at Jaebum and then looked at Mark. “Look, if you’re choosing to move on, maybe you should lay off trying to find someone and focus on you ok?” Mark nodded and got up, walking back to his room, wiping his eyes. He didn’t want to go in already crying. He walked in and found Jackson sat there staring at his phone.
“You didn’t text me to say where you were.” Jackson said, but he noticed Mark’s demeanour, “Mark, are you ok? What did he do?” Mark shook his head and Jackson stood up and held Mark close to him. “It’s ok to tell me, I’m not going to say anything to him ok? I won’t be angry and I won’t punch his lights out for making you sad.”
“It was me Jackson. I’m the problem.” Mark said quietly. “We need to talk.”
“I can try harder to be nice to him.” Jackson said quickly. “I promise I can try harder. Just please don’t cry.” Mark held onto Jackson tightly as he cried, Jackson rubbed his back gently.
“Sit down Jacks, Please” Mark said quietly and they both sat. Mark looked at Jackson. “I need you to know something.” Jackson nodded, but before Mark could speak, he was kissing Jackson, eyes closed, hands bunched in Jackson’s shirt as they kept kissing, until they broke the kiss. “I love you Jackson.” Mark said quietly. “I’m in love with you.”
Jackson looked at Mark and shook his head. “No.” he stood up. “I can’t, I can’t do this. I’m straight.” Jackson looked at Mark who was just watching him. “Why do you keep kissing me? It’s not a fucking game. I’m straight Mark, how do you not get that?” Jackson said before leaving, slamming the door. Mark curled up on Jackson’s bed and cried, he texted JB explaining what had happened, hoping the other would track down Jackson before he did something stupid like beat up Youngjae or something.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
JB had turned up at Mark’s door, looking pretty upset. “Hey let me take you to a gay bar.” He said, Mark then noticed that Jackson was dressed to go out. “Both of our best friends are dickheads, we should go get wasted.” JB said, clearly he wasn’t going to talk about whatever it was with JR that had him wanting to go out. He threw some clothes at Mark. “Put these on, We need to go now.” He said again. Mark didn’t question he just started getting dressed. He wanted to go over and hug JB but he wasn’t sure JB was ready to tell him what had gone on. Mark walked with JB, pretty much in silence, even when they went into the bar and ordered drinks they didn’t really talk, until JB said quietly. “He called a girl round to have sex.” JB ordered another one. “Which you know I don’t mind, but he then asked me why I didn’t just come out as gay.” JB sighed, “and then we had a fight about my sexuality.”
Mark watched JB drink the drink pretty much in one. “Well it’s not you that sleeps with guys when you’re saying you’re straight.”
“Seems both of our best friends have that problem.” JB smiled a little. “By the way, Youngjae is walking over, and he looks pissed. And kinda bruised. I thought JR was going to stop Jackson.”
Mark looked over and Youngjae came over. “You sent Jackson to beat me up, after you called me Jackson. I didn’t hate you for being confused about him. But I did not make you start throwing yourself at him. I wasn’t going to end it with you, but clearly it’s him you want, so ask him to leave me the fuck alone.” Youngjae pretty much growled. Mark nodded.
Once Youngjae had gone JB raised his eyebrow. “Dance. We need to dance.”, Dancing with JB was an experience. JB was a good dancer, Mark had seen the boy dance in competitions, but this was very different dancing. JB was grinding against him, and he hated to admit it but it was turning him on. Mark closed his eyes and started to move his hips back against JB’s.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Mark somehow ended up back at JB’s. JR wasn’t in and they were both sober enough to make their own choices. Kissing JB was different, he wasn’t like any of the boys he’d kissed that he’d had feelings for. JB was just there, just like Mark was just there. There was no meaning to this, other than the pair wanted to be thinking of anything else. JB broke the kiss to kiss Mark’s neck, leaving small marks behind, JB cupped Mark and smirked as Mark’s clear arousal. “I’m not going to have sex with you.” Mark said quietly and JB nodded.
JB smirked as Mark whispered against his ear. JB’s hand palming Mark over his pants. JB loved the little pants that Mark made, he knew the boy was trying to hold back the noises, no one wanted to admit they were needy when it came to a hook up. JB unbuttoned the pants, and slipped his hand in. He smirked, Mark was getting hard fast. JB looked at Mark and gave him one more kiss.
JB sunk to his knees, pulling Mark’s pants down a little. Mentally complaining about how tight Mark’s pants were, as they clung to his thighs. JB pressed kisses to Mark’s cock but over the boxers, while one of his hands traced up and down one of the other’s thighs. He didn’t really know if he wanted Mark to make a lot of noise and alert people to what they were doing, but he loved hearing the sounds that he could make people.
JB hooked his fingers in Mark’s boxers and slowly pulled them down. JB kissed down Mark’s length, before moving to stroke the boy, kissing the sensitive skin around the base. He smirked and pressed his tongue to the underside of Mark’s cock, and in one fluid movement going from the base to the tip, leaving a wet stripe. JB then took the tip into his mouth, his hands still moving, stroking Mark.
JB looked up to make eye contact with Mark, all the while moving his tongue to tease the tip, hand still moving. He let out a slight moan, he wanted Mark to think he was enjoying this, well he was enjoying this. He moved a little to take more of Mark into his mouth, his hand moved faster on the boys length as his mouth moved, trying to make sure he teased enough to get Mark vocal.
The other made glorious noises, noises that went straight to his crotch. One of JB’s hands moving to rub himself over his own pants. He looked up at Mark before moving his hand a little to try to take the other deeper. JB didn’t like deep throating someone but he wanted to hear more. He also wanted to get Mark to release, wanting to hear what that would sound like. JB took as much as he could into his mouth, part of him loved the struggle to breathe as much he hated it.
In saying that he wasn’t going to die of being unable to breathe due to someone’s dick. He smiled as Mark’s hand was on the back of his head, encouraging him to keep going, JB managed to get all of Mark into his mouth, his nose pressed against Mark’s stomach. JB pushed against Mark’s hand to move off the length a little, he smirked.
He stroked Mark again as he teased Mark’s tip again, he smirked at the noise of Mark, who’s hand was pushing JB again. JB smirked taking Mark in slowly. JB’s eyes were closed now, he was focussing on trying to get the other to come.
He didn’t have to wait long. Mark came and JB tried his best to swallow it all, but wasn’t successful. Mark panted, and JB wiped his mouth. When he heard Jackson, “You have to be fucking kidding me.” Mark’s body jolted him back into reality. Jackson was standing in the doorway with JR.
Mark and JB looked over at their friends who’d barged in at an oh so inconvenient time. JB looked over at the pair and then got up from his knees. Mark was breathing hard and moved quickly to put himself away, wondering how much of that the pair had seen - knowing that regardless it didn’t take a genius to work out what was going on. Mark looked at Jackson and then away from him. “Jaebum” that was Jackson’s voice, he sounded calm. “You said you wouldn’t touch him.” Jackson said again. Mark rolled his eyes.
“You don’t want me in any way so you can go fuck yourself.” Mark said trying to regain his breath. He looked at Jr who was just staring at JB. “Jinyoung.” Mark said quietly.
“Mark.” Jinyoung’s eyes flickered to Mark. “You’re fucking Mark.” JB opened his mouth to speak. “I don’t know who you are Jaebum.” Jinyoung shook his head. “On your knees like a whore, in front of our friend. And you know how Mark feels about Jackson, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you acting like a slut?” Jaebum winced a little at the word. “He will never love you Jaebum, you always look for love in the wrong fucking place.”
“Fuck you Jinyoung.” Jaebum said looking at his best friend. “Yeah I gave Mark a blow job. He wanted one and I made him scream, just like you fucking wished you could do to me. I’m allowed to be a whore for guys as long as it’s you? You want me to always be ready to bend over for you.” Jaebum looked at Jinyoung. “You brought a girl back tonight, and I brought back Mark. I haven’t done anything wrong.”
“This isn’t you.” Jinyoung shouted. “You’re not some cheap guy, giving out blow jobs because I’ve brought a girl back.”
“It’s what I do now. I suck dick.” Jaebum shouted before storming out. Jinyoung turned to look at Mark.
“What are you doing Mark?” Jinyoung nearly growled.
“Jinyoung cool it.” Jackson said.
“I don’t need you protecting me Jackson. You can both just fuck off.” Mark said before storming out as well.
“Let me handle it? Yeah Jinyoung you totally handled it.” Jackson rolled his eyes, and walked out to follow them.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Mark was curled up in his bed when Jackson walked in. “You kissed me first Jackson.” Mark said before Jackson could say anything. “You kissed me first then told me to stop kissing you. Why don’t you stop fucking with my mind.”
“Mark.” Jackson said softly. “I’m straight.”
“You closed the gap, you kissed me, I just kissed back!” Mark sat up and glared. “I fucking told you I love you Jackson.”
“Mark.” Jackson said quietly. “Please, just accept I’m not gay.”
“You don’t have to be gay Jackson.”
“I’m into women.” Jackson said softly. “You’re a man. Do you see what my problem is? I would love to be able to love you back. So I could make you happy but I can’t Mark.”
“Jinyoung is straight.” Mark said quickly.
“Jaebum is the only man he’s ever liked.” Jackson says quietly. “loved.” Jackson looked at Mark. “But I’m not him and you can’t make me him.”
“I thought we were best friends.” Mark said quietly. “If you’re confused we can talk about it.”
“I’m not confused. I know you want me to be gay but I’m not. So leave it the fuck alone.” Jackson shouted. “I don’t love you. I can’t love you.” Jackson looked at Mark and then sighed. “And you looked pretty fucking content with Jaebum sucking your dick.” Jackson said maliciously. Mark’s eyes welled a little. “Don’t fuck with Jaebum and Jinyoung.” Jackson said, stripping down to get into bed. “They need each other, and you and Jaebum whoring around together isn’t good for Jaebum or Jinyoung.”
“I’m a whore am I, Jackson?” Mark looked at Jackson. “I’ve never had sex. I’ve only ever had 3 sexual partners, two of which were my boyfriend at the time. One was the guy you never met and we dry humped and the other was Youngjae and we sucked each other off. My other sexual partner was Jaebum.” Mark raised his voice. “You on the other hand, you don’t even know the name of the person that took your virginity, you don’t know how many people you’ve even fucked. You sleep around and don’t care about the consequences, but yet I’m the whore, because I got 1 blow job from 1 friend.” Mark said wiping away his tears.
“Don’t.” Jackson said quietly. “I’ve never tried to fuck a friend’s relationship up.”
“They aren’t together Jackson.” Mark growled. “Do you know what, fuck you, and fuck your sexuality issues, and fuck this conversation.” Mark pulled his jacket on, thankful that he’d gotten into bed still fully dressed. When Mark got to the door he looked back at Jackson. “Don’t wait for a text, because fuck you” Mark said before leaving and slamming the door.
Mark went outside and managed to mooch a cigarette and a light off someone before walking onto the roof terrace. He sat on the bench that was there and looked at his phone. He took a long drag and looked up at the sky. He pressed a call button on his phone and smiled when he heard his dad’s voice. “Dad.” Mark said, he was already trying to hold back the tears. “I don’t know what to do dad. It hurts so bad.” He started crying down the phone.
“Mark, tell me what’s wrong? Do you need to go to a hospital? Have to asked Jackson to take you?”
“It’s Jackson dad.” Mark said crying more, “I love him, and he keeps messing with my head. He tells me he can’t love me but he kissed me, and now I’m so confused.” Mark sobbed more, completely forgetting that he’d never told his family his orientation.
“Do you need me to come up and beat him up for you? No one hurt my little boy.”
“He’s not gay, Dad, beating him up isn’t going to help.” Mark tried to stop crying. “I’m just so confused, he is being weird with me. I just need your advice.”
“Mark, if you love him it’s sometimes better to let him go. If he’s not willing to accept feeling from you, or that he might feel similarly it is better to leave him.”
“Thank you dad.” Mark said quietly. “I’m gay dad”
“I know Mark, I love you.” Mark’s dad said. “But don’t let Jackson get you down ok?” Mark agreed and hung up the phone, texting JR and JB, and then sitting and starting to smoke again. He looked over when he heard footsteps, and saw JB. JB sat next to Mark and raised his eyebrow at the cigarette.
“I need it.” Mark said quietly. “I came out to my dad.” JB looked at Mark and tentatively rested his hand on the other’s leg, giving it a squeeze. “He didn’t even care that Jackson was a guy, he just cared that he hurt me.” Mark smiled at JB.
“I’m sorry if Jinyoung was rude to you.” JB said quietly. “He’s refusing to sleep in the same room as me.” JB sighed. “He’ll get over it.”
“Jackson kissed me earlier today.” Mark said, taking another drag on his cigarette, before putting it out. “I mean he denies doing it, but he kissed me.”
“Please tell me you weren’t thinking about it when I was sucking your dick.” JB said looking at Mark. Mark shook his head. “Also is it some couple thing that both you and him smoke when you’re upset about something but never at any other time?” Mark smiled a little.
“I can’t even remember, I think we fought, and when we made up we shared a cigarette, and since then we do it when we’re mad, usually at each other.” Mark said quietly. “Which seems to be a lot recently.”
“Why do you keep trying?” JB said quietly. “He’s never going to face his sexuality, you do know that right?”
“You’re sleeping with a straight guy.”
“I sleep with many guys and girls Mark.” JB said looking down. “And JR pretty much kicked me out of our room. Until he cools down.” JB looked at his own hands. “I shouldn’t have done that to you. I knew he was with Jackson, and I knew they were going to back to that room.” JB looked away from Mark. “I knew they’d find us, and I knew Jackson would get angry.” JB looked at Mark. “I didn’t want to break your friendship.” Mark just watched as JB looked down, he could tell the other was trying not to cry. “But now my best friend thinks I’m a whore, and he hates me. Jackson hates me for you and you will hate me too for doing it intentionally.”
“You’re pretty fucked up Jaebum” Mark said quietly, “But you’re my best friend.” He pressed a kiss to JB’s cheek. “Them hating us is temporary.” Mark said quietly. Mark sighed and then looked at JB. “Maybe you should try to go back to your room.”
“So he can tell me again how much of a whore I am? Or so he can tell me I’m gay and only pretending to like girls to sleep with more people?” JB looked down. “He’s the only person in the world with the power to make me feel like a cheap slut, and he does it do well.” JB closed his eyes in an attempt to stop himself crying. “He won’t say what we do out loud. When we had sex he left before I woke up. He can take me back to that exact moment, waking up alone after I’d given him my virginity. I was too ashamed to call someone to come pick me up from his house, so I walked home.”
Mark looked at JB “I never heard this part of the story.”
“I love telling people how JR single handedly took everything good about my first time and tarred it.” JB said sarcastically. JB stood up. “Look I’ll walk you back to your place, Jackson didn’t kick you out and then I’ll sleep outside my door. He needs to find me in the morning, to know I didn’t fuck you.” JB said getting up.
After dropping off Mark, JB walked back to his room, and sat outside the door. He knew JR was still awake, he could hear him moving. JB sent a text to JR saying he was sorry. He heard JR throw his phone at the wall, and JB couldn’t help but to start crying. He looked up when he heard the door open. “You can sleep in here. Only because I don’t like sleeping alone. But we’re not ok.” JR said before going in. JB followed him and got into bed next to him, making sure he faced JR, who was facing the wall. “I let you do what you want, but this was just too much Jae.” JR said before going silent and closing his eyes.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Mark was sat on his bed facing Jackson who was sat on his. “So you know Jaebum is, he’s just destroyed.” Mark said quietly.
“He chose to do it.” Jackson looked at Mark, “Just like you did.”
“I just wanted anyone that wasn’t you.” Mark said quietly. “You tell me you’re straight, well I don’t want to love you. I want to love someone who isn’t ashamed to say he kissed me.” Jackson looked at Mark and then looked down. “I don’t want to become Jaebum.” Mark said quietly. “I don’t want to always love someone who doesn’t love me.” He started crying. “I don’t want to hate you. I want to go back to before, when none of this happened. Before we kissed the first time, before I noticed how I felt, before I wanted you to love me, before sexuality became an issue, before we started hurting each other, before I saw what being like JB and JR does to people.” Mark gave up and just cried, moving to lie in his bed and crying into his pillow. “Make it all stop Jackson.” He cried more. “Please tell me how we can go back.” Mark cried onto Jackson, as Jackson moved into bed with him. “It hurts too much.” He held onto Jackson and buried his face in the other’s shirt.
“I don’t want to hurt you anymore Mark” Jackson said quietly. “We’re never going to be like them. We’re going to sort everything out. We’re going to be ok.” Jackson held Mark tight to him. “No one is going to hurt you, not even me.” Jackson whispered as Mark quietened down. “No one will ever make you cry like this again.”
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
When Mark woke in Jackson’s arms, he looked at his best friend who was already awake. “Feeling better?” Jackson said quietly and Mark nodded. “I’m sorry for what I said yesterday, I was just angry.”
“I’m sorry too.” Mark moved to sit up. “So I guess we’ve decided we’re not going to talk about that kiss.”
“I want to protect you Mark.”
“Protect me from what?” Mark looked at Jackson. “Because you’re what hurts me the most.”
“Me.” Jackson said. “I want to protect you from me.” Jackson sat up and cupped Mark’s cheek. “I never want to hear you crying like that again. Especially not over me.” Jackson moved as if he was going to kiss Mark, but didn’t he just stayed there, close enough to kiss him, but not actually doing it. Until he heard a knock on the door, and got up. He smiled when he saw JR.
“Where’s Jae?” Mark asked. JR shrugged.
“He got up early this morning. I’m still not talking to him.”
“You should find him” Mark said looking down. “And you should stop calling him a whore. You sleep with more people than him.”
“He tried to fuck with you and Jackson.”
“I wanted it Jinyoung, why do you all act like he forced his mouth on me. I wanted it, I wanted him, we both just wanted to get away.” Mark looked at JR. “You hurt him, so badly. You broke him.” Mark stood up and JR stepped towards him.
“Fuck you Mark.” JR felt Jackson’s arm across his chest. “Fuck you, you know nothing about me and Jaebum. You just throw yourself at Jackson over and over again, when are you going to learn?” Mark just looked at JR. “Jaebum and I have things under control.”
“Then why are you calling him a whore?” Mark shouted.
“Because he touched you.” JR shouted back, “Because you’re a friend, you’re off limits.”
“Fuck off Jinyoung.” Mark shouted. “I want you to leave now.”
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
It didn’t take long for JR to find JB, sat with his legs crossed on a balcony, with headphones in. JR sat down next to him mirroring his actions. “I’m sorry Jinyoung.” JB said taking his headphones off. “I’m sorry about Mark, and I’m sorry I left this morning, I thought you didn’t want to see me.”
“I’m sorry Jae, I shouldn’t have called you a whore.” Jinyoung held his hand out and Jaebum took it, and gave it a squeeze. “Please, don’t sleep with our friends.” Jinyoung said quietly. “I don’t know why, but it hurts.”
“I was just, I was angry.” JB said quietly. “I needed a release.”
“Are we ok?” Jinyoung asked quietly.
“Yeah. We’re fine.” Jaebum smiled.