So... this happened
7:38 PM me: hey
7:39 PM Peter: hey man
everything turning out in your favor with all the mess?
me: haha
haha
Oh man
Pete.
7:40 PM So this morning
at 8
my phone blows up
and it's this guy
7:41 PM being all
WHY did you cash that???
I needed that money to pay a student loan!
I told you not to cash that!
I need that money back!
Peter: what'd you tell him?
7:42 PM me: I decided I wasn't going to deal with the shit until I had had my breakfast.
Peter: excellent
me: I'm halfway through breakfast
and the guy shows up
and he says more of the same
"My student loan payment defaulted!
7:43 PM I got hit with a $170 fine!
My credit is going to be destroyed!
I need that money to pay that thing today.
Peter: so wait, did you end up getting the cash?
me: I did.
Yesterday
Peter: NICE
me: when I cashed it.
Peter: I would have dropkicked that fuck
7:44 PM me: He's like
I TOLD you I was gonna have the money for you by the end of the week.
I told you yesterday!"
When he had actually just said it Wednesday morning in a text.
He was like "I'm gonna go to my credit union in NJ today and get you $300"
and of course I'm like
7:45 PM "I don't TRUST you anymore!"
"If you have this money in Jersey, why don't you just go there and take it out and put it in your Chase bank account???"
and he's like "They don't HAVE Chase Manhattan banks in Jersey!"
7:46 PM Which is of course BULLSHIT so now I'm just over this.
So I'm like "Look dude, if you want that money back, you're going to have to find someone to take over the room,
and get them to pay you,
because that is money I need that you owed me."
Peter: lol, there are so many chase banks in NJ
me: So he was like "You're making me do something I don't want to do."
Peter: did you tell him that there are chase banks there?
me: and he walks off down the hall
7:47 PM Peter: LOL
me: and the next time I see him
Peter: poor baby; you're such a meanie, Dan!
me: he's taking my laptop out of my room
and of course I take off down the hallway
Peter: WAT
me: and try to get it away from him
Peter: WTF
me: and he starts heading for the living room window
and I grab him and we start playing keep-away for a while
Peter: this is totally fucked in the head
7:48 PM me: and finally I'm like FUCK THIS
so I TACKLE HIM
and I take him down
and get my computer away from him
and he tries to get me in a headlock
Peter: haha
me: so I SCREAM for my roommate who is still in her room
to call the police
so he gets up
gets on the phone too
and calls the police.
Peter: hahaha!
me: And I throw my computer back in my room
7:49 PM and I sit in front of my bedroom door
guarding my stuff
waiting for the police to come.
Peter: this is some 5yo shit
me: This is like GODDAMN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.
So the police come
he's like "he stole money from my account!
I told him to rip up the check and he didn't. That's illegal!"
7:50 PM Of course they tell him he's full of shit
Peter: wow
me: and I had every right to do what I did
and he can't fucking jack around with rent like that.
It was all pretty straightforward from here.
But then I'm like, I CAN'T have this guy continue to live here.
7:51 PM And they're like, fine, just write him a check for the rest of the month,
so I'm like whatever, fine, I'll give him $250.
And he starts in all "That's NOT even half the rent, and I have that late penalty"
Peter: wait, the police made you give the money back?!
me: and the police are basically like "shut up."
7:52 PM Not all the money
I gave him back like a 3rd of the rent
Peter: oh ok, I see
me: because I was kicking him out.
Because I can't let a nutcase continue to live here.
Which yes,
sucks
7:53 PM but I still feel like I came out on top in this one.
Because I think I have someone lined up to take his place immediately.
Peter: excellent
man, I feel so much for you
going through all this shit
me: That was fucking nuts.
7:54 PM Peter: I bet the cops had a good laugh after
me: Apparently this shit happens all the time.
Peter: I bet
me: I'm kind of excited I got to tackle someone in real life.
Peter: like I was saying in the beginning; this guy does this all the time, I bet
me: That's like... a dream of mine.
Peter: fuckin' a
this story is glorious, and you should tell it all the time, each time adding some fantastic detail
me: lol
7:55 PM Peter: in a few years, it will just be a huge gun battle in post-apocalyptic New York City
me: lol
He was this 6'3 black guy who said he worked for the NFL.
Peter: icing on the motherfucking cake
fucking black guy
me: lol
7:56 PM With his student loan payment in the middle of the month.
Peter: not for nothing, and I don't consider it racist, but I'd never rent from a black
or rent to one
if he works for the NFL, he apparently does volunteer work
me: lol
I thought you'd appreciate that story.
7:57 PM Peter: it was far more fantastic than I'd expected
if I had the disposable income, I'd let him toss the laptop and have him arrested; but the thing is, I bet he wouldn't have tossed it if you dared him
7:58 PM me: lol
I just backed it up too.
7:59 PM Then I spent the rest of the day with friends in Flushing for Chinese New Year.
8:00 PM Peter: ching chong new year!
that must have been cool
I always liked that holiday in NYC
me: So much food.
8:01 PM Peter: totes jelly
***
Now we're trying to find someone to take the room and potentially go on the lease with us in July. This shouldn't be this damn hard. We offered it to this girl who said she'd pay us $250 to secure the room for February, but now she's disappeared. Meanwhile we showed it to a guy tonight who makes more than enough to go on the lease with us, but I'm worried that he's a little too high-maintenance. We also have a guy who seems okay, but he mentioned he was unemployed for a while and that makes me nervous. It's like trying to find a significant other.
Sigh. I just want to continue living in this apartment.