The Night Before Decemberween? Ok week." Phoenix's D.S.P. Log Book Part 412.
Scene opens to the Captain’s house on Orien.
(J) “Alright, you know the plan, we sneak into the bedroom and plaster him with cakes!”
(Vu) “No shit J, we already went over this in the transport on the way down here.”
(Chelle) “And in the bar before we got the cakes.”
(J) “But we’re all hammered aren’t we? I don’t want anyone to forget the plan!”
(Chelle) “J, you’re the only one who’s hammered.”
(Vu) “And we still have no idea why.”
(J) “I had nothing better to do while I was coming up with the plan.”
The three of them sneak up the stairs to the second floor and just as they make it to the door to the bedroom it swings open and Captain Soulspite walks out.
(Captain Soulspite) “He’s not here, he and Ari went to that bar on Earth’s moon.”
(J) “. . .”
(Vu) “What the hell are you doing in my brothers house?”
(Captain Soulspite) “He asked me to come down and wait for you three, said to keep you from throwing cake all over his guest room.”
(Vu) “Guest room? But that’s his…” *looks into the room that is clearly not decorated* “What the hell, did he move his bedroom dimensionally or something?”
(Captain Soulspite) “How should I know? It’s not like I live in this crazy place.” *walks past the group and heads down the stairs* “Leave it to Phoenix to live in a dimensionally separated carnival funhouse . . .”
(Chelle) “I’m just going to guess that Soulspite isn’t a fan of Phoenix’s . . . crap what’s the word?”
(Vu) “Brain?”
(J) “. . . You think they dated?”
(Vu) “Are we back to that again?”
(J) “What?”
(Chelle) “That was us that had that conversation, I don’t think J was there.”
(Vu) “Are you sure?”
(J) *pfft* “And you say you’re not hammered…”
Scene fades.
Day 341
So I decided not being at the spaceport or near Orien in general would be safer for avoiding the cakes. No one at the bar knows when my birthday is and I don’t normally give a crap to know any of these peoples birthdays so there’s no flying cake exchange. Fucksake I don’t even know what’s going on right now. should probably find out, I mean I got my ship all ready for something and I don’t even have a clue where to go or what the fuck to do whenever the hell I get there. I know that Decemberween is right around the corner and that’s awesome, but every year some shit seems to happen and well fuck I guess im ready for it this year which means its going to be slow boring and fucking annoying . . . and I just got a weird feeling that Ravena sold me out . . . damnit she’s still pissed off that I caked her that one time centuries ago.
Scene opens to just outside Earth orbit.
As Dragonfly dimension jumps into the area just behind the moon.
(J) “Alright, lets go hit the bar and . . . Fuck me…”
(Vu) “Yeah I don’t think so J.”
(J) *points at the view screen*
On the screen is the Arcust with Behemoth somehow attached to the forward section as if it belongs there.
(Chelle) “Holy shit!”
(Rea) *pops up on the view screen* “Yeah don’t even think about it kids.”
(J) “. . .”
(Vu) “Since when does Behemoth attach to the Arcust?”
(Rea) *over vid com’s* “Since earlier this year when Rad finished the assembly on both ships for the transformation.”
(Chelle) “Transformation?”
(J) “. . . Arcust’s Omega configuration…”
(Vu) “You knew about this?”
(J) “I had no idea it was even remotely close to ready.”
(Chelle) “Someone want to fill me in on just what the hell the Omega configuration is?”
(J) “It’s Arcust’s final form . . .”
(Chelle) “That’s it? Behemoth just sits on it and its suddenly some ultimate ship? Like it’s not any other day of the week with its annihilator cannon?”
(J) “The omega form doesn’t have the annihilator cannon, it becomes Rapture.”
(Chelle) “What? . . . You mean like the diagrams Lie gave Phoenix last season?”
(Vu) “Good to know we’re all going with the season crap.”
(Chelle) “I thought Rapture was supposed to be a ship?”
(J) “No, Rapture is a weapon, the specs for it was for it to be built into a ship like the Celestial, but the power requirements would never come close.”
(Rea) *over vid com’s* “Are you kids really going to discuss this now?”
(Chelle) *looks over at the screen* “Good a time as any.”
(Rea) *sighs over vid com’s* “Suit yourself, I just figured you’d be more concerned with the swarm of space cops heading for you, illegal dimension jump in a no dimension jumping zone.”
(Chelle) “. . . We’re docking, open up the mach 12 landing bay for us.”
(Rea) *over vid com’s* “Alright, but you’re not bringing any cake anywhere on the ship.”
(Chelle) “. . . Fine.”
(Vu) “Well that fucks our plans.”
(J) *closes the vid com link with Arcust* “Not really, I have a backup plan just for shit like this.”
Scene fades with J and his shit eating grin.
Scene opens to the bridge on the Arcust.
(Me) *walks onto the bridge and right through a cobweb* “FUCKSAKE! . . . Who the fuck does the cleaning around here?”
(Darknaut Helmsmen 4) “Sorry Captain, no one has been on the bridge but us for quite some time now and as our controls are holographic, they do not collect dust, so we have not seen a need for a cleaning crew on the bridge.”
(Me) “Well call one up here! . . . I’ll be in the bowling alley, call me when this place is clean.”
(Darknaut Helmsmen 4) “Yes Captain.”
(Me) *walks off the bridge, still picking cobwebs out of his hair* “Blah, fucking cobwebs, shits even in my mouth for fucksake…” *the doors close behind the captain*
(Darknaut Helmsmen 1) “Pay up, I told you he would visit the bridge.”
(Darknaut Helmsmen 4) “And how exactly do you plan on spending your winnings? You’re attached to the floor same as the rest of us.”
Number 4 along with 2 and 3 just start laughing in Darknaut binary code.
(Darknaut Helmsmen 1) “. . . Assholes.”
Scene switches to a kitchen on Dragonfly.
(Chelle) “I don’t know how much more icing I can put on these damn things before their too heavy to carry.”
(Vu) “I say we just call his ass over here for beers in Dragonfly’s cantina that Akki built ages ago, then we just throw him at the cake.”
(Chelle) “That’s not a bad idea . . . where the hell is J, he said he’d be back in 5 minutes and it’s been an hour.”
(Vu) *hits her com’s* “HEY J! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?”
(J) *walks into the kitchen* “Yeah, yeah I was on the phone. Fuck you’re loud.”
(Chelle) “For 55 minutes?”
(J) “Yeah right, im not a woman.”
Both Vu and Chelle give him a ‘What the hell did you just say?’ look.
(J) “Hey I’m married, being on the phone for ungodly amounts of time isn’t my fault.”
(Chelle) “We’re in Earth’s orbit, you could have just sent a transport to get her.”
(J) “I told her that, she went on about how she would have to get changed and do her hair and shit and I said she looked fine and it wouldn’t really matter because she’d just be coming up here and it started an argument . . . and I just couldn’t win.”
(Chelle) “So you were in an argument about her hair for an hour then?”
(J) “May as well have been, I don’t even know anymore.”
(Chelle) “Great, well what the hell did you leave to get anyway?”
(J) “Oh! Yeah, dimensional pockets.” *holds out 3 small devices about the size of a silver dollar* “We can put the cakes in these things and just throw them at Phoenix, they will open mid air and the cakes will pop out.”
(Vu) “And Rea can’t bitch about us bringing cakes on the ship, Brilliant!”
(Chelle) “This is going to be awesome!”
Scene switches back to the bridge on Arcust, just as the Captain arrives back from the bowling alley.
(Me) *walks onto the bridge to see everyone sitting at their stations* “When the fuck did everyone else get here?”
(Rea) “They landed Dragonfly a little before you got back from the bar.”
(Me) “. . . And why are you on the Arcust’s bridge?”
(Rea) “We’ve been over this, Arcust granted me shared access because he doesn’t have a set A.I. for the bridge and he doesn’t feel like leaving the core in any form, holographic or otherwise.”
(Me) “. . . I was just asking what you were doing here, I didn’t want your life story from where we left off a few hours ago.”
(Rea) “How the fuck is that my life story?”
(Me) “How the fuck should I know, I stopped listening when you started talking.” *cracks open a beer*
(Rea) *shakes her head, turns around and walks away* “Dick.”
(Me) “So you guys come all the way up here hoping to finally get out and do something with the big ship?”
(Chelle) “Yeah, we we saw the Arcust was going we figured there was some serious shit going on.”
(Me) “Right, and it had nothing to do with it being my birthday today?”
(Chelle) “Birthday?”
(Vu) “Shit I thought that was next week?”
(Me) “Riiiight.” *turns to sit in his chair, but its covered in dust* “YOU FUCKERS! Get that cleaning crew back up here for my…”
The Captain catches a glimmer of movement from the corner of his eye and turns just as Chelle, Vu and J throw their hidden cakes at him.
All three cakes pop out of their pocket dimensions dead on target . . . until 3 more dimension portals open and each cake hits someone else.
(Me) “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”
Through the dimensional portals they can clearly tell they managed to hit themselves with the cakes, only each background seems completely different.
The three portals close.
(Vu) “What the fuck?”
(Me) “:Oh you’ll figure it out.”
(J) “. . . We just hit ourselves with cake . . . in the future.”
(Me) “That’s right! Good call J.”
(Vu) “Son of a bitch!”
(Chelle) “Wait . . . how?”
(Ari) *pops up in a flash of light* “Behemoths time drive connects with Arcust’s main systems when their docked.” *smiles* “I can open small temporal portals anywhere.”
(Me) “So long as I have the time drive controls unlocked. Which won’t happen on a regular basis.”
(Ari) “Aw, but it’s fun!”
(Me) “And dangerous for me if these three figure out how to use it like that!”
(Ari) “. . . Oh right. Well sucks to be you guys.” *heads for the bridge exit* “I’m going to go find Clairebot, I haven’t seen her in ages!” *walks off the bridge*
(Me) “Good plan.” *follows her off the bridge before the doors close behind them both*
(Vu) “. . . Son of a bitch!”
(Chelle) “I can’t believe he got us in the future with our cakes on his birthday.”
(J) “I told you guys this was a bad idea.”
(Chelle) “It was your plan J!”
(J) “And that wasn’t a big enough warning sign that this was a bad idea?”
(Chelle) “. . . Well it sure as hell should have been!”
(Vu) “. . . SON OF A BITCH!”
Scene fades.
Day 345
I don’t even know where the hell we are right now. I just told the helm to pick a direction and go to hyperspace, wherever we end up better have a bar. I know Ogre will appreciate it, his birthday is the 13th . . . so that’s day 347, I need to remember to mark that. need time to make a big enough cake. It’s weird, Dragonfly is on board, Behemoth is docked and even the Black Swan and Winterhawk are on board. Just about everyone who should be here is. Sibene and Blacky, Ari and obviously J and Chelle and Vu. Fuck even Dark0 and Rad made it on . . . it does feel like something or someone is missing though. and I don’t mean Pepe, he’s down in the bowling alleys bar. That’s where the corn nuts and Jack are . . . Fucksake, who’s missing? Laura and Nicole are never on board, all the other Captains and High Captains are on their ships or at their respective spaceports. Clairebot is wandering around the ship somewhere . . . ANGELICA! That’s it! Where the fuck is she? . . . Come to think of it where the hell has she been? Last I remember she found a new girlfriend and took a vacation, but that shit was months ago . . . Wasn’t it?
Scene opens to the bridge on the Arcust.
(Me) “Crimson! That’s who’s missing!”
(Crimson) “What are you talking about Captain?”
(Me) *looks over his shoulder to see Crimson hovering next to a console* “Right, nothing . . . Guess it really is Angelica that’s missing.”
(J) “Angelica’s missing?”
(Me) “Well she’s not here.”
(Sibene) “Perhaps she’s still angry about the officers test?”
(J) “How did that turn out anyway?”
(Sibene) “They told her she would never be an officer with a temper like hers.”
(Chelle) “Ouch.”
(Ari) “She is an angry bitch.”
(Me) “Ari!”
(Ari) “What? I’m just sayin.”
(Me) “Yeah but she’s not here for it.”
(Ari) “Oh right, because that would be fun.”
(Me) “Yeah, you’re right. It’s nice when she’s not bitching at me because you’re giving her a hard time . . . But it’s still funny when you’re giving her a hard time.”
(Ari) *giggles* “Yeah I guess it is.”
(Chelle) “You know she wouldn’t be angry if you didn’t screw with her?”
(Me) “We only screw with her because we care.”
(Ari) “Actually, I just screwing with her.”
(Me) “And I let you do it because eventually she’ll figure out that she just needs to lighten up!”
(Vu) “She’s not that bad, actually like hanging out with her when she’s not being you’re bodyguard.”
(Chelle) “You did not just say that out loud.”
(Vu) “What? She’s only uptight at work, off the clock she’s a pretty cool chick.”
(Me) “I know right?”
Everyone just stops and looks at the Captain.
(Me) “What? We hang when she’s not on the clock sometimes. There’s usually some pretty funny messenger conversations.”
(Chelle) “Messenger?”
(Me) “What? I have a messenger program on my com’s, regular texts are boring.”
(Chelle) “How do you type with a beer in your hand?”
(Me) “Easy, I put the beer in my right hand.” *waves at her with his right hand, his silver com’s band clearly visible on his wrist*
(Chelle) “. . . Oh.”
(Ari) “Captain, are we going to have Decemberween on Arcust this year?”
(Me) “Hmm, that depends.”
(Ari) “On what?”
(Me) “On whether or not we’re on the ship long enough to spend the last 2 weeks or so of December here.”
(Ari) “Can we get a Decemberween tree just in case?”
(Chelle) “Decemberween tree? You’re really taking this whole holiday thing all the way aren’t you?”
(Me) “We’ve always had a Decemberween tree. Santa insisted.”
(Chelle) “I know, but come on. Where’s the Decemberween menorah?”
(Me) “The tree isn’t a religious symbol.”
(Chelle) “But its…”
(Me) “It’s not a Christ Mass tree! . . . Besides Jesus was born in late spring. Christians just ripped off the Winter Solstice in a gamble to convert the pagans.”
(Ari) “Didn’t they consider everyone who wasn’t Christian pagan?”
(Me) “Yep, that was their thing back in the day, if you weren’t a Christian you were a filthy pagan and needed to be converted.”
(Ari) “So how is that different from now?”
(Me) “Well now everyone’s just s heathen and is going to hell. Just not quite fast enough from some of the other Earth religions point of view.”
(Ari) “Maybe someone should write a letter to God and ask him to fix the whole ‘Be a dick and kill everyone who doesn’t agree with you and repent before you die just in case you’re wrong so you still go to heaven’ loophole?”
(Me) “I’m sure you could try, but at this point I don’t think any of Earth’s religions are listening.”
(Chelle) “How did this turn into a theological thing?”
(Me) “Hell if I know, you’re the one who started shit about the Decemberween tree.”
(Ari) “Yeah!”
(Chelle) “. . . Sorry.”
(J) “See, this is why I sit here and quietly do my work.”
(Vu) “Like you don’t ever join in on the conversation.”
(J) “Hey, Chelle’s always the one who directs the conversation to strange places.”
(Chelle) “Don’t blame me for shit! It’s a group effort most of the time and you know it!”
(Vu) “Uh huh, keep telling yourself that.”
(Sibene) *turns to Crimson* “So life on the big ship is pretty much the same as it is everywhere else?”
(Crimson) “Afraid so . . . But at least the big ship has a park and a bowling alley when you’re bored.”
(Sibene) “. . . Good to know.”
Scene fades.
Scene opens to the Captain’s quarters.
(Me) *standing at the door laughing*
(Ogre) *in the hall, covered in cake* “That’s not funny dude.”
(Me) “Says you, this shits hilarious from where I’m standing.”
(Ogre) “I’m going to get you back for this one.”
(Me) “Yeah good luck with that . . . See you in the bar after you get cleaned up?”
(Ogre) “Yeah sure.” *walks off leaving a trail of cake and frosting in his wake*
(Ari) “Does Ogre ever get mad?”
(Me) “Not really, but I don’t really suggest anyone ever actually tries to piss him off.”
(Ari) “Why?”
(Me) “Because he’d snap them in half like a twig and smash their face in with a block of concrete.”
(Ari) “. . .”
(Me) “Don’t worry, it would actually take quite a lot to get him pissed enough for that.”
(Ari) “Well that’s good . . . Are you really going to the bar?”
(Me) “Yeah, that’s the plan.”
(Ari) “Didn’t You get some pirating info from your contact last week?”
(Me) “Yeah, what does that have to do with me going to the bar?”
(Ari) “I don’t know, I just figured we’d be doing something, instead of sitting in the bar on the ship out in the middle of nowhere in space.”
(Me) “So you’re hoping that I have a plan?”
(Ari) “Yes-um, it’s getting boring around here.”
(Me) “Not to worry, I’m just stalling.”
(Ari) “Stalling for what?”
(Me) “You’ll see when the time comes.” *checks the time on his com’s* “about 36 hours from now actually.”
(Ari) “Ooo, just in time for the start of Decemberween?”
(Me) “Yep, and just in time for a rare celestial event.”
(Ari) “Did you change course for this?”
(Me) “Nah . . . I had Clairebot do it.”
(Ari) “. . . And are we actually going in the right direction?”
(Me) “Of course we are! Her IQ is turned up still remember? . . . Besides, I told her there was a case of bubble solution in it for her if she did it on the down low.”
(Ari) *giggles* “She’ll do just about anything for that.”
(Me) “You’re telling me, I once watched her successfully slam a revolving door closed for a single bottle . . . granted he shoves someone in the damn thing before she did it, but that still doesn’t make it any less impressive.”
(Ari) “Or brutal?”
(Me) “Oh yeah, Nathan Explosion would be proud.”
(Ari) *giggles*
Scene fades.
Day 348
Just in time for Decemberween tomorrow! And right on course for the Cats Eye Nebula. I know just about everyone has seen the Hubble pictures of this place, but that shit really does not do this place justice. Half of the area is an optical illusion and if you get here just at the right time in December, Earths calendar at least. There’s this strange anomaly where the stars in the area all seem to link in a crazy multi space bridge and warps space and time like a kaleidoscope on acid. It only lasts for about 30 seconds, but it opens a gateway to one of the alternate dimensions when it does this and that’s why we’re here. For the show and to use the portal. I’ve got business with an old acquaintance who has something I’m looking for . . . That and he owes me money. Go figure right?
(J) “Alright, you know the plan, we sneak into the bedroom and plaster him with cakes!”
(Vu) “No shit J, we already went over this in the transport on the way down here.”
(Chelle) “And in the bar before we got the cakes.”
(J) “But we’re all hammered aren’t we? I don’t want anyone to forget the plan!”
(Chelle) “J, you’re the only one who’s hammered.”
(Vu) “And we still have no idea why.”
(J) “I had nothing better to do while I was coming up with the plan.”
The three of them sneak up the stairs to the second floor and just as they make it to the door to the bedroom it swings open and Captain Soulspite walks out.
(Captain Soulspite) “He’s not here, he and Ari went to that bar on Earth’s moon.”
(J) “. . .”
(Vu) “What the hell are you doing in my brothers house?”
(Captain Soulspite) “He asked me to come down and wait for you three, said to keep you from throwing cake all over his guest room.”
(Vu) “Guest room? But that’s his…” *looks into the room that is clearly not decorated* “What the hell, did he move his bedroom dimensionally or something?”
(Captain Soulspite) “How should I know? It’s not like I live in this crazy place.” *walks past the group and heads down the stairs* “Leave it to Phoenix to live in a dimensionally separated carnival funhouse . . .”
(Chelle) “I’m just going to guess that Soulspite isn’t a fan of Phoenix’s . . . crap what’s the word?”
(Vu) “Brain?”
(J) “. . . You think they dated?”
(Vu) “Are we back to that again?”
(J) “What?”
(Chelle) “That was us that had that conversation, I don’t think J was there.”
(Vu) “Are you sure?”
(J) *pfft* “And you say you’re not hammered…”
Scene fades.
Day 341
So I decided not being at the spaceport or near Orien in general would be safer for avoiding the cakes. No one at the bar knows when my birthday is and I don’t normally give a crap to know any of these peoples birthdays so there’s no flying cake exchange. Fucksake I don’t even know what’s going on right now. should probably find out, I mean I got my ship all ready for something and I don’t even have a clue where to go or what the fuck to do whenever the hell I get there. I know that Decemberween is right around the corner and that’s awesome, but every year some shit seems to happen and well fuck I guess im ready for it this year which means its going to be slow boring and fucking annoying . . . and I just got a weird feeling that Ravena sold me out . . . damnit she’s still pissed off that I caked her that one time centuries ago.
Scene opens to just outside Earth orbit.
As Dragonfly dimension jumps into the area just behind the moon.
(J) “Alright, lets go hit the bar and . . . Fuck me…”
(Vu) “Yeah I don’t think so J.”
(J) *points at the view screen*
On the screen is the Arcust with Behemoth somehow attached to the forward section as if it belongs there.
(Chelle) “Holy shit!”
(Rea) *pops up on the view screen* “Yeah don’t even think about it kids.”
(J) “. . .”
(Vu) “Since when does Behemoth attach to the Arcust?”
(Rea) *over vid com’s* “Since earlier this year when Rad finished the assembly on both ships for the transformation.”
(Chelle) “Transformation?”
(J) “. . . Arcust’s Omega configuration…”
(Vu) “You knew about this?”
(J) “I had no idea it was even remotely close to ready.”
(Chelle) “Someone want to fill me in on just what the hell the Omega configuration is?”
(J) “It’s Arcust’s final form . . .”
(Chelle) “That’s it? Behemoth just sits on it and its suddenly some ultimate ship? Like it’s not any other day of the week with its annihilator cannon?”
(J) “The omega form doesn’t have the annihilator cannon, it becomes Rapture.”
(Chelle) “What? . . . You mean like the diagrams Lie gave Phoenix last season?”
(Vu) “Good to know we’re all going with the season crap.”
(Chelle) “I thought Rapture was supposed to be a ship?”
(J) “No, Rapture is a weapon, the specs for it was for it to be built into a ship like the Celestial, but the power requirements would never come close.”
(Rea) *over vid com’s* “Are you kids really going to discuss this now?”
(Chelle) *looks over at the screen* “Good a time as any.”
(Rea) *sighs over vid com’s* “Suit yourself, I just figured you’d be more concerned with the swarm of space cops heading for you, illegal dimension jump in a no dimension jumping zone.”
(Chelle) “. . . We’re docking, open up the mach 12 landing bay for us.”
(Rea) *over vid com’s* “Alright, but you’re not bringing any cake anywhere on the ship.”
(Chelle) “. . . Fine.”
(Vu) “Well that fucks our plans.”
(J) *closes the vid com link with Arcust* “Not really, I have a backup plan just for shit like this.”
Scene fades with J and his shit eating grin.
Scene opens to the bridge on the Arcust.
(Me) *walks onto the bridge and right through a cobweb* “FUCKSAKE! . . . Who the fuck does the cleaning around here?”
(Darknaut Helmsmen 4) “Sorry Captain, no one has been on the bridge but us for quite some time now and as our controls are holographic, they do not collect dust, so we have not seen a need for a cleaning crew on the bridge.”
(Me) “Well call one up here! . . . I’ll be in the bowling alley, call me when this place is clean.”
(Darknaut Helmsmen 4) “Yes Captain.”
(Me) *walks off the bridge, still picking cobwebs out of his hair* “Blah, fucking cobwebs, shits even in my mouth for fucksake…” *the doors close behind the captain*
(Darknaut Helmsmen 1) “Pay up, I told you he would visit the bridge.”
(Darknaut Helmsmen 4) “And how exactly do you plan on spending your winnings? You’re attached to the floor same as the rest of us.”
Number 4 along with 2 and 3 just start laughing in Darknaut binary code.
(Darknaut Helmsmen 1) “. . . Assholes.”
Scene switches to a kitchen on Dragonfly.
(Chelle) “I don’t know how much more icing I can put on these damn things before their too heavy to carry.”
(Vu) “I say we just call his ass over here for beers in Dragonfly’s cantina that Akki built ages ago, then we just throw him at the cake.”
(Chelle) “That’s not a bad idea . . . where the hell is J, he said he’d be back in 5 minutes and it’s been an hour.”
(Vu) *hits her com’s* “HEY J! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?”
(J) *walks into the kitchen* “Yeah, yeah I was on the phone. Fuck you’re loud.”
(Chelle) “For 55 minutes?”
(J) “Yeah right, im not a woman.”
Both Vu and Chelle give him a ‘What the hell did you just say?’ look.
(J) “Hey I’m married, being on the phone for ungodly amounts of time isn’t my fault.”
(Chelle) “We’re in Earth’s orbit, you could have just sent a transport to get her.”
(J) “I told her that, she went on about how she would have to get changed and do her hair and shit and I said she looked fine and it wouldn’t really matter because she’d just be coming up here and it started an argument . . . and I just couldn’t win.”
(Chelle) “So you were in an argument about her hair for an hour then?”
(J) “May as well have been, I don’t even know anymore.”
(Chelle) “Great, well what the hell did you leave to get anyway?”
(J) “Oh! Yeah, dimensional pockets.” *holds out 3 small devices about the size of a silver dollar* “We can put the cakes in these things and just throw them at Phoenix, they will open mid air and the cakes will pop out.”
(Vu) “And Rea can’t bitch about us bringing cakes on the ship, Brilliant!”
(Chelle) “This is going to be awesome!”
Scene switches back to the bridge on Arcust, just as the Captain arrives back from the bowling alley.
(Me) *walks onto the bridge to see everyone sitting at their stations* “When the fuck did everyone else get here?”
(Rea) “They landed Dragonfly a little before you got back from the bar.”
(Me) “. . . And why are you on the Arcust’s bridge?”
(Rea) “We’ve been over this, Arcust granted me shared access because he doesn’t have a set A.I. for the bridge and he doesn’t feel like leaving the core in any form, holographic or otherwise.”
(Me) “. . . I was just asking what you were doing here, I didn’t want your life story from where we left off a few hours ago.”
(Rea) “How the fuck is that my life story?”
(Me) “How the fuck should I know, I stopped listening when you started talking.” *cracks open a beer*
(Rea) *shakes her head, turns around and walks away* “Dick.”
(Me) “So you guys come all the way up here hoping to finally get out and do something with the big ship?”
(Chelle) “Yeah, we we saw the Arcust was going we figured there was some serious shit going on.”
(Me) “Right, and it had nothing to do with it being my birthday today?”
(Chelle) “Birthday?”
(Vu) “Shit I thought that was next week?”
(Me) “Riiiight.” *turns to sit in his chair, but its covered in dust* “YOU FUCKERS! Get that cleaning crew back up here for my…”
The Captain catches a glimmer of movement from the corner of his eye and turns just as Chelle, Vu and J throw their hidden cakes at him.
All three cakes pop out of their pocket dimensions dead on target . . . until 3 more dimension portals open and each cake hits someone else.
(Me) “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”
Through the dimensional portals they can clearly tell they managed to hit themselves with the cakes, only each background seems completely different.
The three portals close.
(Vu) “What the fuck?”
(Me) “:Oh you’ll figure it out.”
(J) “. . . We just hit ourselves with cake . . . in the future.”
(Me) “That’s right! Good call J.”
(Vu) “Son of a bitch!”
(Chelle) “Wait . . . how?”
(Ari) *pops up in a flash of light* “Behemoths time drive connects with Arcust’s main systems when their docked.” *smiles* “I can open small temporal portals anywhere.”
(Me) “So long as I have the time drive controls unlocked. Which won’t happen on a regular basis.”
(Ari) “Aw, but it’s fun!”
(Me) “And dangerous for me if these three figure out how to use it like that!”
(Ari) “. . . Oh right. Well sucks to be you guys.” *heads for the bridge exit* “I’m going to go find Clairebot, I haven’t seen her in ages!” *walks off the bridge*
(Me) “Good plan.” *follows her off the bridge before the doors close behind them both*
(Vu) “. . . Son of a bitch!”
(Chelle) “I can’t believe he got us in the future with our cakes on his birthday.”
(J) “I told you guys this was a bad idea.”
(Chelle) “It was your plan J!”
(J) “And that wasn’t a big enough warning sign that this was a bad idea?”
(Chelle) “. . . Well it sure as hell should have been!”
(Vu) “. . . SON OF A BITCH!”
Scene fades.
Day 345
I don’t even know where the hell we are right now. I just told the helm to pick a direction and go to hyperspace, wherever we end up better have a bar. I know Ogre will appreciate it, his birthday is the 13th . . . so that’s day 347, I need to remember to mark that. need time to make a big enough cake. It’s weird, Dragonfly is on board, Behemoth is docked and even the Black Swan and Winterhawk are on board. Just about everyone who should be here is. Sibene and Blacky, Ari and obviously J and Chelle and Vu. Fuck even Dark0 and Rad made it on . . . it does feel like something or someone is missing though. and I don’t mean Pepe, he’s down in the bowling alleys bar. That’s where the corn nuts and Jack are . . . Fucksake, who’s missing? Laura and Nicole are never on board, all the other Captains and High Captains are on their ships or at their respective spaceports. Clairebot is wandering around the ship somewhere . . . ANGELICA! That’s it! Where the fuck is she? . . . Come to think of it where the hell has she been? Last I remember she found a new girlfriend and took a vacation, but that shit was months ago . . . Wasn’t it?
Scene opens to the bridge on the Arcust.
(Me) “Crimson! That’s who’s missing!”
(Crimson) “What are you talking about Captain?”
(Me) *looks over his shoulder to see Crimson hovering next to a console* “Right, nothing . . . Guess it really is Angelica that’s missing.”
(J) “Angelica’s missing?”
(Me) “Well she’s not here.”
(Sibene) “Perhaps she’s still angry about the officers test?”
(J) “How did that turn out anyway?”
(Sibene) “They told her she would never be an officer with a temper like hers.”
(Chelle) “Ouch.”
(Ari) “She is an angry bitch.”
(Me) “Ari!”
(Ari) “What? I’m just sayin.”
(Me) “Yeah but she’s not here for it.”
(Ari) “Oh right, because that would be fun.”
(Me) “Yeah, you’re right. It’s nice when she’s not bitching at me because you’re giving her a hard time . . . But it’s still funny when you’re giving her a hard time.”
(Ari) *giggles* “Yeah I guess it is.”
(Chelle) “You know she wouldn’t be angry if you didn’t screw with her?”
(Me) “We only screw with her because we care.”
(Ari) “Actually, I just screwing with her.”
(Me) “And I let you do it because eventually she’ll figure out that she just needs to lighten up!”
(Vu) “She’s not that bad, actually like hanging out with her when she’s not being you’re bodyguard.”
(Chelle) “You did not just say that out loud.”
(Vu) “What? She’s only uptight at work, off the clock she’s a pretty cool chick.”
(Me) “I know right?”
Everyone just stops and looks at the Captain.
(Me) “What? We hang when she’s not on the clock sometimes. There’s usually some pretty funny messenger conversations.”
(Chelle) “Messenger?”
(Me) “What? I have a messenger program on my com’s, regular texts are boring.”
(Chelle) “How do you type with a beer in your hand?”
(Me) “Easy, I put the beer in my right hand.” *waves at her with his right hand, his silver com’s band clearly visible on his wrist*
(Chelle) “. . . Oh.”
(Ari) “Captain, are we going to have Decemberween on Arcust this year?”
(Me) “Hmm, that depends.”
(Ari) “On what?”
(Me) “On whether or not we’re on the ship long enough to spend the last 2 weeks or so of December here.”
(Ari) “Can we get a Decemberween tree just in case?”
(Chelle) “Decemberween tree? You’re really taking this whole holiday thing all the way aren’t you?”
(Me) “We’ve always had a Decemberween tree. Santa insisted.”
(Chelle) “I know, but come on. Where’s the Decemberween menorah?”
(Me) “The tree isn’t a religious symbol.”
(Chelle) “But its…”
(Me) “It’s not a Christ Mass tree! . . . Besides Jesus was born in late spring. Christians just ripped off the Winter Solstice in a gamble to convert the pagans.”
(Ari) “Didn’t they consider everyone who wasn’t Christian pagan?”
(Me) “Yep, that was their thing back in the day, if you weren’t a Christian you were a filthy pagan and needed to be converted.”
(Ari) “So how is that different from now?”
(Me) “Well now everyone’s just s heathen and is going to hell. Just not quite fast enough from some of the other Earth religions point of view.”
(Ari) “Maybe someone should write a letter to God and ask him to fix the whole ‘Be a dick and kill everyone who doesn’t agree with you and repent before you die just in case you’re wrong so you still go to heaven’ loophole?”
(Me) “I’m sure you could try, but at this point I don’t think any of Earth’s religions are listening.”
(Chelle) “How did this turn into a theological thing?”
(Me) “Hell if I know, you’re the one who started shit about the Decemberween tree.”
(Ari) “Yeah!”
(Chelle) “. . . Sorry.”
(J) “See, this is why I sit here and quietly do my work.”
(Vu) “Like you don’t ever join in on the conversation.”
(J) “Hey, Chelle’s always the one who directs the conversation to strange places.”
(Chelle) “Don’t blame me for shit! It’s a group effort most of the time and you know it!”
(Vu) “Uh huh, keep telling yourself that.”
(Sibene) *turns to Crimson* “So life on the big ship is pretty much the same as it is everywhere else?”
(Crimson) “Afraid so . . . But at least the big ship has a park and a bowling alley when you’re bored.”
(Sibene) “. . . Good to know.”
Scene fades.
Scene opens to the Captain’s quarters.
(Me) *standing at the door laughing*
(Ogre) *in the hall, covered in cake* “That’s not funny dude.”
(Me) “Says you, this shits hilarious from where I’m standing.”
(Ogre) “I’m going to get you back for this one.”
(Me) “Yeah good luck with that . . . See you in the bar after you get cleaned up?”
(Ogre) “Yeah sure.” *walks off leaving a trail of cake and frosting in his wake*
(Ari) “Does Ogre ever get mad?”
(Me) “Not really, but I don’t really suggest anyone ever actually tries to piss him off.”
(Ari) “Why?”
(Me) “Because he’d snap them in half like a twig and smash their face in with a block of concrete.”
(Ari) “. . .”
(Me) “Don’t worry, it would actually take quite a lot to get him pissed enough for that.”
(Ari) “Well that’s good . . . Are you really going to the bar?”
(Me) “Yeah, that’s the plan.”
(Ari) “Didn’t You get some pirating info from your contact last week?”
(Me) “Yeah, what does that have to do with me going to the bar?”
(Ari) “I don’t know, I just figured we’d be doing something, instead of sitting in the bar on the ship out in the middle of nowhere in space.”
(Me) “So you’re hoping that I have a plan?”
(Ari) “Yes-um, it’s getting boring around here.”
(Me) “Not to worry, I’m just stalling.”
(Ari) “Stalling for what?”
(Me) “You’ll see when the time comes.” *checks the time on his com’s* “about 36 hours from now actually.”
(Ari) “Ooo, just in time for the start of Decemberween?”
(Me) “Yep, and just in time for a rare celestial event.”
(Ari) “Did you change course for this?”
(Me) “Nah . . . I had Clairebot do it.”
(Ari) “. . . And are we actually going in the right direction?”
(Me) “Of course we are! Her IQ is turned up still remember? . . . Besides, I told her there was a case of bubble solution in it for her if she did it on the down low.”
(Ari) *giggles* “She’ll do just about anything for that.”
(Me) “You’re telling me, I once watched her successfully slam a revolving door closed for a single bottle . . . granted he shoves someone in the damn thing before she did it, but that still doesn’t make it any less impressive.”
(Ari) “Or brutal?”
(Me) “Oh yeah, Nathan Explosion would be proud.”
(Ari) *giggles*
Scene fades.
Day 348
Just in time for Decemberween tomorrow! And right on course for the Cats Eye Nebula. I know just about everyone has seen the Hubble pictures of this place, but that shit really does not do this place justice. Half of the area is an optical illusion and if you get here just at the right time in December, Earths calendar at least. There’s this strange anomaly where the stars in the area all seem to link in a crazy multi space bridge and warps space and time like a kaleidoscope on acid. It only lasts for about 30 seconds, but it opens a gateway to one of the alternate dimensions when it does this and that’s why we’re here. For the show and to use the portal. I’ve got business with an old acquaintance who has something I’m looking for . . . That and he owes me money. Go figure right?