Application for Pam Beesly (The Office, USA version)
((Approved by Jim-, Dwight, and Michael-muns! Pam is taken from about the same point in canon as Jim and Dwight, which is just after "Back from Vacation".))
A girl in her mid- to late twenties, wearing a long white down-filled coat and striped scarf, walked into the Sorting room. Obviously cold, she clutched the coat around herself as she quietly took in her surroundings, a mostly expressionless look on her face. Then, noticing the application sitting on a table, she leaned down and gave it a very brief glance before reaching toward the table for a pen. Not finding one, she looked around again and then unwound her scarf and shrugged her coat off to reveal a plain blue button-up shirt and a gray skirt. On her feet were extremely white sneakers.
Spotting a chair, she picked up the application and walked over to it. After hanging the coat and scarf over the back, she sat down and began to speak, as though giving an on-camera interview. Her speech had a sort of slow, pronounced quality to it, as though she was giving each word due consideration before she said it.
“Um, so there’s no pen, so I can’t exactly fill out the application. So I guess I’ll just say it out loud, and you can…you know.” She gestured with one of her hands, turning it in loose circles in front of herself.
She folded her hands in her lap, the application resting on one knee, and took a deep breath, staring at the camera at the space in front of herself. “Well…I’m Pam Beesly. I live in Scranton, Pennsylvania, and I work as a receptionist at Dunder-Mifflin, which is a small paper distribution company, and….” She paused and looked down, shaking her head and laughing softly before looking back up. “It’s really boring, and believe me, you don’t want to hear about it. Maybe I should just go on to the application.”
She lifted up the application and took a look.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
“My favorite cheese? That’s a very strange question to ask.” She paused. “Well, I guess it’s not really stranger than some of the things Michael has asked me about.” She paused again, looking rather disturbed. “Believe me, you really don’t want to know.”
After yet another pause, during which she pressed her lips together and nodded slightly, she continued, “Um, well…cheddar’s pretty good. And I like Swiss. And pepper jack. And…I guess I don’t really have a favorite, but…if I had to choose, I would go with....” She looked up to the left in thought before finishing, “…mozzarella.” She nodded several times, a mild, slightly awkward expression on her face.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
This question, Pam answered without hesitation. “Carrottop. Definitely Carrottop. Because Michael sometimes does impersonations of him, and they are not funny.” Suddenly, Pam’s eyes widened. “Is - is Michael here?” She looked to one side and then the other, her mouth curving down as though she were holding back laughter. “Um…just kidding, Michael!” She said loudly, looking off at a spot in the distance in case Michael was somewhere over there. “They’re good jokes, very funny!”
Looking ahead of herself once more, again as though she were talking directly to someone, she mouthed, “They’re not funny at all!”
3. What time is it where you are?
“Not five o’clock. And that’s…really all that I need to know.” She looked slightly forlorn, but very quickly that expression was replaced with something mischievous. “And I think it’s time - “ she lowered her voice to a whisper “ - Dwight receives another fax from the CIA.” She placed her index finger on one side of her mouth and looked up with a mock pensive face. “I wonder what they’re going to tell him to do next!” Her face broke out in a wide grin.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Waving a hand in front of herself, she said with a bit of a wry laugh, “No thanks. There’s enough sexual harassment at Dunder-Mifflin to cover the entire Order about ten times over.” There was a long pause. “Well…if it was a date instead of sexual harassment, I guess I’d pick…George Weasley. Because he’s a twin, and…I think that’s pretty cool.” She offered a friendly smile. “And because he sort of reminds me of a friend of mine. And….” Her smile faltered, and there was another long pause, this one very awkward. “Yeah.”
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Looking back down at the application, Pam frowned and then looked back up. “Did Michael write this application? Because this question about the bar sounds like the sort of question he’d ask.” She glanced at the application again. “I mean, I don’t really see myself bartending.” She paused, and one corner of her mouth twitched. “I guess I didn’t really see myself working as a receptionist either. I don’t know.” She frowned again, this time in thought. “Maybe the Dunderbar?”
Abruptly, she looked up and shook her head, laughing derisively at herself. “Oh, God, that’s awful. That’s the kind of name Michael would pick. Let’s just go with Cheers. Or Chili’s, since I’m banned from there anyway.”
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
After glancing at the application again, Pam exhaled a breathy laugh that had a hint of bitterness to it as she set the application back down on her knee. “Yeah, I’m probably not the best person to answer this question.” The fingers of her right hand absently twisted around the ring finger on her left hand, which was noticeably bare. “I’d just say he should probably marry neither. Wedding planning takes a lot of work, and if he decides to call it off at the last minute, he’ll end up with a hundred plates of chicken and fish, and, even if he varies things by eating the chicken for lunch and the fish for dinner, he’ll get really sick of it after about five days.” She looked down at her hands and deliberately knit them together and looked back up. There was a long, awkward pause as she stared straight in front of herself. She ended it by picking up the application and looking at the next question.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
She offered another laugh, but this time it was genuine. “That’s an easy one. It’s because Michael doesn’t feel like doing anything, so he keeps trying to make you do all his work for him. Or because he’s doing one of his raids again, and so he threw your stuff all over the place.” She looked into the camera straight ahead, her eyes wide. “Don’t ask me why he does that. It just might be one of the world’s greatest mysteries.”
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Pam pressed her lips together and looked up before looking back in front of herself. “Well, I can type ninety words per minute. And I’m good at making Michael think I’ve transferred a phone call to him when I really haven’t, so that he can get rid of his bad jokes on me and not do them with a client….and…I’m good at shredding paper…and I can finish the moderate level of Sudoku in about eighteen minutes.” She looked up out of the corner of her eyes, her expression both dismayed and amused, and then exhaled, shaking her head. “I don’t know, those are all kind of stupid things. Um, well, I also like to draw. I mean, I’m taking art classes now, and I think I’m pretty good at it.” As she said this, her eyes began to light up.
“Oh!” Now her eyes were positively wide and excited, and she pointed a finger in front of herself. “I know! I’m awesome at helping Jim pull pranks on….” She trailed off, realizing Dwight might be around and listening. “…um…certain people who shall remain nameless.” She looked straight ahead, a huge grin on her face.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.
“A bribe?” Pam looked a bit incredulous. “Wow. Okay. Um, well, I could draw you a picture of something. Or if you ever want candy, I brought the stash from my desk. Um…I don’t know. I guess if you’re planning a wedding, I could give you some tips.” There was a long pause, after which she added, “And if you want to know anything about paper, or about how to keep yourself entertained for eight long, boring hours, I could….” She laughed. “Yeah, maybe I should just draw you a picture.”
I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ____PB______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ____PB_____.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____PB_____.
One day, marmalade Jello will rule the world. _____PB______
A girl in her mid- to late twenties, wearing a long white down-filled coat and striped scarf, walked into the Sorting room. Obviously cold, she clutched the coat around herself as she quietly took in her surroundings, a mostly expressionless look on her face. Then, noticing the application sitting on a table, she leaned down and gave it a very brief glance before reaching toward the table for a pen. Not finding one, she looked around again and then unwound her scarf and shrugged her coat off to reveal a plain blue button-up shirt and a gray skirt. On her feet were extremely white sneakers.
Spotting a chair, she picked up the application and walked over to it. After hanging the coat and scarf over the back, she sat down and began to speak, as though giving an on-camera interview. Her speech had a sort of slow, pronounced quality to it, as though she was giving each word due consideration before she said it.
“Um, so there’s no pen, so I can’t exactly fill out the application. So I guess I’ll just say it out loud, and you can…you know.” She gestured with one of her hands, turning it in loose circles in front of herself.
She folded her hands in her lap, the application resting on one knee, and took a deep breath, staring at the camera at the space in front of herself. “Well…I’m Pam Beesly. I live in Scranton, Pennsylvania, and I work as a receptionist at Dunder-Mifflin, which is a small paper distribution company, and….” She paused and looked down, shaking her head and laughing softly before looking back up. “It’s really boring, and believe me, you don’t want to hear about it. Maybe I should just go on to the application.”
She lifted up the application and took a look.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
“My favorite cheese? That’s a very strange question to ask.” She paused. “Well, I guess it’s not really stranger than some of the things Michael has asked me about.” She paused again, looking rather disturbed. “Believe me, you really don’t want to know.”
After yet another pause, during which she pressed her lips together and nodded slightly, she continued, “Um, well…cheddar’s pretty good. And I like Swiss. And pepper jack. And…I guess I don’t really have a favorite, but…if I had to choose, I would go with....” She looked up to the left in thought before finishing, “…mozzarella.” She nodded several times, a mild, slightly awkward expression on her face.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
This question, Pam answered without hesitation. “Carrottop. Definitely Carrottop. Because Michael sometimes does impersonations of him, and they are not funny.” Suddenly, Pam’s eyes widened. “Is - is Michael here?” She looked to one side and then the other, her mouth curving down as though she were holding back laughter. “Um…just kidding, Michael!” She said loudly, looking off at a spot in the distance in case Michael was somewhere over there. “They’re good jokes, very funny!”
Looking ahead of herself once more, again as though she were talking directly to someone, she mouthed, “They’re not funny at all!”
3. What time is it where you are?
“Not five o’clock. And that’s…really all that I need to know.” She looked slightly forlorn, but very quickly that expression was replaced with something mischievous. “And I think it’s time - “ she lowered her voice to a whisper “ - Dwight receives another fax from the CIA.” She placed her index finger on one side of her mouth and looked up with a mock pensive face. “I wonder what they’re going to tell him to do next!” Her face broke out in a wide grin.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Waving a hand in front of herself, she said with a bit of a wry laugh, “No thanks. There’s enough sexual harassment at Dunder-Mifflin to cover the entire Order about ten times over.” There was a long pause. “Well…if it was a date instead of sexual harassment, I guess I’d pick…George Weasley. Because he’s a twin, and…I think that’s pretty cool.” She offered a friendly smile. “And because he sort of reminds me of a friend of mine. And….” Her smile faltered, and there was another long pause, this one very awkward. “Yeah.”
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Looking back down at the application, Pam frowned and then looked back up. “Did Michael write this application? Because this question about the bar sounds like the sort of question he’d ask.” She glanced at the application again. “I mean, I don’t really see myself bartending.” She paused, and one corner of her mouth twitched. “I guess I didn’t really see myself working as a receptionist either. I don’t know.” She frowned again, this time in thought. “Maybe the Dunderbar?”
Abruptly, she looked up and shook her head, laughing derisively at herself. “Oh, God, that’s awful. That’s the kind of name Michael would pick. Let’s just go with Cheers. Or Chili’s, since I’m banned from there anyway.”
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
After glancing at the application again, Pam exhaled a breathy laugh that had a hint of bitterness to it as she set the application back down on her knee. “Yeah, I’m probably not the best person to answer this question.” The fingers of her right hand absently twisted around the ring finger on her left hand, which was noticeably bare. “I’d just say he should probably marry neither. Wedding planning takes a lot of work, and if he decides to call it off at the last minute, he’ll end up with a hundred plates of chicken and fish, and, even if he varies things by eating the chicken for lunch and the fish for dinner, he’ll get really sick of it after about five days.” She looked down at her hands and deliberately knit them together and looked back up. There was a long, awkward pause as she stared straight in front of herself. She ended it by picking up the application and looking at the next question.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
She offered another laugh, but this time it was genuine. “That’s an easy one. It’s because Michael doesn’t feel like doing anything, so he keeps trying to make you do all his work for him. Or because he’s doing one of his raids again, and so he threw your stuff all over the place.” She looked into the camera straight ahead, her eyes wide. “Don’t ask me why he does that. It just might be one of the world’s greatest mysteries.”
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Pam pressed her lips together and looked up before looking back in front of herself. “Well, I can type ninety words per minute. And I’m good at making Michael think I’ve transferred a phone call to him when I really haven’t, so that he can get rid of his bad jokes on me and not do them with a client….and…I’m good at shredding paper…and I can finish the moderate level of Sudoku in about eighteen minutes.” She looked up out of the corner of her eyes, her expression both dismayed and amused, and then exhaled, shaking her head. “I don’t know, those are all kind of stupid things. Um, well, I also like to draw. I mean, I’m taking art classes now, and I think I’m pretty good at it.” As she said this, her eyes began to light up.
“Oh!” Now her eyes were positively wide and excited, and she pointed a finger in front of herself. “I know! I’m awesome at helping Jim pull pranks on….” She trailed off, realizing Dwight might be around and listening. “…um…certain people who shall remain nameless.” She looked straight ahead, a huge grin on her face.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.
“A bribe?” Pam looked a bit incredulous. “Wow. Okay. Um, well, I could draw you a picture of something. Or if you ever want candy, I brought the stash from my desk. Um…I don’t know. I guess if you’re planning a wedding, I could give you some tips.” There was a long pause, after which she added, “And if you want to know anything about paper, or about how to keep yourself entertained for eight long, boring hours, I could….” She laughed. “Yeah, maybe I should just draw you a picture.”
I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ____PB______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ____PB_____.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____PB_____.
One day, marmalade Jello will rule the world. _____PB______
