Girl Meets Brain
First of all; I am looking out for number one from here on out. My focus is on me, myself, and I. All weekend, plus mid-week, I have picked up shifts at work, and I'm keeping busy and making money. I have completely re-thought my route for life; changed my major, and have begun citing things I want to accomplish, and how I'm going to accomplish these things. I feel like I'm laying down the path for life to begin in the next couple of years.
Also - I have come to a very long, over due realization.
Tuesday night - Wednesday, it happened to me.
Like a brick through a glass window, the truth hit me hard. Joey hung up with me tuesday night while I was in mid-cry, and all because of him. He didn't feel like dealing with it, and being completely incapable of consoling another human being, he decided to tell me that THIS was exactly why he didn't need a girlfriend, and also I was warned that I was about to get hung up on. This act of selfishness, along with memories of similar incidences, made me stop. Completely stop everything I was expected to do. I finally have got the message, loud and fucking clear. This situation is leading me absolutely no where, but to being hurt. I don't quite know why this was my limit, or how I have reached it. But I have reached it. I have given my everything to ensure that this relationship would be successful. And I cannot give anything more. I have nothing left for this, I can't pull anymore from myself knowing how entirely one sided this love has been. Through this process I have learned that one person alone cannot make everything right, and that a relationship requires both people involved to give effort.
The two of us not talking at all wednesday gave me time to come to my conclusion. So when he called thursday to wish me a happy thanksgiving, I didn't have the stomache to answer the phone and hear that voice that said such hurtful things 2 nights before. He called twice. And left a myspace comment. And I never returned the calls. This was the first time I have ever "stood him up" in any form. And honestly, I felt amazing for not having given in. I felt like I finally determined what was unacceptable, and I wasn't about to subject myself to the bullshit, yet again. Later I recieved a text message that left me feeling like I did something wrong, even though I have good reason for phone-standing him up. It read : "You can't even fucking call me back to wish me a happy thanksgiving? I see how it is." I think this sounds Angry, then vengful. All day today, (friday,) I felt great again (just like last night,) for not giving in. However, when night settles in I begin questioning myself. Because this is now time that I am alone, and time that I would usually be spending with him. I made a promise to myself though. I said I would begin making decisions with my head, and stop making them with my emotion. My head knows what is good for me. My heart is hopeless and stupid, and it will be walked over if I let it. I need to stick with my brain on this. I am a good girl, and I don't deserve to be taken for granted and disrespected. I deserve someone who knows my worth; so I am done wasting my time here - my brain has spoken.
Also - I have come to a very long, over due realization.
Tuesday night - Wednesday, it happened to me.
Like a brick through a glass window, the truth hit me hard. Joey hung up with me tuesday night while I was in mid-cry, and all because of him. He didn't feel like dealing with it, and being completely incapable of consoling another human being, he decided to tell me that THIS was exactly why he didn't need a girlfriend, and also I was warned that I was about to get hung up on. This act of selfishness, along with memories of similar incidences, made me stop. Completely stop everything I was expected to do. I finally have got the message, loud and fucking clear. This situation is leading me absolutely no where, but to being hurt. I don't quite know why this was my limit, or how I have reached it. But I have reached it. I have given my everything to ensure that this relationship would be successful. And I cannot give anything more. I have nothing left for this, I can't pull anymore from myself knowing how entirely one sided this love has been. Through this process I have learned that one person alone cannot make everything right, and that a relationship requires both people involved to give effort.
The two of us not talking at all wednesday gave me time to come to my conclusion. So when he called thursday to wish me a happy thanksgiving, I didn't have the stomache to answer the phone and hear that voice that said such hurtful things 2 nights before. He called twice. And left a myspace comment. And I never returned the calls. This was the first time I have ever "stood him up" in any form. And honestly, I felt amazing for not having given in. I felt like I finally determined what was unacceptable, and I wasn't about to subject myself to the bullshit, yet again. Later I recieved a text message that left me feeling like I did something wrong, even though I have good reason for phone-standing him up. It read : "You can't even fucking call me back to wish me a happy thanksgiving? I see how it is." I think this sounds Angry, then vengful. All day today, (friday,) I felt great again (just like last night,) for not giving in. However, when night settles in I begin questioning myself. Because this is now time that I am alone, and time that I would usually be spending with him. I made a promise to myself though. I said I would begin making decisions with my head, and stop making them with my emotion. My head knows what is good for me. My heart is hopeless and stupid, and it will be walked over if I let it. I need to stick with my brain on this. I am a good girl, and I don't deserve to be taken for granted and disrespected. I deserve someone who knows my worth; so I am done wasting my time here - my brain has spoken.