PGP (personal growth pursuit) aka self salvation (??!)
wait a bit, got some handcraft to do in a sudden. pretty much done. now let us write... been a while. i think i've even forgotten how to write understandable english, bearing in mind i'm just some portuguese person who's never left her country. so, since 26th nov. or so i've lost hope in comunicating ever again with god-knows-who... can't even dare to mention him anymore. that way i won't suffer. i don't need too. suffered too much already. don't need to keep on blaming it on me again and again when it's really no use. been there, done that. survived but with a whole bunch of new sequels i previously didn't have. got to have learned something...
last time i kept on feeling worried that he looked sad or something... well he didn't even seem to bother that i was and i'm currently working with symptoms of nearly total burnout... (and if i'm crawling my first moves to recovering it's because i've asked god for help in my very own particular way...)
hadn't it been for my nearby cousins, last night i'd have to spend yet another lonely christmas here... no big deal this time though and i was actually preparing it. even got a catproof xmas tree and matching battery-powered tiny fairylights + a "tiny presépio inside a nut" and everything.
when i was a small child we didn't celebrate santa here at home. we celebrated "menino jesus" instead. xmas gifts were not given by santa, they were placed in our shoe by "baby jesus" instead. :) that was kind of cool. these days it's not about what xmas gifts mean to you. it's more about which people remembered you this xmas. either the ones who dropped a word to the ones who actually came here to pick you up. and well, those were family. but the one who really got me to leave the house was uncle z. ... he's 89. i had to go and see him. he was dad's best friend and my fave uncle on my dad's side. :) i did hold my breath to kiss him on his cheeks, even though i got vaxxed. just waiting for the 3rd round. (that's how we greet here in portugal, among relatives and close friends, or same sex acquaintances for women, lads will just be fine with some kind of handshake. ladies these days send kisses 2 meters away underneath their masks or even speak for 5 min. without the masks from 1,5m away in open air...) so i held my breath even though i have no symptoms whatsoever rather that my usual ones plus the crazyness...
(some silly jerks are blasting some sh*t outside. i wouldn't want to stay here for the reveillon but since i have 3 very old cats who must stay here, i think that's what i should do as well...)
speaking about cats, i can now say what big dog type i like the most: serra da estrela, like those from my home village up in the north. as my cousin kidnapped me for xmas :) i got to pet their 4 big big dogs - 3 estrela mountain dogs and 1 black german shepherd. it's funny how a crazy cat lady can pet some just met 4 legged huge woof-woof-woof cousins. just loved them. :) and yeah dogs mostly go along with their humans. and they're bigger than me. really cool dogs. and they're fluffy! :D
but then today i had to comb 2 of the cats with the oldest one comfortably sitting on my back as if he was some sort of strange backpack with tail & ears. he loves doing that and i had to compensate the cats for having been petting cousin dogs.
miss writing in english and i'm in search of who i was back in 2006 before it all happened. i just remembered i would write a lot in english back then... english here is kind of rusty these days, for not being used so often.
so xmas day was crying my heart out really testing out if my uncleaned mascara is water resistant or not. (i believe it's not that hardcore proof...)
my belly hurts. menstruation was like on time "want to wish you a merry xmas too, so i'm like 3 days earlier, now go pee and change your menstrual protection thingie..."
i got a nice xmas heart thingie from one of the docs., got a lovely scented candle from my cousin, in a beatiful flowery glass thingie. and mrs. natália
just gave me a pretty makeup palette. and now i need to find something sweet in the kitchen 'cause i just remembered it's xmas and i actually still have bolo rei... (some things cannot be translated)
ps - the jerks who were blasting up sh*t outside (carnival bombs on xmas?) soon gave up and went away. maybe they heard me and made the right decision... i just shouted out some plain dirty words from inside the flat, more accurately "mandei umas caralhadas aqui de dentro, ora ide lá estoirar merdinhas prá puta que pariu!" as we say up in the north... and f*ck yeah, merry xmas.
last time i kept on feeling worried that he looked sad or something... well he didn't even seem to bother that i was and i'm currently working with symptoms of nearly total burnout... (and if i'm crawling my first moves to recovering it's because i've asked god for help in my very own particular way...)
hadn't it been for my nearby cousins, last night i'd have to spend yet another lonely christmas here... no big deal this time though and i was actually preparing it. even got a catproof xmas tree and matching battery-powered tiny fairylights + a "tiny presépio inside a nut" and everything.
when i was a small child we didn't celebrate santa here at home. we celebrated "menino jesus" instead. xmas gifts were not given by santa, they were placed in our shoe by "baby jesus" instead. :) that was kind of cool. these days it's not about what xmas gifts mean to you. it's more about which people remembered you this xmas. either the ones who dropped a word to the ones who actually came here to pick you up. and well, those were family. but the one who really got me to leave the house was uncle z. ... he's 89. i had to go and see him. he was dad's best friend and my fave uncle on my dad's side. :) i did hold my breath to kiss him on his cheeks, even though i got vaxxed. just waiting for the 3rd round. (that's how we greet here in portugal, among relatives and close friends, or same sex acquaintances for women, lads will just be fine with some kind of handshake. ladies these days send kisses 2 meters away underneath their masks or even speak for 5 min. without the masks from 1,5m away in open air...) so i held my breath even though i have no symptoms whatsoever rather that my usual ones plus the crazyness...
(some silly jerks are blasting some sh*t outside. i wouldn't want to stay here for the reveillon but since i have 3 very old cats who must stay here, i think that's what i should do as well...)
speaking about cats, i can now say what big dog type i like the most: serra da estrela, like those from my home village up in the north. as my cousin kidnapped me for xmas :) i got to pet their 4 big big dogs - 3 estrela mountain dogs and 1 black german shepherd. it's funny how a crazy cat lady can pet some just met 4 legged huge woof-woof-woof cousins. just loved them. :) and yeah dogs mostly go along with their humans. and they're bigger than me. really cool dogs. and they're fluffy! :D
but then today i had to comb 2 of the cats with the oldest one comfortably sitting on my back as if he was some sort of strange backpack with tail & ears. he loves doing that and i had to compensate the cats for having been petting cousin dogs.
miss writing in english and i'm in search of who i was back in 2006 before it all happened. i just remembered i would write a lot in english back then... english here is kind of rusty these days, for not being used so often.
so xmas day was crying my heart out really testing out if my uncleaned mascara is water resistant or not. (i believe it's not that hardcore proof...)
my belly hurts. menstruation was like on time "want to wish you a merry xmas too, so i'm like 3 days earlier, now go pee and change your menstrual protection thingie..."
i got a nice xmas heart thingie from one of the docs., got a lovely scented candle from my cousin, in a beatiful flowery glass thingie. and mrs. natália
just gave me a pretty makeup palette. and now i need to find something sweet in the kitchen 'cause i just remembered it's xmas and i actually still have bolo rei... (some things cannot be translated)
ps - the jerks who were blasting up sh*t outside (carnival bombs on xmas?) soon gave up and went away. maybe they heard me and made the right decision... i just shouted out some plain dirty words from inside the flat, more accurately "mandei umas caralhadas aqui de dentro, ora ide lá estoirar merdinhas prá puta que pariu!" as we say up in the north... and f*ck yeah, merry xmas.