My break up
Sunday the 13th...I decided I should leave Memphis and go back to Paragould. Jarrod agreed with me, that it would be for the best. I didn't want to leave Jarrod, but I felt so helpless, and like I was making him miserble.
So, I left my home...I went home, and called Walmart and told them I wouldnt be back. Later that night I called Jarrod...he was fucked up on Ambien...and told me some things that I didn't want to hear. First he told me that last year, he went to Xanders funeral he cheated on me with Candace. It was a shock, and I was pretty upset at first. Especially because of the way he said it...he was so cold, almost as if bragging.But I know when it happened, we werent as close as we are now. We were still getting to know each other, and it was early in our relationship.
But then he said, that I probably thought he had cheated on me a few times. I never thought that...until he said it. I asked him who I thought that about, and he said I probably thought that about the girl he had been taking to work. I asked him if he had cheated on me with her...and he said no, but he would like to fuck her. My heart felt like it weighed a million pounds...I felt sick to my stomach. I started crying, and told him to have a nice life and go fuck all the girl you can. He told me not to get the Jenny Ball syndrome...
then he was telling me he missed me, and loved me...and might want me to come back home in a day or two.
I called him the next morning...and we decided I would come back. I called walmart and asked them if i could still work. they said yes...so I came back.
the problem is...I cant make this feeling go away. It's like I have this thought implanted into my brain. Everytime she calls, everytime he says her name it makes me sick, everytime he gives her a ride to work. I get the weird feeling in my stomach, my heart starts racing, like it's going to pop out of my chest...and I feel myself getting hot. Just typing this is making me sick. I don't want to be jealous...I know, when Jarrod wasn't fucked up, he said they were jus friends. But I can't help it, it wont stop. I don't ever want to see her...I don't want to put a face to her. I don't want to look at her, and wonder why she is so much better than me. I can't do it. It hurts too much. I just hope I can get over this...I dont like feeling this way. I dont want to be the girl who has to be worried 24/7 about her boyfriend cheating on her. Thats not me..I want to trust and believe in people.
So, I left my home...I went home, and called Walmart and told them I wouldnt be back. Later that night I called Jarrod...he was fucked up on Ambien...and told me some things that I didn't want to hear. First he told me that last year, he went to Xanders funeral he cheated on me with Candace. It was a shock, and I was pretty upset at first. Especially because of the way he said it...he was so cold, almost as if bragging.But I know when it happened, we werent as close as we are now. We were still getting to know each other, and it was early in our relationship.
But then he said, that I probably thought he had cheated on me a few times. I never thought that...until he said it. I asked him who I thought that about, and he said I probably thought that about the girl he had been taking to work. I asked him if he had cheated on me with her...and he said no, but he would like to fuck her. My heart felt like it weighed a million pounds...I felt sick to my stomach. I started crying, and told him to have a nice life and go fuck all the girl you can. He told me not to get the Jenny Ball syndrome...
then he was telling me he missed me, and loved me...and might want me to come back home in a day or two.
I called him the next morning...and we decided I would come back. I called walmart and asked them if i could still work. they said yes...so I came back.
the problem is...I cant make this feeling go away. It's like I have this thought implanted into my brain. Everytime she calls, everytime he says her name it makes me sick, everytime he gives her a ride to work. I get the weird feeling in my stomach, my heart starts racing, like it's going to pop out of my chest...and I feel myself getting hot. Just typing this is making me sick. I don't want to be jealous...I know, when Jarrod wasn't fucked up, he said they were jus friends. But I can't help it, it wont stop. I don't ever want to see her...I don't want to put a face to her. I don't want to look at her, and wonder why she is so much better than me. I can't do it. It hurts too much. I just hope I can get over this...I dont like feeling this way. I dont want to be the girl who has to be worried 24/7 about her boyfriend cheating on her. Thats not me..I want to trust and believe in people.