Axel can recall how it used to feel to be in Isa's position and how it used to feel being inexperienced and awkward and everything else in between...because Lea had been there, though that kid would never admit it. True, Lea had led people on to believe that he was all that and then some when in reality he was just this sorry little virgin who only knew his right and left hand around his own body. Lea used to hide stashes of pictures and imagine what it would feel like to just be with her or him--But somewhere under his bed he also had pictures of his best friend. That stupid blue jacket, those silly piercings he thought would look cool. And then he'd just come. Like that.
As he thinks this Axel bites down on his lip and glances off to the side to mirror Isa but then he shakes his head and looks back over. No. Gotta keep this together.
"It's not," he says. Maybe he can make him feel a little more comfortable, so with that in mind Axel reaches over to place a gloved hand atop Isa's head and ruffle up that hair of his. "But, y'know. Only if you're comfortable."
Isa finds himself relaxing, believe it or not, at that small sign of nervousness, the lip biting thing. He's not alone in feeling like this, awkward but wanting but not sure, all at the same time. They're in this together... Just like always. Even if Lea's some ten years older, they're still like this.
Isa almost smiles at that.
He thinks over his words before speaking them. "If you're fine with it, I guess I am, too." Another quiet deep breath. "But... do you like me? Like that." It feels stupid to say it like that; he knows the real word he should be using, and since when has he shied away from being blunt? But this is different, uncharted territory. He's feeling more cautious than usual.
This is his first time and while Lea is, he realizes, exactly who he could have wished for... He wants to make sure this is reciprocated.
Like him like that. Hm. Well, here's the awkward part. Axel stills his hand for a beat and at first his smirk starts to recede, but he's quick to pick himself back up. No. He doesn't want Isa to know who he is, because as far as Axel's concerned he doesn't deserve Axel; he deserves Lea. So he can pretend...just for this one time.
"Heh. What kinda question is that, man?" he asks as he lightly punches the other in the arm. It's funny...It almost feels like nothing's changed. More seriously now he adds, "'course I do."
Sorry, but there's no easy way out. Isa isn't a fool, which you should know by now. He catches the brief hesitance, and even though his heart gives a painfully happy beat against his ribcage, he doesn't let himself get swept away by bliss. He's not a complete tool to his heart.
Instead, he calmly reaches up, cupping the sides of his friend's face. There's a brief second where he marvels at the small differences he can feel- the jawline, the hair- and then he's pulling the other down so they're looking each other in the eyes. "You know you can't lie to me, Lea," he says, voice not so much admonishing as... simply stating. Maybe faintly disappointed.
Axel blinks, surprised when Isa reaches up to bring their faces closer, but it's not so much the gesture that surprises him, but his statement. Tsk. There's something about Saix and Isa that really gets on Axel's nerves. They know him too well, which in the past might not have been that big of an issue, but now that's he's a Nobody it's actually intrusive and offensive.
So he'll keep taking the road he's on right now and lie. I'm no Axel; I'm Lea. Just accept that and this will go easier.
"I know," he says, trying to match Lea's nonchalance to a t, which is...freakishly not hard to do. "Whoever said I was?"
There's no way he's going to accept this sort of thing. If there's something wrong, then he wants to know about it, and something is wrong with Lea. They're not supposed to lie to each other. That's not what best friends do. Yet he could tell that he lied, at least before.
Frowning, Isa resists a sigh or closing his eyes- he has to keep his attention on Lea. "For a second, you acted weird when I asked you that question."
"...I was just thinking, was all." Gotta get around this somehow. He really has to. If he doesn't this'll all be ruined and he just knows it. "Y'know about...what we're doing."
That seems like a logical concern, doesn't it? Come on. Buy it. Please, buy it. And if Isa doesn't, Axel honestly doesn't know what he'll do.
He wants to believe it, he really does. Because the Lea he knows would be honest with him, up front. But still, but still his heart twists in his chest and tells him something's wrong.
But Isa doesn't push. He just keeps his eyes connected with Lea's, still feeling that warm skin beneath his palms, and asks. "That's all?" I'm giving you something important. I'm giving you everything I am. Don't break this trust.
...At some point he's going to figure out that something isn't right with his body, Axel realizes. At some point Isa's going to lay a hand on his skin and be able to feel that there's nothing more than eerie hollowness in place of his heart. And when he does, what'll happen? Things could only get worse from that point.
But--Geez, does he have to? How will Isa even react?
...Axel sighs and looks down at an angle for a brief moment as he thinks over what to say, and even if he decided to continue on lying, this hesitation would only make himself seem less and less believable. And yet--
"I--" he suddenly trails off but starts again with a shake of his head. "--Just that it's good t'see you again, I guess." He's just a coward.
See? He knew he was right. Something's wrong, and it's becoming more obvious by the second. Frowning, Isa lets his hands drop and steps away.
"What do you mean 'again'?" He'll start with one thing, an immediate thing. One he can point out is wrong. "Is the older me not here? Or did you mean I went away when I was older?"
When Isa's away Axel tenses up but only for a second as he straightens back up and goes back to crossing his arms in thought. Well, technically both of questions should be answered with a 'yes'. The older version of Isa isn't here and in a way Axel supposes that he went away when he did grow up. Farther and farther away.
He shakes his head again, growing a bit frustrated. "I saw you once here before." Which is true.
"That can't be right." Running a hand through his hair, Isa places the other in his pocket, thumb run through his belt loop. "I don't remember being in this place ever."
It would be pretty hard to forget, too. Isa doesn't understand how it could work... Except... "Or is it kind of the same reason why you and me are meeting even though you're older?"
"Mm." Axel nods curtly and then looks over at the wall to his right as if it will distract him enough. But distractions never work in this place. The mind and the body just focus on one thing. Just one thing and that's sex.
He clears his throat. "The hotel brings in different people...sometimes copies of the same person and sometimes different 'versions' of them, too."
Same 'copies'? Different 'versions'? Isa presses a hand to his head, shocked. He almost wishes this was a joke, because that would be easier to take in. But his world is just... How was he supposed to know it was this big?
And yet all his mind can keep drifting back to is how warm and nice Lea's skin felt beneath his palms, the pull of his hair... Isa shakes his head and makes as if to leave. "I... I need to have a second." He needs to calm down and breathe. He knows he agreed to... them earlier, but with all he's learning...
And this is why telling Isa about Axel would not work all too well. Yeah, it would be a lot to take in, a lot more than knowing that there are copies of yourself out there.
While the other deals with that, Axel sighs before walking over to the bed over to the side of the room and then flops down on his back so that he'll be facing the ceiling above. Just as always, it's red--red, red, red--but at least the comfortableness of the mattress makes up for the uncomfortableness in the room. Somehow.
For a moment, he just rests his forehead against the door, taking deep breathes. Everyone had heard about the fairytales of other worlds... Isa guesses they're just true after all. Those things had to come from somewhere, and if other worlds are possible, who knows?
But it doesn't matter in the short term, he realizes. What matters short term is finding a way out. Even as he thinks this, Isa realizes that his hand has subconsciously made its way to his thigh, clenching and unclenching at the fabric, pulling it across his front and oh...
Isa swallows and pulls his hand away like it's been burned.
"I don't know how to start," he admits, glancing over at Lea from over his shoulder.
As he thinks this Axel bites down on his lip and glances off to the side to mirror Isa but then he shakes his head and looks back over. No. Gotta keep this together.
"It's not," he says. Maybe he can make him feel a little more comfortable, so with that in mind Axel reaches over to place a gloved hand atop Isa's head and ruffle up that hair of his. "But, y'know. Only if you're comfortable."
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Isa almost smiles at that.
He thinks over his words before speaking them. "If you're fine with it, I guess I am, too." Another quiet deep breath. "But... do you like me? Like that." It feels stupid to say it like that; he knows the real word he should be using, and since when has he shied away from being blunt? But this is different, uncharted territory. He's feeling more cautious than usual.
This is his first time and while Lea is, he realizes, exactly who he could have wished for... He wants to make sure this is reciprocated.
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"Heh. What kinda question is that, man?" he asks as he lightly punches the other in the arm. It's funny...It almost feels like nothing's changed. More seriously now he adds, "'course I do."
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Instead, he calmly reaches up, cupping the sides of his friend's face. There's a brief second where he marvels at the small differences he can feel- the jawline, the hair- and then he's pulling the other down so they're looking each other in the eyes. "You know you can't lie to me, Lea," he says, voice not so much admonishing as... simply stating. Maybe faintly disappointed.
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Axel blinks, surprised when Isa reaches up to bring their faces closer, but it's not so much the gesture that surprises him, but his statement. Tsk. There's something about Saix and Isa that really gets on Axel's nerves. They know him too well, which in the past might not have been that big of an issue, but now that's he's a Nobody it's actually intrusive and offensive.
So he'll keep taking the road he's on right now and lie. I'm no Axel; I'm Lea. Just accept that and this will go easier.
"I know," he says, trying to match Lea's nonchalance to a t, which is...freakishly not hard to do. "Whoever said I was?"
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There's no way he's going to accept this sort of thing. If there's something wrong, then he wants to know about it, and something is wrong with Lea. They're not supposed to lie to each other. That's not what best friends do. Yet he could tell that he lied, at least before.
Frowning, Isa resists a sigh or closing his eyes- he has to keep his attention on Lea. "For a second, you acted weird when I asked you that question."
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That seems like a logical concern, doesn't it? Come on. Buy it. Please, buy it. And if Isa doesn't, Axel honestly doesn't know what he'll do.
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But Isa doesn't push. He just keeps his eyes connected with Lea's, still feeling that warm skin beneath his palms, and asks. "That's all?" I'm giving you something important. I'm giving you everything I am. Don't break this trust.
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But--Geez, does he have to? How will Isa even react?
...Axel sighs and looks down at an angle for a brief moment as he thinks over what to say, and even if he decided to continue on lying, this hesitation would only make himself seem less and less believable. And yet--
"I--" he suddenly trails off but starts again with a shake of his head. "--Just that it's good t'see you again, I guess." He's just a coward.
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"What do you mean 'again'?" He'll start with one thing, an immediate thing. One he can point out is wrong. "Is the older me not here? Or did you mean I went away when I was older?"
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When Isa's away Axel tenses up but only for a second as he straightens back up and goes back to crossing his arms in thought. Well, technically both of questions should be answered with a 'yes'. The older version of Isa isn't here and in a way Axel supposes that he went away when he did grow up. Farther and farther away.
He shakes his head again, growing a bit frustrated. "I saw you once here before." Which is true.
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"That can't be right." Running a hand through his hair, Isa places the other in his pocket, thumb run through his belt loop. "I don't remember being in this place ever."
It would be pretty hard to forget, too. Isa doesn't understand how it could work... Except... "Or is it kind of the same reason why you and me are meeting even though you're older?"
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He clears his throat. "The hotel brings in different people...sometimes copies of the same person and sometimes different 'versions' of them, too."
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And yet all his mind can keep drifting back to is how warm and nice Lea's skin felt beneath his palms, the pull of his hair... Isa shakes his head and makes as if to leave. "I... I need to have a second." He needs to calm down and breathe. He knows he agreed to... them earlier, but with all he's learning...
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While the other deals with that, Axel sighs before walking over to the bed over to the side of the room and then flops down on his back so that he'll be facing the ceiling above. Just as always, it's red--red, red, red--but at least the comfortableness of the mattress makes up for the uncomfortableness in the room. Somehow.
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But it doesn't matter in the short term, he realizes. What matters short term is finding a way out. Even as he thinks this, Isa realizes that his hand has subconsciously made its way to his thigh, clenching and unclenching at the fabric, pulling it across his front and oh...
Isa swallows and pulls his hand away like it's been burned.
"I don't know how to start," he admits, glancing over at Lea from over his shoulder.
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