Always Welcome at Bardic

[the_leewit]

I know it's been done, but the image of a terrible Lovecraft-based B-movie of Internet meeting participants dying gruesomely one by one by means [sigh] remote, eldritch and squamous-adjacent amuses me. Apologies to all I mangle, especially Sir Erich's name. If I missed you and you wish to volunteer, please speak up! I can kill you gud!

(Tune: "Always Welcome in Our House")

I wanted to go to Bardic, Bardic, Bardic,
I wanted to go to Bardic, when work was done,
But I’d read this eldritch grimoire, and cheesy 90’s movie scripts,
And [Hastur, Hastur, Hastur] going to have some fun!

And you’re always welcome at Bardic,
Every Friday night!
Always welcome at Bardic!
(And relax, I don’t bite.)

Jon Chesey came to Bardic, Bardic, Bardic,
Jon Chesey came to Bardic,
To host and talk about stars;
So I chatted abhorrent glyphs at him,
Which sucked him into the Internet,
And I promptly beamed his signal to the
face of Mars.1

And you’re always welcome at Bardic,
Every Friday night!
Always welcome at Bardic!
(And relax, I don’t bite.)

Gwen came to sing at Bardic, Bardic, Bardic,
Gwen came to sing at Bardic, with voice like a bell.
So I did my little keyboard dance and sent her to Project Gutenberg.
Have you read Blackwood’s “The Willows”?
Well, that’s
just as well…

And you’re always welcome at Bardic,
Every Friday night!
Always welcome at Bardic!
(And relax, I don’t bite.)

Erich Hlodowechssun came to Bardic, Bardic, Bardic,
Erich Hlodowechssun came to Bardic,
To “Benevento” play,
But I tried to do my thing, and the cat jumped on my keyboard,
They expect to find the rest of his head
any day.

And you’re always welcome at Bardic,
Every Friday night!
Always welcome at Bardic!
(And relax, I don’t bite.)

Eliane came to Bardic, Bardic, Bardic,
Eliane came to Bardic,
To post some links,
But I know she’s a librarian,
And I am not an idiot,2
We had a nice conversation about
Louis Mink.

And you’re always welcome at Bardic,
Every Friday night!
Always welcome at Bardic!
(And relax, I don’t bite.)

Tali Essen came to Bardic, Bardic, Bardic,
To sing Voltaire,
I messed with HTML
To show her a color out of space,
Now she’s just a smudge upon what used to
be a chair.

And you’re always welcome at Bardic,
Every Friday night!
Always welcome at Bardic!
(And relax, I don’t bite.)

Owen Alun came to Bardic, Bardic, Bardic,
Owen Alun came to Bardic,
To kennings cull.
The old gods walked from the whale-road,
And the skalds all hollered "Hwaet!" or "Bro!"
At the internal, bloody caesura
Of Owen's skull.

And you’re always welcome at Bardic,
Every Friday night!
Always welcome at Bardic!
(And relax, I don’t bite.)

So if you sing at Bardic, Bardic, Bardic,
In dulcet tones,
I shall summon up my new friends,
But there's no need to worry!
I'm sure that they'll eventually give
back your bones.

And you’re always welcome at Bardic,
Every Friday night!
Always welcome at Bardic!
(And relax, I don’t bite.)

1What? Mars is in Pisces tonight? Oops! Sorry, Cheesey. Enjoy Capella! See ya in 2104!
2Artistic license.