Remember Me - Chapters 9 & 10
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Summary - Lost and in turmoil, two soulmates struggle with their lives. One wizard may be able to bring them together, but has the damage been done?
Pairing - R/Hr
Rating - R
AU
Chapter Ten
Neville lifted his head from his research and stretched. Rubbing his eyes, he looked at the clock. He didn’t want to be late. The Weasleys had invited him to dinner, a weekly get together that had become routine since Ron had returned. Realising he should probably get a move on, he cleared away his work, and had one last look round his office for unopened memos before sighing and closing up for the night.
It had been almost three months since Ron had returned and since then Neville and Harry had been looking for Hermione. They had spent nearly three weeks in America, liaising with the AMA--the American Magical Authority. But they had no luck whatsoever. The many leads and incidents that they had received had been dead ends, and Neville had been forced to return to England with Harry empty handed. Although the AMA had promised to send word should any wild magic occur, everyone was starting to lose hope.
As frustrated and helpless as Neville and Harry felt, they knew it was nothing compared to Ron. Three months surrounded by family and friends had done little to jog Ron’s memories or his magical abilities. He was starting to grow increasingly despondent and desperate to find Hermione, believing that everything would come back to him once they found her. He had started to take long broomstick rides by himself. Harry had shown him a broomstick his second week back and he had jumped up on it like it like he had never left it. The delight and wonderment evident on his face as he swooped and dived around the fields of The Burrow had Molly in tears once again.
Neville made his way through the departments to the Floo points, and made his way to The Burrow. He loved these dinners, and felt honoured to be invited, and treated as one of the family.
As usual The Burrow was buzzing, and it was a couple of minutes before anyone even noticed he had arrived. Hugged by Molly, and greeted like a brother by the rest of the Weasley clan and Harry, Neville chatted and ate as the family recounted news and gossip.
He took particular notice of Ron, who seemed very quiet and reserved, and who ate little. Slightly worried, he glanced at Harry, who was also watching his best friend closely, worry etched on his face. The same worry was evident on Molly’s face, but she did her best to keep the conversation flowing.
After dinner, he saw Ron grab his cloak and sneak out the back door, and a few minutes later Harry followed. Slightly happier that Ron had someone to talk to about whatever was bothering him, he went back to his discussion with Fred and George about their new shop opening in Hogsmeade.
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Harry made his way across the yard, hoping Ron hadn’t gone for a fly, because his own broomstick was sitting at home. But having a quick look around, he spotted Ron’s coppery hair from behind an old oak tree.
“I am dreaming about her again,” Ron said, not looking at Harry but staring at the sun as it slowly fell out of the sky. The two had easily slipped into the friendship that they had for each other, and Ron spent a lot of time with both Harry and Neville, trying to figure out his past, telling them about his dreams, hoping for some answers.
“Oh,” Harry said, not knowing why Ron seemed so despondent. “What was happening?” Harry asked, plunking himself beside Ron, and producing a bag of Chocolate Frogs, which Ron delved into. Not even depression and frustration can dampen his appetite for chocolate, Harry mused.
“We were fighting. We always seem to be fighting. How is it possible that we were a couple when I seem to only remember the anger and jealousy? She attacked me with a bunch of yellow birds. You were there I think. What did I do?”
Harry nearly choked on his own Chocolate Frog when his mind flashed back to their sixth year. He coughed and then spoke slowly, not sure how to broach the whole Lavender episode, something Ron had absolutely no recollection of.
“Well, it was in our sixth year. You…Well it was a mistake, but…You, well, you snogged another girl and Hermione was upset. And they were canaries, the birds I mean.”
“I cheated on Hermione? How did we keep dating? Is that the sort of person I am?” Ron looked a bit sick, as if he had never thought of himself as such a scoundrel.
“No! God no! If you had I would have hexed you into next week. And Hermione would have done some lasting damage. This happened before the two of you got together. It was… Just one of those things. Lavender never had a chance with you.”
“Lavender?” Ron repeated, and suddenly he could hear ‘Won Won’ quite clearly, as if someone was whispering it into his ears.
“She was blonde, wasn’t she?” he asked, remembering the vision from when he had kissed Nina all those months ago. Lavender and he on a couch.
“Yeah. You remember something?”
“You could say that. Just a flash of the past is all.”
“So is that what’s bothering you? Your relationship with Hermione?”
“Kind of. But its more frustration I think,” Ron said, running his hand through his hair to emphasize the point. “I have been back for months, and I still can’t remember much of anything. And we are having no luck whatsoever finding Hermione, and I guess I just feel a bit useless. I can’t work because my magic is out of whack. I can’t look for Hermione because the States are too big for me to search, as much as I want to. I feel like kicking something. I just want to find her.”
“I know. And we will. I am sure of it,” Harry said, placing a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder. “It might take some time, but I know we will find her. The AMA are sending us reports of any wild magical incidents that are suspicious. I don’t think there is much else we can do.”
“I know, Harry. I just hope that when we find her, that we will be able to remember it all.”
“We’ll make sure of it. Somehow we will find the answers. Now come on inside, before Molly sends out a search party.”
Ron laughed quietly. “I know. She has been afraid to let me out of her sight. I have to keep telling her that I’m not going anywhere. But it’s nice. It’s comforting, something as familiar as breathing.”
Harry understood. He smiled at his friend, and they made their way back inside.
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It was quite late when Neville eventually made his way back home by Floo. He was sleepy but happy. Ron seemed a lot brighter after his talk with Harry, and this cheerfulness seemed contagious within the comforting walls of The Burrow.
He was fully intending to head straight to bed, but was stopped by a scratching against the kitchen window. Curious, he made his way over, and saw a large tawny owl there, with parchment attached to her leg.
Not sure who could be contacting him at this hour, he let the owl in and untied the parchment. When he saw the official stamp of the AMA his heart stopped.
Quickly reading the note, he wondered if he should tell Ron and Harry. He quickly decided against it. The last three messages from the AMA had been dead ends, and Neville worried about how many more false hopes they could take. He decided to go to the AMA headquarters, and see for himself. He could always get into contact with them if it turned out to be a real lead.
Tiredness and thoughts of bed were forgotten instantly, as Neville grabbed the Floo jar.
“Ministry of Magic!”
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“So this isn’t the first instance of wild magic from this area?” Neville asked, looking at the printout given to him by Mike, the AMA Magical Use department head, the one who had contacted Neville several hours before.
“We had one or two other instances before, but this defence shield was very powerful.”
“And the other instances?”
“Began just over two years ago. Spirit Lake is a definite Muggle town, that’s why we were so surprised to see such powerful wild magic,” Mike said, and watched as Neville’s face transformed.
“This is it. It has to be.”
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Harry was awoken before the sun had even risen by an owl at his bedroom window. Groggily, he grabbed the parchment from the strange tawny owl and slowly read the hastily scribbled note.
“Who is it at this time of the morning?” Gunny asked, lifting her head from the bed and smiling at the sight of Harry with his bed hair.
When he didn’t respond, she got out of bed and went to him.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, trying to see the note, and look at Harry’s face at the same time.
“Neville. He’s done it again. He has found Hermione,” he responded in a whisper, tears in his eyes.
Ginny held her husband gently, tears of joy in her eyes as well. “We have to tell Ron!”
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“Ron I swear to Merlin if you don’t get out of this bed right now, I am going without you!” Harry yelled, trying unsuccessfully to get his best mate out of bed.
“Go where?” Ron mumbled, pulling the blankets closer to him, not ready to leave his bed so early.
“To bring Hermione home,” Harry answered, taking a step back knowing what was about to happen next.
“Bloody hell!” Ron yelled as he fell out of the bed, his long legs getting caught in the blankets. “The AMA found her? Why didn’t you say so? Where are my trousers?”
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Neville Apparated outside the town of Spirit Lake. He took in his surroundings, and pulled his Muggle jacket tighter around himself as he trudged through the snow, towards the lights already glowing in the fading daylight. He felt a bit naked without his cloak, but realised he had to blend in with the Muggles. He had thought about Owling Harry and Ron before leaving AMA headquarters, and all three of them going together, but Neville wanted to make sure it was her, before bringing them over.
Also, Hermione had always been such a logical and smart woman, that he had a feeling that three strangers descending on her with tales of spells and dark wizards might be too much for her to handle. As much as he cared for Harry and Ron, he realised that they would let their emotions get ahead of them. They would rush things with her, and maybe frighten her away, the one thing they couldn’t afford to do.
Neville had always had a bit of a crush on Hermione, and he would always have the urge to protect her, and take care of her. He also knew that his emotions would not cloud his judgment. The emotions and feelings that Neville had for Hermione had always been there, all through their time at Hogwarts.
Even knowing that Hermione and Ron were made for each other couldn’t stop the feelings he had for her. So he was forced to hide them, not to let them take over. So he knew that he was the best person to find Hermione. There had to have been a reason why Hermione cast the protective shield around herself. He needed to make sure she was safe and not in any danger. If she was in danger, or afraid, the appearance of two strangers rushing towards her might cause more harm then good.
He slowly walked down the main street through the square, gazing around him at the quaint little town. He wondered where would be the best place to start looking. Spotting a grocer store, he realised that if Hermione lived around here, she would be a customer, so he made his way into the warm store.
Seeing a customer at the counter being served he waited at the side, blowing into his hands to warm them, and taking a look around. As the lady left the store, the man behind the counter called to him.
“Good afternoon. What can I do for you today sir?”
“Hello there. I was wondering if you could help me. I am looking for someone. Could you tell me if you have seen her around?”
He passed a picture of Hermione to the store owner, and watched as the colour drained from his face.
“You know her, don’t you?” Neville asked.
Without a word, the shop-keeper walked round to the door of the shop, flipped the sign to closed, and made his way to the back room.
“I think we need to talk,” he said, and beckoned Neville inside.
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“What is your name?” William asked, as he busied himself filling a kettle with water.
“Neville Longbottom sir,” he replied in an English accent, similar to Alex’s.
“What is the name of the girl in the picture? Why are you looking for her?” he questioned as he sat at the table. William needed to know who this person was and what he wanted from Alex. If this man was going to be a danger to her, he needed to protect her. She was in such a fragile state at the moment.
“Her name is Hermione Granger. She is a dear friend. About two years ago we lost her. There was an accident. We thought she had died. Actually, we thought Hermione and another of our friends had died. But not too long ago we found Ron, the friend. He is alive and well, and we have been searching for her since then. I know it sounds crazy and strange, but we love her, and we….we want to bring her home.”
The young man sounded completely sincere to William. He looked at the photos lying on the table top. He could spot Alex instantly, even as a child. She really had blossomed over the years, from the earnest and studious young girl in the photo to the beauty he knew was currently working in the library.
He got back up and took down two cups. “Coffee, or tea?” he enquired to Neville.
“Tea,” Neville replied, and William could see him gazing at Alex‘s photo with a look of tenderness. It was that, more than anything, that made William tell this stranger the truth. He could see the love and care in his eyes.
“I know her,” he said finally. “But there are things I think you should know before you go to her. She… She is not as tough as she looks. She is alone, and she is scared. She can’t remember anything of her past, and I am worried that you might trigger a memory, maybe one she is not yet willing to relive.”
“I know she has lost her memories, so did Ron. But you have to believe me that I think I can bring both of their memories back. I don’t want to hurt her. That is the last thing any of us want to do. We care about her so much. We just want to take care of her.”
William believed him. This young man in front of him, he loved Alex… Hermione.
“Is this you?” he asked pointing to a younger version of Neville. He was in a photo with Hermione and two other young men. They were all waving and smiling. The young Neville was blushing slightly, as Hermione brushed against him in the photo. “Were you two…?” he left the question hanging, wondering how close they had been.
“As you can see from the photo, I always had a soft spot for her. She really looked out for me when we were growing up, but as you can also tell, her heart belonged somewhere else, even at that young age.”
And sure enough, William could see it. The sly glance Hermione gave to the redhead in the picture. There was a small smile and a light blush in her cheeks. The way they looked in the photo made it clear that Hermione and the redhead probably often stole glances at one another.
It was unmistakable. “That’s Ron,” Neville continued. “They are meant to be together, and as strange as it sounds, if I can bring her home, she will remember everything that she has forgotten.”
“I believe you,” William answered, and he did. “I was going to take her to see a friend of mine, someone who might be able to bring her memories back, but perhaps bringing her home would be better. Familiar surroundings and people might do the trick.”
“Come with me,” he said, as he stood and grabbed a heavy coat off the peg. “Just be careful with her. This is going to be a shock.”
Chapter Nine
Winter in Spirit Lake was beautiful. Snow fell most days, covering the ground in a white blanket.
Robert Weatherly took a deep breath of the fresh air as he stepped off the bus. Robert was home for the holidays. He was attending college in New York but made sure he came home to visit his family when ever he could.
Looking across the main square of Spirit Lake, he marvelled at how perfect the place had stayed. New York was so busy and noisy, and Rob delighted in the peace and relaxation that enveloped him from the moment he stepped off the bus in his home town.
It was early Thursday morning, and although he should be exhausted from his trip, he felt energised. Grabbing his duffel bag, he strolled across the square, nodding and acknowledging the many locals he knew, most since birth.
Promising to visit old school friends and neighbours, he continued his stroll, but stopped when he saw the huge tree up for the holidays. Every year, a group of locals found a tree from the local forests, and put it up in the square. Decorating it was tradition, and for a moment Rob felt a little jealous that he had missed it for the first time. But all thoughts left him as he was knocked to the ground, and landed on by someone who smelled like vanilla.
“Oh my God! I am so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention. Are you hurt? Can I get a doctor or anything?” All this was said in a rush as Rob tried very hard to focus on the object on top of him.
“I think I‘m okay. But I need to get up... Alex!” he said jovially, realising who had tripped him.
“Oh, hi Robert,” Alex said, the look on her face showing recognition as she lifted herself off of him. “Did you just get home? Your mum mentioned it last week when she returned her books. How are you?”
Robert was shocked. This was the longest conversation he had ever had with the mysterious Alex. In fact, she had just uttered the most words he had ever heard her speak in all the time he had known her. He concentrated on dusting the snow from his clothes to mask his confusion.
Looking more closely, he realised something was different. She was smiling at him. She had never smiled at him before. She looked different. Her clothes weren’t as baggy as before. She looked more… together. Her hair was in a neat French plait, and he thought he saw makeup on her face.
“I’m good Alex, thanks for asking. Glad to be home, you know? You look wonderful, by the way.” He cringed at how lame he sounded. Cheesy, like the other guys who used to hit on her while he was studying in the library. He hoped she didn’t think he was like those guys, that he was hitting on her.
Not that I wouldn’t want to, the voice in his head piped up. She looks gorgeous, and smells divine. I can’t believe I still have a crush on her after all this time!
Robert had held a candle for her since the very first day he saw her. It had been her first day in the library, and he had seen the look of serenity on her face at being in such close proximity to so many books, and found himself spending as much time there as he could. He watched the local guys ask her out one after another, smiling in satisfaction at her polite decline to each one.
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For her part, Alex didn’t know that Robert had held a candle for her since the very first day he saw her. Bumping into him in the square was a complete accident. She had been hurrying to open the library, and never noticed him standing there admiring the Christmas tree. She tried not to look at the tree too often. Whenever she did, she saw flashes of memories and she was trying to stop that.
Her decision on Halloween night had been a simple one. She was going to move on. She could not change the past. The dreams and memories belonged to whoever she had been. No one seemed to be looking for her, so she believed that she wasn’t missed, wherever she came from. There was no one to go back to. The floating books were obviously due to her getting hit on the head by a random book, and the dreams, well they had always been crazy, and the amount of chocolate she ate before them probably hadn’t helped.
Spirit Lake offered her a fresh start. At first she worried if she could do it. Could she let the past lie, and allow herself to become Alex Knight? The dreams that used to plague her slowly stopped, as she quit obsessing about her past. Not questioning what she used to be let her sleep better. This led to feeling better. She started to wear clothes that fit her better, was able to take time to tame her wild hair, and even bought some simple makeup. The outward changes were small, but they made her feel more alive, and she found herself able to chat to people, to become more ingrained into the town.
So now Robert was looking at the new Alex. He looked dumb struck. She could tell that there was something wrong, that he was thinking of doing something, psyching himself up, and she had to get away.
“Robert, sorry to hit and run, but I have to open up today. Hettie and Matt will be waiting to return their books. Talk to you later!” she called over her shoulder as she continued on her way.
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Robert thought about Alex all day. He asked his mother about the sudden change in her, wondering when it had happened. His mother said it had been happening gradually since Halloween. He paced in his room for a couple of hours, then steeled himself and went towards the library.
She was there, chatting with the local kids, her eyes bright with delight as she poured over the books they chose. He watched her, marvelling at how perfect she was, and wondered not for the first time what her past was.
When she was finally alone, he took a deep breath and walked over to her. She still smelled like vanilla, but her hair was slowly unravelling from its neat plait. She smiled as he came over.
“Hi Robert. No lasting damage from this morning?”
“Nope. I’m tougher than I look.” He chuckled.
“Good to hear. We have the new thriller by Rowling if you are looking for something juicy for the holidays.”
“That sounds good, thanks. But I came to ask you… Well, that is, if you aren’t too busy… Maybe you would like to go out with me?” He was blushing and he knew it. Once again, he cursed his pale freckled skin, and to distract himself he ran his fingers through his coppery hair, not trusting himself to see the look on her face.
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If he had looked, he would have noticed the look of pure confusion on her face, as something triggered in her memory. Pale skin, blushing, coppery hair….
She shook her head quickly. That’s the past. You are living in the present. Do you really want to go out with him?
She studied him for a moment. He was nice looking and sweet really. Not like some of the guys who asked her out.
It couldn’t hurt. It’s only dinner…
“Sure Robert, I would love to.”
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Christmas had come and gone, and Alex and Robert were on their third date. The first two had gone really well. They seemed to like the same things, the same books, and writers, and films. The liked the same type of food, and held the same feelings about the locals.
But this third date was strained. Robert was nervous. He wanted to kiss Alex, and had refrained the last two dates, afraid he was moving too fast. But he had to go back to New York in a couple of days, and wanted some idea from her about how she felt about him. He had decided to kiss her tonight, after he walked her home from the diner, where they had met for a coffee.
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Alex felt terrible. She was trying to feel more than friendship for Robert, she really was. Robert was sweet and gentle and so much like her, that she should be thanking her lucky stars. But there was something missing. There was no spark. They were too alike, and he was too agreeable. She had accepted his date on the spur of the moment, her body taking control, when she had seen his embarrassment in asking her out. His nervousness had seemed so familiar. Now she realised that as lovely as he was, he wasn’t her type. She was going to have to let him down gently… Maybe on the way home.
He took her hand as the walked, and she felt herself cringe. Now was the time to explain to him that while he was lovely and sweet, he was not suitable for her.
Alex was so preoccupied, that she was standing outside the steps of her apartment before she realised it. This was so new to her, she felt out of her depth and unprepared. How does one tell a perfectly lovely guy that you don’t fancy him? That you value his friendship, but have no romantic feelings for him?
She looked him in the eyes, wracking her brain for some way to tell him, and she never registered the hitch in his breathing, or his head dropping towards her until it was too late.
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He was kissing her, he was kissing Alex! He didn’t even realise himself that he was going to kiss her until he had it done. He was going to ask her first, but looking into those delicious chocolate eyes of hers, he couldn’t stop himself.
He swept his tongue across her lips, asking entry, which was given. He opened his eyes, to see her reaction, and was slightly proud of the glazed look in her eyes.
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The glazed look on Alex’s face however, had very little to do with the kiss. As he swept his lips against hers, Alex was instantly submersed in memory.
She was standing in a small room, with a fire burning brightly. It was really wet and miserable outside, and her clothes were still a little damp. She could smell the remains of a meal, and feel the fire against the side of her face, as she stood in the middle of the room, kissing… him. No longer the child from her dreams, but a tall strapping man, who held her, and kissed her with a passion that left her breathless. She watched the concentration on his face as he kissed her. His hair gleamed in the firelight, and she saw him open his eyes.
She was drowning suddenly. Those blue eyes, they were filled with love for her, those deep pools that she used to fantasise about. In an instant she knew that she loved him, truly loved him, and that he loved her, too.
Suddenly, she was also keenly aware of the pain in her chest, as her heart cracked with sorrow. It was all her fault. She knew it now. The loss, the sorrow, she was the cause. He was lost to her, gone forever, and she was to blame.
Overcome with emotion and feelings and pain, she found herself back on the pavement kissing Robert. She needed to get away, needed to escape. She pushed against him both body and mind, and was stunned when he flew away from her, as if thrown by a giant hand. He landed over ten feet away in a snow bank.
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Robert was very confused. One second he was kissing Alex, beautiful wonderful Alex, and the next, he was across the street, flat on his back. He didn’t know what happened, and in slightly dazed mind he almost didn’t care.
“That was some kiss. What the hell did you do?” he mumbled as she landed beside him. His face expressed his anger and confusion, which faltered and died when he saw her face. There were tears streaming from her eyes, and she looked horror struck
“Are you… Are you all right?” she said, checking for broken bones and knocks to the head.
“Alex, I’m fine, but you’re not. What’s wrong?”
She started sobbing again, turning away from him for a moment, before then she pulled him up off the ground.
“I’m sorry Robert, I thought I could… but I … I am not able. I… I … It’s my fault. Please forgive me!”
Then, without a backward glance, she ran across the street, flew up the stairs and into her apartment.
Robert stood for a long time, just waiting to see her lights come on. But he stood there for ten minutes and saw nothing. He gingerly shook his head, and tested his shoulders, both of which had received a knock in the fall. He glanced round once again, pondering how he landed across the street, and then started the short walk home, hoping to call Alex in the morning, and see if she was all right.
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Alex was curled up just inside the door of her apartment. She was lying on the ground, the tears flowing freely down the side of her face.
I think I killed him. I must have. This pain. It’s guilt, guilt because I must have done something to him. Look what I did to Robert. I must be some kind of dangerous freak. I am a danger to everyone. I thought I could run away from my past, become a new person, but I am right back where I started. What am I going to do?
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She stayed in her apartment for two days, ignoring the phone and the numerous calls to the door by work colleagues, neighbours and Robert.
She was trying to form a plan, any sort of plan. She wanted to run away, to escape. But the last time she did that, somehow she ended up in Spirit Lake, so obviously that wasn’t the answer. She spent her time lying on her bed, staring up at the ceiling, unable to think about the outside world. She was imprisoned by her confusion.
She had also tried to replicate what happened with Robert. She willed herself to knock the books off her bedside table, but nothing happened. She figured that perhaps she wasn’t a complete danger to people if she couldn’t do it when she tried to force herself.
She was contemplating her last memory, the one with the kiss, when she heard the door slowly unlocking one Tuesday morning.
“Hello? Alex, are you here? Are you hurt? I have tried calling but your phone is off the hook. Can I come in?”
She contemplated not answering, but figured he would find her sooner or later. “I’m in here, William!” she called out, not moving from her place on the bed, uncaring of the mess her room was in..
He entered slowly as if afraid of seeing something inappropriate, but when he saw her face, completely distraught and lost, he hurried over to the bed and took her hand.
“What happened?” he asked, scared for her. Since Halloween she had been looking better and better. William had started to believe that her past hurts and pain were starting to fade, and that she was going to be able to start living again. He hadn’t seen her ‘lost’ look in a long time, and was troubled to see it in full force now.
“I don’t know,” she whispered softly, and he saw a tear leak out of her eye, unnoticed by Alex. “I just… I thought I could move on… I thought the past, that it would stay there… but I, I think that he… the pain, it’s too much… I did something awful… and I can’t remember what it was.”
Her words were broken, as if getting them out was painful for her, as he imagined they were. Ever since that first day, he had known this would happen. It was all a façade. She was purposely forgetting about her past, trying to leave it buried. Whatever happened to her, she had repressed the memories, but now they were coming back to haunt her.
“There is a piece missing…” she said slowly, looking up at the ceiling. “There is a hole, and it hurts so much. But I can’t remember what happened. I don’t…” Here she took a deep breath. “I don’t even know my real name. I don’t remember anything before I came here William. I’m sorry I lied, but I just, I needed some time to think, and to remember. But I can’t.”
“I know,” he said quietly, and for the first time Alex met his eyes. “I knew, from the very first day I saw you. You were lost, emotionally and physically. I looked up your name in various databases and on the Internet, but the name doesn’t exist. No English death certificate in that name, nothing.”
“You knew?” she said uncertainly. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I didn’t want to frighten you away. I thought in time you would figure things out. That you might be able to tell me, or anyone you were close with. I hoped that the past would stay there, and lately I thought you were finally getting over it, and moving on. But you weren’t were you?”
“I thought I could do it. And it was working for a while. But Robert… It was too soon, too much.”
Alex was astounded that she had told William her secret. It had been of utmost importance to her to keep up the lie, to let everyone think that she was just a normal person. It was both disheartening and a relief to think that someone could see through it.
“Alex, I would like to bring you to see a friend of mine. He works in Carson City. He is… Well, he is a hypnotist of sorts. It sounds silly, but I really think he might be able to help you. Would you see him?”
“I don’t know. Part of me wants to learn about my past and figure out what happened to me, and the rest of me is terrified of what I will find out. Would you come with me?”
“Of course I will. I will go and call him now, see when he can see you. I think it is for the best, you know. You can’t go on like this Alex. You need answers.”
“I know,” she replied softly as she watched him dialling the phone as he left the room.
She stayed staring at the ceiling until he came back. “He says that he can see you later in the week. Friday at three.”
She slowly sat up, and pulled off the blankets. Alex felt a ray of hope. She was doing something positive. The idea of an answer, while scary, was also liberating. She might be able to put this to rest. Suddenly she realised she was ravenous.
“Stay for lunch, William?”
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She went into work the next day. She couldn’t sit at home until Friday, she would go stir crazy, and she preferred to be working, keeping busy, to make the time pass quicker.
It was half three, and her shift finished at four. She was busy filing in the office, when she heard the bell go at the circulation desk, and she went out, reading a fax.
She looked up when she got the counter, and couldn’t believe who was standing there waiting for her.
Please see below for the latest updates of Remember Me
Hope you enjoy
Summary - Lost and in turmoil, two soulmates struggle with their lives. One wizard may be able to bring them together, but has the damage been done?
Pairing - R/Hr
Rating - R
AU
Chapter Ten
Neville lifted his head from his research and stretched. Rubbing his eyes, he looked at the clock. He didn’t want to be late. The Weasleys had invited him to dinner, a weekly get together that had become routine since Ron had returned. Realising he should probably get a move on, he cleared away his work, and had one last look round his office for unopened memos before sighing and closing up for the night.
It had been almost three months since Ron had returned and since then Neville and Harry had been looking for Hermione. They had spent nearly three weeks in America, liaising with the AMA--the American Magical Authority. But they had no luck whatsoever. The many leads and incidents that they had received had been dead ends, and Neville had been forced to return to England with Harry empty handed. Although the AMA had promised to send word should any wild magic occur, everyone was starting to lose hope.
As frustrated and helpless as Neville and Harry felt, they knew it was nothing compared to Ron. Three months surrounded by family and friends had done little to jog Ron’s memories or his magical abilities. He was starting to grow increasingly despondent and desperate to find Hermione, believing that everything would come back to him once they found her. He had started to take long broomstick rides by himself. Harry had shown him a broomstick his second week back and he had jumped up on it like it like he had never left it. The delight and wonderment evident on his face as he swooped and dived around the fields of The Burrow had Molly in tears once again.
Neville made his way through the departments to the Floo points, and made his way to The Burrow. He loved these dinners, and felt honoured to be invited, and treated as one of the family.
As usual The Burrow was buzzing, and it was a couple of minutes before anyone even noticed he had arrived. Hugged by Molly, and greeted like a brother by the rest of the Weasley clan and Harry, Neville chatted and ate as the family recounted news and gossip.
He took particular notice of Ron, who seemed very quiet and reserved, and who ate little. Slightly worried, he glanced at Harry, who was also watching his best friend closely, worry etched on his face. The same worry was evident on Molly’s face, but she did her best to keep the conversation flowing.
After dinner, he saw Ron grab his cloak and sneak out the back door, and a few minutes later Harry followed. Slightly happier that Ron had someone to talk to about whatever was bothering him, he went back to his discussion with Fred and George about their new shop opening in Hogsmeade.
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Harry made his way across the yard, hoping Ron hadn’t gone for a fly, because his own broomstick was sitting at home. But having a quick look around, he spotted Ron’s coppery hair from behind an old oak tree.
“I am dreaming about her again,” Ron said, not looking at Harry but staring at the sun as it slowly fell out of the sky. The two had easily slipped into the friendship that they had for each other, and Ron spent a lot of time with both Harry and Neville, trying to figure out his past, telling them about his dreams, hoping for some answers.
“Oh,” Harry said, not knowing why Ron seemed so despondent. “What was happening?” Harry asked, plunking himself beside Ron, and producing a bag of Chocolate Frogs, which Ron delved into. Not even depression and frustration can dampen his appetite for chocolate, Harry mused.
“We were fighting. We always seem to be fighting. How is it possible that we were a couple when I seem to only remember the anger and jealousy? She attacked me with a bunch of yellow birds. You were there I think. What did I do?”
Harry nearly choked on his own Chocolate Frog when his mind flashed back to their sixth year. He coughed and then spoke slowly, not sure how to broach the whole Lavender episode, something Ron had absolutely no recollection of.
“Well, it was in our sixth year. You…Well it was a mistake, but…You, well, you snogged another girl and Hermione was upset. And they were canaries, the birds I mean.”
“I cheated on Hermione? How did we keep dating? Is that the sort of person I am?” Ron looked a bit sick, as if he had never thought of himself as such a scoundrel.
“No! God no! If you had I would have hexed you into next week. And Hermione would have done some lasting damage. This happened before the two of you got together. It was… Just one of those things. Lavender never had a chance with you.”
“Lavender?” Ron repeated, and suddenly he could hear ‘Won Won’ quite clearly, as if someone was whispering it into his ears.
“She was blonde, wasn’t she?” he asked, remembering the vision from when he had kissed Nina all those months ago. Lavender and he on a couch.
“Yeah. You remember something?”
“You could say that. Just a flash of the past is all.”
“So is that what’s bothering you? Your relationship with Hermione?”
“Kind of. But its more frustration I think,” Ron said, running his hand through his hair to emphasize the point. “I have been back for months, and I still can’t remember much of anything. And we are having no luck whatsoever finding Hermione, and I guess I just feel a bit useless. I can’t work because my magic is out of whack. I can’t look for Hermione because the States are too big for me to search, as much as I want to. I feel like kicking something. I just want to find her.”
“I know. And we will. I am sure of it,” Harry said, placing a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder. “It might take some time, but I know we will find her. The AMA are sending us reports of any wild magical incidents that are suspicious. I don’t think there is much else we can do.”
“I know, Harry. I just hope that when we find her, that we will be able to remember it all.”
“We’ll make sure of it. Somehow we will find the answers. Now come on inside, before Molly sends out a search party.”
Ron laughed quietly. “I know. She has been afraid to let me out of her sight. I have to keep telling her that I’m not going anywhere. But it’s nice. It’s comforting, something as familiar as breathing.”
Harry understood. He smiled at his friend, and they made their way back inside.
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It was quite late when Neville eventually made his way back home by Floo. He was sleepy but happy. Ron seemed a lot brighter after his talk with Harry, and this cheerfulness seemed contagious within the comforting walls of The Burrow.
He was fully intending to head straight to bed, but was stopped by a scratching against the kitchen window. Curious, he made his way over, and saw a large tawny owl there, with parchment attached to her leg.
Not sure who could be contacting him at this hour, he let the owl in and untied the parchment. When he saw the official stamp of the AMA his heart stopped.
Quickly reading the note, he wondered if he should tell Ron and Harry. He quickly decided against it. The last three messages from the AMA had been dead ends, and Neville worried about how many more false hopes they could take. He decided to go to the AMA headquarters, and see for himself. He could always get into contact with them if it turned out to be a real lead.
Tiredness and thoughts of bed were forgotten instantly, as Neville grabbed the Floo jar.
“Ministry of Magic!”
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“So this isn’t the first instance of wild magic from this area?” Neville asked, looking at the printout given to him by Mike, the AMA Magical Use department head, the one who had contacted Neville several hours before.
“We had one or two other instances before, but this defence shield was very powerful.”
“And the other instances?”
“Began just over two years ago. Spirit Lake is a definite Muggle town, that’s why we were so surprised to see such powerful wild magic,” Mike said, and watched as Neville’s face transformed.
“This is it. It has to be.”
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Harry was awoken before the sun had even risen by an owl at his bedroom window. Groggily, he grabbed the parchment from the strange tawny owl and slowly read the hastily scribbled note.
“Who is it at this time of the morning?” Gunny asked, lifting her head from the bed and smiling at the sight of Harry with his bed hair.
When he didn’t respond, she got out of bed and went to him.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, trying to see the note, and look at Harry’s face at the same time.
“Neville. He’s done it again. He has found Hermione,” he responded in a whisper, tears in his eyes.
Ginny held her husband gently, tears of joy in her eyes as well. “We have to tell Ron!”
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“Ron I swear to Merlin if you don’t get out of this bed right now, I am going without you!” Harry yelled, trying unsuccessfully to get his best mate out of bed.
“Go where?” Ron mumbled, pulling the blankets closer to him, not ready to leave his bed so early.
“To bring Hermione home,” Harry answered, taking a step back knowing what was about to happen next.
“Bloody hell!” Ron yelled as he fell out of the bed, his long legs getting caught in the blankets. “The AMA found her? Why didn’t you say so? Where are my trousers?”
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Neville Apparated outside the town of Spirit Lake. He took in his surroundings, and pulled his Muggle jacket tighter around himself as he trudged through the snow, towards the lights already glowing in the fading daylight. He felt a bit naked without his cloak, but realised he had to blend in with the Muggles. He had thought about Owling Harry and Ron before leaving AMA headquarters, and all three of them going together, but Neville wanted to make sure it was her, before bringing them over.
Also, Hermione had always been such a logical and smart woman, that he had a feeling that three strangers descending on her with tales of spells and dark wizards might be too much for her to handle. As much as he cared for Harry and Ron, he realised that they would let their emotions get ahead of them. They would rush things with her, and maybe frighten her away, the one thing they couldn’t afford to do.
Neville had always had a bit of a crush on Hermione, and he would always have the urge to protect her, and take care of her. He also knew that his emotions would not cloud his judgment. The emotions and feelings that Neville had for Hermione had always been there, all through their time at Hogwarts.
Even knowing that Hermione and Ron were made for each other couldn’t stop the feelings he had for her. So he was forced to hide them, not to let them take over. So he knew that he was the best person to find Hermione. There had to have been a reason why Hermione cast the protective shield around herself. He needed to make sure she was safe and not in any danger. If she was in danger, or afraid, the appearance of two strangers rushing towards her might cause more harm then good.
He slowly walked down the main street through the square, gazing around him at the quaint little town. He wondered where would be the best place to start looking. Spotting a grocer store, he realised that if Hermione lived around here, she would be a customer, so he made his way into the warm store.
Seeing a customer at the counter being served he waited at the side, blowing into his hands to warm them, and taking a look around. As the lady left the store, the man behind the counter called to him.
“Good afternoon. What can I do for you today sir?”
“Hello there. I was wondering if you could help me. I am looking for someone. Could you tell me if you have seen her around?”
He passed a picture of Hermione to the store owner, and watched as the colour drained from his face.
“You know her, don’t you?” Neville asked.
Without a word, the shop-keeper walked round to the door of the shop, flipped the sign to closed, and made his way to the back room.
“I think we need to talk,” he said, and beckoned Neville inside.
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“What is your name?” William asked, as he busied himself filling a kettle with water.
“Neville Longbottom sir,” he replied in an English accent, similar to Alex’s.
“What is the name of the girl in the picture? Why are you looking for her?” he questioned as he sat at the table. William needed to know who this person was and what he wanted from Alex. If this man was going to be a danger to her, he needed to protect her. She was in such a fragile state at the moment.
“Her name is Hermione Granger. She is a dear friend. About two years ago we lost her. There was an accident. We thought she had died. Actually, we thought Hermione and another of our friends had died. But not too long ago we found Ron, the friend. He is alive and well, and we have been searching for her since then. I know it sounds crazy and strange, but we love her, and we….we want to bring her home.”
The young man sounded completely sincere to William. He looked at the photos lying on the table top. He could spot Alex instantly, even as a child. She really had blossomed over the years, from the earnest and studious young girl in the photo to the beauty he knew was currently working in the library.
He got back up and took down two cups. “Coffee, or tea?” he enquired to Neville.
“Tea,” Neville replied, and William could see him gazing at Alex‘s photo with a look of tenderness. It was that, more than anything, that made William tell this stranger the truth. He could see the love and care in his eyes.
“I know her,” he said finally. “But there are things I think you should know before you go to her. She… She is not as tough as she looks. She is alone, and she is scared. She can’t remember anything of her past, and I am worried that you might trigger a memory, maybe one she is not yet willing to relive.”
“I know she has lost her memories, so did Ron. But you have to believe me that I think I can bring both of their memories back. I don’t want to hurt her. That is the last thing any of us want to do. We care about her so much. We just want to take care of her.”
William believed him. This young man in front of him, he loved Alex… Hermione.
“Is this you?” he asked pointing to a younger version of Neville. He was in a photo with Hermione and two other young men. They were all waving and smiling. The young Neville was blushing slightly, as Hermione brushed against him in the photo. “Were you two…?” he left the question hanging, wondering how close they had been.
“As you can see from the photo, I always had a soft spot for her. She really looked out for me when we were growing up, but as you can also tell, her heart belonged somewhere else, even at that young age.”
And sure enough, William could see it. The sly glance Hermione gave to the redhead in the picture. There was a small smile and a light blush in her cheeks. The way they looked in the photo made it clear that Hermione and the redhead probably often stole glances at one another.
It was unmistakable. “That’s Ron,” Neville continued. “They are meant to be together, and as strange as it sounds, if I can bring her home, she will remember everything that she has forgotten.”
“I believe you,” William answered, and he did. “I was going to take her to see a friend of mine, someone who might be able to bring her memories back, but perhaps bringing her home would be better. Familiar surroundings and people might do the trick.”
“Come with me,” he said, as he stood and grabbed a heavy coat off the peg. “Just be careful with her. This is going to be a shock.”
Chapter Nine
Winter in Spirit Lake was beautiful. Snow fell most days, covering the ground in a white blanket.
Robert Weatherly took a deep breath of the fresh air as he stepped off the bus. Robert was home for the holidays. He was attending college in New York but made sure he came home to visit his family when ever he could.
Looking across the main square of Spirit Lake, he marvelled at how perfect the place had stayed. New York was so busy and noisy, and Rob delighted in the peace and relaxation that enveloped him from the moment he stepped off the bus in his home town.
It was early Thursday morning, and although he should be exhausted from his trip, he felt energised. Grabbing his duffel bag, he strolled across the square, nodding and acknowledging the many locals he knew, most since birth.
Promising to visit old school friends and neighbours, he continued his stroll, but stopped when he saw the huge tree up for the holidays. Every year, a group of locals found a tree from the local forests, and put it up in the square. Decorating it was tradition, and for a moment Rob felt a little jealous that he had missed it for the first time. But all thoughts left him as he was knocked to the ground, and landed on by someone who smelled like vanilla.
“Oh my God! I am so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention. Are you hurt? Can I get a doctor or anything?” All this was said in a rush as Rob tried very hard to focus on the object on top of him.
“I think I‘m okay. But I need to get up... Alex!” he said jovially, realising who had tripped him.
“Oh, hi Robert,” Alex said, the look on her face showing recognition as she lifted herself off of him. “Did you just get home? Your mum mentioned it last week when she returned her books. How are you?”
Robert was shocked. This was the longest conversation he had ever had with the mysterious Alex. In fact, she had just uttered the most words he had ever heard her speak in all the time he had known her. He concentrated on dusting the snow from his clothes to mask his confusion.
Looking more closely, he realised something was different. She was smiling at him. She had never smiled at him before. She looked different. Her clothes weren’t as baggy as before. She looked more… together. Her hair was in a neat French plait, and he thought he saw makeup on her face.
“I’m good Alex, thanks for asking. Glad to be home, you know? You look wonderful, by the way.” He cringed at how lame he sounded. Cheesy, like the other guys who used to hit on her while he was studying in the library. He hoped she didn’t think he was like those guys, that he was hitting on her.
Not that I wouldn’t want to, the voice in his head piped up. She looks gorgeous, and smells divine. I can’t believe I still have a crush on her after all this time!
Robert had held a candle for her since the very first day he saw her. It had been her first day in the library, and he had seen the look of serenity on her face at being in such close proximity to so many books, and found himself spending as much time there as he could. He watched the local guys ask her out one after another, smiling in satisfaction at her polite decline to each one.
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For her part, Alex didn’t know that Robert had held a candle for her since the very first day he saw her. Bumping into him in the square was a complete accident. She had been hurrying to open the library, and never noticed him standing there admiring the Christmas tree. She tried not to look at the tree too often. Whenever she did, she saw flashes of memories and she was trying to stop that.
Her decision on Halloween night had been a simple one. She was going to move on. She could not change the past. The dreams and memories belonged to whoever she had been. No one seemed to be looking for her, so she believed that she wasn’t missed, wherever she came from. There was no one to go back to. The floating books were obviously due to her getting hit on the head by a random book, and the dreams, well they had always been crazy, and the amount of chocolate she ate before them probably hadn’t helped.
Spirit Lake offered her a fresh start. At first she worried if she could do it. Could she let the past lie, and allow herself to become Alex Knight? The dreams that used to plague her slowly stopped, as she quit obsessing about her past. Not questioning what she used to be let her sleep better. This led to feeling better. She started to wear clothes that fit her better, was able to take time to tame her wild hair, and even bought some simple makeup. The outward changes were small, but they made her feel more alive, and she found herself able to chat to people, to become more ingrained into the town.
So now Robert was looking at the new Alex. He looked dumb struck. She could tell that there was something wrong, that he was thinking of doing something, psyching himself up, and she had to get away.
“Robert, sorry to hit and run, but I have to open up today. Hettie and Matt will be waiting to return their books. Talk to you later!” she called over her shoulder as she continued on her way.
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Robert thought about Alex all day. He asked his mother about the sudden change in her, wondering when it had happened. His mother said it had been happening gradually since Halloween. He paced in his room for a couple of hours, then steeled himself and went towards the library.
She was there, chatting with the local kids, her eyes bright with delight as she poured over the books they chose. He watched her, marvelling at how perfect she was, and wondered not for the first time what her past was.
When she was finally alone, he took a deep breath and walked over to her. She still smelled like vanilla, but her hair was slowly unravelling from its neat plait. She smiled as he came over.
“Hi Robert. No lasting damage from this morning?”
“Nope. I’m tougher than I look.” He chuckled.
“Good to hear. We have the new thriller by Rowling if you are looking for something juicy for the holidays.”
“That sounds good, thanks. But I came to ask you… Well, that is, if you aren’t too busy… Maybe you would like to go out with me?” He was blushing and he knew it. Once again, he cursed his pale freckled skin, and to distract himself he ran his fingers through his coppery hair, not trusting himself to see the look on her face.
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If he had looked, he would have noticed the look of pure confusion on her face, as something triggered in her memory. Pale skin, blushing, coppery hair….
She shook her head quickly. That’s the past. You are living in the present. Do you really want to go out with him?
She studied him for a moment. He was nice looking and sweet really. Not like some of the guys who asked her out.
It couldn’t hurt. It’s only dinner…
“Sure Robert, I would love to.”
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Christmas had come and gone, and Alex and Robert were on their third date. The first two had gone really well. They seemed to like the same things, the same books, and writers, and films. The liked the same type of food, and held the same feelings about the locals.
But this third date was strained. Robert was nervous. He wanted to kiss Alex, and had refrained the last two dates, afraid he was moving too fast. But he had to go back to New York in a couple of days, and wanted some idea from her about how she felt about him. He had decided to kiss her tonight, after he walked her home from the diner, where they had met for a coffee.
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Alex felt terrible. She was trying to feel more than friendship for Robert, she really was. Robert was sweet and gentle and so much like her, that she should be thanking her lucky stars. But there was something missing. There was no spark. They were too alike, and he was too agreeable. She had accepted his date on the spur of the moment, her body taking control, when she had seen his embarrassment in asking her out. His nervousness had seemed so familiar. Now she realised that as lovely as he was, he wasn’t her type. She was going to have to let him down gently… Maybe on the way home.
He took her hand as the walked, and she felt herself cringe. Now was the time to explain to him that while he was lovely and sweet, he was not suitable for her.
Alex was so preoccupied, that she was standing outside the steps of her apartment before she realised it. This was so new to her, she felt out of her depth and unprepared. How does one tell a perfectly lovely guy that you don’t fancy him? That you value his friendship, but have no romantic feelings for him?
She looked him in the eyes, wracking her brain for some way to tell him, and she never registered the hitch in his breathing, or his head dropping towards her until it was too late.
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He was kissing her, he was kissing Alex! He didn’t even realise himself that he was going to kiss her until he had it done. He was going to ask her first, but looking into those delicious chocolate eyes of hers, he couldn’t stop himself.
He swept his tongue across her lips, asking entry, which was given. He opened his eyes, to see her reaction, and was slightly proud of the glazed look in her eyes.
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The glazed look on Alex’s face however, had very little to do with the kiss. As he swept his lips against hers, Alex was instantly submersed in memory.
She was standing in a small room, with a fire burning brightly. It was really wet and miserable outside, and her clothes were still a little damp. She could smell the remains of a meal, and feel the fire against the side of her face, as she stood in the middle of the room, kissing… him. No longer the child from her dreams, but a tall strapping man, who held her, and kissed her with a passion that left her breathless. She watched the concentration on his face as he kissed her. His hair gleamed in the firelight, and she saw him open his eyes.
She was drowning suddenly. Those blue eyes, they were filled with love for her, those deep pools that she used to fantasise about. In an instant she knew that she loved him, truly loved him, and that he loved her, too.
Suddenly, she was also keenly aware of the pain in her chest, as her heart cracked with sorrow. It was all her fault. She knew it now. The loss, the sorrow, she was the cause. He was lost to her, gone forever, and she was to blame.
Overcome with emotion and feelings and pain, she found herself back on the pavement kissing Robert. She needed to get away, needed to escape. She pushed against him both body and mind, and was stunned when he flew away from her, as if thrown by a giant hand. He landed over ten feet away in a snow bank.
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Robert was very confused. One second he was kissing Alex, beautiful wonderful Alex, and the next, he was across the street, flat on his back. He didn’t know what happened, and in slightly dazed mind he almost didn’t care.
“That was some kiss. What the hell did you do?” he mumbled as she landed beside him. His face expressed his anger and confusion, which faltered and died when he saw her face. There were tears streaming from her eyes, and she looked horror struck
“Are you… Are you all right?” she said, checking for broken bones and knocks to the head.
“Alex, I’m fine, but you’re not. What’s wrong?”
She started sobbing again, turning away from him for a moment, before then she pulled him up off the ground.
“I’m sorry Robert, I thought I could… but I … I am not able. I… I … It’s my fault. Please forgive me!”
Then, without a backward glance, she ran across the street, flew up the stairs and into her apartment.
Robert stood for a long time, just waiting to see her lights come on. But he stood there for ten minutes and saw nothing. He gingerly shook his head, and tested his shoulders, both of which had received a knock in the fall. He glanced round once again, pondering how he landed across the street, and then started the short walk home, hoping to call Alex in the morning, and see if she was all right.
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Alex was curled up just inside the door of her apartment. She was lying on the ground, the tears flowing freely down the side of her face.
I think I killed him. I must have. This pain. It’s guilt, guilt because I must have done something to him. Look what I did to Robert. I must be some kind of dangerous freak. I am a danger to everyone. I thought I could run away from my past, become a new person, but I am right back where I started. What am I going to do?
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She stayed in her apartment for two days, ignoring the phone and the numerous calls to the door by work colleagues, neighbours and Robert.
She was trying to form a plan, any sort of plan. She wanted to run away, to escape. But the last time she did that, somehow she ended up in Spirit Lake, so obviously that wasn’t the answer. She spent her time lying on her bed, staring up at the ceiling, unable to think about the outside world. She was imprisoned by her confusion.
She had also tried to replicate what happened with Robert. She willed herself to knock the books off her bedside table, but nothing happened. She figured that perhaps she wasn’t a complete danger to people if she couldn’t do it when she tried to force herself.
She was contemplating her last memory, the one with the kiss, when she heard the door slowly unlocking one Tuesday morning.
“Hello? Alex, are you here? Are you hurt? I have tried calling but your phone is off the hook. Can I come in?”
She contemplated not answering, but figured he would find her sooner or later. “I’m in here, William!” she called out, not moving from her place on the bed, uncaring of the mess her room was in..
He entered slowly as if afraid of seeing something inappropriate, but when he saw her face, completely distraught and lost, he hurried over to the bed and took her hand.
“What happened?” he asked, scared for her. Since Halloween she had been looking better and better. William had started to believe that her past hurts and pain were starting to fade, and that she was going to be able to start living again. He hadn’t seen her ‘lost’ look in a long time, and was troubled to see it in full force now.
“I don’t know,” she whispered softly, and he saw a tear leak out of her eye, unnoticed by Alex. “I just… I thought I could move on… I thought the past, that it would stay there… but I, I think that he… the pain, it’s too much… I did something awful… and I can’t remember what it was.”
Her words were broken, as if getting them out was painful for her, as he imagined they were. Ever since that first day, he had known this would happen. It was all a façade. She was purposely forgetting about her past, trying to leave it buried. Whatever happened to her, she had repressed the memories, but now they were coming back to haunt her.
“There is a piece missing…” she said slowly, looking up at the ceiling. “There is a hole, and it hurts so much. But I can’t remember what happened. I don’t…” Here she took a deep breath. “I don’t even know my real name. I don’t remember anything before I came here William. I’m sorry I lied, but I just, I needed some time to think, and to remember. But I can’t.”
“I know,” he said quietly, and for the first time Alex met his eyes. “I knew, from the very first day I saw you. You were lost, emotionally and physically. I looked up your name in various databases and on the Internet, but the name doesn’t exist. No English death certificate in that name, nothing.”
“You knew?” she said uncertainly. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I didn’t want to frighten you away. I thought in time you would figure things out. That you might be able to tell me, or anyone you were close with. I hoped that the past would stay there, and lately I thought you were finally getting over it, and moving on. But you weren’t were you?”
“I thought I could do it. And it was working for a while. But Robert… It was too soon, too much.”
Alex was astounded that she had told William her secret. It had been of utmost importance to her to keep up the lie, to let everyone think that she was just a normal person. It was both disheartening and a relief to think that someone could see through it.
“Alex, I would like to bring you to see a friend of mine. He works in Carson City. He is… Well, he is a hypnotist of sorts. It sounds silly, but I really think he might be able to help you. Would you see him?”
“I don’t know. Part of me wants to learn about my past and figure out what happened to me, and the rest of me is terrified of what I will find out. Would you come with me?”
“Of course I will. I will go and call him now, see when he can see you. I think it is for the best, you know. You can’t go on like this Alex. You need answers.”
“I know,” she replied softly as she watched him dialling the phone as he left the room.
She stayed staring at the ceiling until he came back. “He says that he can see you later in the week. Friday at three.”
She slowly sat up, and pulled off the blankets. Alex felt a ray of hope. She was doing something positive. The idea of an answer, while scary, was also liberating. She might be able to put this to rest. Suddenly she realised she was ravenous.
“Stay for lunch, William?”
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
She went into work the next day. She couldn’t sit at home until Friday, she would go stir crazy, and she preferred to be working, keeping busy, to make the time pass quicker.
It was half three, and her shift finished at four. She was busy filing in the office, when she heard the bell go at the circulation desk, and she went out, reading a fax.
She looked up when she got the counter, and couldn’t believe who was standing there waiting for her.