Sleepless sleeper
Ok... I'm really tired. I have had a really disorganized few weeks. Instead of doing my home work on time I have been re-reading all the twilight books while at the same time having the read Heart of Darkness. I also just got another book the other day to read.(Sweet Far Thing) I haven't read it yet just because I still need to read the rest of Heart of Darkness.
That book makes me think too much so I have to stop a lot so I can pass around. Passing helps me think. I'm sure its a sight to see me read a book. I will be sitting one minute then up on my feet passing lines into the floor.
Other then spending an insane amount of reading I have been writing.(Also passing when I have to think about how the characters should be) I am liking where DeadMoon is going. I still want a better name for it but I can't really think of anything.
I also have been working on websites. I am soooooo rusty at HTML. It really sucks but I am working on it. I have been trying to teach myself how to use Adobe Image ready to make websites. It seems like it would be a lot easier then doing everything by hand but I have NO idea how to use it. I thought I was using it proper but when I went to look at my website nothing worked... Sadness!
So now that I have manage to work out all my "I don't want to do anything" feeling, I will be trying VERY hard to get caught up with my work.
Before anyone runs of. I want some insight about what I have written for DeadMoon.
So yeah... go read. Oh and here is a picture of Constance at the airport. After you read it you will understand a little. Yes I know her head is turned really far like an owl. deal with it.
:Preface:
It felt as if the entire world around me was caving in on me. The blinding white that blanketed the country side made the world seem like it had dissolved into infinity of nothing. The only sound breaking through the suffocating nothing was the eerie crunching of the snow as I fought to find balance struggling to dash across the frozen dunes. Along side it was my jagged breath. Melted together, they became white nose that was almost fitting with the surroundings. The walls of haggard trees seemed to morph into parishioners cloaked in black. Their twisted branches, arms that spun into talons, meant to rip and tear the condemned. Everything seemed to slow, as if a dream. I found myself deliberating that in my mind as I fled. It had to be a dream.
Too many times I have found my self fleeing this unbearable sea of white. Too many times have I been haunted by the cracking of icy snow, the slowness of my movement and the impending danger that bit at my heels but was never seen. Of course this had to of been a dream, I thought. But the bitter snow, which slid into my sinking boots, nipped at my ankles confirming my fears. It wasn’t. Faced with this defendant truth, I began to question how I came to be in this position.
Had coming to this place doomed me? Sealed a fate that I had unknowingly been aware of, had the many sleepless nights been warning that I never thought to heed? I brushed the powdery thoughts from my mind but focusing on running was in vain. My mind was quickly clouded by an image from my dreams. An image of a rusty colored beast with blazing emeralds set deep in it face and the fear that my reality would soon spiral into unity with my dreams. That even if I had escaped one beast another was waiting in the darkness. Sure that I was coming. Knowing, seeing how unable I was to break from the thread that pulled me to this fate.
Chapter one
Home is nowhere
“Being an independent woman is what ever female longs to be. An independent woman is self sufficient, strong, and able to get by in life with out the support of a man, defiantly the perfect life. That is why I’m so proud of you.”
Those were the last words I had heard from my mother in a long time. All my life my mother had worked hard to teach me how to be the type of woman she wanted me to be. Strong, independent, hard working and I have tried hard to be that for her, her dream daughter. I became that woman, the woman my mother wished she could have been. But I must say, my life was far from any sort of dream.
I sat ill in my seat as I tried to phase out the chaotic sound that deafened the cabin. We neither were in flight nor were we about to take off but instead we were at our distention. Even so, I was completely unable to move from my seat. The majority of the trip was spent tightly gripped to my seat; I was never one for flying. While the extra portions, when I was able to calm myself long enough to slip into thought, was spend contemplating the past few years of my life, particularly the most resistant. Mostly I thought about the reason for running thousands of miles away from that life. The dilemma had spent me completely. Luckily, I had the window set so I didn’t have to worry about moving for another passenger while I gathered my composer.
But, unfortunately, with the departure of the air sickness I found myself bombarded with thoughts of the main reason for running blind from everything I had worked so hard for, my family and really anyone I knew at all. Him… I was paralyzed into my sit with the regrets.
The stewardess eyed me with caution as my nails bit down hard on the arms of my sit. I figured that I probably looked like I was going to have some sort of mental break down and it probably didn’t help that I wasn’t scrambling about like the rest of the passengers preparing to leave the plane. For all she knew, I was some psycho preparing to take over the plane. I sucked in a deep breath and released the maimed arm rest, relaxing my features. I flashed a weak smile towards the woman and she too, relaxed, going back to helping the other passengers.
With the anxious woman satisfied that I wasn’t completely mental, I could now sit wallowing in my thoughts. This made me feel a little ashamed of myself because I had promised myself I wouldn’t do this. I had hopelessly tried telling myself that since the second… he ended it. I gave up. It didn’t matter now, not now that I was all the way on the other side of an ocean. I dove deep into my memories of the past few weeks, of his... explanation for leaving. I almost crumbled. I analyzed how it affected my job and how it turned me into a shell of a person. His words pierced my mind from some deeper reaches of my conscious thoughts.
“Its not that I never loved you, its just things are different, you are different. I need someone that is going to be there for me.”
A bitter taste curtailed in my mouth. I wasn’t different, not different at all from when we met other then being successful. I still gave him attention, still cooed after him. The only thing that was different was the fact that he couldn’t handle being shown up by the woman he was with. What was three years when jealousy was involved? Nothing…
I could feel my face twist into a gross mask as an image of him and his new thing drifted into my mind. I hope he is happy with the little idiot. A single tear escaped my guarding eye as my head slumped down near my lap.
“Are you alright, Miss?” a voice called unexpectedly.
I turned my face up to see the same stewardess hovering over me. Her face colored with a different kind of concern.
“I’m alright, just a little jet-lagged.” I replied sheepishly.
She gave me a look as she turned away. Almost as if she knew my pain all too well. Was it really that apparent? At that, I pushed myself out of my seat, wobbling out into the aisle. Practically everyone was already off the plan except the pilots and a couple stewardesses. I struggled with my bag in the over head compartment as I tried to retreat from their chatter. Their eyes bored into my back as I fled.
After what felt like an eternity fighting with the luggage carousel I managed to drag my belonging out of its grasp. Defiantly did not helping with the miserable. But the horror wasn’t over yet. I continued the battle along through exits, tripping ever so many feet while being smashed by the stuffed luggage. I felt a spry bit lucky that I had defaulted to letting the rest of my things be shipped over separately. No matter how long I would have to wait or how damaged my things got on the way, it was very much worth it.
With much effort I pushed my way out onto the side walk. My face twisted in disgust instantly. Rain poured down in a curtain drowning every last inch of the sky. I looked dazed out into the rain, mouth wide open. My mindless dazing was interrupted by a passing car. The reflection of myself face made me think of something. An image of a turkey standing in the rain drowning from looking up wide mouthed in the rain bubbled in my mind. I thought about it for a few minutes. At this point anything would be better then another minute in this insufferable life, seeing that god seemed to think that my life wasn’t horrible enough so he sent rain.
With a quick jerk I broke out of my daze to growl and shake a clinched fist up towards the thick milky grey sky that flung huge globs of cold at me. A “Why” was strangled in my throat but I didn’t have enough life left in me to push it out. My hand whooshed down out of its out ward stretch to return limp by my side, twinning its mate. The heavy milky clouds must have smashed down on me because at the moment my body became heavy. My eyes gazed down at my luggage as my head sunk, swinging limp to my rest on my shoulder. A sigh gushed from my permanent frown. Some how, angry managed to sip its oily way back into my head as I looked at my toppled luggage. Long dirty rivers had carved their way into them making the sides dark. Heat flashed against my once numb face.
“That’s it I can’t take it anymore. Dying like a turkey it is.” I grumbled as I shuffled my body to take a step.
I hadn’t made it far before my turkey plan was dashed. A deep couch stifled me. Not the normal couch but one beckoning attention. I shot a glance over my shoulder. Not far into the shadows of a corner leaned against a wall he waited. He looked at me seeming to be filled with urgency. I wondered if he somehow knew my harebrained turkey scheme. I must have been a sight to be hold. My hand shot to my face to examine it. Was it still twisted into a grimace?
“Constance?”
I jumped at my name wobbling a little. I had forgotten in my gloom that a friend of my mother’s was sending someone to pick me up, a son. She never gave me much of a description. She had just jabbed me with her elbow while saying “he’s pretty”. I zeroed my eyes in on him. He was now standing up right and he was TALL. I scanned him wondering up his long lean body until I made it to his pale face that was dotted with billions of faint freckles. My eyes lingered around his deep cheeks under his prominent cheek bones. Noticing the way the shadows were cast in deep purples and blues until finally I fell onto his pale grey eyes that were slightly obscured by a few silky midnight locks. He was pretty. I blushed a little at the thought that he had features that a woman would kill for.
His face was curious now. I must have had him waiting longer then I thought. I mustards up my strength to sallow the why that was still trapped in my throat. In a voice so sickening sweet and weak it was defiantly not my normal voice, I squeezed out a little “Yes”.
His pale pink lips shoot into a wide smile in what seemed to be reflex. I heard a gasp and realized that it had been from me. I was startled by how wide his smile was and how that smile seemed to have too many teeth. His face drooped until it was blank of all emotions. The only feature that seemed to give away any feeling was his guarded eyes. I could fill my stone face upper my hand, in the shock I had never lowered it. With a deep gulp, I lowered it straightening my face into a soft smile on the way down. He answered my smile with another smile, one not so wide, thankfully.
‘I’m sorry if I startled you. I should of thought of how popping out of shadows on a poor girl in an unfamiliar country would affect one.” He spoke as bridged the gap between us is two smooth strides. Yes, very tall…
That book makes me think too much so I have to stop a lot so I can pass around. Passing helps me think. I'm sure its a sight to see me read a book. I will be sitting one minute then up on my feet passing lines into the floor.
Other then spending an insane amount of reading I have been writing.(Also passing when I have to think about how the characters should be) I am liking where DeadMoon is going. I still want a better name for it but I can't really think of anything.
I also have been working on websites. I am soooooo rusty at HTML. It really sucks but I am working on it. I have been trying to teach myself how to use Adobe Image ready to make websites. It seems like it would be a lot easier then doing everything by hand but I have NO idea how to use it. I thought I was using it proper but when I went to look at my website nothing worked... Sadness!
So now that I have manage to work out all my "I don't want to do anything" feeling, I will be trying VERY hard to get caught up with my work.
Before anyone runs of. I want some insight about what I have written for DeadMoon.
So yeah... go read. Oh and here is a picture of Constance at the airport. After you read it you will understand a little. Yes I know her head is turned really far like an owl. deal with it.
:Preface:
It felt as if the entire world around me was caving in on me. The blinding white that blanketed the country side made the world seem like it had dissolved into infinity of nothing. The only sound breaking through the suffocating nothing was the eerie crunching of the snow as I fought to find balance struggling to dash across the frozen dunes. Along side it was my jagged breath. Melted together, they became white nose that was almost fitting with the surroundings. The walls of haggard trees seemed to morph into parishioners cloaked in black. Their twisted branches, arms that spun into talons, meant to rip and tear the condemned. Everything seemed to slow, as if a dream. I found myself deliberating that in my mind as I fled. It had to be a dream.
Too many times I have found my self fleeing this unbearable sea of white. Too many times have I been haunted by the cracking of icy snow, the slowness of my movement and the impending danger that bit at my heels but was never seen. Of course this had to of been a dream, I thought. But the bitter snow, which slid into my sinking boots, nipped at my ankles confirming my fears. It wasn’t. Faced with this defendant truth, I began to question how I came to be in this position.
Had coming to this place doomed me? Sealed a fate that I had unknowingly been aware of, had the many sleepless nights been warning that I never thought to heed? I brushed the powdery thoughts from my mind but focusing on running was in vain. My mind was quickly clouded by an image from my dreams. An image of a rusty colored beast with blazing emeralds set deep in it face and the fear that my reality would soon spiral into unity with my dreams. That even if I had escaped one beast another was waiting in the darkness. Sure that I was coming. Knowing, seeing how unable I was to break from the thread that pulled me to this fate.
Chapter one
Home is nowhere
“Being an independent woman is what ever female longs to be. An independent woman is self sufficient, strong, and able to get by in life with out the support of a man, defiantly the perfect life. That is why I’m so proud of you.”
Those were the last words I had heard from my mother in a long time. All my life my mother had worked hard to teach me how to be the type of woman she wanted me to be. Strong, independent, hard working and I have tried hard to be that for her, her dream daughter. I became that woman, the woman my mother wished she could have been. But I must say, my life was far from any sort of dream.
I sat ill in my seat as I tried to phase out the chaotic sound that deafened the cabin. We neither were in flight nor were we about to take off but instead we were at our distention. Even so, I was completely unable to move from my seat. The majority of the trip was spent tightly gripped to my seat; I was never one for flying. While the extra portions, when I was able to calm myself long enough to slip into thought, was spend contemplating the past few years of my life, particularly the most resistant. Mostly I thought about the reason for running thousands of miles away from that life. The dilemma had spent me completely. Luckily, I had the window set so I didn’t have to worry about moving for another passenger while I gathered my composer.
But, unfortunately, with the departure of the air sickness I found myself bombarded with thoughts of the main reason for running blind from everything I had worked so hard for, my family and really anyone I knew at all. Him… I was paralyzed into my sit with the regrets.
The stewardess eyed me with caution as my nails bit down hard on the arms of my sit. I figured that I probably looked like I was going to have some sort of mental break down and it probably didn’t help that I wasn’t scrambling about like the rest of the passengers preparing to leave the plane. For all she knew, I was some psycho preparing to take over the plane. I sucked in a deep breath and released the maimed arm rest, relaxing my features. I flashed a weak smile towards the woman and she too, relaxed, going back to helping the other passengers.
With the anxious woman satisfied that I wasn’t completely mental, I could now sit wallowing in my thoughts. This made me feel a little ashamed of myself because I had promised myself I wouldn’t do this. I had hopelessly tried telling myself that since the second… he ended it. I gave up. It didn’t matter now, not now that I was all the way on the other side of an ocean. I dove deep into my memories of the past few weeks, of his... explanation for leaving. I almost crumbled. I analyzed how it affected my job and how it turned me into a shell of a person. His words pierced my mind from some deeper reaches of my conscious thoughts.
“Its not that I never loved you, its just things are different, you are different. I need someone that is going to be there for me.”
A bitter taste curtailed in my mouth. I wasn’t different, not different at all from when we met other then being successful. I still gave him attention, still cooed after him. The only thing that was different was the fact that he couldn’t handle being shown up by the woman he was with. What was three years when jealousy was involved? Nothing…
I could feel my face twist into a gross mask as an image of him and his new thing drifted into my mind. I hope he is happy with the little idiot. A single tear escaped my guarding eye as my head slumped down near my lap.
“Are you alright, Miss?” a voice called unexpectedly.
I turned my face up to see the same stewardess hovering over me. Her face colored with a different kind of concern.
“I’m alright, just a little jet-lagged.” I replied sheepishly.
She gave me a look as she turned away. Almost as if she knew my pain all too well. Was it really that apparent? At that, I pushed myself out of my seat, wobbling out into the aisle. Practically everyone was already off the plan except the pilots and a couple stewardesses. I struggled with my bag in the over head compartment as I tried to retreat from their chatter. Their eyes bored into my back as I fled.
After what felt like an eternity fighting with the luggage carousel I managed to drag my belonging out of its grasp. Defiantly did not helping with the miserable. But the horror wasn’t over yet. I continued the battle along through exits, tripping ever so many feet while being smashed by the stuffed luggage. I felt a spry bit lucky that I had defaulted to letting the rest of my things be shipped over separately. No matter how long I would have to wait or how damaged my things got on the way, it was very much worth it.
With much effort I pushed my way out onto the side walk. My face twisted in disgust instantly. Rain poured down in a curtain drowning every last inch of the sky. I looked dazed out into the rain, mouth wide open. My mindless dazing was interrupted by a passing car. The reflection of myself face made me think of something. An image of a turkey standing in the rain drowning from looking up wide mouthed in the rain bubbled in my mind. I thought about it for a few minutes. At this point anything would be better then another minute in this insufferable life, seeing that god seemed to think that my life wasn’t horrible enough so he sent rain.
With a quick jerk I broke out of my daze to growl and shake a clinched fist up towards the thick milky grey sky that flung huge globs of cold at me. A “Why” was strangled in my throat but I didn’t have enough life left in me to push it out. My hand whooshed down out of its out ward stretch to return limp by my side, twinning its mate. The heavy milky clouds must have smashed down on me because at the moment my body became heavy. My eyes gazed down at my luggage as my head sunk, swinging limp to my rest on my shoulder. A sigh gushed from my permanent frown. Some how, angry managed to sip its oily way back into my head as I looked at my toppled luggage. Long dirty rivers had carved their way into them making the sides dark. Heat flashed against my once numb face.
“That’s it I can’t take it anymore. Dying like a turkey it is.” I grumbled as I shuffled my body to take a step.
I hadn’t made it far before my turkey plan was dashed. A deep couch stifled me. Not the normal couch but one beckoning attention. I shot a glance over my shoulder. Not far into the shadows of a corner leaned against a wall he waited. He looked at me seeming to be filled with urgency. I wondered if he somehow knew my harebrained turkey scheme. I must have been a sight to be hold. My hand shot to my face to examine it. Was it still twisted into a grimace?
“Constance?”
I jumped at my name wobbling a little. I had forgotten in my gloom that a friend of my mother’s was sending someone to pick me up, a son. She never gave me much of a description. She had just jabbed me with her elbow while saying “he’s pretty”. I zeroed my eyes in on him. He was now standing up right and he was TALL. I scanned him wondering up his long lean body until I made it to his pale face that was dotted with billions of faint freckles. My eyes lingered around his deep cheeks under his prominent cheek bones. Noticing the way the shadows were cast in deep purples and blues until finally I fell onto his pale grey eyes that were slightly obscured by a few silky midnight locks. He was pretty. I blushed a little at the thought that he had features that a woman would kill for.
His face was curious now. I must have had him waiting longer then I thought. I mustards up my strength to sallow the why that was still trapped in my throat. In a voice so sickening sweet and weak it was defiantly not my normal voice, I squeezed out a little “Yes”.
His pale pink lips shoot into a wide smile in what seemed to be reflex. I heard a gasp and realized that it had been from me. I was startled by how wide his smile was and how that smile seemed to have too many teeth. His face drooped until it was blank of all emotions. The only feature that seemed to give away any feeling was his guarded eyes. I could fill my stone face upper my hand, in the shock I had never lowered it. With a deep gulp, I lowered it straightening my face into a soft smile on the way down. He answered my smile with another smile, one not so wide, thankfully.
‘I’m sorry if I startled you. I should of thought of how popping out of shadows on a poor girl in an unfamiliar country would affect one.” He spoke as bridged the gap between us is two smooth strides. Yes, very tall…
